Tess wondered why some days she would feel okay and on others, she wanted to go and jump out a window. What was it about her that kept her from just being normal every day? Was this how grief worked for everyone? Maybe she would take some of the insurance money and get herself a therapist. She knew there wasn’t any shame in needing someone objective to talk to. With all the crazy shit going on, it might make more sense than unloading on Lilly and her parents all the time. All they wanted to do was reassure her that she was a good person and loved. That was fine, but who would tell her the truth when she was being an idiot? That had been Jack’s job. He’d been her very best friend and sounding board. No decision had ever been made without consulting him, no path taken without knowing how he felt first. Tess hadn’t always followed his advice or did what he thought she should do, but her bond with him had been complete.
“I miss him, Timmy,” she whispered, as the tabby forced his way into her lap. Stroking his soft fur, she sighed. “I know none of this would be happening if he were here, but still. He was always the voice of reason.”
The cat meowed as if to answer her, but Tess didn’t feel all that comforted. “Yeah, I know. What do you think he’d say if he was standing right here, Tim? Hmm?”
The only sound Tess could hear was the cat’s voracious purring.
Jealousy getting the better of him, Spencer stood with his two front paws on her leg, sniffing at Timothy’s butt. Without any warning, he nipped at the flanks in his face and Timothy growled. In order to avoid a full out cat fight on her lap, Tess tossed Timothy to the ground and he ran off, Spencer hot on his heels.
Closing her eyes, she let the sun warm her face. Images of the box full of money came to her mind, which then brought on thoughts of the night before. She said a silent prayer that the toxicology report would come back showing no signs of foul play. Tess didn’t know what she would do if it turned out Jack was killed. It might just break her spirit for good. Knowing that if she had followed her gut and postponed the wedding Jack might still be alive might be more than she could handle.
Don’t be stupid. Tess opened her eyes and looked around. Jack’s voice had been so loud in her head, it was as if he was sitting at the table speaking to her. Wrinkling her eyebrows, she concentrated hard, listening for anything else Jack might have to say. The voice didn’t sound like it was real, but she heard it in her heart. He would think she was a complete dumbass for sitting around and feeling sorry for herself. He’d also think she was a wuss if she let something like his murder break her. He’d want her to pick herself up, dust off her butt, and get going on figuring out who did it and why. There was no way he would want his death to be in vain. And the only person who would be able to make sure that didn’t happen was Tess. She was responsible for making sure that if justice needed to be served for him, it would happen.
“It’s time to grow up, Tess.”
She said the words out loud to no one, but it might as well have been Jack sitting next to her saying it.
“It’s all about positive self-talk, right?” She looked around to make sure there weren’t any neighbors around on their patios to overhear her. “I’m smart. I’m capable. I’m going to be okay.”
Tess stood up and started pacing back and forth. “I did not do anything wrong. It’s okay to have doubts before you get married. Lilly was right. It was just cold feet.” As she walked the short length of the patio back and forth, the cats appeared at the sound of her voice to sit and observe, like an audience to her motivational speech.
“It’s been more than six months now and it’s okay to feel better. It’s okay to want to heal. Whether or not Jack is watching is beside the point. I’m here and alive and I need to get on with my life. No matter how much I wish he were here, I can’t bring him back.”
Tess slammed her fist into her palm. “I owe it to Jack to go on and live a good life. And I owe it to him to figure out what the hell happened. I can’t just sit back and wait for shit.”
The more she talked, the better she felt. Her natural optimism and effervescence seem to be returning and Tess could feel the hope building inside her chest, filling her heart. “I have money now. I can do some good things with it. I’m an adult and I will stand on my own two feet. It will be an honor to Jack and his memory to build something he would be proud of.”
The stream of consciousness she blurted out was all over the map and Tess didn’t care. She wanted to keep saying positive things to build her self-confidence, but she also wanted to be honest with herself. “I’m not always going to feel this good. I’m going to have good days and bad days and that’s okay!” She shouted this last bit, causing the cats to cock their heads. “I might still have days when I don’t want to get out of bed or cry my eyes out, but those will just be moments in time. They won’t define the rest of my life. I won’t let them.”
Tess tilted her head to the sky and closed her eyes, letting the hot sun soak into her skin. She threw hear arms wide and laughed out loud. “I know there are some more hard times coming, Jack, but I promise not to let them break me. I promise I will do everything I can to do the right thing.”
Chapter 26
“You want me to what?”
Hudson held the phone away from his ear. Tess’s voice nearly punctured his eardrum. “We want you to reach out to Emily Kingston. Feel her out. See if she’s willing to come over to our side against David and Roger.”
The silence at the other end of the line was disconcerting to him. He knew that Tess would probably balk at the idea, but Hudson knew he had to ask her to try.
“I don’t know. You know how our last conversation ended.”
“Yeah, but it’s been a few days. We weren’t able to find anything in Jack’s background and until the toxicology report comes back, we just can’t figure out what direction to take. Maybe if you talk to her, we could get a read on what Roger and David are, or aren’t, doing.”
