by Jodi Thomas
Wes bent closer, but he didn’t touch her. ‘‘No, Allie. I can’t sleep with you just because you feel you owe me. I can’t be your husband and not be a man.’’
‘‘I owe you nothing. That is not why I asked. I gave you the pelts, so we are even. And I do not ask for you to sleep with me, but to mate with me. I want to know the rest of this act you call loving.’’
‘‘No.’’ He couldn’t believe what he was saying. She was offering the very thing he’d longed for every night when she was so close against him. But he couldn’t. Not on her terms. Not because she wanted one night.
All his life he’d looked for a love for a night, but she was a love for a lifetime. One night would never do. He loved her too much to leave her here with the possibility of a child. His child.
‘‘You do not want me?’’ She tried to keep her voice from shaking.
Wes leaned near, pressing her against the wall of the cave. ‘‘I want you so bad I can taste the need in my throat. But not this way. Not the way you think. I don’t want to take you. I want to make love to you.’’
He pressed his face into the fresh smell of her hair. ‘‘The act of loving can’t be taken, only given. Don’t offer just because you don’t want to be alone, Allie. Offer because you want me.’’
‘‘Teach me of this loving.’’ She raised her arms to him. ‘‘Please.’’
The blanket floated to the floor of the cave along with all of Wes’s defenses.
TWENTY-EIGHT
WES CARRIED ALLIE BACK TO HER ROCK-WALLED room and gently set her down on the soft fur bed. He wasn’t sure why she wanted him to make love to her, but he could no longer turn her away.Standing, he tried not to hurry. He removed his gun belt and laid it on the pile of pelts.
Then he undressed slowly, as though removing his clothes in front of her was the most natural act in the world. Between the lantern and the campfire, light danced off the walls, allowing her to see him fully. Wes wanted her to know every second that it was he and no one else making love to her. He wanted her to be able to see his face and the truth in his eyes.
Her huge blue eyes watched him. Wes could see emotions churning within her. Fear, longing, stubbornness, panic, desire. There was no telling which would win out this night. But whatever happened, he’d be with her.
He lay down several inches away and surveyed her beauty. Fear flickered in her eyes, but she didn’t turn away or hide herself from his view. He peeled the blanket away. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her. Only their lips touched, nothing more.
When he pulled away, tears shimmered in her eyes.
‘‘Are you frightened?’’ He fought to keep from pulling her into his arms.
‘‘A little,’’ she answered. ‘‘But I know you will not hurt me. I don’t want to live with the nightmares anymore. Show me there is more.’’
‘‘You really have no idea how beautiful you are, Allie. Maybe I can even please you,’’ he offered, feeling as if this were the first time for them both. She’d never made love, and, in truth, neither had he.
He ventured closer, cupping her face as he kissed her once more. She tasted as he knew she would, of liquid pleasure. Her bottom lip trembled slightly as his kiss gently brushed over it.
Easy, he told himself. Make love to her slowly.
His kiss touched the corners of her mouth, teasing it open slightly before he kissed her once more. She responded as he hoped she would.
When he pulled away the second time, a bit of the fear was gone from her eyes. He waited, unsure of what to do next to keep from frightening her. How could he show her the other side of an act she’d only seen as evil? If one moment reminded her of her nightmares, any hope he had of loving her for a lifetime would be lost.
He couldn’t bring himself to touch her. The stakes were too high. He hesitated.
She grew impatient and reached for his hand. Placing it over her breast, she asked, ‘‘Is the kissing and touching a part of your loving?’’
‘‘Definitely.’’
‘‘Then you will do that part first.’’
Wes laughed. ‘‘If you insist.’’ He moved his hand over her warm skin as his mouth touched hers once more. The kiss deepened to a point he knew she enjoyed. She sighed against his lips and rolled closer, pressing her breast deeper into his palm.
Wes stroked her gently. He kissed her until all the stiffness and hesitancy in her body vanished. Then he leaned away slightly and lifted her hand to his mouth. As before, she enjoyed capturing his kiss within her hand. And when he placed her fingers on his chest, she didn’t pull away.
‘‘Touch me,’’ he whispered. ‘‘Like you did a few nights ago.’’
She followed his lead, feathering her fingers across his chest and through his hair as he rewarded her with light kisses. As she moved, their bodies came into contact again and again, a tap, a brush, an accidental pressing. She seemed unaware of the impact her touch had on him. It was as though she accepted his nearness as part of the kiss and the touching she did.
Watching the fire build in her eyes was like watching passion’s birth. A touch at a time, she became aware of him. An accidental brush of her body against his was repeated. A slight embrace became bolder on the next passing.
Slowly, his kisses deepened. His hand covered hers and moved over his body, encouraging her to touch where she hadn’t dared. At first, she pulled away. He tried again and again, pulling her hand over his flesh, making her know every part of him with his gentle persuasion.
After the first few jolts of panic, she relaxed. His kisses drew her back to the paradise, the warmth. Finally, when he lifted his hand from hers, she didn’t pull away, but continued to touch him.
His kisses moved to her throat, and then her breasts, making bolts of pleasure shoot through her and warmth grow within the very core of her. When she was deep into the middle of paradise, he moved close against her ear, his words more a kiss than speech.
