by Ken Costa
It is for this reason that I find little sympathy for some of the great sweeps of twentieth-century determinist philosophy that deny the true freedom we have in Christ. The economic determinism of Marx reduced all endeavors to a prescribed set of inescapable economic responses. Once these economic forces were unleashed, the individual stood powerless—with no choice. Similarly, Freud and his successors would have us locked into sexual compulsions from which we cannot escape. There is no choice here either.
The truth is that Jesus is the Liberator. In freeing us, he also gives us the tools to use our freedom well. But there are many times when we want to discern the specific will of God for our lives, or when we are desperate for God’s help to choose between two options, or when we are looking for God’s green light in a challenging situation. And while God will not force us down a certain track—he wants us to make choices—he also wants to guide us, to give us advice. He knows us better than we know ourselves, he knows what is best for us, and he knows what choices will best lead us into the places to which he has called us.
CHOOSING WELL
Over the years I have found five simple steps that have helped me enormously in making difficult choices. Every step is taken in the light of the Holy Spirit guiding, leading, and prompting us. It is in the power of the life and teaching and example of Jesus that we can make these judgments.
1. CONSIDER
The first step in facing a major choice is to consider and weigh the range of options that are available, forming what I call early impressions.
Perhaps out of the blue, someone approaches you about a new business venture. What do you do? Is this a prompting from the Holy Spirit? It may well be, or it may not. At times like this, it’s worth taking a leaf out of Mary’s book: “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). Or we can be inspired by Joseph’s father in Genesis 37: “Joseph’s brothers envied him and were jealous of him, but his father observed the saying and pondered over it” (v. 11 AMP). Treasured, observed, and pondered—these words are wonderfully reassuring. The biblical precedent is that there is no need to rush; there is time to think, to weigh things, and to ask for discernment and wisdom. Saint Augustine took this point one step further, believing that the heart is something more than a place or feeling; it deals with one’s proper identity in God. And therefore when we spend time listening to our consciences, the “silent clamor of the heart,”1 we are likely to find God’s truest call on our lives.
Perhaps a sense of restlessness has come upon you, and you wonder whether God is encouraging you to change jobs or move on to new pastures. It can be tempting in such moments to rush headlong into big decisions. But God often calls us to remain where we are and seek wisdom first. In 1 Corinthians, Paul encouraged his readers to “remain in the situation they were in when God called them” (1 Corinthians 7:20). The call of God does not necessitate radical changes to our work. What we first think is God prompting us to change jobs completely might actually be him encouraging us to take on new roles within our existing organizations, or simply to be better witnesses to our colleagues.
During times of restlessness, when we question whether or not a change is from God, it is useful to do some detailed research on what the options might be. Leaving one place without having any clear calling toward another is a difficult path to take, and unless you have been put in a situation where there is fraud, corruption, exploitation, or harassment that is compromising you, it is not a path I would recommend.
I have a friend named Harry who has recently made a bold and risky decision. He worked for a company whose ethics were questionable. After three years in the company, there came a time when Harry was asked to lie and to conceal some fraudulent dealings that were deceiving the client. Harry felt extremely uncomfortable about the way in which his senior management was behaving and felt he must resign. With a family to support and a mortgage to pay, and with no certain prospects of what was to come next, he made a brave call. He decided to pray about it for seven days, study the book of Proverbs to find wisdom, seek the counsel of some godly friends and his mentor, and hope that after a week the Lord would make it absolutely clear what he should do. Indeed, a week later he wrote his resignation letter, and a month later, he was on his own.
I remember talking to Harry in the wake of his resignation. It was a heavy weight he carried, but he knew that he couldn’t continue working for a boss whose principles and working practices were so out of kilter with his own. He had always wanted to set up his own business, and in many ways, this felt like the opportunity to begin. I admired him for his integrity and I believe that God will honor him, through the new business, for the stand he has taken.
Such discernment comes only with wisdom. And wisdom comes only from spending time with God. We cannot work out the future on our own. As Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians, “‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’—the things God has prepared for those who love him—these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit” (1 Corinthians 2:9–10).
People in all cultures desire wisdom. I think of elders in African communities who give sage advice reflecting the accumulation of good practices handed down from ancestors and distilled by them through observation and judgments. There is a buy-in by the tribe. They know, as we do, that mere knowledge is not the same as wisdom. But wisdom in these human settings, while separate from and superior to knowledge, is no more than pragmatism and experience elevated to a higher philosophical plane.
Wisdom in the Bible is of a different order. As the psalmist wrote, “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God’” (Psalm 14:1). Those seeking wisdom seek God. They seek to live smartly in obedience to their callings. The book of Proverbs is a distillation of key practical concepts for wise living under God.
