by J Johnson
“Relax, love.”, he whispers in my ear. A shiver runs down my spine, both from being frightened and turned on. We haven’t had sex since he told me what he is. “Lay back and trust me.”
“We can’t have sex.”, I blurt out. He furrows his brows and tilts his head.
“Who have you been talking to?”, he asks.
“Uh… Jordan.”
“Figures. We’ll be talking about that too. In a minute. And yes, I know we can’t have sex while I feed from you love. I’m the vampire here, remember.”
I lean back on the bed; my heart pounding in my chest and watch as he bends down over me. He nibbles on my neck and a moan escapes even though I try to keep it in. His tongue darts out and licks and I close my eyes. God, he feels so good.
“You taste amazing, love. Like vanilla.”
“I use vanilla body lotion.”, I mumble.
“Relax. I can hear your heart beating wildly. It won’t hurt. Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes.”
No.
He kisses and licks my neck again sending me into a blissful state then I feel them. He scrapes his fangs against my skin. They’re sharp and scary. And hot. Before I back out, which I think about every second he’s hovering over me, he pierces my skin.
It stings at first and I tense up, but the minute he sucks it changes. It feels like he’s giving me a hickey. I grab him and pull him closer, wanting more of him, but he doesn’t budge. I close my eyes again and listen to the soft sounds of him feeding from me.
The gentle pulls make me happy that I’m able to give him what he needs. I don’t know how to describe the feeling exactly, but it feels good. Like foreplay. My body reacts instantly, wanting both of us to be unclothed. Now. Why do we still have clothes on? When he pulls away, he rubs the wounds with his finger and kisses me gently on the lips. The taste of him and my blood mixed together is unexpected, but I like it.
“Thank you.”, he murmurs.
“Is that what it feels like each time?”, I ask.
“It can.” He stands up and sits on the edge of the bed. “It can also be more sexual or, like I said before, painful. It depends on how I do it. I didn’t know if you wanted it to be sexual, so I didn’t go that route. Not yet.”
I sit up and feel my neck. There’s nothing there.
“How come I can’t feel the puncture wounds?”
“Because I healed them with my blood.”
“You what? Your blood heals that quickly? Am I going to turn into a vampire now?”, I ask in complete horror. He chuckles and shakes his head.
“No. It takes much more than that to turn you, which I’ll tell you more about later.”
“If your blood heals like that, why don’t you help people? Sick people? Or wounded? You could save so many lives.”
“I could.”, he nods. “But what do you think would happen when people got word that I’m able to heal instantly with my blood? I’d become a new and immensely popular science experiment.”
“I guess. I didn’t think about it like that. You could do it under the radar though.”
“And I have. Many times. With you, for example.”
“Me?”
“When you were in the hospital after being attacked by Dave and Jeff, I snuck in your room one night and gave you some of my blood. That’s why you healed so quickly.”
“And the doctors chalked it up as a miracle.”, I mumble. “They had no clue how I was healing so rapidly. They couldn’t figure it out.”
“And they will never figure it out. It’s better that way. For me and for humans. If someone powerful got a hold of this information what do you think they would do with it? There’s no telling what they could do with our blood or if they figure out how to copy our abilities.”
“Do you feel better now?”
“Much better. Thank you.”, he smiles. “Now I think it’s time we had a little chat. Especially about what you and Jordan have been talking about.”
“Okay.”
“Why would you go to him to answer questions about me?”
“He’s a hunter. And I didn’t go to him to ask questions. He called me into his office and it just kind of went that way.”
“And what did the hunter tell you?”
“A lot, actually. About what I am to you. About how you will never be with anyone else now and that if we ever bonded, you would die if I left you. He said if we bonded that we could hear each other’s thoughts and feel what the other is feeling. And that you would mark me, which would let other vampires know that I’m taken. It all sounds so… barbaric.
“Why would we want to hear each other’s thoughts constantly? Or feel one another’s emotions all the time? I don’t think I could do it. And the mark. What the hell is that? I’m not a piece of property to be labeled. And there are so many other things I don’t know about you. About what you can and can’t do. Like kids. Can you have kids? Is that even possible? Would you want me to become a vampire, eventually? I would think so, since if I ever left you would die. It’s just too much. I’m not sure I can handle it all.”
He’s shaking his head before I finish talking.
“He only told you half the truth.”
“Then tell me the whole truth. I can’t keep going like this. Constantly worried that I’m going to upset you enough to hurt me. Always wondering about everything. All the unanswered questions.”
“They can’t be answered love if you don’t ask them, and for the thousandth time, I would never hurt you.”
“Then tell me so I can figure out what I’m doing. I want to be here. I do. But I… I just need to know everything.”
“First of all, the bonding thing is only half true. Well… he left something out. Yes, we could hear and feel the other, but only if we want to. It’s not an open link that can’t be turned off. We can turn it off at will.
“The part about if we’re bonded, and you leave is true. I would die eventually, but not in the way you think. I wouldn’t die just because you aren’t near me. I would die because I would starve. After being bonded, I can only feed from you. No one else.
