by Kelli Walker
“Wow. So you’re nerds.”
“The richest nerds on the planet,” he said. “We built a business that is a one-stop shop for all things financial. From banking to mortgages to credit cards.”
“Sounds like you’ve conquered the world.”
“I don’t want to conquer it, Val. I want to help it. And my business is establishing a reputation of doing just that. We swooped in during the crash of the Greek and Italian banking systems and got those countries back on their feet. Helped stabilize their economies and sort out their issues. We’re trying to do the same for Brazil before it gets to be too bad.”
“Is that what you were doing before your plane crashed?”
Silas nodded against my head.
“I wonder sometimes if my parents would be proud of my success.”
“I’m sure they would be,” I said.
“I don’t know. I like to think they would be. But they weren’t proud enough of me to track me down while they were alive.”
“You can’t think that like, Silas. It’ll eat you alive.”
“You sound like you’re talking from experience.”
“I am. If I dwelled on whether or not I could’ve fixed things with my parents, it would’ve drowned me. My parents made their choices just like yours did, but I came to realize that the choices my parents did had no effect on the choices I made as an adult.”
“What did he do to you, Val?”
I felt my heart stop before I looked over and into Silas’ eyes.
“What did your father do to you?” he asked.
I had never opened up to someone before about this topic. I’d never told anyone the real story of my childhood. Partially because I didn’t trust anyone with it, and partially because I hated the pity parties that came when people saw my scars. The looks. The sympathetic glances. The silent musings.
I could only imagine how much worse it would be if someone knew the whole story.
But I wanted to tell Silas. And I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like we had anything to do anyway. The rain kept pounding and the thunder grew stronger, signaling no end in sight to this storm.
“My mother left when I was young. She told me she was coming back, but she didn’t. She left me with an angry drunk who had nothing better to do but drink and snort away our money and complain about his bad back.”
I felt Silas’ eyes on me as I closed mine.
“Our water and electricity got shut off frequently due to bills going unpaid. So I learned creative ways to make fire using the things around me. Bow drills. The battery trick. Every once in a while, I could dig some matches out of a garbage can. I burned my books and toys as kindling because my father didn’t like it when I brought in sticks and logs from outside.”
“My god, Val.”
“I learned how to filter water, so I started storing it away in buckets and empty jugs. Cans I found on the side of the road. Whenever the water was running, I hoarded it. Then filtered it when it got shut off. I learned how to use the trash around me. Things others threw out on a whim. I fixed blankets with holes in them and dug out canned goods so I could eat. I learned how to determine whether or not roadkill was rotted so I could cook it up for protein.”
“Are you serious?”
I opened my eyes to take in Silas’ stare, expecting to find pity. Sympathy. Possibly disgust. But I didn't find any of those things.
I did, however, find anger. A fierce protector that rose in his eyes. I tried to pull away from him to take it all in but he kept me close to his side. Like something primal in him had been triggered. It was fascinating to me, watching his reaction. Watching him grow in size as he didn’t take pity at my circumstance, but instead rose to an occasion he thought existed.
Maybe he was more ‘jungle’ than ‘rich’ to begin with.
“Yeah. I’m serious. Survival and all of its rules aren’t tactics for me. It’s how I lived as a child. It’s how I got by. The second I graduated high school, I left. I hitchhiked my way from my small hometown in Michigan to New York City, and I lived in the alleys for a while. Ate out of soup kitchens. Things like that until I got my classes up and going.”
“Where do you live now?”
“A small apartment with almost nothing in it a few blocks down from my office. It’s a shoebox, but it’s better than a New York alley,” I said.
“Where did you get--.”
He stopped himself. Bit his tongue. But I knew what he was about to ask. Tears rushed my eyes as I turned my gaze from his face to the rain, my mind taking over and my memories assaulting my consciousness.
I could hear myself screaming as the belt came down onto my back. Over and over again, until I was begging my father for mercy.
“When my father got angry, he turned his anger onto me. Blamed me for Mom leaving. Blamed me for looking like her. He uh…”
I felt something warm and soothing slide between my fingers as a tear dripped down my cheek. I looked down and saw Silas’ hand thread with mine. A foreign sensation I’d never experienced before. My eyes grazed back up to his as they widened, and I felt my body come alive for the very first time. I felt beautiful. I felt cared for. I felt protected.
I felt… taken care of. Supported.
So many foreign things that forced more tears to my eyes.
“What did he do to you, Val?” Silas asked.
“He beat me with his belt until I didn’t look like Mom anymore,” I whispered.
He pulled me into his body and I caved. I sobbed into his chest as his arms blanketed my body. For the first time in my adult life, I openly cried over my past. For years, I’d pushed it down. Pushed it away. Shoved it off to the side. Never had I dealt with it. Relived it. Digested it. Never had I admitted the real reason why my father beat me. The real reason why he connected that belt with my back over and over again.
I could still hear his drunken voice bouncing off the corners of my mind.
Why do you look like her!?
“He beat me because I looked like her,” I said breathlessly.
“It’s okay, Val. I’ve got you. I’m right here.”
“He beat me because I looked like her,” I sobbed.