Eugene Peterson’s The Message translation of the introduction to the book of Proverbs gives a brilliantly lucid summary:
These are the wise sayings of Solomon,
David’s son, Israel’s king—
Written down so we’ll know how to live well and right,
to understand what life means and where it’s going;
A manual for living,
for learning what’s right and just and fair;
To teach the inexperienced the ropes
and give our young people a grasp on reality.
There’s something here also for seasoned men and women,
still a thing or two for the experienced to learn—
Fresh wisdom to probe and penetrate,
the rhymes and reasons of wise men and women.
(Proverbs 1:1–6 THE MESSAGE)
Wisdom is learning to discern God’s ways in a cluttered world of opinions, personal thoughts, mantras, and make-believe. Wisdom is raw and real. Listening to God as we make our choices is key. We need times of withdrawal from the frenzy of life to quiet our spirits and listen to his wisdom. No choices will ever be made well without gleaning that wisdom.
In these times of listening quietly to God, the decisions that we are wrestling with will either fall away or grow in preeminence.
The stage of considering may also include reading about the subject. A friend of mine felt a certain prompting to work in Malaysia. It felt strange at first, as he hardly knew the country, but he took the idea seriously and started reading about the country’s history, culture, and economic and social conditions. This research helped him think through what might or might not have been a nudge from God. As it happened, it all came together as he began to build a picture of a country he felt increasingly drawn to.
The stage of considering and pondering is demanding, as we are likely to get carried away on flights of fantasy about what could be. While we must avoid delusions and unrealistic daydreams, creative thinking is an important part of evaluating the way ahead. We are called to be creative in the image of the Creator—and God inhabits and uses our imaginations.
2. CONSULT
/> Critical to making good decisions is taking good advice. Why? For the simple reason that we don’t have a monopoly on the experience or the insight needed for the situations we face. Others have been down the path before. The Bible urges us to find wisdom through many counselors: “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisors” (Proverbs 11:14). This is not justification for a focus group to gauge which way the wind is blowing. We must seek advice from those whom we trust to think upon things with wisdom and integrity. After all, opinions are many, but wisdom is select.
There are various categories of people whose advice is worth seeking:
Those who share our faith or our values, whether or not they are experts in our fields—different perspectives can help! I find it useful to talk and pray with a friend who is a worship leader and knows absolutely nothing about finance. He can discern from his dispassionate standpoint. The key is that he is kingdom-minded and wants to see the kingdom grow through me. His values and motivations, crucially, resemble my own.
Those who love us. They know us well, can speak truthfully and without agenda, and want the best for us.
Those who have experience and therefore wisdom in the area under discussion. With a work decision, these are people in the same field with the necessary experience to understand the choices and pitfalls.
Those who are in spiritual authority: our church leaders or our mentors, or perhaps trained life coaches or counselors, who ask the right questions.
Typically, it will be less helpful to seek counsel from the following:
Those who tend to agree with us, defer to us, or are in some way beholden to us.
Those with an agenda—or for whom the outcome of our decisions will have a positive or negative effect.
Those who tend to compete with us.
Those whom we feel close to but whose values differ from our own.
In 1 Kings 12, the people of Israel came to King Rehoboam and asked him to reduce the hours of work every Israelite man was required to donate to capital projects. First, he took time to consider. Then, he called the elders together and asked them, “How would you advise me to answer these people?” (v. 6). They gave a brilliant reply: “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants” (v. 7).
King Rehoboam chose to seek the counsel from the elders: they had experience, and he therefore could trust their wisdom. Indeed, they provided not only a wise answer but a godly way of thinking. Being a servant was key to being a good king. But he rejected their advice.
Next, he turned to the friends who had grown up with him, and he asked the same question. The answer could not have been more different: “These people have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter.’ Now tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions’” (vv. 10–11). They were rude, offensive, and ungodly. And above all, they were out of touch with the people they despised. King Rehoboam followed their advice nonetheless, rejected the wisdom of the elders, and increased the demands on his citizens. The people rebelled, and the civil unrest that would eventually divide Israel and Judah escalated.
King Rehoboam made the mistake of listening to those with whom he shared a history, who did not have the necessary wisdom to advise him well. We must choose carefully whose advice we listen to.
Mentoring is a practice recent generations have neglected. It is a great gift that bridges the divide between old and young, between those who are experienced and those who are searching in life, and it helps us avoid unnecessary mistakes. Bringing together mentors and mentees is one of the great services a church can do. I find it hugely stimulating spending time with the people I mentor. Although they kindly claim to learn from my experience, I always learn as much or more from them.
