“So you decided to wake up? I thought you were going to sleep all day.”
“It’s not that late.” I let go, and he turned around to face me, leaning in to give me a kiss.
“I did wake you in the middle of the night. I thought about waking you for some early morning fun, but I figured you needed the sleep.”
I grinned, giving him a quick kiss before turning toward the table. It was set with two plates, the buttered bread just waiting for the bacon. “I’m always up for fun, you know that. Especially of the your penis variety.”
He shook his head and laughed. This was nice—just two people who cared about each other sharing time together. My belly ached wondering how to even suggest we try anything more. This was just all too hard.
“So, is this going to be a regular thing?” I asked, sitting at the table.
“What?”
“You staying the whole night.”
He laughed, lifting the bacon from the pan and dropping it onto a plate to carry to the table. The days of bacon grease on the floor were long gone.
“I don’t know. It is kinda nice not to get out of bed and go home. You’re quite cuddly.”
Cuddly? Was that a compliment?
“I still woke up alone,” I said, stabbing a bacon slice with my fork and lifting it onto the slice of bread.
“Is that a hint?”
I shrugged. “I also like the bacon. What can I say?”
Taking a bite, I closed my eyes. Damn, that was a good start to the morning.
“Good?”
I nodded, unable to speak with my mouth that full of food.
“You’re going to hate me,” he said, as I took another big bite.
“I doubt it.” I mumbled the words.
“I’m going away again.”
I swallowed the food, aware my breathing had accelerated. Having him invite me to watch him play was a huge step, him staying most of the night an even bigger one. Now he was leaving again? We'd settled back into our routine as if he'd never gone away, I didn't know if I wanted to go through us being apart again. Not for weeks or months.
“Do you have to?”
He nodded. “I’ve made the commitment. I’m trying to get some more stability in my life, and it might be far away, but this doesn’t have to stop. I'll be back.”
“Elliot, I hated you being away last time."
“Does that mean you want it to stop?” His eyes were so full of emotion, his heart right out there for me to see.
“No.” I got up and walked around the table. He pushed out his chair and pulled me onto his lap. “I just missed you a lot. How long is this trip for?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?”
“It’s open-ended. There’s a lot to take care of, and I want to be there right until the end. Prove that I’m reliable. It might just turn into a permanent thing.”
I gulped. “Permanently not here?”
He shook his head. “After this, there’ll be other opportunities closer to home. This is all about proving myself.”
Those were the words that won me over. I still didn’t like the idea of him going away, but I’d spent so many years trying to prove myself to Dad, I understood that need more than anything else.
“Can I come and visit you?”
“We'll see if we can work something out. There's no spare room where I'm staying, but there's a motel nearby. We can talk on the phone as well. I'll try to get to the spot where I have decent coverage more often.”
I raised my hand, stroking his chest. “I’m going to miss you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I’ll miss you too.”
He pulled me down for a kiss, each one between us growing more tender. I tingled from my toes to the top of my head.
“I get that you’re scared, Becs. You don’t need to be scared with me,” he whispered.
When he stayed for the rest of the day, it was the longest time we’d spent together since we’d started sleeping with one another.
This was so confusing. I wanted more, but didn’t know how to say it despite him seeming to be open to it. Being with Elliot was one thing—committing to him was another. Not that he was going to be around for a while. He made me want to break my promise to myself that this was not going to get serious.
Deep down, I knew it was way too late for that.
Chapter Seventeen
He was gone for all of winter. And that old adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? Holy crap that was true.
It was next to impossible to get hold of him, he was often out of coverage range, and we played phone tag a lot. At least I had voicemails full of affection.
He always sounded so tired too, and I wanted more than anything to tell him to forget it and just come home. But then, I remembered his words, the way he was looking to prove himself.
At least work was busy which helped keep my mind off the time.
I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I wanted him—his arms around me, holding me day and night. His gentle kisses that set me on fire. I guess I’d known from the beginning it was destined to be him. We were just a perfect fit.
I loved his scruffy hair, his stubble, that beautiful toned, tanned body. And I loved his mind, his humour, and his sensitivity. No matter how hard I fought it, I loved that crazy man.
He’d brought spontaneity to my life, more than I’d ever had before. He’d brought friendship and love. Now all I needed was to know if he loved me back.
The last message I got he thought he’d be back in a week, maybe two, and I knew I’d count down the days to him coming home.
After all this time, I had it bad. And the whole while I fought the doubt about us.
When did I turn into an angsty teenage girl? Even when I was a teenager, I hadn’t been like this. I was the type of girl who could take it or leave it. If a guy wasn’t interested, or lost interest, there was always the next one.
But then I’d fallen in love. It hadn’t ended well, but it had changed me, and even though I'd thought I could just go back to being the old Rebecca, all it had taken was for the right man to come along.
I knew more than ever that the right man was Elliot.
If I’d told him, maybe he would have stopped going away.
