by Lewis, Dan
Then the phone rang again. It was—again—not the Pentagon.
Shoup took the initiative and assigned others to man the phone, speaking to the callers as Santa. The goodwill gesture resonated throughout NORAD’s halls and became an annual tradition. Every year, hundreds of volunteers man the phones (and now, e-mail), answering when children call. According to the Huffington Post, volunteers are given an “11-page playbook [that] includes a list of nearly 20 questions and answers, including how old is Santa (at least 16 centuries) and has Santa ever crashed into anything (no).”
BONUS FACT
Want to write a letter to Santa? You can—and you’ll probably get a reply. After receiving a lot of letters for the jolly man in the red suit in 1974, members of Canada Post’s Montreal office decided to write back, hoping to keep children from being disappointed. In 1983, Canada Post took the program national, establishing a program to reply to all letters addressed to Santa. To streamline the process—which, given the million-letter volume, is necessary—Canada Post set up a special mailing address. You can write to St. Nick at “Santa Claus, the North Pole, Canada,” with postal code H0H 0H0.
SCRAMBLED FIGHTERS
THE AMERICAN JETS SENT OFF TO FIGHT WORLD WAR III
The Cuban Missile Crisis began on October 14, 1962, when the United States obtained photographic evidence of a Soviet nuclear missile installation in Cuba. For nearly two weeks, the world was on the brink of nuclear war. The U.S. military went to high alert. Any action on either side of the conflict could have resulted in mutually assured destruction, as both militaries and their nuclear arsenal were at the ready.
On the night of October 25 and into the next morning, that nearly happened. Nuclear-armed U.S. jet planes were ordered to the skies to intercept incoming Soviet bombers. They thought the Soviet Union had started World War III.
Late that evening, around midnight, a would-be intruder attempted to gain access to a military base in Duluth, Minnesota. The base was one of a handful that held a large computer network called the SAGE system—Semi-Automatic Ground Environment—which collected and reconciled radar data to give military officials a single image of the region’s airspace. Using this information, officials could coordinate a response in case of a Soviet air assault. Had the Soviets gained access to the Duluth base and sabotaged the computer network, parts of the U.S. military operations would be flying blind.
The intruder did not make it into the Duluth base. A sentry noticed him climbing the fence and shot him, incapacitating the apparent Soviet saboteur. For reasons unreported—given the global situation at the time, this was prudent—the guard sounded the alarm signaling a sabotage attempt. The alarm system was designed to sound in bases throughout the region if not the entire United States—after all, if the Soviets were taking a crack at one base, there’s a good chance others were immediately at risk as well. If things went right, many U.S. bases would, once the alarm sounded, run a security sweep for possible breaches.
Unfortunately, things went wrong. At Volk Field in Wisconsin, something was amiss with the alarm wiring. The alarm that sounded wasn’t the one signaling a possible saboteur. Instead, it was the one telling nuclear-armed jet fighters to take to the skies. This wasn’t a drill, either—the policies at the time did not allow for such practice runs when on such high alert, as to avoid ambiguity. As far as Volk Field’s personnel believed, World War III had begun. To make matters worse, because of the activity in Cuba, the military had sent nuclear bombers into patrol, some near Volk Field. Had the interceptors ever taken flight, there’s a good chance the American fighters would have shot down their own nuke-laden bombers—and above U.S. soil.
The planes, however, never took off. An official raced from the command center to the runway, probably while the jet fighters were still doing their pre-flight checks, to inform them that it was a false alarm. Not only had the wrong alarm sounded at Volk Field, but there was no saboteur in the first place. The man who tried to invade the Duluth base wasn’t a saboteur or a Soviet, or for that matter, a man.
It was a bear.
BONUS FACT
In 2008, a beekeeper in Macedonia noticed that his hives were being attacked by an unknown invader. The culprit, taking a page from Winnie the Pooh’s playbook, turned out to be a bear looking for honey. The beekeeper, though, wanted to be compensated for the bear’s damage, so the local government pressed criminal charges against the bear, according to the BBC. The bear was convicted in abstentia (officials couldn’t locate the bear to arrest him). Because the animal had no owner, the beekeeper was able to collect damages from the local government, totaling about $3,500.
