‘Inside the box are ten stars. Some of them are fixed in lockers; some of them are hanging free. It’s your job to go in there and unleash all ten stars. Now, you’ve got to get them and bring them back to the front of the bus and put them in the ticket box.’
‘Every star in the ticket box at the end will count as a meal for camp, Dec went on. ‘You’ve got ten minutes to do it.’ I nodded uncertainly. ‘And this is a bushtucker trial, so …’
‘… I’ll be joined by … ?’ I asked.
‘You know my script,’ he said. ‘You’ll be joined by some jungle nasties.’
‘Cool,’ I whispered. I was practically gasping with anxiety.
A harness was attached to me and I went on my way, shaking like a leaf. I still couldn’t breathe properly. I didn’t even feel like my head was on my body. My mind was somewhere else, but I kept silently chanting, ‘You can do it. Everything is going to be fine. Don’t worry.’
The moment I stepped onto the bus I could see giant spiders crawling across the floor. The hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck stood on end. I looked away, then the timer started. There were wooden bathroom cabinets all around the bus in the luggage rack area. I had to slide the cabinet doors open, see if there was a star inside among whatever else was in there – bugs and spiders! – and untie it.
My biggest fear was that I would slide open a cabinet door and a load of spiders would jump in my face and on my clothes. It was horrendous. I just hated it. I made myself open the first box. Oh my God, it was bristling with huge, brown huntsmen spiders. They were wandering all over the walls of the box. I felt sick. It was my worst nightmare come true, but I willed myself on. ‘You can do it. Just put your hand in and get the star,’ I said to myself. ‘They’re only spiders.’
Just then, a spider landed on my shoulder. I yelped and flicked it away. ‘Brrr! Don’t worry, it’s just a spider,’ I said, my voice trembling with horror. I shook my arms again and tried to steady my quivering hands. ‘Just carry on. Just get the star out.’ I went on fiddling with the knots, trying to work the star free. But there were three knots, and they were all tied tightly, so it took me ages to get it loose.
Please just let me get the star off, I thought. Please! I’m in here surrounded by bugs, isn’t that enough? Why are there so many knots, on top of everything? Finally, I slid the star off the rope, and put it in the ticket box.
I moved on to the next cabinet, which was infested with cockroaches. Cockroaches are so horrible! They crawl up your sleeves, all up your arm and in your hair. I wasn’t sure if I could put my hand into the locker and touch them. It was well gross. I kept flicking them off me as I tried desperately to untie the star from the wall. There were cockroaches scuttling all over my hands and arms. Then – bang! – there was a massive explosion and the back doors of the bus blew off.
‘Whoah!’ I yelled. ‘What the hell?’ The bus started tilting scarily.
‘Try and relax, Stacey,’ Dec called from outside the bus.
‘OK,’ I said. I kept on working at the star in the locker full of cockroaches. At last, I untied it and pulled it out.
‘You’ve got five minutes left. You’re halfway through the trial.’
‘Thank you,’ I said.
I was constantly being given directions and all I could say was, ‘OK,’ and, ‘Thank you.’ I’ve always got something to say, but now I could only whisper the odd polite word or two. They’d never had anyone as polite on the show before, they said. I remember I did the same thing when I was in labour. I kept saying, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’. It must be the way I react when I’m really, really nervous. I just want to make sure everyone around me is happy, so that nothing bad happens.
The next box was stuffed with fish guts, which spilled out all over the floor when I opened the door. I put my hand into the slimy mess and grabbed hold of a star. At this point, the bus was leaning at a sharp angle, facing downwards, and it was really hard to keep my balance. As the bus tipped further, more fish guts fell on the floor and there were spiders and cockroaches falling all over me. ‘Oh, crumbs!’ I said ever so politely. Fortunately, because the string was slimy with fish guts, the knots were easier to untie and I soon pulled the star free.
There were more cockroaches in the next box. ‘Come on, Stacey!’ I kept saying as I untied the star. ‘Come on!’ I’d been assured beforehand that nothing would harm or poison me, so I wasn’t scared about that. It wasn’t that they could kill or hurt me; it was just them and the fact that they were bugs. I didn’t want them in my clothes, hair or pants.