“I’m not letting you go. Cry all you want.”
“Why did he beat me because I looked like her!?”
My body trembled as tears poured from my eyes in gallons. Mimicking the downpour of rain that trapped us in our cave. Snot poured from my nose. My hands fisted his shirt. My body rocked side to side, trying to shake the anguish that closed off my throat and made it hard to breathe. I wrapped my arms around his body. Slid my hands along the thick muscles of his back. He gripped me harder. Held me closer. Allowed me to bury my face into the crook of his neck.
And all the while, Silas was there. Letting me unleash like the storm raging around us. Not judging me for my outburst and not pushing me away when I needed someone the most. Instead, all he did was whisper the one soothing phrase I knew I’d never forget.
“I’m right here, Val. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise you, it will be okay.”
Silas
My vision tunneled with anger. My eyes focused on the cave wall in front of me. As Val trembled in my grasp, her hands tearing at my shirt to get closer, I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. I couldn't believe that I had just heard. What this woman had just told me. The things she endured as a child were unspeakable. Disgusting. Abusive beyond a realm I thought capable. I wanted to wring my hands around her father’s neck. Shake him until he couldn’t breathe any longer.
The whole of me hoped he had suffered an untimely death. One befitting of the angry, disgusting man he was.
“Sh-sh-sh-sh. Breathe, Val. You have to breathe for me, okay?”
I felt her chest hiccup against mine as she drew in ragged breaths of air. The storm faded into the background and the heat of the fire encompassed us. My mind swirled with a fury that matched the eye of the storm we had been caught in. Over the past few days I’d gotte
n a glimpse of the strongest person I had ever encountered. Raw, unfettered glimpses into the life she had truly led. I found her vulnerable. Aching. Broken beyond my wildest dreams. And as I gripped her body closer to mine, I willed her to become whole again.
I willed my arms to squeeze her so tightly her world would come crashing back together.
Her story encased my heart in a sadness I couldn’t shake. And out of nowhere, I began peppering her face with kisses. Her head. Her neck. Even her shoulder as she sobbed against my body. I wanted my lips to be her healing force. I wanted her sobs to turn to moans. She didn’t deserve this anger. This hurt. This anguish. All she deserved in this world was pleasure. And goodness. And light.
Not the darkness that followed her wherever she went.
She didn’t resist me. Not for a second. Instead of pulling away from me when I kissed her, she leaned into my lips. Her sobs slowly quieted down. Her chest soon regained its even movements. Her grip finally loosened from around my body as I kissed her cheeks and wiped away her tears.
And when our lips connected again, her crying stopped completely, and the world around us came to a grinding halt.
They were warm. Soft. Salted with the tears my shirt had soaked up. My hand came up to cup her cheek and her warm palms slid up my chest. Her legs fell to my sides and she straddled me as the rain cheered us on. Thunder clapped for us overhead and lightning struck, filling our darkened cave with mere seconds of daylight. Our tongues collided. Her lips swelled against mine. My hands sank to her hips and pulled her closer as my mouth breathed life into her trembling form.
Our foreheads fell together as our lips disconnected, and a comfortable silence blanketed us. Nothing but the howling sound of the wind was heard as I gazed into her reddened eyes. I tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, taking in its dry texture. I smoothed my thumb over her skin, watching as she flushed underneath my touch.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
And for the first time ever, she was honest with me
“No. I’m not,” Val said.
I cradled her in my arms again, pulling her back to my body. She was all I had in the wilderness. All I had during this storm. And the woman I had considered my rock for days on end suddenly needed me to be hers. I wasn’t going to let her down. I wasn’t going to let her fall. Not like her father had.
Not like the world had.
She sighed against my shoulder as I rocked our bodies. I timed it to the rhythm of the rain as we sat there, neither of us speaking another word. The fire kept us warm, dancing our shadows on the walls of the cave as it kept the chill away from our skin.
Then, I felt Val’s stomach rumble against mine.
Reaching out with my arm, I plucked a piece of stingray meat from the leaf in the corner. We didn’t have much left, but what we had I made sure would be hers. My free hand made its way into her tangled hair and I gripped it, slowly inching her face away from my neck. I looked down into her beautiful brown eyes, my hand cupping the back of her head.
“You need to eat,” I said.
I held the piece of stingray meat up to her chapped lips. I held it in front of her, watching as her eyes fell to my gesture. I felt her tense. I felt her throwing up her guard. But, I didn’t waver. Not for a second. She needed to know that she didn’t scare me. That her store didn’t scare me. That her life didn’t scare me. She needed to know that she could rely on me the way I had been able to rely on her.
So, I held the meat to her lips until she made a choice.
I watched her lips part before she wrapped them around my finger, taking the meat from me. I reached for another piece of meat and brought it back up to her, and bite by bite she ate from my hands. The smallest gesture that spoke in the biggest volume. Val had finally let me in.
She had finally allowed her guard to drop.
“You need to eat, too,” she said.
“And I will. Once your stomach is done rumbling,” I said.