‘‘Say you want me, Allie.’’ He kissed her cheek. ‘‘Look at me and say you want to make love to me.’’
‘‘I want . . .’’
His hand lowered over her abdomen as she began, intentionally venturing into territory she’d said was forbidden.
‘‘I want . . .’’
His hand was firm across her stomach, moving downward, making her forget words.
His fingers pressed over the place between her legs, where she said he’d never touch again.
‘‘Say it, Allie.’’ His voice was low with need. ‘‘Say you want me.’’
Suddenly there was no air in her lungs, no air in the room. Allie wanted to fight and run. She wanted to get away from all the world, all the hurt and all the pain. But his body leaned warm and protectively against her side. His hand rested low, holding her in place, holding her to him.
His soft kisses rained against her cheek. ‘‘Say it, Allie. Look at me and say the words.’’
She looked at him then as her blood pumped through her veins in panic. Thoughts of fighting filled her senses. She’d fight. She’d kill if she had to. No one would hurt her again.
Only she saw no devil. She saw only Wes with his warm brown eyes filled with worry and doubt. His strong body held her still, but she knew he understood her pain. He was not the enemy but there beside her to help her fight the nightmares.
There was no overwhelming desire, no passion-driven look about him. There was only concern. And she knew he wasn’t doing this for himself, but for her.
She took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his hand over her. ‘‘I want you,’’ she forced the words. ‘‘I need you to make love to me.’’
Wes kissed her and whispered against her mouth, ‘‘Say it again, darling.’’
‘‘I want you,’’ she answered as she felt his hand began to explore. ‘‘I need you to love me.’’
When she stiffened suddenly, his voice filled her world.
‘‘Look at me, Allie,’’ he ordered gently. ‘‘Don’t close your eyes.�
��’ His hand grew bolder, but his stare never left her face.
She held her breath, expecting pain, but none came. His eyes told her all she needed to know. He’d never hurt her.
Suddenly, a fire exploded within her, and she began to move with his touch.
He slid a few inches away so that he could watch her. Only his hand rested on her now. She could have pulled from his hold easily if she’d wanted, but she didn’t want to leave the pleasure.
His fingers were bold as they moved, making her cry out for more. She’d expected him to kiss her, but his mouth closed over the tip of her breast and the pleasure she thought could grow no greater increased.
When his mouth returned to her lips, she pulled him close, needing his kiss as she had never needed anything in her life. She wanted to be kissed fully, and he gave her what she wanted. A kiss so full of desire it took her breath away.
When she relaxed back on the bed, he smiled down at her, his hand still touching her. ‘‘You’re ready now, Allie. There will be no pain.’’
She’d expected him to move above her, but he pulled her atop him. She went willingly, unafraid.
He kissed her tenderly as his hands slid along her hips and lowered her body over him. A warmth spread through her as he moved within, filling her completely with his passion.
Any noise she would have made was muffled in the depths of his kiss as the joining of their bodies became complete.
His hands on her hips, he taught her the dance of loving, one step at a time. Emotions overwhelmed her as his kisses continued. Her breasts molded against the wall of his chest, and a part of him touched deep inside her, stirring a fire . . . a fire that built until she moved without his encouragement.
As pleasure suddenly shot through her like a cannon, Allie felt him tighten every muscle. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to him as his body shook from the passion.
For a long while, she lay atop him, listening to his breathing return to normal, enjoying the way his hands slowly stroked over her from shoulder to thigh.
Finally, he drew her face up gently with his hands and looked into her eyes. ‘‘Are you all right, darling?’’
She saw that the sudden flame of passion had reached him also, for his eyes still hinted of the wildness they’d just experienced. His hair was tossed, and his face slightly flushed. He’d never looked so handsome.
‘‘Again, please,’’ she whispered.
TWENTY-NINE
WES HIT THE ICY WATER LIKE A DEAD MAN TOSSED in to float downstream. He hardly felt the cold surround him and remained underwater until his lungs demanded he surface to breathe.He’d made love to Allie four times, and it wasn’t even dawn yet. In between, she touched him and he touched her. They kissed so often and so deeply, he was sure he scraped her face raw with his stubble.
And each time he finished, Wes felt like he drained his very soul into her, and she only begged for more.
At this rate, he’d be dead within a matter of days. Wes shook the water from his head and laughed. Maybe that was why Miss Victoria had had so many husbands, if Allie was anything like her grandmother. He’d fought all day in battle and not felt this tired, or this close to heaven.
With each of their matings, a wildness grew stronger within Allie. He’d heard that women were told to lie still and endure a husband’s needs. Allie had obviously missed such a lecture. She was an active participant, wanting to know and explore. With each loving, a part of her fear vaporized until the strong woman she’d been meant to be shone through.
Wes leaned back and let the cold water rush over him. He’d found in Allie something else besides war to make him feel totally alive. He found an equal inside the frightened creature he’d thought to save. He might have delivered her from terror, but she ransomed him from a life of never feeling anything too deeply. She brought him back to life after layers of war had numbed him.