GETTING A HANDLE ON THE PROBLEM
WHY DOORKNOBS ARE BEING BANNED— EXCEPT IN PART OF COLORADO
In 1999, the U.S. Small Business Administration and the Department of Justice teamed up to provide a guide for small businesses, helping them comply with the requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Among the suggestions is a subsection dealing with “architectural barriers”—“physical features that limit or prevent people with disabilities from obtaining the goods or services that are offered.” Of specific note are round doorknobs, as they may be difficult for some people to grip and turn, thereby preventing access to whatever’s on the other side. In late 2013, Vancouver (Canada) echoed its neighbors to the south and banned round knobs on doors on any new housing built within its borders. If you want to respect those who are differently abled, you may want to go with lever-like handles instead. As Popular Science argued, they’re “the way of the future.”
Just don’t tell that to the people of Aspen, Colorado. Because in many parts of that area, not only are round doorknobs allowed; they’re required by law.
The reason? Bears.
Aspen is the largest town in Pitkin County, with just under 9,000 full-time residents. That constitutes roughly half of the county’s population—but only if you count people. Due to the large amount of forest in the area, Pitkin County is also home to 5,000–10,000 black bears.
The bears eat about 20,000 calories a day during the summer and autumn months as they prepare for hibernation, and when it comes to a meal, they’re not all that picky. Often, a bear will wander into town in search of food, and let’s face it, we humans do a great job of leaving snacks out. Unsecured garbage cans, uncleaned barbecues, and birdfeeders are specifically mentioned by the Aspen authorities as open invitations to a foraging bear. In fact, from April 15 to November 15—that’s bear season—a city ordinance specifically prohibits residents from using birdfeeders.
As of the summer of 2010, doorknobs also fell under a bearcontrol ordinance. There were a few instances of bears entering people’s homes and businesses, not understanding that it was inappropriate to do so; bears shouldn’t be expected to know that breaking and entering is both illegal and impolite. Levers, as the ADA compliance guide notes, are easier to open for people who can’t grip and turn things. Bears lack opposable thumbs and, therefore, find levers much easier to open than they do the classic doorknob. So the Pitkin County government, as the Sky-Hi News reported, passed a law that “requires solid, round-handled doorknobs rather than the lever variety on exterior doors on all new homes” in the areas near bear habitats.
The rule had its skeptics and dissenters, of course. Some saw it as governmental overreach, while others pointed out that the bears could often flatten the knobs or just smash down doors. (They’re bears, after all.) But don’t worry about any issues regarding ADA compliance. The Sky-Hi News assures that “exemptions are made for doors that must meet disability standards.”
BONUS FACT
Ever notice that many doorknobs are made of brass or copper? There’s a reason for that. Those types of metals are poisonous to many types of household germs (although we don’t yet have a good explanation as to why), and doorknobs made of those materials disinfect themselves slowly over the course of about eight hours.
BEARING ARMS
POLAND’S UNLIKELY
WORLD WAR II HERO
In January of 1944, Europe was in the throes of war, and seemingly nothing (save perhaps for Switzerland) was beyond its theater. About eighty miles outside of Rome was the abbey of Monte Cassino, a monastery dating back to 529. The Germans decided to not occupy the abbey in spite of its tactical value—it was placed on top of a hill and made an excellent location for lookouts—likely in deference to its history. However, American intelligence erroneously determined otherwise and the air force bombed the abbey, reducing it to ruins. German soldiers then paratrooped in, and for the four months that followed, Allied and Axis battled over the region. All together, the two sides suffered casualties numbering as high as 75,000; the Allies ultimately prevailed.