I put the fourth star in the ticket box. I could see three stars dangling from the ceiling at the end of the bus, so I moved towards them, but as soon as I stepped forward, I slipped on fish guts and fell down. I tried to get up, but slipped again. The bus tipped and everything on the floor and in the open lockers spilled on top of me. It was so horrible. Spiders, cockroaches, crickets, mealworms and fish guts fell on me from all angles. Nothing could have been more disgusting.
Finally, I grabbed for one of the stars, thinking I could pull myself up. But it was attached to the ceiling with Velcro, so it instantly came away and I slipped clean out of the back of the bus. ‘Aaaaaah!’
‘Wheeee!’ I found myself flying through the air, attached to a rope. ‘Oh no!’ I cried, thinking of the stars I’d left behind. Still, I was extremely relieved, even though I was dangling precariously over the quarry, covered in fish guts and bugs. The trial was over.
I was lowered to the ground and Ant and Dec came over to speak to me. I didn’t want to talk to them, though, I just wanted to go somewhere and cry. ‘How did that go?’ they asked. ‘Are you pleased?’
‘No, I only got four,’ I said. I was really disappointed. I tried to keep a smile on my face as they counted up the stars and we said goodbye.
‘Can I go to the toilet?’ I asked one of the crew, trying not to show how close to tears I was. He pointed to a portaloo and I went inside, locked the door and sobbed silently for a few minutes, tears pouring out of my eyes. I missed my mum, Zach and Aaron so much in those few minutes! I just needed someone to cuddle. When I came out, the cameraman gave me a drink of his clean water, which made me want to cry again. He’s so kind, I thought. I was so emotional. He ended up becoming one of my really good friends.
I was crying because I’d just been through the scariest and most horrible experience of my life. You wouldn’t want to be faced with that situation in a million years. I found it hellish to be stuck in a bus on top of a cliff with bugs all over me, trying to undo knots. But, I reminded myself, I’d put myself up for it by agreeing to go into the jungle. It was my decision, so it was no one’s responsibility but mine.
I was there to challenge myself and because I wanted to find out what I could and couldn’t do. Was I really scared of spiders, or was it just psychological? As it happened, I found out that, yes, I am very scared of them, but I still managed to be in a room with them without freaking out. You have to test yourself in life. If you don’t, you’re no one.
I felt proud I’d gone in there. I’m not joking when I say that before I went into the jungle, I couldn’t even pick up a house spider in a glass and throw it away. Now I’d had enormous hairy spiders crawling all over me. I don’t think I totally overcame my fear, but I did something I never thought I could do. I still don’t like spiders, but I’m not that bothered about them any more.
Although I was proud of myself, I was also experiencing the lowest, weirdest feeling. I was pleased I’d got through the trial, but at the same time I felt humiliated and traumatized. It was awful. I’d had to talk to Ant and Dec when I just wanted to cry. I’d had to pretend I was fine, when instead I wanted to break down. I think I was crashing mentally, after getting all psyched up for the trial. I’d suppressed one of my greatest fears for a few minutes, but I hadn’t done as well as I’d wanted to. I was going to have to go back to camp and tell everyone I only got four stars. I felt like a failure. I wish I could h
ave shown them just how bad the task was.
They’re all going to be really disappointed in me, I thought. They’ll think, She could have done better than that.
On my way back to camp, I decided it had definitely helped me to watch all the YouTube videos from previous episodes of I’m a Celebrity beforehand. Gillian and Jenny had come back from their first trial saying, ‘That was horrendous. I didn’t realize it would be like that.’ But I went to every trial knowing it was going to be appalling. I didn’t think that it would be anything less than shocking and horrifying. I would recommend that everyone who goes on I’m a Celebrity tries to prepare themselves psychologically. Think hard about what you are going to be faced with over the next few weeks and try to find a way to deal with it mentally, because it isn’t easy.
