“Yes?” His gaze moving up to meet mine.
“We can’t be more than friends,” I blurt out needing the reassurance from him that this is all it is.
“You’re married,” he replies. No agreement just a statement as if it’s the only thing defining the fact that we’re friends.
“Yes,” I reply not knowing how to respond.
“Tell me Stephanie, tell me why you never called me?”
Looking into his beautiful eyes I have to give him an explanation. I never realized how much I hurt him. I always thought it was for the best. “I didn’t want to hurt you Eric… my dad forced me to live with my aunt and knowing I wouldn’t see you again I didn’t want to drag you into all my problems. I thought you would be better off without me. You were too good for me, Eric. You still are.”
He interrupts before I can continue, “don’t ever say that! You’re beautiful, smart and full of so much love. Any man would be lucky to just be in your presence. You have to see yourself for more and stop letting the shit your dad told you hold you down. He was a prick, Steph. Everything he ever said to you was bullshit. He was a drunken asshole and that’s what you need to take him as. I told you this, ten years ago! I told you to get away from him and yet you still let his words get to you. Don’t you see how wonderful you are?”
Shyly I look down to my lap and he grabs my chin pulling it up so that our eyes meet. “And this,” he says rubbing his thumb along the bruise on my face, “this is something you should never allow to happen. I know he did this to you, Steph. You can’t lie to me. I can help you… let me help you.”
I pull away and his hand drops back to the table. “Travis is my husband and everything he does is to help me… protect me. He means well, Eric.”
“So he hits you because he means well?” his anger surfacing in his voice.
“I don’t want to talk about Travis and me. Please tell me what you’ve been doing over the years. What’s it like being a fighter?”
“Fine, Steph. Have it your way. I’ll pretend like nothing happened to you, but I swear to god if anything happens again I will find him and kill him,” he grits through his teeth and I wince at his remark, but do my best not to show any reaction. How can he just step back into my life and feel like he can pick up where we left off ten years ago? He doesn’t know anything about my life or my marriage. At the same time though, the attraction, the love, the need that was between us before is still there. I feel it in every look I get from him. I feel it every time he touches me. It’s as if no time has passed at all.
“Now as far as what I’ve been doing over the years… I barely made it through high school without you and once I graduated my parents sent me to a four year university. Like I told you the other day I started fighting underground for money and my name got out there and in my junior year I got a call from the MMA asking me to fight for them. I agreed. Being undefeated it didn’t take long to make it up to the big time. I’m now fighting for the UFC. Fighting is an outlet for me. When I lost you I had so much anger built up and fighting was a constructive way to release it. Too many times I smashed people’s faces in out of peer anger. In the ring I can still do it, but it’s organized and I can’t go to jail for beating people up. I finished college and have been fighting full time ever since. I love it and wouldn’t want to do anything else. I’m good at it.”
“That’s amazing, Eric. I would love to be able to see you fight,” I respond thinking about how he must look with his shirt off and my eyes trail over his chest.
“You can, Steph! I fight next month. I would love if you came with me.”
“I would like that too, but I don’t know if it’s possible. I’ll check and see what I can do.” I take another sip of my coffee and imagine Travis’ reaction if I asked permission to watch a live UFC fight and to specifically watch an ex-boyfriend. He would have a fit.
“Great! And what about you? Tell me what you’ve been doing. You still talking to your dad?’
“I don’t talk to him much; maybe once or twice a year. Same with my mom. They’re still wrapped up in their drama and he’s still drinking. I only call to check in. Make sure they’re okay. Mostly to make sure he hasn’t put my mom in the hospital. I finished high school while living with my aunt and then started working right away. I got an office job which I really enjoyed. It allowed me to save some money and move out on my own. I haven’t really done a whole lot. I worked and spent a lot of time by myself. I had a few friends but then that I really enjoyed being around outside of work. I met Travis almost three years ago now. He was sweet when we first met. We dated for about nine months before he asked me to marry him. I said yes. Obviously. We’ve been married for just over two years now. I don’t work anymore. He insists on taking care of me,” I whisper the last part not wanting to give too much away about my marriage. I hate talking about it because whenever I say the way Travis is, it makes him sound so bad.
“I don’t know anything about your husband or your marriage, but I want you to know I’m not going anywhere and if you ever need anything please let me know. I’m here for you; always have been.”
“Thank you, Eric. Travis and I have our problems like all marriages, but everything he does is to protect me. I know sometimes he can be a little overbearing, but it’s for the best.”
“Are you happy, Steph?” he asks and I hold my breath not sure how to respond. I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that before. I don’t even know if I’m happy.
“Most of the time.” It’s all I can think to say. I can’t lie to Eric.
“That’s not enough. You need to be happy all the time.” He grabs my small hands placing them in his. “I wish you would’ve given me the chance to make you happy.”
Tears reach the corners of my eyes because deep down I wish the same thing. I wish I could have stayed with him. Moved back with him once I graduated, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew I’d only bring pain with me. I can see the beauty in him and I don’t want to be the one to destroy it.
