“Damn. She sounds cold.”
“I didn’t used to think so. But you’re right. She’s very cold and I’m amazed that I fell as hard as I did for her.” Laura glanced out the window at the falling snow. “God, she was gorgeous.”
“Yeah?”
“Legs to die for.” Laura didn’t often allow herself to revel in the past, to reflect on how good it was with Amanda before it all came tumbling down. How many weekends had they spent together in bed while their husbands were away on business, leaving the bedroom only to grab some food so they’d have enough energy to have more sex? Laura had learned more about her body from Amanda than from anybody else in the previous thirty-plus years of her life. “So…back to your question. How did it feel? It felt…it felt like my world had been ripped out from under my feet while I stood there completely oblivious to what was going on. It felt like one minute I had two people that I cared very much about and the next minute, I had nobody. Nobody and nothing. I lost my house, my stability, my life. And I blamed her. Wrongly, but I blamed her.”
Sophie nodded. “It’s a lot easier to blame the other one than to look in the mirror, isn’t it?”
“Way easier.” Laura watched Sophie, who studied the contents of her cup. Her face had visibly softened since their earlier conversation. It was pretty amazing. Sophie’s judgmental expression was gone, replaced by something different. Something gentler. Her hair was loose, falling around her shoulders in a mass of corkscrew curls. She seemed a little thinner than she should be, and Laura found herself wanting to cook for her, to fatten her up a bit with gourmet meals served by candlelight.
She shook her head and chuckled internally at how strange life could be. When she had arrived barely two days ago, she’d been quite solitary and perfectly okay with that fact. She had a great duplex, a job she loved, and the hope that she wouldn’t be lonely for the rest of her life. Now it looked like she had a new dog and a woman who would be—at the very least—a friend. More specifically, a friend who understood what she’d been through over the past year. Laura couldn’t remember the last time she’d met somebody she felt connected to. Well, Amanda, of course, but that had obviously been some sort of lapse in judgment on her part…
Amanda.
She had taught Laura all about the opposite extremes of feeling. Nobody had ever made her feel so much love and then so much pain within the space of a few months. If she hadn’t been so damn beautiful, Laura would never have been so easily seduced. Would she? It was a question she pondered often, knowing now that she must have been a target for Amanda, a challenge. She could see Amanda’s gorgeous face in her mind’s eye, calculating how long she thought it would take for her to convince the naïve and married straight girl to sleep with her. How many other women had she seduced in the same way? Had they all thought Amanda was in love with them or had Laura been the only one to be that stupid? Did she have another conquest already? These were the questions that plagued her and probably always would.
The last day she saw Amanda was etched into her brain forever and no matter how hard she tried to forget it, she could still remember every detail, every word, exactly what Amanda was wearing and how she smelled and the precise second that she knew it was over. They’d met in the parking lot where Laura worked. She’d told Amanda that she was leaving Stephen, that she’d admitted their affair to him and had told him that she was in love with Amanda and Amanda was in love with her.
Amanda had looked at her with wide-open, wild eyes. “You told him what?” Her voice had registered disbelief and something else…finality? Resignation?
“I told him we’re in love.” Laura was giddy. She’d never felt so free in her life.
Amanda was looking edibly sexy, as always, in her black slacks and royal blue silk blouse, the simple gold chain Laura had given her as a gift sparkling invitingly at the base of her throat. She reached out to touch a strand of Amanda’s silky, dark hair. She was wearing it loose that day, down around her shoulders the way Laura loved it and Laura wanted nothing more than to bury her face in it, soak in the scent of this magnificent creature. She wanted to take Amanda to bed right then and there, to lose herself in Amanda’s body, to hear her begging Laura for release. She’d been thinking about it all morning, hadn’t been able to concentrate on work at all, her hands trembling and her panties uncomfortably damp.
Amanda caught Laura’s wrist before she could touch her, and pushed her away. “God damn it, Laura.” She said it quietly and then she turned and opened the car door. She dropped into the driver’s seat with a weary sigh.
