Julia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Mother . . . she was . . . it was like she’d suddenly lost her ear, her pitch was . . .” Julia’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Off.”
Clarissa’s fingers covered her mouth. Mother had perfect pitch. Absolutely perfect. “How . . . what do you mean?
“I don’t know. It was bizarre, like she was having stroke. She stood on stage belting out ‘Holly Jolly’ with a giant smile on her face and her pitch?” Julia shuddered. “It was as if she couldn’t hear. And when we stopped, she looked at Kevin. As soon as we got off stage she asked Kevin what happened to his voice.”
“Wait . . . she blamed Kevin?”
Julia nodded. “And none of us, none of us knew what to say. I . . . I stood there like a deer in the headlights. I can’t . . . it was nearly an out of body experience.”
“Did . . . does she not know? Have you seen her this morning?”
“She hasn’t said a word, but she isn’t humming. You know how she’s always humming?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Well, she’s not.”
“Hmmm.”
“Daddy won’t say anything to her.”
“No. I love Daddy, but he never stands up to her.”
“Kevin is upset. He’s furious with me. Can’t imagine why I didn’t say anything about Mother blaming him for the loss when it’s obvious that she’s suddenly gone tone deaf.”
“Sudden tone-deafness? Is there even such a thing?”
“That’s why I thought she must’ve had a stroke.”
Clarissa pressed her lips together tightly.
“What? You can’t think this is funny.”
“No . . . I mean, of course not . . . okay, maybe a little. I mean, the woman has tortured me my entire life for being tone deaf.”
“And now she’s the one who sounds like a dying goat in a bucket?”
“She’s said that about me since I was six.”
“Oh, Clarissa,” Julia sighed. “Why can’t you just let it go?”
She opened her mouth to protest, to list off the litany of things Mother had gotten wrong, how much Mother had hurt her and all the things she wished were different. But instead, Clarissa took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said softly.
“Will you talk to her?”
“Me?” Clarissa’s eyes widened. “Like a lamb to the slaughter?”
“More like a wolf to the fight.”
“I suppose you and Daddy have discussed it and figure I haven’t got anything to lose by seeing if Mother knows what’s happened or is seriously heading toward dementia at a rapid rate.”
“We were hoping you might try to find out from her if she knows and see if she might apologize to Kevin.”
“And suffer the wrath.”
“You get to leave the day after tomorrow.”
Her little sister had a point. Mother would expect Clarissa to be the one to bring up a topic like this. It’d always been Clarissa who brought up the uncomfortable topics or mentioned the unmentionable. She had always been considered the rabble-rouser at home, even when she just posed completely legitimate questions like how were babies made, and what were condoms, and why did people think Jesus was white? But such questions were enough to send Mother into a near-cataclysmic tailspin every time. Yes, it would be Clarissa’s job, since she was home, to determine if Mother was at least aware of what had happened to her perfect-pitch ear.
“Do you like it?” Clarissa turned Julia toward the mirror.
“Oh my, it’s gorgeous! You’re so good at makeup.” Clarissa smiled at Julia’s joy. She loved making her younger sister happy.
“I’ll try to find out what is going on. Maybe while you and Kevin are off together tonight getting engaged.”
“Thank you.”
“Won’t go far in me patching up my relationship with Mother.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Julia said. “She might like that you care enough to ask.”
“It’s good to see you still believe in Christmas miracles.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Norris said.
Kevin threw his clothes into his duffel bag and zipped the top. “Look, I can’t do this. I’m not going to do this, and I’m not having a huge horrible crying scene on Christmas Eve.”
“But you can’t just leave. You can’t just disappear. What do I say? What do I—”
“Don’t say anything. Come with me.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Why? Because you’re in love with a woman who broke your heart? I’m running away from a woman who would do anything for me, and you’re in love with a woman who broke your heart.”
Norris wouldn’t be goaded by Kevin. His friend was in a horrible state. “I’m not saying you have to propose to Julia, but at least tell her you’re leaving. Don’t just leave without saying good-bye or telling her why you’re—”
“And why not?