It let out another growl, so I reached for a larger piece of meat for her to eat. She shifted in my lap, her cheek leaning into my chest as I fed her the only dinner we had. And every single time she wrapped her lips around my fingers, I felt my walls crumbling as well.
Val had worked her way underneath my skin. And I wondered what that meant for us once we were found.
Valencia
Whump whump whump whump whump.
My eyes shot open at the sound and I lifted my head. I trained my ears on the birds chirping as sun poured through the opening of the cave. Smoke littered the air around us. So much so that I began to cough. I pulled away from Silas’ body and beat on his chest, waking him up from his deep slumber.
“Do you hear that?” I asked.
Whump whump whump whump whump.
“Holy shit,” Silas said.
“It’s the helicopter!”
I sprung to my feet and reached for my bag. I couldn’t believe my ears. After days of barely making it by on stingray meat and water from a brook, part of me thought I was hearing things. But with Silas hearing what I heard, it gave me hope.
“Come on, Silas! Hurry up!”
“I’m coming! You go flag them down!”
I heard him tossing dirt onto the rest of the fire as I raced out of the cave. I slid down the hell, the mud carrying me faster than my legs could move. I stumbled into the stream and rolled over the edge, almost drowning myself with my efforts. I felt something wrap around my arm before I was hoisted out of the water. I felt a strong hand around my waist before my feet left the ground. Silas helped me onto the other side of the rushing water before we started running again, hand in hand as we moved towards the beach.
“We have to get to open ground!” I exclaimed.
“I’m right behind you, Val!”
The helicopter blades grew closer as we ran towards the beach. But the smell of smoke still lingered underneath my nose. I sniffed deeply, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Did you put out the fire?” I panted.
“No. I fueled it. The smoke can penetrate the trees and give them a guide.”
“Fucking hell, Silas. I could kiss you!”
“You already did that,” he breathed.
I shook my head and laughed as we continued running for the beach. Branches clocked us in our faces as we pushed through the thickened foliage. I could smell the ocean water. Hear the lapping of the waves. The helicopter hovered over us as smoke trailed up to the trees. I felt the end of our journey creeping up in front of us. The dirt gave way to sand and the trees gave way to brush, and soon I felt myself stumble in the soft, hot sand of Montserrat.
And the helicopter blades were louder than ever.
Silas gripped my arm and kept me steady as we made our way for the sunlight. For the water. For the open air so we could be seen. I turned around and took in the smoke filling the air and I saw the tail of the helicopter flying around. I set my bag down and began waving my arms, yelling at the top of my lungs.
“We’re over here! Turn around!”
“Grier! Look down!” Silas roared.
We jumped up and down like lunatics as tears of relief rushed my eyes. The helicopter made its way back around, heading straight for us. I couldn’t contain them. The idea that this hellish journey was over filled me with so much happiness I couldn’t speak. Silas gripped my waist and picked me up effortlessly, setting me on his shoulders to make us look taller.
“Over here!” he bellowed.
“The beach! We’re at the beach!” I exclaimed.
When the helicopter crested over the tops of the trees, I saw Grier hanging out of its side. I whistled and cheered as Silas clapped his hands. He helped me down from his shoulders as the helicopter descended onto the beach, blowing the sand around and disturbing the calm sea waters. Silas picked up my bag and we ran towards Grier, whose eyes were wide with shock.
I was so happy to see him on the island that I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaving his body in complete shock.
“Miss Bouchard. It’s good to see you, too. Silas.”
“Grier. It’s good to see you. It’s been a long few days,” Silas said.
“Get us off this fucking island,” I said.
“It would be my pleasure,” Grier said.
Silas fisted my waist again and effortlessly picked me up. He placed my feet into the pad of the helicopter before I turned around and took his hand. I helped him up into the aircraft, pulling him into my arms as we stood there. I felt Grier’s eyes on us as we embraced, my face falling into his strong, comforting chest.
“We did it,” I whispered.
“Yes we did, and it’s all thanks to you,” Silas said.
“Let’s get you two buckled in. It shouldn’t shock you in the slightest that yet another storm is headed our way,” Grier said.
We sat down in our seats and buckled our belts as Grier closed the helicopter door. I felt us lift off from the island and I choked back more tears of gratitude. The ocean grew wider in my landscape as the beach fell away, and soon the monstrous volcano of Montserrat was nothing but a small hole in an otherwise lush deserted island.
Never in my life had I been so happy to be rescued from the wilderness.
“Not going to lie, I expected you two to look much worse than you do,” Grier said.
“I expected them to be dead,” the pilot said.
“Well, you hired the best. I was in good hands,” Silas said.
I looked over at him and grinned, watching as he tossed me a playful wink. The gesture warmed my body, and I had to catch myself. Catch my movements. My hand wanted to reach out for his. I wanted to lean my cheek against his throbbing arms. I nodded in his general direction before my eyes were cast out the window again, taking in the expanse of the ocean as the island fell behind us.
“I’ve got two cabanas on Antigua and Barbuda reserved for you two. I figured you guys would want a chance to breathe, rest, and eat before we traveled back to the city,” Grier said.
“How are Angel and Grant? Are they all right?” Silas asked.