by Fiona Wilde
“Of men?” Karen asked incredulously.
“No,” said Ann Marie. “Of my own heart.”
Ann Marie put her arm around her husband. “You may think submitting to a man is demeaning. But for a woman who wants to do it, and who makes that choice, it is liberating, because it means you have the courage to live in a structure you choose, not one that’s been chosen for you.”
“And we aren’t brutes either,” Jake said. He’d also been listening, along with a growing group of other Heartfielders. We just believe in a chain of command, just the way you probably do in your job.”
“We’re happy here,” said Ann Marie. “Please don’t do anything to ruin the choice that I’ve made.”
Karen looked at Ann Marie and didn’t know what to say. When she did find herself, it was to make a request.
“Could I have my phone back, please?” she asked. “I need to make a call.”
***
“I can’t believe you just gave her back that phone.” Adam paced back in forth in Clay’s living room, his arms crossed across his chest.
Clay, seated on the sofa, his long legs stretched out, his elbows on his knees, scowled as his friend walked past. “What was I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” Adam responded irritably. “Stop her? Kick her off the place. She’s a cop, Clay.” He shook his head. “We know how the rumors about us are spreading in town. We should be less welcoming for this very reason.”
“Then what?” Jake was leaning against the doorframe. “Hide ourselves away here until the rumors get so big that it’s not just one little female cop coming in but a whole Swat Team?”
“Well, I was suspicious of this gal from the beginning,” said Adam. “Just coming up like that, helpless and needing to be taken in, and then asking questions right away like she did. We shouldn’t let people like that in.”
“If that was the rule then I would have never gotten in,” Ann Marie said quietly. “People here were suspicious of me from the start. Some still are.”
She avoided looking at Sarah, but everyone in the room knew who she was talking about. Adam looked down, slightly embarrassed. Ann Marie was right, he knew, but as he glanced over at his wife he was pleased to see her looking ashamed of herself. She was shifting slightly in her seat, too, the plug a constant reminder of her husband’s authority.
“It’s a sad fact that while we choose to remove ourselves from society, we still live in a country dictated by laws,” Clay said. “Now, we aren’t doing anything illegal here. We know that. No woman here has ever alleged abuse, even if some of the people who came and went from here saw it that way. There’s no polygamy, no anti-government activities - nothing but a bunch of people who like to live an old-fashioned lifestyle. Sure, people think we’re weird, but I’d rather be thought of as weird than as a lawbreaker. That’s why I say we should just let this cop stay here and nose around to her heart’s content. She won’t find anything, and when she leaves that will be the end of it.”
“How you know she won’t make something up?” Sarah spoke up now, her voice worried. “How do we know she’s not on the phone right now, lying about what’s going on here?”
Clay smiled. “Because I think she knows better than to lie.”
***
Clemmons picked up on the first ring.
“Hey, it’s me,” Karen said when he answered.
“Damn it, Patterson why the hell haven’t you called?”
“The signal’s weak out here,” she said. “I had to use a land line.”
“You should have done it sooner,” he said. “Are you alright?
“I’m fine,” Karen said after a moment of hesitation as she tried to ignore the soreness that lingered in her bottom.
“So what have you found out? Any sign of criminal activities?”
Karen shifted on her seat. If she told her superior officer that the leader of the group she was supposed to be investigating had A.) saved her from a stupid decision to run out into a tornado and B.) spanked her for not telling him why she was out in the storm in the first place, he’d hardly understand.
“No. Not yet,” she said.
“Do you suspect anything?”
“I – I don’t know,” she said, and that was an honest answer, or mostly honest. Her gut told her that things were just as Clay Sanders said they were; Heartfield was a peace-loving community that preferred to live an old-fashioned, unconventional life. John Wayne types gravitated to the place, as did women who still wanted to believe John Wayne still existed.
“The weather just said a storm went up that way. Did Heartfield get any of that?”
“Yeah,” she answered. “But everyone here is OK.” Her mind flashed back to how Clay had so easily hefted her up into his arms when he realized she’d bruised her leg. No man had ever done anything like that for her before. The men at the department were so worried about the political correctness that they refused to open doors for the female officers, even if they were carrying something. No one wanted to be accused of implying that men and women weren’t equals. But something had been sacrificed in the effort for equality. Karen felt she had become far less feminine, far less open to the kind of chivalry she sometimes secretly felt as missing from the world. She’d forged a career for herself in what was still a male-dominated field – law enforcement. But she was lonely and not at all attracted to men she now perceived as too weak or accommodating. As she’d gained confidence, Karen found that she longed to find a man who was so confident as she was. But what masqueraded as confidence was often nothing more than false bravado, and she wasn’t interested in men who strutted about with larger-than-life egos. What she wanted, she secretly realized, was a real man.
“What have you found out?” Clemmons sounded a bit disappointed that there had been less drama than he’d anticipated. “Have you seen any signs of abuse there?”
