We all looked at each other in horror. Oh no!
‘It’s Camp Bruce versus Camp Sheila.’
Even worse, I thought. That means we’re up against Linford Christie and the gang.
It can’t be that bad, we were thinking. They’re not going to throw us in at the deep end and give us the worst trials. It’ll probably be some assault course race or something like that.
They told us that the winning team would get to stay the night in the posh villa, instead of going straight to camp, while the losers would be staying in a makeshift camp – a really bad camp, in other words.
‘We have to win this,’ we said, but at the same time we’d mentally prepared ourselves to go into the jungle that day, so it didn’t matter all that much if we didn’t win. Anyway with Britt and Kayla on our team, you can guess what we were thinking, We don’t have a chance in hell!
Ant and Dec flew away and the rest of us got into separate helicopters, pink for the girls and blue for the boys. When we arrived at the site, we couldn’t see a thing. We were put in separate tents far away from each other, thinking, Uh-oh. What’s going to happen?
After all my preparation, I still didn’t know if I’d be able to go through with the trials. What if I can’t? I kept thinking. Would I be able to do the things I’d been telling myself I could? I’d got myself into a bit of a frenzy in the weeks leading up to the show and I was definitely quite anxious. I was looking forward to it, too, though, because I’d wanted to meet everyone. The trials would come later, or so I’d thought, and I’d cross that bridge when I got there. But now here I was on the other side of the bridge before we’d even started!
Ant and Dec appeared again and invited us out of our tents and sat us on a long bench.
‘Hello,’ they said.
I recognized their tone of voice. It was their ‘Welcome to your trial’ voice. Oh no, they’ve already begun, I thought. It was all very sudden, coming almost directly from the hotel to a trial, and it was a trial involving every single one of us. No one was getting out of it.
‘We’ve called this trial Terror Vision,’ they said.
All kinds of things went through my head. Wonderful, I thought. Does that mean we’re going to have to answer questions about television shows? I was worried, because I didn’t know anything. I don’t even know the name of the character Nigel plays in Coronation Street, I thought. Oh no, it’s going to be awful.
The girls were looking at each other as if to apologize in advance. ‘Sorry, girls, sorry,’ we kept saying.
The boys were looking at us as if to say, ‘Ha ha, you’re going to lose. Look out. We’re not scared of anything.’
Now we had to put ourselves in order for the trial: one, two, three, four and five. I put myself at number four. I didn’t want to be last, but I didn’t think it was fair to put myself first, because I guessed that it would start easy and get harder, which it did.
The trial was held inside a big, TV-shaped box. Kayla and Lembit went in first. They had to put their hands in three holes, one at a time, and pull out a star. They couldn’t see what was in the holes, so it was a test about overcoming nasty sensations. The first hole had crickets in it, the second had rats and the third had snakes. I didn’t think they were very scary animals. For me, a cockroach is worse than a rat or a mouse. A cockroach can crawl inside your clothes, whereas rats can look furry and cute and you can flick them away.
Kayla barely put her hand in the first hole. The moment she touched something, she pulled it away. She just couldn’t do it. Why do we even bother putting ourselves through all this? I thought.
Next up was Gillian McKeith versus Shaun Ryder. ‘This is our second chance. We can do this, girls,’ we told each other. We were trying to be optimistic about it. This section was called, ‘Not the 10 O’Clock News’ because they had to read out some headlines and say if they were true or false.
‘Is something going to land on my head?’ Gillian asked.
Ant laughed. ‘You’re ahead of me,’ he joked. ‘This is a bushtucker trial, so expect some surprises along the way, whether you get the questions right or wrong.’
You could see Shaun thinking, Whatever, while Gillian looked really worried.
‘Go on, Gillian,’ we shouted, cheering her on.
Shaun was asked a question and gave the right answer, while Gillian started yelping before anything had even happened. She jumped out of her seat and was told to sit down again. Then a load of slime fell on her. ‘Ah! Help me!’ she screamed.
She got her question wrong and was showered in bugs – mealworms or cockroaches, I think. She ran to Shaun for help and begged him to brush them off her, then she started crying and saying, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this.’ She just freaked out.
