by JL Davis
“That sounds nice,” I say, snuggling into his side.
With all the events tonight I am emotionally and physically worn out. Alex has me wrapped in his arms. Alex had asked me what my plan was. I do need to think about that, even though I don’t want to. It scares me, not knowing what my future will bring. I’m going to take it one day at a time. Since I’ve been living with my mom and I paid my car off a couple of years ago, I don’t have any bills. I need to save every penny working for Alex. In a few weeks, I’ll have some money saved, business classes behind me and can find a better job and maybe even keep working for Alex. That will be my plan for now. I’m not going to worry. The man wrapped around me makes me feel loved, happy, and safe. I will be okay.
Chapter Ten
It’s now finally Monday. Alex is going out of town for a couple of days to check on a job in Tennessee so I don’t have his house today. I’m a bit disappointed I won’t see him, but we had a great weekend together and the space will be good for us.
Now I am on the school site deciding what I should do. There are classes online and some I can go to on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and start new classes tomorrow. I could continue working for Alex on Mondays and Thursdays.
After contemplating, I finally make my decision. I’m now officially enrolled and go to my first class tomorrow at nine. I’m nervous. I haven’t been in school in a few years now. I don’t know what to expect when I get there. I want to call Alex, but I don’t want to bother him at work. I’ll text Brittany. She will be excited for me and hopefully ease some of this tension for me. I haven’t talked to her much.
Hey girl! I’m starting class tomorrow.
That’s great! Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been so busy at work lately and you’re so busy on top of my uncle Lol!
Ha Ha very funny. Wanna get lunch or something later?
I wish I could. I brought my lunch today knowing I wouldn’t have time to leave.
You work too hard.
Tell me about it. I need help here. I gotta go. One of the salesman just walked in. He gets on my last nerve. I have enough to do right now.
Ok. Maybe we can get together soon.
The rest of the day is boring. I don’t like not having anything to keep me busy. I do some cleaning and laundry and sit down with a book. Since being with Alex, I haven’t had much time to read lately. I’m not complaining, but reading helps relax me and brings me into someone else’s drama for a change. I can’t help but letting my mind wonder, thinking about what tomorrow will be like. I wish Alex was here to take my mind off it. This book isn’t helping much. I sent him a text earlier, but haven’t gotten a response yet. I’m sure he’s just busy.
The doorbell rings a little after seven. I look through the peep hole and can’t see who it is. It kind of worries me, since I’m here by myself.
When I open the door, all I can see are roses. When they’re finally lowered, I see a face I didn’t expect to see. Alex’s eyes are twinkling in the moonlight and he has a warm smile across his face.
“What are you doing here?” I pull him in and plant a kiss on his lips. I didn’t think it through. I get poked by a few thorns in the process.
“I wanted to hurry back to see you. Is anyone here,” he asks looking past me.
“Nope. It’s just us,” I smile mischievously. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”
He sets the roses on the entry table and lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks me to the living room, laying me on the couch.
“Is it bad that I couldn’t wait to get back to do this?” he asks, between kisses.
“No. I was just thinking about you, wishing you were here.”
“Oh yeah? So, I could do what?”
“Help calm me down and not think. I was nervous about school. I start tomorrow.”
“I’m here now, baby. What can I do to help relax you?”
“You’re doing it,” I moan arching into him.
A while later, we’re still laying on the couch together. He’s running his fingers through my hair and down my back. My head is resting on his shoulder. I can hear his heart beating and I feel more relaxed, and a little tired.
“How is the job going?”
“It’s great. They’re ahead of schedule. Should be finished by Thursday. I’ll have to go back Friday, just to finish up the paperwork.”
“You’re leaving me again?” I say sadly, looking up at him. I’m joking, though.
“Actually, I wanted to see if you wanted to come with me. We could get away for the weekend and have some fun. Memphis isn’t too far from the job.”
“That sounds wonderful. Is it pathetic that I’ve never been to Tennessee?” I ask, scrunching up my face. “I do need to see how the classes go, though, in case I have homework or need to study.”
“I understand. Tennessee is a lot of fun. There’s a lot of live music, bars and restaurants down Beale Street. I don’t like staying out too late though. It gets very crowded and can get sort of chaotic.”
“How are you okay being in huge crowds there, but basically stay home all the time?” I’m confused.
He sighs, “No one knows me there. Everyone knows me here. You see how your mom reacted at first the other night.”
“Yes, and you also see that what she thought was wrong and she even apologized. You need to allow people to see you, so they can get to know you and know that you’re not the monster you were made out to be. They only know the rumors from the case, Alex. I didn’t know any of it. Not everyone in this freaking town does.” I’m slightly agitated. I want him to just deal with it and move on. I want him to move on with me.
Alex chuckles, “You were younger, Jessa. You didn’t keep up with the news I’m sure.”
“I didn’t and I still don’t. It’s depressing. Can you please just try?”
“I’ve gotten so used to being in this bubble. It’s my comfort zone. Ya know?”
“I get that, but for us to work, Alex, I won’t be in a bubble forever.” I look up, searching his face trying to see what he’s thinking. He looks guarded, but his face softens and he caresses my cheek.