Why not? Norris grabbed the ends of his hair and pulled. Who was this crazy person who’d traded places with his sane, rational best friend?
“Because she’s in love with you and it’s not fair. It’s not fair to run out on her on Christmas Eve, the Christmas Eve she thinks she’s getting engaged, and not even tell her you’re leaving. My God, she’ll think you’re dead!”
“No one’s home now. I’ll leave a note.”
“I know where they are. Clarissa told me the ladies have a tradition of doing a Christmas Eve tea. It’s on the itinerary Mrs. McGovern sent us.” Norris pulled his phone from his pocket.
“She sent us a holiday itinerary and you think I should marry into this family?”
Norris said nothing. He scrolled on his phone. Every family had their own craziness. He could imagine withstanding Mrs. McGovern’s crazy for Christmas week if it meant he got to spend the other fifty-one weeks of the year with Clarissa.
“It’s four now. We’ll drive over to The Grand. I’ll go in and get Julia, you can drive her back here, have a quiet conversation without any family around, and then you can leave.”
The muscle in Kevin’s jaw twitched as he thought over Norris’s plan. “Then I can leave. After I tell Julia. You won’t try to stop me.”
“Absolutely not. I’m not trying to stop you now, I just . . . I think it’s only right you tell her that you’re leaving. You don’t even have to tell her why.”
Kevin’s face clouded. He picked up his duffel bag. “Fine. A conversation your way. Then I’m out.”
Norris gripped the wheel of Kevin’s car. Snow fell from the sky. The ride across Powder Springs, through town and out to the mountain, was silent. Kevin sat in the passenger seat, arms crossed over his chest, his stony gaze fixed on the passing scenery.
Norris pulled in front of the hotel, lushly decorated in holiday finery. After a quick chat, the valet let them park on the main drive just past the front door. “Okay, I’m going to go get Julia and bring her out. Does that work?”
Kevin nodded. “Sure. Go get her.”
Norris turned off the car.
“Could you leave it running? It’s freezing.”
Norris turned the key, restarting the engine. “No problem. Back in five.” He jumped out and dashed up the steps of the giant hotel. The place was amazing. Green garlands woven with red velvet ribbons and white lights adorned the magnificent three-story entryway from top to bottom. In the middle of the lobby, a very pregnant woman in a chef’s coat directed a team to add more icing to the snowscape surrounding an enormous gingerbread castle. Norris turned to the concierge desk. “I’m here for Julia McGovern—she’s having holiday tea?”
“Yes, sir, just past the Christmas tree in the lobby.”
Norris hurried through the lobby toward the tree. The hotel bustled with guests. Santa sat in a plush chair on the far side of the lobby, a line of children awaiting their chance to tell him their Christmas wish winding away toward the other side of the gingerbread castle.
Norris stopped. There. Sitting together with a platter of tea
cakes and sandwiches on the tiny table between them were the McGovern women.
Clarissa was beautiful. Her thick, luxurious curls framed her face and kissed her swan-like neck. She wore a v-cut black velvet dress, and her lips were bright red as though she’d been eating berries.
Norris wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He couldn’t tell her that. Not now, not today. He’d tried and failed once before. And now, in a few minutes, her sister Julia would, instead of having the best Christmas Eve of her life, would have a Christmas Eve that simply sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Deep breath. He’d be changing the trajectory of the day in just a few minutes, but right now he wanted to stare at Clarissa. Absorb her beauty, and take in that she was smiling as she sat across from her mother. Clarissa was smiling. All three of the McGovern women seemed to be having fun together.
And he had to ruin this happy time. Well, not him exactly. Kevin would ruin it, but Norris would be the first bearer of bad news. Fuck. Norris knew what this would feel like. To have the one person you wanted to spend your whole life with not want to spend their life with you. This would be the worst Christmas of Julia’s life, and Norris knew what that felt like. One hundred percent.
“Norris?” Clarissa spotted him. Confusion washed over her face. “What are you doing here? Did you want to join us?”
