I’d spent all this time thinking about him, dreaming about him, and now neither of us had to wait. He slid on top of me as I spread my legs, pulling him in, wrapping around him as if I never wanted to let him go.
“I’d almost forgotten just how good you feel,” he murmured.
For my part, I was so lost in sensation that I could barely respond. This was where he belonged, on top of me, in me, all around me. I couldn’t be apart from him like I had been these last few months.
“Don’t ever go away again,” I whispered.
His eyes were so sad. “I don’t plan to. Not now.”
He thrust slowly, scanning my face as we moved together. I lowered my legs a little, not needing to hold him there. He was where he wanted to be; I felt that more than ever.
His biceps flexed as he moved, and I steadied my hands on them, feeling his muscles, trying to find distraction from the intense gaze I was under. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was as if he were seeing me for the first time, his eyes boring through me.
“Rebecca,” he cried as his body stiffened before he flopped down on the bed beside me. He turned toward me, leaning over and kissing me so tenderly I thought I would cry.
“Sorry that didn’t last as long as I wanted it to. I was just so damn anxious to be with you. I wanted to get Ruby off to sleep before I came over here; she doesn’t know Nan very well and all I could think about was being inside you, smelling you, getting you naked under me. I need to get back in case she wakes up.”
I stroked his face. “I’ve missed you so much. I don’t mind at all.”
He licked his lips, as if there was something he wanted to say but held back.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I didn’t know if you’d want this. I mean, I know we talked about it earlier, but you’ve had a few hours to think about it. This whole thing with Ruby, well, I wasn’t sure if that was going to put you off me.”
That brought tears to my eyes. Did he think that I would turn my back because of his little girl? His words stung like a knife to the heart.
“Why would it put me off?”
“You said you didn’t like children.”
I sighed. “No. No. I just never thought bringing any of my own into the world was such a good idea. Ruby is gorgeous and sweet. Olivia’s kids are adorable. It just scared me to think of having children and then subjecting them to what I went through.”
Elliot squeezed my hands in his. “You wouldn’t do that, though.”
Shrugging, I pulled away. “I don’t know that. My mum is an alcoholic; I like drinking sometimes. My dad is a workaholic; I work hard at my business. What if I’m too much like both of them?”
I looked out the window to the sky outside. It was 7.30 pm, and the spring sunsets came later and later. Any remnants of light were disappearing and the sunset was a glorious orangy red. Seeing it like that reminded me so much of my childhood. The times I’d still be waiting for Mum to cook dinner as the sun went down, the times I’d sit and watch the sunset while waiting for Dad to come home from work. He worked such crazy long hours.
That was the last thing I would ever want for any child of mine.
Elliot’s hand landed on my shoulder, and I looked back at him with tears in my eyes. “You’re not them, Becs. You’ll never be them because you know how it feels to go through that.”
“Ruby’s lucky she has you. You’ll do whatever it takes to look after her, and you’ll be there for her.”
He nodded. “I just want to help her get through this. It’s so much to deal with—her mother dying and some strange man turns up to take her away. Toni had talked to her about me; she kind of knew who I was, but it’s such a huge adjustment.”
I turned, and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Whatever you need from me to help her, I’ll be here. I want to be here for both of you."
"You're amazing. You know that? I hid the truth because I didn't want to lose you just as I found Ruby." He stroked my arm, and I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying his touch.
"I would never have turned my back on you. We've come too far for that. Do you really think I'd give up this? Us?"
"What are we, Rebecca?" His eyes searched mine, looking for an answer to a question that was stuck in my throat.
I shrugged. "We'll work it out." I smiled as he nuzzled my cheek. This was serious for me, I knew as much now. But we needed time to work through that together.
He had a small smile on his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep more in touch. I didn’t want to tell you the news over the phone; I had to see you face to face. It’s awful enough that I dropped all this on you, but I just couldn’t do it at a distance.”
There he was, being all sweet again.
“I'm really sorry I can't stay the rest of the night. I want to, but I need to get Ruby settled. She's been through so much."
I stroked his face with the palm of my hand. “It’s okay. It’ll take time for her to adjust. Sounds like she’s just getting used to you.”
I love you, Elliot.
Opening my mouth to speak, I still couldn’t say the words. Instead I just closed my mouth again.
“So we have plans for Saturday. I’m going to take Ruby to the movies and then we’re going shopping because she needs some new clothes. I thought you might want to come with us? I have no idea about little girl’s clothing.”
“Saturday I have a wedding to go to. Olivia’s. You know, you met her boyfriend the yesterday when he grabbed you by the throat?”
Elliot frowned. “I can’t say that was fun.”
“He was just defending my honour.”
“Maybe we can go shopping on Sunday?” He looked at me, hope in his eyes.
“Sunday will be fine. Now …” I stroked his chest. “How about some more you and me time before you have to disappear?”
He grinned, and I just wanted to poke those beautiful dimples in his cheeks. “I accept your invitation.”