‘Gillian, you can stop the trial at any time by saying, “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here”,’ Dec said.
‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here,’ she said, sobbing softly. She insisted on being hosed down immediately.
‘Gillian, are you OK?’ Dec asked.
‘No, I’m not really, no,’ she said, wiping away the tears. ‘I have a serious phobia about insects.’
Right, two down, three to go. It’s not looking good, we thought. If the boys won the next trial, we would have lost.
Next it was Sheryl versus Nigel in a karaoke competition where they had to sing ‘Summer Lovin’’. There were six words missing and the winner was whoever got the most missing words right. Meanwhile gunk and bugs kept falling on them throughout the trial.
I wasn’t sure how Sheryl would do, but she seemed like a strong character to me and I was confident that she would be resilient. Nigel looked a bit like he didn’t want to be there, but he had a laugh anyway and they both got through it. Sheryl won, so we were in with a chance again. It’s not over yet!
Next it was my turn. I walked into the box, which was seething with cockroaches and mealworms from the three previous trials, so I was surrounded by bugs before I’d even started and they were crunching and squidging under my feet.
It was me against Aggro. I was shaking all over. ‘It’s only Aggro,’ I told myself. ‘Come on. You can do it. You can beat Aggro.’
Oh no, it was an eating trial! I knew it the moment I saw a plate with a big silver cover over the top. What’s it going to be? Don’t reveal it to me, I thought.
I lifted the cover. ‘In front of you are two kangaroo penises,’ Dec said. ‘This round is a straightforward race. The first person to eat an entire kangaroo penis is the winner.’
‘His penis looks smaller than mine!’ I shouted. Everyone just laughed, but from where I was I was being faced with something huge, raw and disgusting. Oh my God, I don’t want to eat a willy, I thought. I really don’t want to do it. But there was no way out and no time to think about it. I drilled it into myself that I could not lose. I had to do it.
The minute the clock went I reached for the willy and stuffed it in my mouth. I chewed it about three times and tried to swallow, but gagged because it was still too big to get it down. Then I chewed and crunched like I’ve never chewed or crunched before. It was so gross, so chewy and gristly. Finally, I gulped it down and opened my mouth to show it was empty. ‘I swallowed that willy!’ I yelled. It was all over in about twenty seconds.
The aborigines of north-eastern Australia actually eat kangaroo willies as part of their diet, I was later told. Mine seemed indigestible, though, with all that gristle. That willy’s probably still digesting inside me now.
I turned to look at Aggro. ‘Has he done it?’ I asked. No, he’d spat his willy out. I suppose it was worse for him, because of being a boy. He didn’t mind the taste so much; he just hated the idea of it.
I hated the taste and the idea, but I just had to win. I wasn’t putting that thing in my mouth and then not winning. There was nothing in my head that would have allowed me to do that. There was nothing saying, ‘Yes, just chew it for a little while and then lose.’ No, no, no! It was, ‘If that thing is goin
g anywhere near my mouth, I’m winning this round.’
Now the score was two all. The girls were really in with a chance! But, oh dear, it was Linford Christie against Britt Ekland. Oh, why? I thought. Then again, there’s an aura about Britt that projects strength and goodness, so I couldn’t help looking at her and thinking, She can do anything, this lady. If she was willing to go into the jungle at sixty years old, I reckoned she was super strong.
She walked calmly into the box and sat on a chair. This round was called ‘Disastermind’, and Linford and Britt had to answer general knowledge questions with a box on their head. I guessed that they’d have something poured into the box while they were being asked the questions. Thank goodness I didn’t get this round, because the next minute Britt had giant spiders all over her face. They were climbing up her cheeks and in her hair, but she didn’t flinch. She answered two questions correctly and the box was taken off her head.
Linford was obviously so scared that he only managed to answer one of the questions, so Britt beat him! ‘Yes! We did it!’ we screamed. Gillian McKeith or no Gillian McKeith, we’d won!