“Abuse?” She remembered the sounds of Sarah’s cries, of her own cries. Sarah had hugged her husband afterwards; whatever had earned her the spanking, the woman had obviously not been left angry by being corrected. And in her case, Clay had warned her what could happen. He’d even given her to the count of five to own up to what she’d refused to divulge. But she hadn’t, and Karen now realized that she’d wanted to test this man, wanted to see if he would really follow through. When she’d revealed that she was a cop, he hadn’t backed down from that either.
Karen realized she could make him pay for this now, if she wanted. Ultimately, she did have the power. All she had to do was tell Clemmons he had hurt her and a dozen cars would be at Heartfield’s gate to arrest anyone she implicated.
But was that really power? Where would it lead? As Ann Marie had said, she’d simply be ruining the choices of people simply because their lifestyle wasn’t one she’d chose for herself. And all just to force a group of people she didn’t even know to conform.
“No abuse,” she said, closing her eyes. “Everyone here seems pretty happy. I think they just want to be left alone.”
“Well, not yet,” he said. “I’d like you to stay a little longer. Just to make sure. As long as you haven’t blown your cover or anything stupid like that.”
“No, I haven’t,” she lied.
“Alright then,” he said. “Double check and call me tomorrow.”
“Will do,” said Karen. She sighed as she hung up the phone and looked around the room, feeling miserable. She’d looked so forward to proving herself with this assignment and it was turning out to be a total disaster. The Wickhams had taken her in, let her use their house and now their phone, even after finding out about her betrayal. She was further torn because she felt in her heart that Clay Sanders and Ann Marie were right; as long as they were happy living as they did, who was she or anyone else to step in and say it was wrong? Her personal feelings were affecting her work, and when she had an actual chance to have the leader of Heartfield arrested for assaulting her – and she could have convinced the other officers that what happen
ed was assault – she’d withheld that information.
“I’m such a total failure,” she said to no one in particular.
“No you’re not.”
She jumped and looked up to see Clay standing in the doorway.
“How long have you been standing there?” she asked.
He shrugged. “A few seconds,” he said. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. I promise.” He paused.
“Should I pack my bags?”
She shook her head in puzzlement. “You pack your bags, Clay? Why?”
“You’re going to have me hauled away to jail, aren’t you? For the spanking?”
She flushed. “No, actually I’m not. And I really wish you would stop using that word.”
“Jail?”
“No, the other one,” she said.
“Spanking?”
“Yes, that one,” she said, and noticed that he was smiling a bit. “Oh, great. Now you’re picking on me.”
“No, I’m not,” he said. “You probably won’t believe me when I say this, but I didn’t want to have to do that. And it’s not because I thought you might be a cop, either.”
“Why then?”
He looked down at the floor and then back up at her. “Well, I guess part of me was hoping you’d trust me enough to tell me the truth. If you don’t mind my saying so, you’re such a pretty girl. It would have flattered me.”
Karen didn’t know what to say. It had been a long time since a man had told her she was pretty, even longer since she’d been referred to as a ‘girl.’ Most of the men she knew were afraid to be so bold lest they be labeled a sexist. She blushed deeply, realizing that she rather liked being told this, especially by this man.
“Well, under any other circumstances I would have,” she said, blushing. “But I was trying not to blow my cover.”
“I hope you’re not too upset with me for forcing you to reveal who you really are,” he said.
Karen studied him for a moment. “Can I ask you something?” she finally said.
“Sure.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
He smiled, and Karen was suddenly aware of how handsome Clay Sanders’ face was. His eyes were a deep brown, his teeth white and even. And he had dimples.
“Well, maybe it’s because I’d like to get to know you better, as unlikely a prospect as that probably is.”
“Why do you think it’s unlikely?” she asked.
“I can think of all kinds of reasons,” he said. “You’re a modern girl in a take-charge kind of job. You probably think I’m some kind of troglodyte who plans to flatter and distract you so you won’t find the nuclear weapons and chained female slaves we have hidden in underground bunkers out back.”
Karen allowed herself to laugh. “I may well be suspicious, but probably not for those reasons.” She sighed. “No, I think my suspicions may be more along the lines of wondering why anyone would be interested in getting to know me better. I actually scare most guys I’m trying to attract.”
“You don’t scare me,” he said.
Karen felt a flush at the words, not in her face but in the pit of her stomach. It was the kind of flush she’d not experienced in about two years. But then again, she’d not run across many men who sparked her attraction the way Clay Sanders did. She liked the fact that this man did not see her as intimidating.
“So,” he said. “Would you like to stay a little longer, as a guest? You’re still free to ask anything you’d like to ask of us. You can go anywhere you’d like to go. I should tell you that a few of the residents here are upset with you, but that’s understandable.
“I suppose I’ll have to, then, especially since my boss just asked me to continue to check things out,” she replied.
“I take it you weren’t entirely up front with him about what happened,” he said.