“As for the mark, it’s just part of our nature. Even the bite I gave you just now marked you. It’s not as strong as being bonded, but it’s still a mark. It will wear off eventually if I stop feeding from you unless we’re bonded. Then it stays forever. I know it’s a lot to take in, but it’s not that bad. Not as he made it sound.”
“And kids? What about kids?”
“Vampires can have one child. Something about the balance of things not being tilted in our favor.”
Once again, I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to ask because all the questions are getting jumbled in my mind. There’s just so many.
“As for you being scared....”, he mumbles. “I would never hurt you, Ashlyn. Ever. No matter what you do or say, I could never hurt you.”
“You hurt Jeff.”, I reply.
“He’s not my Aroha. You are. I physically cannot hurt you. Not that I would ever want to, but even if I did, I couldn’t. The part of me that recognizes you as my mate won’t allow it. It goes against every fiber inside me. I want to love you and protect you. I would kill for you.”
“Which you’ve already done.”
“Yes, but do you really think he’s missed? Do you really care that a man that held you hostage for so long is dead? If you do, then I’m sorry. I truly am. Not for killing him because he deserved it, but for making you feel like it’s your fault somehow. It’s not. None of what has happened to you is your fault. It’s mine. For bringing you into my world, into danger. And I will never forgive myself for that.” He pauses, his eyes showing sadness. Pain.
“Which is why I’m giving you a chance to break free from me. From my world. I don’t want you to be afraid all the time. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel loved and safe. I want to be with you. I will always want to be with you, but I won’t try to force you to stay with me. I won’t try to force you to even be around m
e. I’ll survive without you. I won’t like it, but I will get through it somehow. So please love. If you don’t want to be here… if you don’t want to be with me, please just go. Go now before I won’t be able to let you go. It’s taking everything in me right now to even tell you this.”
“Zane.”, I whisper. I can’t stand seeing him in pain.
“No. Don’t. Decide Ashlyn. I need you to either tell me you’re staying, or I need you to leave. Right now.”
Seventeen
∞∞∞
I’m speechless. I thought I had made my decision, but apparently I haven’t. I don’t know what I want. Well, actually I do know what I want. I want Zane. I want him to be normal. I want us to be normal. I want us to be together and happy. I don’t want a vampire as a boyfriend. I don’t want a killer as a boyfriend. None of these matters though, because none of it will ever be possible.
“Love.”, he whispers.
“I don’t know.”, I rush out. “I… I… I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I want! I can’t… I…”
He grabs my face and forces me to look at him. His eyes glow and mine start leaking. He’s so beautiful. So sexy. So mysterious. So dangerous.
“Stop. Breathe. Relax.”, he coaxes. “I need you to do something for me. I need you to go home. Go home and figure it out. It doesn’t matter how long it takes Ashlyn. I’ll always be waiting for you. Go home and think about it all. Take a week. A month. A year. I don’t care, but I can’t stand seeing you like this. My heart can’t take it. I’d rather you be away from me than near me hurting like this. Please love. Just go home.”
He kisses me one last time then turns and walks out of the room, leaving me alone and in tears.
It’s been three months since I saw Zane. Three months of more thinking and processing. As far as everyone else is concerned though, we just aren’t seeing each other anymore. It was the easiest explanation to spout off when asked. Zoe immediately didn’t like him anymore. She wanted to go kick him in the balls. Her words, not mine.
Even though I haven’t seen him, I know he’s around. I can feel him watching me everywhere I go. It’s both comforting and strange. At first, I didn’t know if I could handle it. Him always being there, but I’ve grown used to it, mostly. It took about a month to realize he wasn’t going anywhere. Ever since, I just do my best to ignore him and my reaction to his presence.
“We need a girl’s night out.”, Zoe whines. Again. She’s been trying to get me to go out for weeks. “Come on. We can go to the club.”
“I’m not going to that club, Zoe. What if Zane is there? What if I see him?”
“You know you never told me exactly what happened with you two. Which is irritating. I tell you everything about me and Jackson.”
“Yeah, about that. How’s that going?”
“Don’t change the subject, but since you asked, not so great at the moment.”
“When is it ever going great with you two?”, I ask before thinking. She frowns at me and I instantly feel guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did. And you’re right, even though I don’t want to admit it or hear it. We are always fighting and yelling at each other. He’s always running off at night doing God knows what with God knows who. And every time I tell him I’m going to kick him to the curb, he comes back with those big brown eyes and hot body and I take him back into my bed. I just can’t help it.”
I laugh at her dreamy expression. I can tell she’s imagining him as she speaks, but her expression is more amusing than anything. She snaps out of her daydream and looks at me.
“Now back to you. What happened between you and Zane? And don’t tell me it was nothing.”
“Well… it was nothing.” She huffs and opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her. “We weren’t working out. That’s all. I swear.”
“Bullshit. But whatever. You don’t want to tell me that’s fine.”
I want to tell you. I can’t.
“It’s not like that, Zoe. I swear. If something happened, I would tell you. We just didn’t mesh well.”
She stares at me, then sighs.