Thinking about her made a longing grow within him. He climbed from the river and wrapped himself in a blanket, suddenly in a hurry to be back by her side.
Clouds promising rain blackened the night. On his way back to the cave, he checked the animals, making sure they were beneath the cover of trees in case a storm came.
When he reached the chamber deep within, Allie lay curled in a blanket, sound asleep. Wes warmed himself by the fire before lying beside her. It didn’t matter that this was probably one of the coldest, dampest, hardest beds he’d ever slept in. Allie made it perfect.
‘‘I love you,’’ he whispered into her hair. ‘‘I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone in my life.’’ He had to say the words aloud, even if only for his ears. His love for her was greater than he thought himself capable of feeling.
As Allie slept, Wes listened to the distant drum of the rain. Occasionally, a few drops would slip through the crack in the roof of the cave and sizzle into the fire. The wind moved through the cavern in a whisper, chilling whatever part of him didn’t face the flames. He pulled another blanket over them both, but sleep eluded him.
Sometime after a gray dawn, Wes came to a conclusion. He wanted Allie as his wife forever. Not until she was safe or until she found a home. He wanted her home to be with him. He wanted to live with her every day of the life he had left. Like Maxwell and Victoria, he wanted to be buried next to her in a family plot their grandchildren would visit.
But he had nothing to offer her other than a dugout on a ranch without cattle. She deserved more. Though the frame of a fine house had been started, the wood would be rotted before he had enough money to finish building. All he’d ever been a success at in life was being a soldier, and the war was over.
Wes thought of the map. The Goliad gold. He was within a day’s ride of it. He could leave Allie and be back before she had time to miss him.
If he told her of his plan, she would want to follow, and Wes had no idea what he might encounter. She would be safer here in her cave. He’d bring in enough firewood to last a week and leave her the supplies.
But he couldn’t leave Allie without her knowing he’d be back. She had to understand that last night was the beginning, not the end. A note might work, but he wasn’t sure she could read.
Wes reached for his trousers. As he dressed, he pulled the compass his father had given him from his pocket. Turning over the largest of her baskets, he placed the compass on top. She would have no trouble seeing it when she woke up. She’d know he’d be back. He’d told her he never left his compass. She would know, and she’d wait.
He buttoned his coat and slipped from the chamber, leaving everything he loved deep within the cavern walls.
The wind seemed stronger as he lifted his saddle and moved into the rain. ‘‘I’ll be back soon,’’ he mumbled, wishing he could have awakened her before he left. But he knew her. She had a way of talking him into seeing things her way, even when she didn’t speak at all.
Wes was just crossing the river when the wind whispered through the chamber once more, blowing the basket over and sending his compass rolling into the stack of pelts.
Allie awoke slowly, as if from a long dream. For a few minutes, she was more in her dream than in reality. The damp coldness of the cave made her shiver and reach for Wes. . . . He was gone.An hour later, she stood and dressed in the shadowy light of the fire. There was no need to check the cave entrance. She knew his saddle would not be there. He’d been a man of his word. He said he would take her to the cave if she asked. He never said he would stay.
Allie rolled up the buffalo hide and placed it atop the stack of pelts. Light from the tiny crack in the top of the cavern told her it was day, but clouds prevented any sunbeams. She’d learned years ago to judge the time by the thin sliver of light moving across her room while the day aged.
Walking to the cave opening, she looked out at the rain. Wes hadn’t even waited for the storm to clear.
She thought of all the things she’d been called in her life. Wild, savage, creature, a throwaway woman. All names that spoke o
f her lack of value. But, for a few days, he’d called her darling. He’d held her with cherishing arms. And now his night of lovemaking would have to last her a lifetime.
Part of her wanted to scream, Let him go. She didn’t need him, she didn’t need anyone. She proved that when she walked away from Victoria’s ranch. And last night she proved she wasn’t afraid.
Her life had come full circle from being alone before her capture to being alone now. Only she had changed. Somehow amidst all the nightmares and loving, she’d grown. She’d learned who she was, and who she wanted.
‘‘Wes,’’ she whispered, as if merely voicing his name could bring him back. She wanted the man who’d risked his life to save her from the cage and who’d married her to keep her from harm’s way. She needed the man whose scar added character to his face, whose rough hands could touch her so gently.
Allie lifted her chin. And . . . she would have the man who held her priceless in his eyes.
Her fingers closed into fists. She would have him if she had to track him down and beat sense into him. He was her husband, the only one she would ever have. He might think his worth depended on how much he owned, but she’d prove him wrong. His value lay in the way he kept his word, the way he protected her with his life,the way he loved her with his heart wide open. Words hadn’t told her he loved her; his actions had.
Allie lifted the saddle. She knew he’d gone after the gold he thought was at a place called Goliad. And without her, he’d probably get himself killed.
She’d never wanted anything in her life but to survive. Until now. She wanted Wes. She wanted him all the way to her toes, and she planned to fight for what she wanted.
Marching through the mud, half dragging the saddle, Allie formed her plan. Vincent had said the mission was in sight of the river. Well, she’d ride downstream until she saw it. If Wes wasn’t there, she’d come back to her cave and think of another plan. But one way or the other, Wes would be her husband.