“I know I shouldn’t lie…” Karen began before Clay interrupted her.
“No you shouldn’t,” he said. “But we’ll just take this in small steps. So even if you aren’t honest with your boss, just make sure you don’t lie to me.”
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I won’t.” As she said it, she wondered at the seriousness in his voice. He sounded as if he meant it, and she suddenly realized she didn’t mind at all.
Chapter Nine
The men were in an uproar, and this time even Adam was finding it difficult to support Clay.
“This is unprecedented!” Ray Faulkner boomed. Generally a quiet man more given to mulling opinions than advancing them, the sight of him standing there red-faced and agitated generated surprise stares. “Heartfield puts the acceptance of new members to a vote. You know that, Clay! How could you invite this woman to stay without consulting the rest of us?”
Clay put his hands up and brought them down repeatedly, as if trying to tamp down the voices that rose in agreement.
“I didn’t invite her to stay permanently,” he said. “Just a little longer.”
“But why?” Mike Stoltz spoke up. “Damnit, Clay, she’s a cop. She came in here with the express purpose of destroying what we built..”
“No, she came in here to investigate us, Mike.” Clay threw up his hands. “Are we so naïve to believe that this wasn’t going to happen sooner than later? Personally, I think this woman came to us for a reason!” He paused. “I have a confession.”
The men in the room fell silent and looked at one another. Heartfield residents shared everything – labor, money, resources. And they shared their feelings and motives as well, although this was much harder for the men than it was for the women. If a man had a confession to make to the others, it was taken seriously.
Adam stood. “Let’s hear it, Clay.”
“I have feelings for this woman,” he said. “I think Karen Patterson may be the one I’ve been waiting for.”
A murmur went up. Some of the voices expressed shock, others doubt. But Adam now took the floor.
“Now listen,” he said. “What have we agreed about when it comes to relationships? What is it that was despised about the outside world? Don’t you remember how casual relationships were? How we men disdained commitment to the point women no longer respected or obeyed us? How we became feminized and afraid to go after what we want? We all know Clay here has probably been the most thoughtful among us, and the most disciplined, given the willingness of females to pair with him.”
When some of the men laughed, Adam smiled wryly. “Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. He’s been here for us, giving us advice that’s pretty on point for a guy with no woman of his own. I can’t tell you the number of times my own wife has said that it’ll be a lucky lady whose chosen by Clay Sanders. But he’s been selective, and if he feels this little lady cop is the one the least we could do is hear him out.”
The room became quiet again, and Clay turned gratefully to his friend. “Thanks, Adam. Let me start by asking forgiveness from all of you for inviting Karen to stay on without coming to you first. But I feel a real connection with this woman, and I feel that she’s drawn to our community. I don’t think it’s easy for her to admit, but I believe it’s true.”
“It’s true until she realizes how serious we are about order here, Clay,” Ray countered. “If she stays, sooner or later she’s going to break a rule and you’re going to have to deal with it. Once that happens she’ll be hotfooting it back to the police station, screaming about how we abuse women here. And the next thing you know we’ll be on the six o’clock news.”
“That won’t happen,” Clay said.
“How do you know?” Adam asked.
“Because I’ve already corrected her.”
The silence returned. “What?” someone said.
“I already corrected her. Yesterday afternoon. For running away during the storm instead of going to the hall with everyone else. I blistered her backside good. That’s how I found out she was a cop.”
Some of the men laughed.
“And she didn’t threaten to turn you in?” Ada
m asked.
“Oh, initially she was so mad that’s exactly what she did. But then she calmed down after a bit and admitted she shouldn’t have done what she did. And hearing what the community had to say really made her think. So when her bosses asked her to stay on a little longer, she asked me and I said she could. Now, admittedly I should have come to you first, and I was wrong not to. But now I’m asking you to let her stay.”
“So she can turn us in?” Mike Stoltz asked.
“If she were going to do that, she’d have done it already, Mike,” Clay replied. “She had the opportunity, but I heard her tell her boss that nothing out of the ordinary is going on.”
“So why is she staying?” Mike was still doubtful.
“Because I think her curiosity is more personal than professional.”
“Did she tell you this?” Adam asked.
Clay smiled. “She didn’t have to. I just know.” He sighed. “I’ve asked you guys to trust me before on things, and you have. Usually when I ask you to trust me on something, it has to do with us as a whole. This time I’m asking you to trust me on something I want for purely selfish reasons. I have feelings for this girl and I believe she’s drawn to me, to Heartfield, to what we have to offer. All I ask is that you give her a chance – give me a chance.”
Jake stepped forward now. “It wasn’t that long ago that I came before you with the same appeal, about Ann Marie. Much of the arguments were the same – she wouldn’t fit in, she didn’t have what it would take, she was too much of an outsider. But I think we’ve all come to realize that my wife is an asset to this community. I vote that we allow Karen Patterson to stay for a trial period.”