But the Battle of Monte Cassino is not only known for its relatively high casualty count or the American intelligence failure. Another hallmark of the battle was the diversity of Allied troops who fought there. There were soldiers from the United States, Great Britain, the French Underground, New Zealand, Canada, British India, Poland, some anti-Mussolini Italians, and even an Iranian. The Iranian’s name was Wojtek.
Wojtek was a bear.
(Yes, an actual bear.)
Wojtek was discovered by a local Iranian boy in 1942 when he was just a cub. The boy sold him to a group of men in the Polish Army who were engaged in battle in the region—apparently, the soldiers wanted a pet/mascot, and the boy wanted some of their rations. Wojtek quickly became one of the boys, even taking up cigarettes, according to the Scotsman. (Wojtek did not just smoke them—he also ate them.) As his company moved throughout the Middle East, Wojtek became increasingly popular with the troops, but when British ships came to move the Polish Army into Italy, only enlisted men and officers were allowed on board. So the Polish Army did what seemed at the time to make sense to someone: They drafted Wojtek into service. He joined as a private in the 22nd Artillery Supply Company of the Polish II Corps.
As a private, Wojtek was no longer just a marmalade-loving curiosity—he had to live in the tents with his fellow enlisted men and, when duty called, press into battle. Being a bear, there were few jobs he could do. (Even if he were a super-intelligent bear—and there was no evidence that he was—he could not, for example, shoot a rifle, as bears lack opposable thumbs.) However, as legend has it, he actually did something useful during the Battle of Monte Cassino. Private Wojtek acted as a transport—moving heavy crates of artillery from the supply lines to the weapons. According to the witnesses who swear that it happened, Wojtek did so perfectly, never dropping a single crate.
After the war, Wojtek found a permanent home in the Edinburgh Zoo. It became customary for Polish soldiers to visit him and, when they did, to toss him a cigarette—which Wojtek would then smoke. He lived to be twenty-two years old, finally passing on in 1963. To date, he’s the world’s only known war hero who happens to be a bear.
BONUS FACT
American icon Smokey Bear was created in 1944 by the U.S. Forestry Service to educate the public about the dangers of forest fires (and how to prevent them from occurring). By 1964, Smokey was receiving so much fan mail that the U.S. Postal Service issued him his own ZIP code. It’s 20252.
FLUSHED AWAY
WHAT GOES DOWN MUST COME UP
Reflecting back on World War II, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once wrote that “the only thing that really frightened me during the war was the U-boat peril.” U-boats—the German submarine fleet—patrolled the Atlantic throughout the war, wreaking havoc on Allied convoys carrying troops, supplies, and everything else flowing between the United States and Western Europe. Over the course of the war, German forces sank nearly 4,000 ships and took the lives of roughly 75,000 sailors and merchant marines, in no small part due to the advantages gained by this submarine fleet.
Over time, Allied forces developed different ways to detect and, ultimately, destroy these subs. On April 14, 1945, the British managed to sink one of the U-boats without any technological advantages—at least not on the Allies’ part—shortly after it surfaced just off the shores of Scotland.
Why would the U-boat surface there? The crew didn’t have a choice.
Someone flushed the toilet when he shouldn’t have.
That’s not a euphemism for a screwup, either—that’s quite literally what happened. This U-boat was a very new one—it was on its first (and last) patrol—and it had some new features. For example, U-1206 was outfitted with a special type of toilet that allowed the men on board to hit the head while the submarine was well below the ocean’s surface. This wasn’t a simple “do your business and pull the chain” toilet. Operating it—that is, flushing it—required training, and not everyone on the U-boat had been so educated. Those who availed themselves of these toilets during deep-sea dives needed to call in one of these specifically trained toilet flushers to finish the job. Apparently, someone forgot that step.
The errant flush caused a leak and water entered the U-boat’s batteries, which, according to Wired, were located beneath the toilet. The waterlogged batteries began to emit chlorine gas, which is toxic. So the U-boat’s crew, facing near-certain death if they stayed at dive depth, surfaced to air everything out.