“Life happens, Eric.”
“Yeah… it does,” he sighs dropping my hands. “You want get out of here? Go somewhere more private?”
“I… I don’t know if I should.”
“I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he replies throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. “Just friends.”
Butterflies swarm in my stomach, but I can’t help it, I want to go with him. “Okay.”
He stands grabbing my hand helping me up. Keeping our fingers linked as we walk out the front door of the coffee shop and I get this feeling, deep down that my life is about to change. I put my sunglasses on as he walks me down the sidewalk passing several businesses on our way.
Before I know it he comes to a sudden stop. Turning to me as he looks me over and I’m unsure what he’s doing, what he’s thinking, but I definitely know it can’t be good because all I see in his eyes is desire. He doesn’t say a word grabbing me by my hips pulling me into him as he backs up into the alley between two buildings. I gasp in shock at his sudden movement. He turns to the building pinning me against the wall, the cold brick chilling my back. He places both his large hands on the wall behind me as he hovers in close. Trapping me between him and the wall my heart rate speeds up and I feel it pounding in my chest.
“I can’t take it! I’ve been craving you ever since I saw you the other day. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you disappeared ten years ago! I need you, Steph. I’m sorry…” he says leaning in and my eyes widen in realization of what he’s about to do. I want him. I want his lips on mine, but I’m married!
“Eric…” I barely get out before his lips meet mine. He stops, not moving and his mouth lingers only an inch away from me. “I can’t,” I exhale.
His head drops as he backs up letting go of the wall behind me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t put you in a situation like this. I think you were right, it’s not a good idea for us to be alone,” his voice
is low and husky and I’m still struggling to catch my breath.
“Maybe I should go?” I ask, not wanting to leave, but knowing it’s for the best.
“I’m sorry, Steph,” he says, fear now in his voice as he leans back towards me grabbing my hips. “It won’t happen again. Please don’t say we can’t be friends. I have to be able to see you.”
“I don’t know if I could survive not being able to talk to you, Eric. I just think maybe I should go. Let things cool down. We’ll see each other again.”
“Soon?” he asks desperation in his voice and his hands don’t move from my hips. When he touches me there is nothing more that I want than to give in, feel him on me, in me.
“Soon. Email me and we’ll set a lunch or something.”
“Okay.” He leans in and kisses me softly on my cheek and it takes all I have not to turn my head and meet his lips with mine. He removes his grip on my hips returning to holding my hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.”
“I… I don’t have a car.”
“What do you mean? How did you get here?”
“I have a driver, Thomas. I’ll call him to come get me.”
“A driver? You have a driver? Can you not drive?” he asks in shock.
“Yes I can drive. Travis just prefers that Thomas takes me to where I need to go. He doesn’t feel it necessary for me to have a car.”
“Wow, Steph, what does your husband do?”
“He’s the founder and CEO of Barnes Banking Corporation, Travis Barnes.”
“Wow, I see what you mean by he takes care of you. But why doesn’t he buy you a car if he has so much money. Don’t you ever just want to get out without someone knowing where you are all the time?”
He has no idea. “I’m used to it,” I reply pulling out Thomas’ cell phone and pressing the home button.
“Hi, Thomas… yeah I’m ready… okay…. see you in a bit.” I click the end button before returning the phone to my purse.
“I hope I didn’t fuck shit up by coming onto you like that. I really am sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I never stopped loving you Eric, I just moved on. I love Travis and I don’t want to hurt him. I need you in my life though. I should never have let you go. You were the best thing in my world of hate. You were the one person who made me forget about all the hell I went through.”
“I want to be that person for you, Steph. You don’t deserve this,” he whispers, brushing my cheek under my sunglasses with his thumb. “I remember how you always blamed yourself for what your father did to you. I truly hope you don’t think you deserved this,” he states, addressing the bruise on my cheek.
“It was an accident. He didn’t mean to hurt me.”
“Okay. But like I said, if he ever touches you like that again, I will pound the shit out of him. I don’t want to scare you, but you don’t deserve to be treated that way.”
I look up into his beautiful green eyes as a tear drops from my cheek. He’s always cared for me, taken care of me; he’s always been the one that showed me how real love could be. I love Travis, but I know that he doesn’t treat me good. I just don’t know that I actually deserve better; even if Eric thinks I do.
“I don’t want you to worry about me. I’m fine.”
He looks me up and down and drops his thumb from my cheek before clutching my hand walking out of the alley and back towards the coffee shop.
I know that this friendship isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to take all I have not to give into the feelings I still have for him.
Chapter Eleven
Eric
Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with me?! I’m going to end up pushing her away before I even have her. We were seventeen, just kids and after all these years I couldn’t find a single woman that could compare to her and the way she made me feel. The way she still makes me feel; she’s so damn innocent, beautiful and a heart made only for love and yet she marries this asshole who fucking hits her! How can I make her realize she’s better than that? She doesn’t deserve that bullshit.
I continue to pound away at my trainer in the ring as the thoughts of a man laying his hands on her builds the anger within me. I tried so hard as a kid to tell her to get away from her dad and it seems like she’s married a man just like him.