“I’ll do anything to be with you, Jessa. I love you. You said forever. Do you see us being together, forever?”
I smile, “I do. I could, but you must quit allowing yourself to be like this. It’s not healthy. I was thinking of a way that could help change people’s perception of you, even though it doesn’t matter. What do you think about donating to a battered woman’s shelter or maybe starting your own charity for women or something like that?”
“That sounds like a great idea. I just don’t want a lot of exposure from it,” he frowns.
“That’s kind of the point of it. I want people to see what I see in you. You’re an amazing person.”
“Why couldn’t I have met you first?” He shakes his head taking a deep breath then kissing me as if it would be our last. He does that a lot and it worries me that he doesn’t think we can last through all of this. Only we can, if he will try and let me help him.
“Alex, I may not have been your first love, but I want to be the last. Please, just let me help you.” I feel a tear fall. I don’t want to cry about this but I want him to deal with this. He can’t continue living like this.
“Okay.” He wipes the tear away. “Please don’t be upset. We can talk more about it soon. Let’s go upstairs to bed. You need a good night’s sleep to be ready for your first day of school tomorrow. I don’t know why that sounded so creepy saying that.” He laughs and then carries me up to bed.
Alex helps me get through the night, not stressing about school, but I now keep thinking about him and how he lives his life of solitude. It’s such a sad situation and I hope I can help him through it. If he doesn’t I’m afraid we won’t be able to stay together. It’s not healthy.
Chapter Eleven
I wake up to the smell of bacon. I throw on Alex’s shirt and hurry downstairs. When I reach the kitchen, I
stop at the sight. Alex is facing the stove in his boxers, stirring something. Seeing his toned back muscles moving as he stirs is such a great thing to see first thing in the morning. It’s so hot, seeing your man cooking for you.
I sneak up behind him before he notices me and kiss his shoulder. I startle him and he jumps, stepping backwards right on my toes.
“Ow.” I hop back. “That wasn’t how I saw that going in my head.”
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?” His eyes skim back up my body to my hair, mangled around my face. When he looks me over like that I feel so anxious, and turned on at the same time. My body feels like it heats as his eyes roam over me.
“You look really hot in my t-shirt,” he says, wrapping his arms around me, coming in for a kiss. I cover my mouth quickly and he furrows his brows.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” I giggle stepping around him. “You’re about to burn the bacon.”
“Shit!” When he flips, it pops and he jumps in front of me to block the grease from hitting me. He instantly hisses.
“Are you okay?” I ask concerned.
He chuckles turning to face me, “I’m a man, Jessa. A little grease can’t hurt me.” He quickly steals a kiss and then wears a triumphant smile. “I wanted to make you breakfast before school. My mom always said it was the most important meal of the day, but seeing you in my shirt, I think she may have been wrong.”
Alex kisses me goodbye and wishes me luck. We plan on dinner tonight so I can tell him about my first day.
I get in my car with a smile. When he’s gone from view my smile instantly falls. I’m so nervous. I wish he could come with me. That basically ruins any of my plans to feel more independent and not be so consumed by a man, by him, but he makes it so hard. I wish he could see himself the way I do.
I pull in the parking lot and it is basically full. I find a couple of spots all the way in the back, lucky me. I sit here, taking a few deep breaths before getting out and heading inside. I feel like this is the first day of high school all over again, only then I had Amber with me. I wasn’t alone. I need to get over myself and just do this. I’ll be fine. I just have a weird feeling. I guess it’s the newness and the not knowing what’s going to happen.
I walk through the doors and there are people buzzing around with backpacks and laptop cases, knowing exactly where they need to go. I see a sign on the wall the has arrows pointing in different directions. I see the arrow for the office and walk that way.
I walk in and there’s a little old lady with glasses in a floral dress smiling as I walk in.
“Hello! How can I help you?”
“Hi. This is my first day. I’m Jessa Phillips, taking the business class.”
“Okay. Let me print out your schedule for you and you’ll be all set,” she smiles warmly.
“Thank you.” I watch her walk away briefly, returning with my schedule.
“Here ya go. Have a great first day and if you have any questions feel free to come back and ask me.” I wish I could be as happy as she is to be here. I know this is going to help me so much with finding a career. I just need to get this first day behind me and I’ll feel a lot better.
After walking down a long hallway with many doors I finally find my classroom. One more deep breath before I open the door and walk inside. I scan the room and many of the students stop and look at me, going right back to their conversations as if I wasn’t there. The teacher isn’t here, yet, so I walk to the back of the class and take the only seat left.
I scan the room and see a girl who looks familiar. I can’t place her name, but I know we went to school together. We weren’t friends, though. I think we may have had a couple of classes together. She catches me looking at her. I probably look like a moron staring, but it’s bugging me what her name is. She smiles, so I guess I didn’t freak her out. I smile in return as the door opens. Holy shit! The teacher looks like he missed his calling. He’s really cute. It shouldn’t be too hard to pay attention in this class at all.
He walks in and smiles. His eyes land on me and he smiles wider.