Accountability is one of the ways in which you can grow and mature in faith, including in your day-to-day decisions. I strongly encourage you to have someone, or better yet several people, to whom you can be accountable and listen to advice within a safe and affirming group. These must be people who are prepared to speak their minds, are emotionally supportive, and are not mere debating partners. Their motivations should be to build you up and not to use your invitation to be truthful as license to go in with the knife. Truth should always be spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15), out of a deep desire to honor you and to help you. When truth comes out of other motives, look for it elsewhere. Control freaks abound, who, under the guise of good advice, really want to control your life and the decisions you make. Have nothing to do with them, however spiritual they may appear. It is right to have the humility to listen with an open mind to others, but then we must weigh their advice and lay it out before the Lord. If we feel uncomfortable, we should trust our instincts, discard the advice, and shy away. No one owns you except Jesus Christ.
There is a modern danger of “oversharing” that has grown out of a belief, over the last decade or so, that by unburdening our inner selves to others, we gain wholeness. There are clearly advantages to being humble and vulnerable with those whom we trust and whom we have chosen to be accountable to. But restraint and measured disclosure need to be part of the balance.
How do we deal with prophetic words that are sometimes spoken over us? Paul urged us to use all the Spirit’s gifts in our churches, “especially prophecy” (1 Corinthians 14:1). Prophecy is part of the life of a dynamic church. But words received in this way are to be thoroughly evaluated, as John urged his readers to do: “test the spirits to see whether they are from God” (1 John 4:1).
I am grateful for the many words spoken into my life over the years. Some are not easy to hear. Some have been fulfilled; others wait their time. I find it helpful to check the character of the person offering the word and determine whether he or she has used this gift before or whether I am the guinea pig! The fact that someone is new to prophecy is not a total obstacle, but knowing the person’s level of experience makes me more receptive to the message. Does the word build me up or drag me down? Heavy judgment belongs to God and will be used sparingly. Does it agree with or contradict Scripture? If the word relates to a major career choice, I am even more cautious. A word is not necessarily right just because it seems to come through some supernatural source. But if the word resonates in my spirit, I will always pray that the Lord will confirm it to me through another person. And then I pray for the circumstances that have been prophesied to come about. I combine others’ counsel with my own consideration: I watch, ponder, listen, and talk it through with others. There is no need to rush ahead of God’s purposes, so I accept that his timing is part of the journey.
I have an acquaintance, Martin, who on two separate occasions received prophetic words of knowledge from trusted friends, telling him that he would set up his own business. It was something that Martin had always wanted to do, but he was unsure of the context and how to extract himself from his current job. He prayed about these prophetic words, and after a while, he found that he was agitated at work and unable to commit and give wholeheartedly to his job because of these prophecies hovering over him. He felt as if he were being disobedient to God for not setting up his own business. But then he heard a well-known prophet say there is often no specific timing to prophetic words. If the prophetic word to set up his own business was right, it could take place in six days, in six months, or in six years. This gave Martin relief and peace and the confidence to commit again to his current job, trusting that if these prophecies were from God, the opportunity to set up on his own would present itself at the right time.
3. CLARIFY
The apostle Paul exhorted the church in Thessalonica to clarify the callings of the Spirit. “Do not quench the Spirit,” he said. “Do not treat prophecies with contempt, but test them all; hold on to what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:19–21). It�
�s sometimes easy to think that a sense of God’s calling absolves us of the use of our critical faculties. But once we have considered and consulted, we need to take the time to clarify—to engage our reason—so that we might reflect on what we think has been revealed. This is the time to sift through all the information, using our analytical skills and our own self-understanding. For me, the best way of doing this is to make a list of pros and cons.
A colleague of mine was contemplating moving jobs. In order to help him clarify his options he created a PowerPoint presentation for himself, complete with appendices. Perhaps a little over the top, but it helped him clarify his thoughts.
On the other hand, a woman once asked me for advice on whether she should move jobs. It was a question she had posed, analyzed, assessed, and reassessed endlessly in her mind, until she was stuck in a circle of paralysis. I suggested that she try to reduce the issue to 140 characters and tweet it to me. This discipline toward greater clarity helped break the paralysis—and a decision was made.
At this point in the process of making a decision, we are hoping for some kind of breakthrough. In the book of Numbers, God spoke to Moses “intimately, in person, in plain talk without riddles” (Numbers 12:8 THE MESSAGE). That was an unusual experience, and there have been many occasions when I so long to hear God speak to me “intimately” and “in plain talk.” But now, by his Spirit, he still speaks to all of us, though not usually audibly.
The conviction of the Spirit may take the form of an “aha” moment, a sense of a green light: a moment when suddenly, often effortlessly, the fog of the merry-go-round of thoughts just lifts. It happened to Peter when he was asked who Jesus was. It came to him with clarity in a single moment, but it followed a long time of walking the streets with Jesus, listening to his teaching, seeing his behavior in private as well as in public. And, in the “aha” moment, he declared, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God” (Matthew 16:16 ESV).