Tess sighed and Hudson held his breath.
“Okay, how do you want me to do it? Do I call, or go over there?”
“I suppose it’s up to you. Whatever you think you can handle best.”
“Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
“Okay, sure.”
Tess ended the call without saying goodbye but Hudson couldn’t tell if she was upset-angry or upset-scared. He decided not to bug her and wait patiently for her to get back to him. He hollered for Ford, who was in the other room.
“Yeah?” His big brother entered carrying some pages he was still reading.
“She said she’ll do it, but will call back once she figures out how.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” Ford admitted.
Hudson frowned. “It was your idea in the first place. Why the sudden change of heart?”
Ford shook his head. “I don’t know. Just a gut feeling. I think keeping her away from that bunch is probably the best thing for her, don’t you?”
“Maybe, but we don’t have anything else to go on at this point. We have to do something.”
Ford rubbed his chin and nodded grudgingly. “I guess.”
“I know I asked you an hour ago, but any word from the ME’s office?”
Sighing, Ford gave him a nasty look. “Do you think I’m going to keep it to myself?”
“Well don’t bite my head off.”
“Then stop asking me.”
“Fine.”
Hudson turned back to his computer screen, ignoring Ford as he left the room. Dick.
* * * * *
Jackass. Ford slammed his butt back into the chair at the desk out front. His brother was getting on his last nerve and he felt like taking him outside and beating the crap out of him. But he wouldn’t. He knew exactly why Hudson was acting the way he was. He got that way whenever he was nervous or unsure of how to go forward with a case. Ford did his best to ignore the annoying pattern of behavior.
Telling Hudson about his changing feelings was not the wisest thing. The last thing
he needed was his brother to figure out that Ford was thinking too much about Tess.
Chapter 27
In spite of her pep talk to herself, Tess sat stiffly at the table, picking her napkin into bits. Emily Kingston had agreed to meet her for lunch at New York Deli and she was now officially three minutes late. That couldn’t be a good sign because Emily was never late.
Tess took a sip of her Coke and let the sugary bubbles sit on her tongue for a second before swallowing. She tried not to stare at the door. A watched pot never boils. The expression her mother always used frustrated her because it only made her want to watch the entrance more. As a distraction, she pulled out her phone to check for text messages or missed calls. There were none.
Unable to stop the impulse, Tess looked back to the entrance. Instead of seeing her mother-in-law coming in, she saw the last person in the world she expected. Ford Marks stood next to the sign asking patrons to wait to be seated. He was staring right at her. She frowned and raised her shoulders in question. What are you doing here? she mouthed.
Ignoring the sign, Ford strode up to her table and gave her his trademark smirk. “Hey. I needed something to eat and figured this was as good a place as any.”
“I hope you’re getting a carry out,” Tess muttered. “I’m nervous enough as it is without having you lurk about.”
Ford chuckled. “You’ll do fine. Just pretend like I’m not here.” He turned around and went back to wait for a hostess to seat him. Tess rolled her eyes and sighed. Great, now I’m going to be distracted.
“Who was that?”
Emily was pulling her chair out and sitting down, throwing a suspicious look over her shoulder at Ford.
“Oh, no one,” Tess stammered. “I’m glad you could make it.”
“I’m sorry I’m late.”
“That’s okay.” She dropped her phone to the table with a thunk and tried to smile. “I’m just glad you came.”
“I’ll admit, I was a little surprised by your call.” Emily’s tone was frosty as she spread her napkin onto her lap and reached for the menu. She glanced again across the restaurant where Ford had been seated at a booth.
Tess struggled to think of the right words to ease the awkward moment and to get Emily’s attention off of Ford Marks. You got this. You can do it. “Well, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you the other day. You’ve been like a second mom to me and I was ashamed of myself.”
Emily remained rigid in her chair for a few seconds and then her shoulders slumped as she dropped her menu. Reaching across the table, she grasped Tess’s hand. “I’m sorry too. I was very rude as well.”
Tess squeezed back and held on until she felt Emily’s grip loosen. “Thanks.”
The waitress arrived and they ordered some food Tess wasn’t sure she would be able to eat. Between trying to sweet talk Emily and knowing Ford was across the room staring at her, Tess worried that anything she ate would come right back up.
Focusing back to the woman in front of her, she took a deep breath. “I wanted to let you know that we can’t let things get ugly.”
“Of course not, dear. It’s the last thing Roger and I want.”
“It’s the last thing Jack would want.” Tess worried that bringing him up so soon in the conversation might backfire, but she shouldn’t have been concerned. Emily smiled sadly at the mention of her son.
“You’re right. Jack would be very unhappy about how things have gone.”
Tess picked at the cuticle on her thumb and then chewed on the nail a little before speaking again. “Maybe we should all get together and have a meeting so that we can clear the air. Figure out how best to settle the probate stuff so that everyone is happy. Haven’t we lost enough?”
Emily’s eyes misted over and she dabbed at them with her napkin. “I agree. I don’t know what’s been going on with Roger and David because they never talk to me anymore. But I’m sure I can convince them to come together to find a reasonable solution.”