“Fine. But if I find out you’re hiding something from me, I am going to be so pissed. Like super pissed. Just FYI.”
“Noted.”
“I have to go check on room 42.”, she says. “Think about going out. We really need a girl’s night. Seriously.”
I nod as she walks off, hoping like hell she’ll forget about going out. But I know better. The minute she gets back from her patient, she’ll start on me again. The only way out is to agree to go. What will it hurt? He’s watching over me anyway, so being close to his shop won’t matter. I hope.
“Ma’am.”
The voice sends a shiver up my spine so I know I shouldn’t turn around. I know if I do the person behind me won’t be alive.
“Ma’am.”, he says again more forcefully. “Can you help me? I know you can see me. You’re Ashlyn, right? I was told to look for you here and that you could help me.”
Damnit. Damn ghosts talking to each other. They need to keep their mouths closed.
I think about ignoring him, but when he says my name again, I turn around to face him. I take a step back the minute I see his face. He’s burned. Badly. I’ve only ever seen one other ghost that showed their injuries before. Most of them are normal looking.
“They murdered me.”, he starts, his eyes wide and red as hell. “I need you to help me tell the police who did it. They can’t get away with it.”
“Who? Who killed you?”
“My wife and her lover. She doused the bed with gasoline while I slept one night. And he threw the match. I woke up just in time to see them do it. I was in shock and couldn’t move at first. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. He threw the match and there was no putting it out. I still can’t believe she did it. Twenty years of marriage. I thought we were happy.”
“I’m so sorry.”, I mumble.
“Who are you talking to?”, Jordan asks.
“No one.”
“Okay. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you talking to yourself.”, he teases then grins. “You know that usually doesn’t happen until later in life.”
“Ha ha. Hilarious.”
Jordan has been much cheerier since I stopped seeing Zane. I know he thinks he still might have a chance with me, but I can’t even think about it. For one I can’t stop thinking about Zane. And two, why would I trade in a vampire for a vampire hunter? It would be the same to me. Both would put me in harm’s way constantly.
“So, have you decided yet? We’re going out, right? I know you thought about it and I know you decided that it was a good idea.”, Zoe grins. “I just know you did.”
“Fine. But I swear Zoe. If I say I want to leave, I’m leaving with or without you.”
“Deal.”
To say I’m nervous would be the understatement of the century. The thought of running into Zane is enough to make me want to hurl. And what the hell do I do if he tries to talk to me? What’s really messed up is that part of me hopes I’ll run into him while the other part wants to hide under my covers and not go.
“Calm down Ash. Geez.” Zoe has been watching me for the entire car ride, biting on my nails. They were a pretty pink color. Now they’re all chipped and look like I’ve been in a fight with some sandpaper. “If you see him, act like he isn’t there. Act like he doesn’t matter to you. Even though he obviously still does. Another reason I think something happened. If you just didn’t get along or mesh well, you wouldn’t be so nervous about seeing him.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”, I tell her. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Okay. Tell me what the hell happened.”
“I can’t. I want to tell you, but I can’t. For one I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone, and it’s not a promise I can break. And two, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Great. Now that just makes me want to know more. At
least tell me if you still love him.”
“I do. I can’t stop. I’ve tried. I don’t want to love him, Zoe, but I do.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on. Since you won’t tell me, then I’ll go with this advice. If you love him, then be with him. Unless he’s hurt you in some way?”
“No. He would never hurt me. Not intentionally.”
“Then be with him. It’s so obvious that you love him and from what I could tell, he loves you too. So be with him. Be happy. You deserve it. We all do.”
As we pull into the parking lot, I immediately look towards the tattoo shop but see no signs of him. I know he’s there though. I can feel him. That sounds strange to me, but it’s true. I can feel his presence. When we get inside the bar, I find a table in a corner and take a seat. I’m not here for dancing, music, and fun. I’m here for Zoe.
“I’ll go get us a drink.”, she says, then disappears through the bodies.
Before she gets back, my entire body tingles. He’s near. He’s inside somewhere, but when I search for him, I see nothing. When Zoe finally comes back to the table, she’s armed with two drinks, which I gladly down in seconds.
“Damn girl. Slow down. I don’t want to have to carry you out.”
“Sorry. Just trying to take the edge off.”
“I understand. I’m going to go dance for a bit.” She raises her brow. “You want to come?”
“Uh, no thanks.”
When she vanishes into the crowd of people, I relax back in my seat and wait her out. She’ll be here for a while, I’m sure. I’m working on my second drink when a bunch of yelling breaks out. At first, I think nothing of it, but one voice breaks through that I recognize. Zoe. I jump up and run towards the commotion and stop dead in my tracks. Zoe is standing in front of a very muscular, very sexy man and they are yelling at each other. Zoe looks tiny compared to him, but she’s not backing down.
“Why the fuck are you here?”, she yells at him. “You don’t want a relationship. Remember? You can’t have it both ways.”
The man, which I assume is Jackson by now, runs his hands through his hair.
“That doesn’t mean you need to go out and grind your ass into another man’s crotch.”