“What? Honey? What is it?” Laura was confused and an inexplicable panic had suddenly seeped into her system like dry ice as she watched Amanda’s movements, felt her retreating. “I thought you’d be happy. We can be together now. Where are you going? Amanda, please.”
Amanda paused, her hand on the ignition. She turned to look at Laura, her normally mischievous and glittering eyes showing nothing but sadness and disappointment. “Can’t you see? You’ve ruined it. It was perfect and you had to go and ruin everything.”
The quiet and almost monotonous manner made the words even more painful than if she’d shouted them at the top of her lungs. She started the car and pulled away, leaving Laura standing in the middle of the lot at a complete loss, floundering like a small, empty rowboat that has drifted out onto the choppy ocean waves. It was the last time she’d ever seen Amanda.
In that moment, as she watched the black BMW turn a corner and disappear, Laura had known that she had just lost everything familiar to her. Everyone and everything comfortable was now gone. She was alone.
“Hello?” Sophie’s gentle voice cut into her reminiscing as she tapped a fingertip lightly on the back of Laura’s hand. “You okay?”
Laura looked up to meet concerned brown eyes and laughed. “You know, it’s sort of freaking me out having you look at me with worry instead of disdain.”
Sophie laughed with her. “Disdain is much easier for me. I’m a pro at disdain.” She tilted her head to the side. “Where’d you go just now? You seemed really far away.”
“I was just remembering the moment when I realized that my entire life had changed and nothing would ever be the same.”
“When you left your husband?”
“And then Amanda left me.”
“Was that, like…on the same day?”
Laura nodded slowly and sipped from her mug.
“Oh, wow.” Sophie grimaced. “That’ll wake you up, huh?”
“You aren’t kidding.”
She remembered the panic that had set in, as she stood in the empty parking lot. She actually wondered then if she could somehow make it up to Stephen, tell him she’d been mistaken, that Amanda had been a weird phase of some sort and she wasn’t in love with her after all, that she really loved him and could they just go back to the way things were and pretend none of the morning’s conversation had ever happened. That thought process had only lasted a few seconds. She’d known immediately that even though she wouldn’t have Amanda by her side, she had discovered the real Laura, the one who’d been hiding deep inside all this time…and she liked her. She wasn’t about to let go of her so soon.
“It’s a weird feeling, finding out that somebody you love is leaving you and there’s nothing you can do about it, isn’t it?” Sophie asked. It was more a statement than a question and there wasn’t even a hint of accusation in her voice.
Laura had a sudden flash of Sophie’s partner telling her she was leaving, of the pain that must have sliced across Sophie’s smooth features, creasing her flawless skin, forcing her to accept the fact that life as she knew it was over. The image made her want to comfort her new friend, to smooth away the lines of worry and stress. She gripped her mug tightly to keep from reaching across the table. “Damn right.”
In From The Cold
Kristin opened her eyes and blinked up at the clouded sky, the snowflakes falling like tiny pinpricks on her skin. She was shivering.
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What the hell time was it?
She sat up from her position of lying on her back on the cold ground, and a sharp pain stabbed the back of her head. She winced and rubbed at it, noting a small goose egg. She vaguely remembered slipping and falling and realized that she very well might have knocked herself out cold. She was surprised to see that her legs were completely covered in new-fallen snow and she wondered again what time it was and how long she’d been out there. Turning slowly to look behind her, she noticed her tracks had been covered.
Her body shook and she knew she needed to get herself back to the house and warm up. She stood slowly, bracing herself against a tree, breathing deliberately as she allowed her body to adjust to being upright. Her jeans were soaked through and her fingers were numb. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as she stood up straighter and let go of the tree, trying to balance on her own and remember what the hell had happened.
The exchange with Darby came racing back to her and she grimaced. A split second later, though, she had a flash of sitting directly in front of Darby, waving a hand in her face, and having Darby look right through her. Kristin flinched and her hand flew back out to steady her against the tree as adrenaline flooded her system.