Before the crew could fix the problem and clear out the toxic fumes, the ship was detected by the British and, shortly thereafter, sunk by the Royal Air Force. Four men aboard were killed, the other forty-six captured by the British, and U-1206 was destined for an eternity at the bottom of the North Sea, its super-toilets submerged under 200 meters of water.
BONUS FACT
More than three dozen nations (through 2013) now have submarine fleets. If one were to rank the fleets by the number of subs, Russia, China, and the United States would be in the top four, which makes sense given the respective size of their nations, economies, and militaries. But none of them are atop the list. Number one? Perhaps surprisingly, it is North Korea.
MAN NOT OVERBOARD
WHY WOMEN AND CHILDREN GO FIRST
The apex of chivalry—at least, in the romanticized sense of the word—occurs on a boat destined for the bottom of the ocean. “Women and children first” is the rallying cry—the idea being that lifeboats should go to them first, and that men, like the captain, should go down with the ship if need be. The ritual is so ingrained in our culture that we almost expect it as a plot element in any story, fiction or nonfiction, involving such a disaster. But where did it come from?
In 1852, a British frigate, HMS Birkenhead, was charged with transporting troops from England and Ireland to South Africa as part of a decades-long military campaign against the native peoples, called the Xhosa Wars. Also on board were the wives and families of many of the officers; they were allowed to stay with their husbands while the men were stationed overseas. But the Birkenhead would never arrive at her intended destination. While making her way around Western Cape, the South African province that calls Cape Town its capital, the Birkenhead hit a submerged, uncharted rock and began to take on water. The captain ordered the soldiers on board to help pump the ship dry, but it soon became clear that the Birkenhead was doomed to plummet to the ocean’s bottom. The captain changed his order. Everyone who was able to swim was to jump overboard and make it to lifeboats now in the water. Everyone—man, woman, and child alike. Even the nine cavalry horses being transported were blindfolded and cajoled overboard, in hopes that they could make the two-mile swim to shore.
But for the soldiers, the captain’s order was subordinate to that of their commanding officer, Lieutenant-Colonel Alexander Seton. Seton, likely fearing that a mad rush to safety would cause further harm (and put lifeboats at risk), ordered his men to stand pat, allowing the women and children to take to the boats. Almost all the soldiers followed the order and stood on the ship, likely dooming themselves to death, as the Birkenhead broke up into the cold ocean water surrounding its shattering hull. Of the 640 or so people aboard the Birkenhead (we don’t have an exact number because the records sank with the ship), just under 200 survived, mos
t of them women and children. (Oh, and eight of the nine horses managed to survive, too, in case you were wondering.)
The idea that women and children should be allowed to evacuate first became a maritime practice soon after, but the phrase “women and children first!” did not enter naval parlance for almost a decade. By the time the HMS Titanic sank in 1912, the custom was well established. Nearly 75 percent of the women and more than 50 percent of the children aboard the doomed ship survived, compared to only 20 percent of the men.
BONUS FACT
The Xhosa Wars are named after the Xhosa, indigenous people in South Africa who resisted British imperialism. In 1856, a teenage Xhosa girl named Nongqawuse went to the cattle fields to scare away birds. While there, she’d later say, she was visited by three spirits. They told her that to triumph over the British settlers, the Xhosa needed to kill all their cattle and raze all their crops. The prophecy made its way to the chief of Nongqawuse’s clan, who believed that the visions were real and ordered the slaying of an estimated 300,000 cattle. This resulted in a massive famine among the Xhosa, resulting in the death of roughly 40,000 of their people.
THE PENCIL TEST
HOW WOOD PLUS GRAPHITE EQUALED RACISM
From the 1940s until 1994, South Africa was an apartheid state—people were classified based on their race, with whites having rights that were denied to blacks. But “white” and “black” wasn’t the end of the classification system. Mixed-race people—called “coloureds”—were considered a class unto themselves. While black people were discriminated against in almost all aspects of life, mixed-raced people were generally afforded more rights than blacks—yet were hardly considered equal to whites.