Deep in thought, I stirred as the phone rang and despite adoring my friend, I was a little disappointed to see it was Olivia calling. Part of me just wanted Elliot to call me. “Logan and I are finally getting married.”
The words tumbled down the phone at me, and my heart was warmed at just how happy Olivia sounded. This had been a long time coming, and I couldn’t be more pleased for her.
“Good to hear it. I’m glad someone has tamed the wild Olivia.”
She laughed. She laughed a lot these days, and it was a sound that was great to hear. So different from those early days when even when what she said was positive, she'd sounded miserable.
“I want you there. It’ll be a quiet thing with just our family. My mum and Logan’s mum. Logan’s friend Maddy and her husband Andrew. And you. Maybe you can bring Elliot.”
I bit down on my lip, unable to verbalise all I’d been feeling.
“Maybe,” I said.
“I need you to help me find a dress. Nothing too over the top. We just want to go across the road to the park, get married under a tree and come home for a barbecue.”
She kept talking, but I wasn’t really listening. Would Elliot want to come with me? Was I overthinking it? I have always been really good at overthinking things. At least, I think I have been.
“Rebecca?”
“Sorry. Yes, sounds great. Anything I can do to help, just let me know.”
“I’ll just be glad to see you there. You’ve done so much for me, I don’t know if I can ever repay you.”
I closed my eyes, smiling at the words. “There’s nothing to repay. You’ve been such a good friend to me. I’m just glad to see you happy and getting some.”
Olivia l
aughed. “Come and see me soon. I miss your face.”
Since she’d left work to raise her family, I didn’t see her very often. She’d brought so much fun and excitement to my life for such a short time, but I could never resent her for finding the man of her dreams and settling down with him.
Was that what I wanted?
Was I mature enough to actually have an adult relationship without screwing it up?
You’re overthinking it again.
“I miss your face too. Let’s have lunch and go shopping one day. Bring that beautiful baby of yours with you.”
“How about Wednesday?”
“Sounds good. See you then.”
I sighed as I hung up the phone. That beautiful baby of Olivia’s, little Chloe, had the biggest blue eyes and those gorgeous rosebud lips. She was so precious that my ovaries begged me to do something every time I saw her. That was another thing I'd never thought would be possible for me.
But maybe it was.
I had to put my big girl panties on and do what I wanted with my life. That was the only way to get it going in the direction I wanted it to go. Not Dad's direction—I’d played his game for long enough.
It was time to do something for me.
* * *
On Friday afternoon I had my lunch booked in with the girls. Katya was getting closer to her wedding date, and I grimaced as I climbed into the car, knowing the afternoon would be full of wedding gown talk, reception talk, and Tim talk.
You have no idea what you’ve taken on, Tiny Tim.
None of us had been invited to be bridesmaids; Katya had sisters. It was a relief, if I was being honest. I didn’t want to be too involved. But I’d received my invitation, including a plus one.
Wonder if Elliot will be back in time to take me.
Argh, what was I thinking? Katya’s father and my father were friends. Dad would be there too. The last thing I needed was to deal with Dad meeting Elliot.
I wasn’t ashamed of my relationship with Elliot, whatever it was, but Dad had certain expectations of me, and Alexander was the epitome of perfection to him. The last thing I wanted was to drag my best friend and lover into a situation that wasn’t fair on him. I wanted to ease Elliot into a meeting with Dad, if there was going to be one.
I walked through the door at the same time as Gemma, and I went through the routine of greeting them—Gemma with her air kiss which I couldn’t even be bothered screwing up, Nicola unusually quiet, Katya more bubbly than usual. That wasn’t surprising, given how close we were to the wedding.
“I don’t know what it is with all these weddings. I’ve got yours and then I’ve got Olivia’s the week after,” I said.
Gemma laughed. “How is Olivia? You should bring her to lunch sometime.”
“She’s well, but busy.”
“I know you've told me this, but I forget. She had her baby, right?” Gemma asked.
I nodded. “She did. A little girl, bringing the total number of babies in her house to two. The little girl and the big tattooed man.”
The three of them all giggled. They’d seen the photos of Logan, but none of them did him justice. That big, tough-looking baby. Thinking of him made me think of Elliot again and I pushed the feeling down.
“I hope her wedding goes well. What's she doing?”
“They’re getting married in a park across the road from their house. Just a handful of guests. It’s the second time she’s been married and Logan wanted to do whatever Olivia wanted. I don’t think he wanted much of a fuss.”
Katya smiled. “That’s lovely. It’s so good when your partner wants whatever you do.”
If Elliot and I got married, I wouldn’t want a big fuss either. All that would matter was him and me promising to love one another forever and …
What are you doing?
Chapter Eighteen
Blow jobs.
Maybe not the best topic to be distracted at work by, but it was Monday morning, which was never easy, plus, I couldn’t stop thinking about Elliot. I was also about to get the recent audit results delivered by Dad’s Chief Financial Officer, the man who taught me all he knew about blow jobs.