Bad as it was, I’ve never had nightmares about that trial. I forgot about it the moment it was over. I just didn’t want to think about it any more. That’s done and I’m probably going to have to do another one soon, so get over it, I thought.
Back at camp, I managed to tell everyone that I’d only got four stars without bursting into tears. They were all really sweet about it. ‘It’s fine, absolutely fine,’ they said.
Then I got into my bikini and jumped into the freezing cold pool to have a wash. You’re not allowed in the shower when you’ve been covered in bugs, because the shower water is recycled and the dirty cockroaches would contaminate it. So when you’ve been on a trial, you have to go in the pool. Now I have to go into the pool, on top of everything, I thought resentfully.
But although the pool was freezing cold, you always felt refreshed when you got out. And somehow it helped you put your bad experience behind you. Right, that’s over. All finished. That’s it, I thought once I was clean. It wasn’t nice, but it was good, in a funny way. I felt really proud to have done it.
Most of the time I couldn’t bear to get in the freezing cold pool, so I only had about three baths and four showers the whole time I was in the jungle. Unless I had a trial or got really dirty in a challenge, I stayed away from water. It rained the whole time we were there, so our clothes were damp and our towels were soaking wet and they stank. The idea of getting out of the freezing water and wrapping myself in a stinky, wet towel just wasn’t appealing, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it very often. I’d rather be dirty. But hey, at least my nail varnish wasn’t chipped!
Next it was time for dinner and bed. The meal was really good. I can’t remember now what it was, but it was something decent, so I didn’t feel so bad about only getting four stars.
The next trial was another Gillian McKeith exemption for medical reasons. She couldn’t do much, really. I felt sorry for her, poor woman, and for her children watching her. For days she’d been crying and saying she was miserable. We’d seen her faint in the live trials, she’d lost loads of weight and she really wasn’t feeling well. She was obviously very unhappy, because she was in tears every day and seemed to have a lot of issues.
By now Nigel Havers had left; he just walked off. I thought, Fair enough. At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with going if you’re brave enough to say, ‘No I’m not enjoying it and I’m leaving.’
I respected Nigel. He’s what I’d call old school. He’s one of those men who holds the door open for you and pulls your seat out. He’s a film star and a gentleman, so for him to stick his head in a load of bugs was embarrassing and humiliating in my opinion!
It struck me that Nigel wasn’t there for the money. Most of the people who moan are only there because they want the money, I reckon, but Nigel put himself up for the experience, didn’t enjoy it and went. He was put in a prison costume at one point and he didn’t want to wear it, because he didn’t want his wife to see him dressed like that. ‘It’ll upset my wife and me,’ he said. ‘I can’t do it.’ So he left.
Good on him, I thought. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. You don’t know until you get there. I think it is a little bit crazy to stay if all you’re going to do is go on about how much you hate it and how miserable you are.
In the end I went up to talk to Gillian while she was in the ‘jungle jail’. ‘You’re fainting in front of your children. No amount of money is worth that,’ I said to her through the bamboo bars. If you’re so afraid and have so many phobias, you should go. There’s nothing keeping you here. You said it’s unbearable.’
‘It would be stupid for me to leave,’ she snapped. ‘I have a television career and if I walk out on my contract I won’t work in television again. That’s the way it works.’
A couple of minutes later, I said, ‘Gillian, ever since you’ve been here, you’ve said that you don’t want to face your fears –’
‘You’re the classic person who doesn’t understand what a fear is versus a phobia,’ she said angrily. ‘You don’t understand phobia.’
She was being quite aggressive and, being the emotional wreck I am, I started to get upset. I tried one last time to get her to listen, though. ‘Honestly, Gill, if your phobia is that intense and that bad and you’re having to get up and deal with it every day … it’s hard for us to hear as well.’
‘Then don’t listen. Just go back over there,’ she retorted.
‘OK,’ I said, stung by her words.
I went over to the river and peered into the water, trying to hide the fact that tears had sprung to my eyes. I thought that if I leaned over the river, the tears would fall in and no one would notice. Then Linford and Sheryl got annoyed with Gillian for upsetting me, when really it was just me being over emotional.