“Eric! That’s enough!” Marcus yells from the ground and I stop swinging my fists. “What the hell’s wrong with you?!” he hollers.
I stumble back trying to gather my thoughts. “I’m sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“I don’t fucking care! You have a fight coming up in less than four weeks! Don’t start losing it now!” he continues to raise his voice which only makes me angrier.
“I haven’t lost a fight yet and don’t plan too! The only fucking reason I even train for them is to fucking please you!” I holler back, ducking under the rope and jumping out of the ring down to the ground. “I’m done for the day!”
I head to the locker room grabbing my clothes and bag to leave. I can’t train unless I know she’s safe! It’s killing me to know she’s with that prick right now. I storm outside to my truck, tossing the duffle bag in the back seat filled with anger and something else. A deep need that’s eating away at me; the desire to touch her again, to have her near me. Just the simple gesture of placing my hands on her slender hips made me want to take her right there in the alley. I shouldn’t have done that to her, put her in that situation when she’s a married woman, but given the opportunity I know I would do it again. When she’s around I don’t care who she’s married too, I want her. I feel my hardness pressing against my shorts, envisioning her in those tall heels and tight dress that hugged every damn curve. It was like she was begging me to fuck her.
I shake the thoughts from my mind, putting the truck in reverse and drive home. I need to see her tomorrow. I need to know she’s okay. I race home, only taking less than fifteen minutes to get here, slamming my truck door behind me and running in to turn on my computer. I toss my bag on the floor and open the internet to my email. Putting in Steph’s email address I send her a message.
Steph,
Thank you for meeting me today. I miss you already. Had a hard day at training and needed to talk to you. I want to say again I’m sorry for coming onto you this morning. I shouldn’t have done that but I don’t regret it. You mean more to me than you know. I would like if you would come to my training tomorrow afternoon, that’s of course if you can get out of the house. I can’t concentrate when I’m not with you. Plus you’ll be able to see what I do. Let me know if you can make it. I’ll be starting at 1:00.
Love,
Eric
I hit send and grab a glass of white wine and then sit down flipping on the TV. I probably shouldn’t be drinking, but I don’t really give a fuck. I’m going to win the fight regardless of what I put in my body. If I can get her to go with me then maybe training will go better. Either way I will use any excuse at this point to be with her. I know she’s married but… fuck… I don’t give a shit. I know he’s an asshole! I can’t be without her. Her smile alone can brighten a day. I wait forever for an email back, but don’t receive one.
***
Steph
Travis peers at me from the other side of the kitchen counter and it has me worried because I have no idea what his problem is. He seemed fine when he first got home, but as soon as we stepped into the kitchen his domineer changed.
“What’s wrong baby?” I question, not sure if I want to know the answer. After a wonderfully intense morning with Eric it’s hard to take the mood swings Travis is throwing out. He’s pissing me off, but I don’t dare express it.
“Well, Stephanie. I’m just wondering where the fresh flowers are and the food from the market that you went to get today?”
Shit! I forgot to bring anything back with me. “I didn’t find any flowers I liked and after walking around for a while I decided to pass on the food. I might go back tomorrow and see if the flowers are fresher. I mean,
if that’s okay with you?”
“Hmm… well if Thomas is going with you then it’s fine,” he responds moving to my side of the counter where I’m pouring myself a glass of iced tea. His hands grab my hips pulling my backside against him and I feel the hardness on my ass. Slowly he moves his hands around to my belly until they reach my crotch. I do by best not to pull away. After being around Eric I don’t have the urge to be with Travis, but he is my husband and I must keep him happy. I turn around placing my hands on his chest and he lifts me easily by my hips, sitting me on the counter.
He moves in kissing my shoulder and then pulling down my tank in the front, exposing my right breast. Trailing kisses downward until his moist mouth meets with my nipple, sucking, nipping until it’s hardened. My head falls back as the pleasure stirs in my sweet spot and I close my eyes envisioning that it’s Eric’s lips on me, a moan escaping my mouth. I let him take me on the kitchen counter, the whole while thinking of Eric. Oh… what am I getting myself into!
***
Eric
A ding on my computer causes me to stir and the pain in my back forces me to open my eyes. I’m on my couch and must have fallen asleep. I look at my cell phone on the coffee table, 2:00AM. I groan as I stretch my limbs getting up and walking over to check the computer. The box on the screen shows one new email. I click on it opening it up and read the email that shows sent from Steph at 1:59AM.
Eric,
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. I’m married to Travis and I love him but I don’t know if I can go another ten years without you. You have to promise me that this thing between us remains a friendship. If that’s even possible. I’ve never stopped loving you. You were my first and the only one in my life that ever made me happy, I just had to move on at some point. Travis is a good man and I don’t want to hurt him. I will come to your training tomorrow but please know that our friendship is something I prefer to keep between us. I doubt that Travis would approve. I want to spend time with you, get to know you again. We just need to be careful and keep it simple…friends.
Evil Of Love Page 9