“Repeat after me. 'I’m sorry for being an idiot. Only Elliot gets anywhere near Rebecca’s vagina'.”
He roared with laughter. “I’m sorry.”
“No. I want to hear the words.” My eyebrows were raised as I looked at him expectantly. I needed to know that he understood I didn’t want anyone else.
“Fine. 'I’m sorry for being an idiot. Only Elliot gets anywhere near Rebecca’s vagina'.”
I smiled sweetly. “See? Was it really that hard to say?”
He rolled on top of me, pinning me to the bed. “No. Right now I’d say anything if it made you happy.” He grinned, kissing me.
I ran my hands down his spine, his smooth skin underneath my fingertips. “I could spend a week in bed with you after all this time away,” I said.
“Only a week?”
I laughed. Having him back was good for my soul.
“Maybe two.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sometimes, two people find one another and it's as if they were just destined to be together. That was Olivia and Logan. Two halves of a whole, slotting together as if they’d always been there, side by side.
I stood in the park, waiting with the other guests for Olivia to come across the road. She and Logan had opted for a wedding venue that was close to home, before we would go across the road for a barbecue dinner. The low-key occasion suited them; they didn’t care about anything else but being together.
Logan fiddled with his tie and I caught his eyes, smiling and nodding. You’re fine, I mouthed. He gave me the thumbs up, smiled, and started sliding the fabric between his fingers again, grinning as I rolled my eyes.
Olivia’s friend Maddy stood nearby with her little girl, Carly, beside her. The girl was the spitting image of her mother, and seeing her made me ache to have Elliot and Ruby with me. Maybe I should have spoken up about wanting him to be there. Then again, he needed the time with his little girl too. Sharing him might be tough.
“There she is,” Maddy whispered, nudging me.
> Tears welled in my eyes as I watched my dear friend approach on Maddy’s husband’s arm. Here Olivia was, about to marry the love of her life, wearing a stunning cream dress, which brought out her dark colouring. She’d never looked so beautiful. Andrew smiled proudly as he gave her away.
And Logan? Well, Logan’s jaw dropped as she approached. The love they had for one another radiated from the two of them, and I was very glad to have brought a packet of tissues as I wiped my eyes.
My mind drifted back to Elliot as they exchanged vows. I didn’t know if we could have the type of relationship Olivia and Logan had, dedicated to one another, raising a family together. Seeing little Chloe again brought all those baby feelings to the surface. Could I risk having a child of my own one day? Would I screw them up, or could I be better than that? And what about Ruby? I couldn't replace her mother, but could I be a mother figure to her?
Still deep in thought when we made our way back across the road, I watched as Olivia and Logan shared a moment with Chloe. He kissed the little girl goodnight, and Olivia made her way up the stairs to tuck her into bed.
I approached, tapping Logan on the shoulder.
“Hey, Rebecca.” He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll always be so grateful for the way you helped Liv out when she really needed it.”
I wriggled to get him to ease up his bear-like grip. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m glad she found you, Logan. You are just what she needed.”
“I hope so.” He grinned.
“Anyway, I'm going to get out of here. It’s been a wonderful day, but I think I’ll be going sooner rather than later so you two can get going with your sexy times.”
Logan laughed. “Are you sure? Andrew cooks a pretty mean barbecue. It’ll be a while before everyone else leaves.”
“I’m just a little tired, and I don’t want to be that one annoying person who hangs around that you struggle to kick out at the end of the night. Besides, Elliot and I are working through everything. He’ll be over at my place later.”
Logan let go of me, cocking his head. “Just make sure he’s good to you. And you’re always welcome here. You know that.”
“I know. But tonight I’m going to leave you all to it. Have a great wedding night. Give that girl some hot stuff to write in her books. I could do with something good to read.”
Logan roared with laughter, and leaned over to give me a peck on the cheek. “Fine. But Liv will want to catch up with you, so you’d better come and see us soon.”
“It’s a deal.” I took a deep breath and smiled. “Love you guys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Doesn’t leave us with a lot then, does it?”
I slapped him on the arm and he waggled his eyebrows at me. “Say good night to your gorgeous wife for me.”
* * *
Elliot was in the living room when I got home, sitting on the couch, flicking through the television channels, with his feet on the coffee table as if he owned the place. All I wanted was to sink into a bottle of wine. I didn’t feel like just jumping into bed with him.
“Hey Becs, what’s up?”
He’d cleaned up, the stubble gone for a change, his hair trimmed short. He looked almost respectable.
“Nothing. Just need some time with a bottle of wine.”
He cocked his head. “What’s wrong, babe?”
“Elliot, I’m tired. I’m not in the mood for rolling around. Maybe tomorrow.”
I sat beside him as he patted the couch, and he hooked his arm around my shoulders. “You never say no. What’s going on?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
How could I tell him how happy I was for my friend and miserable for myself? That I wanted someone to take to me to a damn wedding, wanted someone on my arm?