“What—?” Memories hit her hard and fast, faces of her friends, of Molly, none of them looking at her, none of them seeing her. “Oh, my God,” she said aloud. “What the hell happened to me?”
She looked around wildly, frightened now. She knew which way would get her back to the path; she’d always been good with directions, something Molly couldn’t say. She had another flash of Molly’s face, the sadness, the pain, the loneliness etched across it. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to see Molly and have Molly see her. She turned and headed back the way she had come, using the trees to help her maintain her balance. God, she was cold. She trudged slowly, thinking only of Molly, wanting only Molly, and making clean, fresh tracks in the snow.
*
“What time is it?” Molly’s voice held a tinge of worry as she paced back and forth in front of the roaring fireplace.
“It’s five minutes later than the last time you asked,” Darby said, her thumb pushing periodically on the remote in her hand, scrolling through the channels on the television. “I can’t believe this,” she muttered. “Three hundred and fifty channels and there’s not a damn thing on.”
“Should I be worried?” Molly asked Amy in a small voice as she sat down at the dining room table next to her dearest friend. “She’s been out there a long time and it’s gotten awfully cold. What if she’s lost?”
Amy smiled and rubbed Molly’s shoulder, hoping to alleviate some of the worry. “She’s fine. She doesn’t get lost, remember? Now you, on the other hand…” Molly didn’t smile at her attempted humor. Lowering her voice and cutting her eyes toward Darby, Amy added, “I bet she just wanted to be alone for a while.”
Molly looked into Amy’s blue eyes. They were soft and gentle, friendly with love and concern. She felt Amy’s warm hand squeeze her shoulder.
“She probably ran into Sophie and Laura and decided to walk with them.” Jo touched the back of Molly’s head affectionately, her voice sounding certain and reasonable. “Tell you what,” she said. “We’ll give her another twenty minutes and if she’s not back by then, I’ll go find her. Okay?”
Molly nodded, knowing she was worrying needlessly. Kristin was just upset; Molly had seen it in her eyes when she’d left. The hurt, the anger, the helplessness. It was in that moment, those three seconds of eye contact, that Molly had realized Kristin was floundering, that she had no idea what to do to fix any of their mess, and that she felt like she was alone. The sudden understanding of that fact had sliced through Molly like a razor blade, leaving her raw.
How did we get here? It was a question she asked herself often lately. Her life now was so far away from what she’d expected it to be after so many years with Kristin. How did this happen? How did we get so far apart?
She shook her head almost imperceptibly, unable as usual to come up with any acceptable answers—at least not answers she was prepared to deal with.
Amy’s voice cut into her thoughts. “I’m going to start on dinner. Come and talk to me in the kitchen and have a glass of wine with me. It’ll take your mind off things.”
Molly scratched at her eyebrow, knowing Amy was right. She needed to think about something else or she might very well go insane. As she stood up, the front door burst open and Molly whipped her head around. Her eyes widened at the sight.
Kristin stood in the doorway, drenched to the skin. Her shoulder-length blond hair was wet and matted to her head. Her jeans were soaked completely through, darkened with the wetness. Her boots had snow spilling out the tops. Her skin was deathly pale and her blue eyes were wild and darting. The vision of her made Molly’s heart pound and she ran to her.
“Jesus, honey. Where the hell have you been?” Molly gave her a once-over and immediately began unzipping her coat. “You’re freezing, baby. Come on, let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”
Amy, Jo, and Darby all hung back, sensing somehow that this was a private moment. Jo watched carefully, noticing that Kristin’s eyes focused on Molly and stayed there.
Molly grasped the gloves and pulled them from Kristin’s hands. As she caught Kristin’s fingers in her own, she gasped. “God, Kristin, your hands are like ice.” She wrapped her smaller ones around Kristin’s and blew hot breath on them. “What happened? Why are you all wet? Where have you been? I was worried about you.” Her voice was not loud, and it was more concerned than angry as she looked up into Kristin’s face.
Kristin studied her, looking directly into her green eyes—the most beautiful eyes she’d ever seen. “Molly?” Her voice was a whisper so only Molly could hear.