“Uh, no . . . no. But thank you. Uh, Julia, I actually came to find you. Kevin, he’s in the car in front of the hotel, and he wondered if perhaps—”
“Is he okay?” Julia straightened in alarm.
“Yes, yes, he’s okay, but I do think he needs to talk to you. I wondered, uh, well, Kevin wondered if you could get your coat and go with him? I’ll get a ride back with your mother and Clarissa, if that’s okay.”
“Of course.” Julia hopped up, panic on her face. This, Norris was certain, was not how she’d expected a proposal to take place. She must know something wasn’t right, that in fact, something was desperately wrong.
Together they retrieved Julia’s coat from the coat check, then walked through the lobby and out the front door. Norris stood beside her, sadness laced with anxiety careening through his belly. Anger bubbled to the surface. Anger at Kevin, but also—not really too surprisingly—at Clarissa. In this moment, he was reliving the events of their Christmas in Hawaii.
Here was Julia, madly in love with a man who clearly didn’t deserve her, and that man was about to break Julia’s heart and ruin her Christmas. What a jerk.
“Where is he?” Julia asked in a thin, quaking voice.
Norris scanned the circle drive, his heart in his throat. My God, had Kevin bolted? “I, uh . . .” Where was Kevin’s damn car?
“He was right here . . .” Norris glanced at the valet. “The purple car, the one shaped like a box?” Just as he asked, the car pulled up onto the drive. Kevin sat in the driver’s seat. Had he nearly run away? The tight feeling clutching Norris’s chest faded slightly. At least Kevin was here now.
“Right, here he is.” Norris opened the passenger side door and ushered Julia into the car. He gave Julia a smile, one that he hoped conveyed “chin up” and “it’ll be okay.” But really he simply felt sick about it. His stomach roiled with the thought of what Julia was about to endure. He watched as Kevin and Julia pulled away, praying that Kevin still had a big enough heart and enough sense to be kind to the woman he loved.
9
“You knew.” Back at the house, Clarissa had barely waited until they had taken off their coats before she pulled Norris into the dining room to answer her questions.
“I . . . I didn’t know everything.”
“But you knew Kevin didn’t want to go through with it? That he wasn’t going to ask her?”
“He said he wasn’t sure.” Norris adjusted the neckline of his sweater. “I think . . .” He looked around the dining room and dropped his voice. “I think he was nervous, scared. Okay, he was overwhelmed by your family.”
Clarissa nodded reluctantly. Norris knew she’d be the first to admit that her family could be a lot to take. She peeked into the living room, where Mrs. McGovern walked around lighting banks of Christmas candles. “Mother’s called off the party for tonight, but she’s still fixing dinner.”
“Has she heard from them?” Norris moved to stand beside her, watching her mother continue decorating as if nothing was amiss.
“No one has. It’s been hours, but there’s still six place settings on the table. So?”
“I don’t know. I mean, he mentioned wanting to go back to Denver.”
“And that was it?”
“And the not getting engaged part. He mentioned that too.”
Clarissa crossed her arms over her chest. “How could he do this? And on Christmas Eve?”
Norris nearly choked. He pulled his gaze away from Mrs. McGovern wandering around the living room with a long fireplace match and looked at Clarissa. “You’re kidding, right? I mean, you do recognize that what just happened between Kevin and Julia is nearly identical to what happened between us two years ago?”
“Not even.” Clarissa shook her head. “Julia and Kevin discussed getting married. You and I? Marriage hadn’t even been a topic of conversation.”
Norris’s throat tightened. “Uh, yes it had.”
“Uh, no it hadn’t.”
Norris’s belly filled with heat. “Did you forget all the times we discussed children, and houses, and schools, and where we wanted to live in Los Angeles?”
With each word Clarissa’s eyes widened. “Those . . . those were general conversations.”
“General?”
Clarissa nodded. She peeked out into the living room again.