It was such a great feeling knowing that we didn’t have to go straight into hell. Instead we were taken back to the massive villa where we’d met, and there we had a huge dinner of curried fish and peppers in a beautiful tomato sauce, with spinach and rice. You know what, it was the best meal I’ve ever had. It was so worth the willy.
The best thing about doing the trial was that we all did it together. What scares you most before you go into the jungle is the thought that you might be first up for a trial. You think that nobody will understand what you’ve been through and then you’ll have to explain why you didn’t get enough stars for everyone’s dinner. The fact that we all had to go through our first trial together was reassuring. Right, everyone knows how it feels, I thought. We all know our limits and what we can and can’t do. It made me feel on a level with everyone who’d done the trial, and after it was over, I thought, I can do anything here.
For breakfast the next morning we had croissants, cereal, toast, salmon, cheese – everything! We just scoffed it down. Meanwhile, the poor boys had to sleep on a mattress on the floor in the jungle on their own. I couldn’t help feeling a little bit sorry for them.
Eventually, though, it was time to make our way to Camp Sheila, wondering what horrors would be in store for us there.
Chapter 15
Me and Shaun were crammed into a tiny helicopter high in the sky. I couldn’t see the ground when I looked down, just endless clouds. We’d been rising through the air for more than an hour, and the higher we went, the more nervous I felt. I was shaking with nerves. I wasn’t dressed for the occasion in my vest and shorts, either. No one had told me that I’d be skydiving that day.
I really wanted to do it, but it was such a scary prospect, so Shaun went first. His dive partner shifted him to the edge of the exit and gave him a practice run by hanging him out and bringing him back in. Then out he went, with his partner strapped to his back.
It’s me in a minute! I thought. We circled and circled for ten whole minutes, waiting for the airspace to clear, then it was my turn. My partner strapped himself to the back of me and sat me on the edge. It was freezing cold and the air was rushing around my ears. My feet were dangling out of the helicopter. Right, here comes my practice run, I thought.
Then my partner started edging me out. ‘Aren’t we doing a practice run?’ I asked, clinging to the sides of the helicopter.
‘No, we’ve already done that with Shaun,’ he said.
‘But I’m not ready!’ I insisted. ‘I’m not prepared. I’m definitely not ready.’
‘Let go of the side,’ he ordered.
‘I don’t think I want to. I don’t think I want to let go of the side,’ I said. So he just pushed me out.
Then I was free-falling, fifty seconds without a parachute. Believe me, fifty seconds feels like a long time when you’re falling out of the sky, dropping like a stone. It was the maddest feeling, like being on a flyover that never ends. The first ten seconds were really scary, but after that, I kept thinking, This is the most unbelievable thing I’ve ever done! I can’t tell you how good that feeling was. I would recommend free-falling to absolutely everyone. You can’t live without doing it. It is the most overwhelming, fantastic experience.
Eventually my partner released the parachute and we floated down to the ground, which was even more amazing. It was like having wings. I was gliding through the sky and I felt like a feather. I felt so lucky. Look what I get to do, I thought to myself. I’m so incredibly lucky. I made sure that I enjoyed every single moment of it, because I knew I was having one of the best experiences of my life.
I landed on my feet, not my bum, and walked away after my partner detached me. ‘How on earth did you land like that?’ Shaun asked, amazed.
‘I really don’t know,’ I said with a smile. I was so happy. My first solo trial was over and it had turned into a wonderful adventure.
‘Enjoy every second of this, because three weeks will fly by,’ I told myself. Recalling how quickly my time on The X Factor had passed, I was determined to make the most of it.
It’s such an extreme situation to be in. One minute I was doing a trial and wishing I was somewhere else, the next minute I was flying through the sky. It was crazy, really crazy. Let’s be honest, it’s not normal to fall out of the sky. But the great thing about doing something like that on a show like I’m a Celebrity is that you feel safe in the hands of experts.
Me, Shaun, Kayla and Linford were in the skydiving group, and after we’d all landed we were sent on our way to our camps, so me and Kayla set off for Camp Sheila, leaving Shaun and Linford to head for Camp Bruce. It was sad for me because I felt really close to Linny.