I'd been eighteen and had just upset my father by changing my mind about what I wanted to do at university. He’d wanted me to study Business, but I’d wanted to study English Literature. I did do some business papers too, but I loved books and words and it was so much more appealing to me.
Instead, on the days I had no lectures and in the holidays, I interned at Dad's business under the guidance of his CFO, Lance Patterson. Lance was a very attractive older man, not quite the same age as my father, but not that far off it. His hair didn’t have any hint of grey like Dad’s had; he was stylish and refined. The man also loved oral sex like no one else I’ve ever met.
I spent an entire summer learning how businesses ran and honing my blow job skills. And more than once my father nearly caught us.
It was the thrill of it back then, tucked under Lance’s desk as he worked. Oh, he would make it up to me later—that man gave me some of the biggest orgasms I ever had. Over time, we settled into a friendship, still playing when neither of us had partners. Today he would arrive to go over the audit results, and I looked forward to seeing him.
“Rebecca,” he said warmly as he entered the office, closing the door behind him.
I stood, moving toward him, embracing him as he kissed my cheek.
“So, what’s the verdict?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “You want to go straight to the audit results?”
I shrugged. “Isn’t that what you’re here for?”
“I wanted to see you too. It’s been a while.” His face was so open and honest. I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. That was how he felt.
“It has.”
I held a hand out toward the couch to indicate that he should sit. “Coffee?”
“Maybe afterward, though you know you don’t have anything to worry about with this audit.” He sat, watching me with steely blue eyes as I sat alongside him.
“They still make me nervous.”
“They do, or I do?”
I laughed. “You never make me nervous. I’ve seen you naked, remember?”
His eyebrows wavered. “As if I could ever forget. Seem to remember seeing you too.”
This was how it always was, this flirty conversation. A shiver went down my spine at the intense look he gave me. Twelve years and the man still had this affect. There had been times when I’d have gladly given up everything and been with him, humping him seven days a week.
“Well, I kind of have someone else seeing me naked at the moment.”
He grinned. That was also how it was between us. No sadness or jealousy, just care and support. Lance had been with me through the best times in my life and the worst. He’d held me when I’d split with Alexander with no expectation of anything sexual.
The audit temporarily forgotten, he reached for my arm. “I hope this is a good one, not one who is going to dick around on you.”
“We’re keeping it casual, but he’s a nice guy. There's no one else in the picture.”
I was taking that one for granted. Elliot could have a harem of women out there and I wouldn’t know about it. But given his reaction to the way I touched him, I doubted it.
“Good on you, Rebecca. I mean, I’d be happy to offer my services any time.” His eyes drifted downward as he sighed.
“I should get on with the results of this audit.” He reached for his bag, pulling out a file and opened it. Passing me a copy of the checklist, he started talking, pointing at all the ticks. This time there weren’t any crosses.
“Your father is so proud of you, Rebecca. Just keep on doing what you’re doing.”
They were words I wanted to hear from my father, but from someone who worked as closely with him as Lance did, they still meant a lot. I wiped the tears from my eyes, and he looked back up from his papers and smiled.
“Are you okay?”
“
I just … I’m being silly.”
“No you’re not. I know what a big thing it was for him to trust you to run this part of the business. He didn’t undertake it lightly, but he has faith in you. More than I think you realise sometimes.”
I nodded, just knowing that in a second snot would dribble out my nose and I’d have to sniff or wipe it.
He pre-empted it by fishing a tissue out of his pocket. “Here. It’s clean.”
“Thank you,” I croaked.
“How about I take you out for coffee? We can celebrate the results and you can tell me all about this young man. He is young, isn’t he? Not an old fart like me.”
I laughed through my tears, shaking my head. “No, he’s not an old fart. Neither are you. I bet you can keep up with men half your age.”
“I’ve always kept up with you, haven’t I?” He smiled that dazzling smile which in other times would turn my stomach to jelly. Today it wasn’t the smile I wanted to see, the memory of Elliot’s face when I went down on him hammering away in my brain. I wanted to see that face again.
“Come on then, old man. Take me out for coffee.” I stood, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling him to his feet.
“Anything for you, Rebecca,” he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek.
* * *
Late afternoon meetings sucked, and Grace had managed to slip one into my schedule.
This one dragged as the client went on and on making promises to repay finance that I knew he couldn’t afford. I almost felt sorry for him. His company was in its dying moments, but I wasn’t about to lose mine to save him. Not because I’d be letting my father down, but because I’d be letting myself down. This was the part of the job I hated.
Instead of going home, I climbed into the car and drove to the nearest bar. Being tough was hard sometimes and I needed something to drink.
It was quiet. Some rugby game played on a television in a corner with a group of guys all hanging around watching it.
I sat on a barstool, and the bartender pulled himself away from the end of the bar where he could see the TV, smiling as he approached.
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