Norris narrowed his eyes. “Oh, so those are the type of general conversations you have with just anyone? Hi, I’m Clarissa and when I get married I want us to live on the Westside?” He lifted a brow. Time to call it the way he saw it. He’d given Clarissa too many free passes. “That’s bullshit.”
She jerked her head back. “Excuse me?”
“Those weren’t general conversations. Just like what we’ve been doing the past two days isn’t just sex. You wanted to get married to me as much as I wanted to get married to you, but you got scared.” Norris looked toward the living room, where Mr. McGovern now followed Mrs. McGovern around like a lost puppy. “And I can see why,” he mumbled.
“I”—The tones of “Here Comes Santa Claus” broke through their conversation. Clarissa pulled her phone from her pocket and glanced at the screen. “It’s Julia.” She pressed the green button and put the phone to her ear. “Where are you?” Clarissa turned her back to Norris and lowered her voice, walking down the hall from the dining room to the kitchen.
Norris waited, curious but impatient. He and Clarissa never really had it out after their breakup. After their unkind words that New Year’s Day, she’d left the engagement ring and a note next to their shared bed. He’d packed and moved. Simple, really. Both of them ending what he’d thought was a relationship that would last a lifetime.
Norris was different now, as was Clarissa. The chemistry between them hadn’t changed, but now Norris was much better at actually talking about what he wanted and needed and Clarissa seemed . . . well, she seemed a bit more open and less afraid of her future.
Unless she wasn’t. There was still so much to discuss.
“They’re not coming back.” Clarissa reappeared at his side, tucking her phone into her pocket. “They’re spending Christmas in Denver. The two of them. Together. This”—Clarissa nodded toward the living room where Mrs. McGovern lit the final candle—“was too much for him.”
Norris nodded. Yes, the McGovern Christmas would be too much for most people. This level of Christmas crazy was extreme.
“How come Mother doesn’t seem to bother you?” Clarissa asked, her voice soft.
“I’m not feeling the same kind of pressure.” He locked his gaze with Clarissa’s. Melancholy threaded through the hope in her eyes. Yes, Clarissa was much more
open, much more comfortable with where she was in her life, and much less afraid. “I know what I want.” He reached out and grasped her hand. “I’ve always known what I wanted. I’ve simply been waiting on you.”
Ache and want and fear gripped his heart. My God, was he doing this again? He’d fallen a second time for the woman who’d broken his heart and overturned his life? Call him a fool, but dammit, he still loved Clarissa, and she loved him. He knew in his core, in his soul, that her feelings for him ran just as deep as his feelings for her. She’d been scared and afraid, and he’d been too hurt to have the hard conversation with her then. He’d have it now, yes he would, he’d have this conversation again and again and again, as many times as it was needed, until she felt safe and secure.
Clarissa’s gaze dropped to the floor. Norris’s heart fell too, preparing to be stomped.
“I was such an idiot back then.” Her gaze fluttered back up to Norris. “I did want you. I was . . . I was terrified. I don’t think . . . I . . . I mean, I didn’t know how a healthy relationship worked. It always felt like Daddy did whatever Mother wanted, and that didn’t seem right. I didn’t want that at all, Norris, but I did want you. I just didn’t know how to be with anyone yet.”
Norris’s heart warmed. So she could admit that they’d been in love. “I wanted you so badly I should’ve—We should’ve discussed marriage first. Openly. I just assumed you were as ready as I was.”
“I did feel like you did.” Clarissa’s eyes glistened. “I just wasn’t as brave.”
Norris smiled. He couldn’t help but smile, because in every way Clarissa was the bravest person Norris knew. And yet love kicked her in the ass, terrified her. Who could blame her, really? Love was heady, beautiful, amazing, but also a shocking loss of control. Here was a woman who had carefully crafted her whole existence. Then, without warning, Norris had asked her to toss that curated existence away and change everything for him. No, in retrospect he’d have done the whole thing much differently. He rested his forehead against hers.
“It’s because I sprang the proposal on you, isn’t it?”
Home for the Holidays: A Contemporary Romance Anthology Page 38