I really came to respect Kayla as well, as she’s a really nice girl. I know everyone has their opinions about her being a playmate, but I thought she was intelligent and genuine. I think the outside world just thought, Oh, another glamour model. Getting to know her, I realized, You’re a clever girl and there is nothing wrong with you. By the end, the general perception of her seemed to be that she wasn’t an idiot and she stuck up for herself. She was quite needy, but lovely with it.
Back at the camp, we met up with all the other girls. They’d been canoeing and potholing and they’d really enjoyed it, because they’d paddled down beautiful rivers and potholed without any bugs! They were very excited to hear that we’d been skydiving. Kayla and I were on a real high, but were careful not to rub their faces in it. None of the others would have been able to do it anyway, though, because they were excluded for medical reasons.
We all had a decent dinner that night of kangaroo and veg, with rice and beans, which we cooked ourselves. The kangaroo tasted a bit like chicken, which was fine with me as I love my Nando’s! We had some fruit for afterwards and then we went to bed.
Sleeping outside was one of the big challenges I had to overcome. We were each given a swag, which is a mattress and sleeping bag combined, with a hood that goes over your head, so that someone else has to do you up and seal you in. It felt like a coffin, in my eyes, and I knew there was no way I could sleep like that, all zipped up with no way out.
It reminded me of that dream you have when somebody’s sitting on your chest, or the one where you can’t breathe. It must be a claustrophobia thing with me. Not in a million years would I be able to fall asleep after I’d been zipped up in a swag. Apart from my fear of being shut in, if one little spider got in there with me and I couldn’t unzip myself to get out, I would have panicked.
Everyone else was fine with it, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t like locking my front door because I worry that I won’t be able to get out quickly if there’s a fire. I don’t like locking my windows, either. I have to know that there are easy exits. I’m such a space person. I have a real thing about it. Lifts don’t bother me, though, so it’s not too extreme – unless I get stuck in one, of course. But no
one would like that. I think it’s more of a problem when I’m lying down than at any other time. I feel all right if I’m standing up.
In the end I slept on top of my swag, inside my sleeping bag, which left my head exposed. Then I was terrified that something was going to drop on my face while I was sleeping, so I did up the neck of the sleeping bag really tight, turned the hood around and put it over my face. For the first couple of nights it took me a really long time to relax into sleep. I tried sleeping with both arms tucked into the sleeping bag, but that was impossible. I had to have one arm out in case a bug came along and I needed my hand to brush it away. So I slept with my sleeping bag up to my neck, the hood over my face and my arm underneath the flap of my swag. Each night, I lay there for hours with my eyes wide open until I was so tired I fell asleep.
That was how it was for the first two days, but after that I was so physically knackered that I ended up falling asleep as soon as it got dark. I was just flat out on top of my swag and I got over my anxiety and insomnia. I soon learned to switch off at night and spring into action when I woke up.
One of the things I really enjoyed about being in the jungle was not having a phone. Life was nice and simple. It got dark and I was ready for bed; I woke up when it was light; I cooked at dinner time and I didn’t eat between meals. I snack so much when I’m at home, but I didn’t have the chance to do any of that. I couldn’t. It was a really refreshing change. The only real problem was missing Zach. It was a long time to be away from him, totally out of contact. But I was doing this for him, I reminded myself, so it was worth it.
The next day it was the Sheilas versus the Bruces, with the public voting for who would do the trials. The first person they voted for was Gillian, of course, against Shaun. To cut a long story short, we didn’t eat in Camp Sheila for the first three days, because Gillian didn’t do well in any of the trials.
Unfortunately, there was an eating challenge and, because Gillian’s a vegan, she couldn’t eat any animals. She barely ate the things she could eat, though. There was a fruit called a vomit fruit because it makes you throw up and she ate it all and brought us home one meal, which was great. Anyway, I’d never judge her for saying no. We didn’t see the other trials, so we assumed they were horrendous. Poor Gillian, it was always going to be difficult to win.
Stacey: My Story So Far Page 21