“Try me.” Now I was close to him, he smelled so good. As if he’d made the effort and had just showered, his skin musky from the shower gel I kept for him in the bathroom.
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
He studied my face, casting his eyes over me with this look I’d never seen before. “The start would be good.”
I rolled my eyes, fighting back tears. I never cried. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Becs, if you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?”
He was right. I’d been monogamous with him for all these months, not just because of the promise we'd made one another, but because he was there and comfortable, like an old pair of slippers. Being with him was easy, and I’d never felt any pressure for it to be anything else than what it was.
It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know if he’d slept with anyone else in that time. He’d told me that if he was ever thinking of going there he’d tell me, but would he? Not that it should bother me. I knew he’d be safe; he was far too smart to do anything that stupid. But the idea of him being with anyone else made my skin crawl. As if …
“Olivia got married today.”
“I remember you telling me. That’s awesome. I’m pleased for her.”
I leaned back on the couch, pulling away from his grasp. “She deserves all of the good stuff that’s happened to her. Her ex was such a douche, and Logan adores her. I love seeing them together, but it just makes me realise how empty my life is. I have my business and that keeps me busy, but it’s not the same as having someone to share your life with.”
As I spoke, I looked past Elliot, staring at nothing on the far wall. We sat in silence for a few moments.
“Shit. Maybe I just need a drink.”
I stood, and he grabbed my hand, pulling me back down beside him.
“You want to know what I’m doing here?”
I shrugged. “Your grandmother fell asleep in front of the television and you want to fool around? I’m assuming Ruby is already asleep.”
His dimples moved as he grinned. Something was going on with him, and as tired as I was, I had to admit to being curious.
What if he’s changed his mind about us?
The thought stung and I frowned. This had always been casual, but I didn’t know what I’d do without it. I couldn’t see myself finding anyone else like Elliot—ready and willing to make me scream like a damn banshee as I came. No man had ever done that for me, or to me before. And he made me laugh like no one else. Like laughing until I started hiccupping, and then Elliot would mimic me, making me laugh harder. That and my heart had kind of fallen for him without my permission.
“Becs?”
Let’s get this over with.
“I give up. What are you doing here?” I tried to pull my hand away, but he wouldn't release it.
His grin died a little as he grew serious, and he squeezed my hand in his so hard I yelped.
“Sorry. I just … well …”
Holy crap, he just blushed.
“I’m over this whole friends-with-benefits thing, fuck buddies, whatever you want to call us.”
Here it comes.
“It’s not what I want anymore. I’ve been thinking about this even before finding out about Ruby.”
Axe falling in three, two …
“I love you, Becs. I want more than to just be the guy who comes over for a booty call. I want to stay the whole night every night, make you bacon sandwiches in bed for breakfast. What we have isn’t enough for me; I need the whole thing.”
Did he just …?
I wanted to cry. Here I was ready to be dumped from my non-relationship and the exact opposite had happened.
“I’ll get my shit together. I’ll be whatever you want me to be, but let me in. Let me in to that part of you that’s been shut off from me.”
All I could do was stare at him.
“Uh, anything? Nothing? Am I wasting my time here?”
“No,” I whispered, searching his face for some sign that this was a joke, that he was teasing.
Here I was about to drown my sorrows because I wanted a love like Olivia’s so badly and it really had been
right under my nose all along.
I don’t think Elliot had ever wanted to keep it casual.
He leaned forward, smiling again, kissing me more tenderly than he’d ever kissed me before.
“We’ve played it by your rules—now I want to play by mine. I love you,” he whispered.
“Kiss me again?”
“Is this what you want? Do you want more? If you want things to stay the way they have been, I’m not going anywhere. I’m way too addicted to you to walk away. But I want you just for me, all for me.”
My heart was in my throat as he kissed me again, firmer this time. This wasn’t like any of the other kisses we’d shared in bed. It was full of love and promise for the future. It was amazing what you could read into a kiss.
“Yes. Yes I want more.” I did want more, and I wanted more with only him.
“Good, because if I don’t get you into bed soon, I’m gonna punch a hole in my pants.”
I laughed, pulling him closer to kiss me again, his chest against mine, feeling his warmth that belonged to me. I shook with fear. This was the biggest step I’d ever taken, but I was ready. More than ready.
“Becs?” he whispered as he kissed his way down my throat.
“Yes?”
“I’m really glad you left your door open that drunken night.”
I laughed, pushing him off to look at that happy puppy expression of his again. “So am I.”
“Do you want this? You’re not just saying it to get a piece of all this?” He waved his hand in the air, pointing towards his chest, and I pulled him close to me again, laughing.
“Yes, I want this. I want you. I love you.”
“I even got dressed up for the wedding, but clearly I got the timing wrong.”
I looked at him curiously. “What are you talking about?”
“You said you were going to the wedding, and for some reason I thought you said it was at five and turned up but you were already gone. I thought if it was okay and you wanted, I might come with you, meet your friends. And apologise to Logan.”
The Right One Page 15