Tess sighed with relief. “Good. How have you been?”
Emily shrugged. “Oh, you know. Good days and bad, though the good ones seem few and far between. You’re looking well, though.”
Tess cringed and chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, I do the best I can. The stress since we found out about the will hasn’t helped, that’s for sure. Why don’t David and Roger talk to you anymore?”
“I suppose they don’t want to hurt me.” Emily straightened the pile of menus that rested between the mustard and ketchup bottles until they were exactly even. “You know men, they handle their grief in different ways.”
“Yeah.” Tess agreed with her because she didn’t really know how men handled grief at all. This was the first major loss in her life and she had no example to learn from. She certainly wasn’t looking forward to a day when she suffered another one as big as losing Jack.
As Emily fiddled next with the sugar packets, Tess stole a glance at Ford. He was leaning back in the booth, looking perfectly relaxed as he sipped coffee. He caught her staring and gave her an exaggerated wink. She wanted to flip him off, but knew that gesture would not go unnoticed her, so she stifled the urge.
“So, what will you do with all that insurance money you’re getting?”
Tess’s eyes went wide, but she recovered before Emily noticed. At least she hoped so. It seemed like a pretty nosy question, but then again, she was suspicious of every word her mother-in-law spoke. It was bound to happen, considering how much animosity there had been already. She tried to look past that and think of how the question might have been meant under different circumstances. “I’m not really sure yet. I’ll probably invest most of it. Give some away. Maybe I’ll go back to school, do something else. I quit my job.”
“You did? Well, it must be nice to feel that secure.”
Tess winced. What’s that supposed to mean? “It isn’t really about security. I just didn’t have the heart to keep working for Dr. Guildford when I was so messed up. I’ll get another job. I don’t think I’m the kind of person to just sit around all day.”
“No, of course not, dear. I meant no such thing.”
The food arrived and Tess was grateful for the interruption. She didn’t feel much like eating, but the act of chewing and swallowing kept them from talking for a little while. It also let her sneak peeks at Ford. She could see him eating a hamburger and French fries, and he looked like he was enjoying the show. Tess found herself counting to twenty with every bite until the food was sawdust in her mouth just so she didn’t have to speak. I can’t believe I let Hudson talk me into this. What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Ugh!
When both their plates were clean and glasses empty, Emily patted the corners of her mouth with the napkin and then laid it on the table. “When shall we arrange our get together? Roger bowls tonight.”
Tess tried not to giggle because Emily looked like she’d just smelled something bad at the mention of bowling. “I guess I’ll have to check with Hudson to see when he’s free.”
“Hudson? Who’s that?” Emily’s mouth turned down at the corners and her eyes narrowed. Then she shot an evil look across the restaurant at Ford. Tess leaned back the tiniest bit. Oh shit.
“He’s my lawyer.” Tess watched the suspicion slowly, too slowly, disappear from the Emily’s face.
“Oh, well, that’s an interesting name.”
“Uh, yeah,” Tess agreed, taking a sip of her refilled Coke, and then it hit her. She thinks I’m seeing someone else, I bet! Tess almost laughed again, but managed to swallow it at the last second.
“Do you want the meeting to be at his office or somewhere else?”
Pursing her lips, Emily shook her head. “I was under the impression you wanted to sit down and speak with us on an informal basis. Do we really need to involve lawyers?”
Now she really looks like she smelled something bad! “I guess I should have been more clear. I’m sorry, that’s my fault. I thought it would be better if the lawyers were involved so
that there wasn’t any misunderstanding. I guessed David was handling all the legal work for Jack’s estate. You guys didn’t get someone else did you?”
“Of course not!” Emily snapped. “We didn’t feel a need to involve any outsiders in such a personal, family tragedy.”
Tess clenched her fists in her lap to keep from banging them on the table, any amusement she might have been feeling getting totally wiped away. It wasn’t exactly her fault that a lawyer got involved, now was it? If they had been straight with Jack from the beginning, then he wouldn’t have gotten pissed off and called Hudson. If there had been a little bit of honesty, then Jack wouldn’t have kept a secret from them. Tess yearned to say all of this to Emily, but she knew she had to keep her cool. The whole point of the lunch was to try and get Emily on their side, not alienate her even more.
“I didn’t really have a choice. David all but kicked me out of your house the day I came to you for help. If you had only talked to me that day, maybe all of this could have been avoided.”
Tess watched carefully to see if her words might sway her mother-in-law back into a friendlier place. It seemed to work because Emily’s face relaxed and the stony look in her eyes softened. “You’re right, Tess. If only things had been handled differently.”
Taking a chance, she reached over and took the older woman’s hand. “We’re on this road now, let’s just take it where it leads, all right? I’ll have Hudson call David and set it up. Maybe in the end, I won’t even need him.” Cross your fingers as you tell that lie, Tess. “But I need you to talk to David and Roger and ask them to be nice. Would you do that for me?”
The Widow and the Will Page 16