Molly held eye contact and waited for Kristin to continue.
“Can you see me?”
Molly’s forehead crinkled at the strangeness of the question. “What? Can I…? Of course I can see you. What do you mean?”
Kristin’s eyes filled with tears. “You can? You can see me?”
“Yes, honey.” Molly tried to ignore the weird desperation in Kristin’s voice, somehow understanding that the answer to this question was very important. She stated matter-of-factly, “I can see you.”
Kristin sucked in her breath and her chest jerked as a sob burst forth. “Oh, thank God. Thank God.” She leaned forward, pressing her forehead into Molly’s shoulder as she cried, unable to understand how it could possibly feel so good to have Molly rubbing feeling back into her frozen fingers.
Molly glanced over Kristin at Amy, who gave her a shrug that said, “Don’t look at me, I have no idea.” She brought one hand to the back of Kristin’s head and held her as she wept. Her fingertips came in contact with a sizable bump. “Honey, what’s this? You’ve got a lump back here.”
Kristin stood back up, sniffing. She reached back, following Molly’s fingers. “Yeah, I know. I fell.”
Molly’s eyes widened. “You fell?”
Kristin nodded and wiped her tear-stained face.
“Are you okay?” Jo and Amy approached and Amy was looking at her with concern.
Kristin nodded vigorously, one hand still holding tightly to Molly’s. Molly’s fingers were so warm, Kristin thought she might swoon just from the feel of them.
Molly continued to poke and prod in her wet hair. “Are you sure?” Her face was worried.
Kristin nodded again and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“Come on,” Molly said, and it wasn’t a request. It was an order. “Take those boots off. Let’s get you upstairs and into some dry clothes. Then I want you to sit by the fire until you warm up. Okay?”
Kristin lifted Molly’s hand to her lips. “Okay.” She pressed her mouth against the warm skin there, rubbed her lips against it gently as she closed her eyes and swallowed down the emotion that was threatening to consume her. Molly was here. She was here and taking c
are of her, and she could see her.
Molly squatted down to unlace Kristin’s boots. Kristin held tightly to her hand. When Molly tugged gently to extricate it, Kristin didn’t let go. “Honey, it’s kind of hard to do this one-handed,” she commented.
When Kristin still didn’t let go, Molly gazed up at her. There was something very different about her…something behind her eyes. She didn’t know what it was, and it worried her a little bit because it seemed so…not Kristin. She worked on the boots with one hand.
Once upstairs, Kristin let Molly continue to lead and be the caretaker. She stood still obediently while Molly stripped her of her wet clothing. Molly tsked and shook her head.
“I can’t believe how wet you got.” Kristin’s skin was pale and clammy. “How long did you stay on the ground?”
Kristin shrugged and cleared her throat, her voice hoarse. “I think…I think I might have been unconscious,” she said sheepishly as Molly tugged her cold, damp panties down her legs.
Molly stood quickly, horror on her face. “My God, Kristin. What if you’d been out longer? You could have frozen to death.” She reached up for Kristin’s head. “Let me see that bump again.”
Kristin caught Molly’s hands. “I know. I’m okay. Don’t worry.”
“But…” Molly regarded Kristin’s face carefully. “What is going on with you?”
Kristin looked…changed somehow. Molly couldn’t explain it, but her entire demeanor, the softer expression on her face, the fact that she seemed here, but still far away—it was weird. Weird in a way that Molly had no idea how to clarify.
Still naked, Kristin dropped down onto the bed and sat there staring at nothing. Molly shot little glances in her direction as she zipped around the room collecting dry clothes. It wasn’t unusual for Kristin to be off in another world when they were together—she often ended up lost in thoughts about work or clients, and Molly could go on and on without realizing that Kristin hadn’t heard a word of it. This was different, though. Kristin was not only somewhere else, she seemed…younger? Vulnerable? Sad? Molly couldn’t put a finger on it and wasn’t sure how to bring it up without sounding paranoid.
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