“Hello. You’re new. Welcome to the class.” I smile, not saying a word. I don’t want all this attention to stay focused on me. He passes out a few papers for us to look over for a quiz before the end of class.
I think I did well. After a couple of hours in here it’s now time for a thirty-minute lunch break before my next class. I am quite hungry. I hope the food is better here than it was in high school.
I follow the signs for the food court and after a few halls and turns to the right I find it. I could get lost here. It’s bigger than I imagined. Looking around, I’m grateful there are a few options to eat. The setup is very similar to the food court in the mall. There’s a spot with pizza, another with different kinds of sandwiches, a salad bar, and finally, a Starbucks. Thank God.
I decide on a turkey sandwich with a sweet tea to drink. I find an unoccupied table and sit facing the rest of the area so I can people watch. There’s a good hundred or so people in seats or in lines, chatting and eating their lunches. Mine actually tastes good. I’m surprised for school food, but we’re not kids anymore so they have to up the flavor, I guess.
When I’m almost finished, I see the girl from class that I can’t remember heading towards me.
“You’re Jessa, right?”
“Yes. You look very familiar. We went to school together, didn’t we?”
“I think we had civics together in ninth grade. I’m Julie,” she says, taking a seat across from me. “So, I heard about Amber and Tyler.” Wow! She didn’t waste any time fishing for gossip.
“Yeah. It is what it is.” I’m not giving her any details. “It’s all for the best. I’ve found a great man. He’s amazing.”
“That’s great. Did you know Tyler also goes here?” My face falls with this information.
“No I didn’t. What’s he taking? How not to be a cheating douchebag?”
She laughs. “I think he’s taking a business class and a culinary class. Maybe more. I’m not too sure.”
“I hope he’s not in my next class with me, then,” I frown, pulling out my schedule.
“I hate to break it to you but he is in that class with us. I also have it.”
“Fuck,” I say, looking at her quickly. “Sorry.”
“You’re fine, really. I heard it all and have probably said more.”
Lunch is over. Julie and I walk to our next class together. She seems nice enough. We weren’t friends in high school. She was a real bookworm type. She’s small, very pale and has glasses. I think she could be gorgeous if she tried. I don’t think she cares, though. I’m glad she’s walking with me and knows where she’s going. The closer we get to the class, the more bitter I become. I do not want to see him. I’m not sure what I might do. I don’t want to make a fool of myself or seem like the crazy girl in school.
Julie stops at the door turning towards me and smiles sweetly.
“You can sit by me if you want. There aren’t desks. We sit two to a table. I never have anyone sitting with me,” she looks to the floor, embarrassed.
“That would be great. Thank you so much.”
We walk in and I instantly feel his eyes on me, and it sickens me. I want to scratch his eyes out and I haven’t even seen him, yet. I look straight ahead, following Julie to the table.
“Did you see him staring at you?” she whispers.
“I tried not to see where he was, but I could feel it.”
“Well he’s right in front of you.” I look up and as I do he turns around.
“Hey, Jessa,” he says a bit nervously. He’s smiling and I want to knock his teeth down his throat. I don’t reply. I act like I didn’t even hear him and open my notebook and retrieve my pen, getting ready for class to begin. He’s making me very uncomfortable. He’s still watching me.
Our teacher walks in and he looks like Colonel Sanders. He passes out a few papers for us to complete in class and that keeps Tyler from bothering me.
He also gives us an assignment for homework. It’s based on where we see ourselves in five years. I think it will be fun, and it makes me think of Alex.
“What’s got you smiling?”
I’m pulled from my thoughts and realize Tyler is speaking to me and my face falls.
“My boyfriend, actually.” I say rudely.
“Oh. You’re still with that guy?”
“Yes, I am, and he’s great.”
“Huh,” he says, turning around.
The class ends and shortly after Julie and I reach her car.
“Thanks a lot, for letting me sit with you. You have no idea how much you helped me through this day.”
“No problem. It was nice to have someone sit with me.” I feel bad for her. She seems very lonely and she seems quiet, most of the time. I’ll have to invite her over or maybe we can go out sometime. I think we could be friends.
I wave and start towards my car, all the way in the back of the lot. I can hear someone coming up behind me and I know it’s Tyler. I’m not turning around to check.
“Jessa, wait up,” he says trying to catch his breath as he comes up beside me.
“What do you want, Tyler?” I sigh, turning towards him, waiting to hear the bullshit that’s about to fall out of his mouth.
“Do you have time to go for coffee and maybe talk for a few minutes?”
“No. I don’t, and even if I did, I don’t want to spend any time with you.”
“Because of him?” He now has an attitude.
“Um. Even if I didn’t have Alex I wouldn’t want anything to do with you. You fucked my best friend in our bed. That’s not something you get over, or even want to. I’m done.” I reach for my door handle and he grabs my arm spinning me around to look at him. I’m in total shock that he put his hands on me. I jerk away, but he holds my arm tighter.
“Let go of me!” I yell.
He looks around, making sure I hadn’t drawn attention to us. Being in the back of the parking lot, where most of the teachers park ,there’s no one around.