‘It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have said anything,’ I told Linford. ‘It’s none of my business. I don’t understand.’
‘No, you have a right. She’s not sick,’ he reassured me, putting a comforting arm around me. ‘You’re an honest person, so you told her. Don’t let it upset you.’
I was asked to do the next trial in Gillian’s place, because she was exempt, and this time I got to do it with Aggro. Yes, I’m not alone! Thank God, I thought. I knew he would be a strong ally.
We made our way to a jungle clearing, where we were given Mario brothers costumes to put on. I was Mario, in red, and Aggro was Luigi, in yellow, and we each had blue braces and a moustache. It was so cool, because we actually looked like the Mario brothers. Any normal girl would say, ‘Oh my God, get this off me,’ but I was very excited to be dressed as one of my favourite games characters.
Despite that, I still couldn’t relax, because I kept thinking, Please don’t let there be bugs.
Ant and Dec revealed the trial, which was going to take place on an assault course about 40 feet above the ground. You wouldn’t have wanted to do it if you suffered from vertigo, that’s for sure. There were ten balloons tied to the assault course – each one counted as a star – and we had to untie them and let them go.
I hardly heard any of the instructions. I was just thinking, Bugs? Bugs?
‘And who are we going to be joined by?’ I asked.
‘Yes, and you’ll be joined by …’
Oh no! I thought, panicking. But then it dawned on me that ‘Medic Bob’ hadn’t come to see us. Hold on a minute, I thought. Where’s my Bob? Where’s my bug brief? Where’s the man who says, ‘You’ll be fine. There are a few things that bite, but don’t worry.’?
Ha! There was no ‘Medic Bob’. That meant there were no bugs. What a relief. Now I could concentrate on what me and Aggro had to do.
We were harnessed up and hooked onto a zip wire, then a member of the crew put a magnet on me and a magnet on Aggro and attached us to each other. We had to go from right to left along the assault course without our magnets coming apart. Every time our magnets came away, we would lose a star.
We got up onto the assault course and started walking at about one mile an hour because we were attached. It was, ‘Left, left, left; right, right, right; a little bit left; a little bit right.’ We were going so slowly, it was hilarious.
We inched our way along, r
eleasing balloons as we went. ‘Don’t look down!’ Dec kept shouting, because we were really high up and looking down made you feel dizzy. I felt safe with my harness on, though.
Finally, after a few scary moments, we reached the end of the course. To win our last star, we had to jump through a huge circle of paper, still attached by the magnets. This was called the ‘Leap of Faith’ and it was really exciting. ‘One, two, three – jump!’ we shouted.
I screamed at the top of my voice as we smashed through the paper and fell 20 feet. Soon we were hanging from our harnesses, swinging through the air over the jungle. It was so cool. Even better, we ended up winning all the stars, which was amazing. We could go back to camp and say, ‘Yes! We got all the stars.’ It was the only trial without bugs and we really enjoyed it. Best of all, there was loads of food for everyone that night.
Chapter 17
Two weeks in and I was really enjoying myself. The simple rhythms of everyday life in the jungle are very relaxing. It was a proper break from the outside world. You went to bed when the sun went down and got up when it was light. There was nobody on the other end of a phone telling you what to do or hassling you. When you weren’t doing trials, you did your own thing, which was a lovely feeling.
Even the trials weren’t so bad after a while, because you got used to them. OK, another bug, you’d think. What are they going to do this time? The same as last time: wriggle, crawl and scuttle around as usual. In one trial, I was wheeled around in a giant pie case and covered in stinking fish guts and raw meat. At the ‘Rank Banquet’, I had to eat pig’s brain. It was disgusting, but I went for it.
‘This will really help my intelligence,’ I joked as I spooned it into my mouth. ‘I hate you!’ I told Ant and Dec.
‘I’ve got no idea what that would taste like,’ Dec said. ‘What does it taste like?’
Stacey: My Story So Far Page 23