by C A Nicks
A gift from the gods? If so, he thanked them with all his heart. Everything he learned here would be put to good use - that he vowed. This thing called love most of all. It warmed him in a way no tribute or accolade ever had. Now that he’d known love, how could he live without it?
“I’m sorry it wasn’t much.” Tig pushed the remains of the loaf at him. “Finish it. I’ll make more tomorrow morning.”
“A simple meal, Tig, but more to me than you will ever know. Will you sit with me by the hearth? I would spend some time in contemplation and would have your company.”
“Sure, I’ll go get my knitting. Washing up can wait until tomorrow. Worried about what you saw today?”
“More about my reaction to it.” He pushed back his chair and rose. “When first I arrived in this world I experienced fear. Fear of the unknown. But I’m discovering that fear of the known is just as potent.”
“The devil you know is just as badass as the devil you don’t. Fear is a good thing, Fabian. Without it you get cocky and cocky makes mistakes that can get a man killed. I’ll bring you down some clean clothes. You look cold.”
“Thank you.”
Already she seemed to have bounced back from her encounter with Hal, while he was still wading through a quagmire of unfamiliar feelings. But then she understood that brooding wasted valuable time that could be spent living. His feisty little teacher. She would show him how to stay alive, how to win. And if forced to remain on this world, he would make her proud and keep her firmly at his side.
Clattering sounds on the stairs and then she danced back into the room bearing dark pants and a blue workman’s shirt. She didn’t look away when he unwound the drying-cloth and threw it across the armchair. He didn’t want her to. Her appreciative gaze made him feel like the strongest man alive.
For a look like that, he would do anything she asked.
“I need you, Tig. Don’t let Hal drive you away. You have no idea how much I need you right now.”
“I know you do. Don’t worry. A pack of rabid wolves wouldn’t drive me away.”
She looked touched. Immeasurably pleased that someone wanted her as much as he did. His heart ached to tell her exactly how much.
A declaration was becoming inevitable.
* * * *
As it usually did when building towards a crisis, time began to speed by, gathering momentum until there were whole days Tig could not account for. How many weeks since Hal turned up with the leather jerkin and pants, the studded body-armour? The first time she’d seen Fabian in warrior’s garb she’d nearly thrown up.
Lately, his doubts had been replaced by at least an exterior calm, for which she thanked god. She could only hope his mind was in the same place. Hal had voiced everyone’s secret thought that Fabian’s presence couldn’t be kept from Warrington for much longer, which meant the dreaded date raced ever nearer and she had no idea how much time was left to them.
She, who prided herself on her stoicism and forbearance, was falling apart inside.
“He’s come on better than I thought.”
Hal had beaten a tactical retreat since their words in the kitchen. Biding his time, she imagined, with the certainty of a man who knew he would ultimately get what he wanted.
“I never doubted him.”
She forced herself to keep looking, when she wanted to turn away from the sight and sound of Fabian, hands wound with strips of cloth, punching the stuffing out of a bag filled with sand hanging from the door-frame of the barn. The extra muscle was all natural. The refusal to take the roids a matter of pride.
“You’ve got to talk him into those roids.” Hal stroked his beard, coolly appraising the man on whom he’d pinned his hopes of a fortune. “We’ve too much invested to pander to his lofty sensibilities. Support level’s reached a critical point, now. If we don’t act soon, someone will blab to Warrington and blow the whole thing open.”
Fabian missed the bag and punched his knuckle into the sharp end of the door-frame. She watched him close his eyes, compose himself and then get right on with beating the hell out of the bag. Tig folded her arms to stop herself from rushing forward to kiss it better.
“Any luck with a mage yet?”
“That’s what I came over to tell him. Might have some good news there.”
A thud of dismay hit her in the chest. She shook it off. A mage was a good thing. What Fabian wanted.
“Please tell me it’s not Jenka. The man’s as big a fraud as I’ve ever seen.”
“He fled east after Carson was killed. No, made some discreet enquiries in town and what do you know, there may be something in this time-portal thing. Best lead isn’t the person I would have chosen. We’re talking serious black arts, here, vortexes, hell dimensions, time bending, but if Fabian wants to go home, she’s our best hope.”
“She?” The dismay turned into a twist of gut-clenching fear. Tig turned her horrified face to Hal. “I thought all the madjinas had been killed in the last purge. Where did you find her?”
Hal gave her a grin that showed off his new gold tooth. “They’re still there, if you know where to look.”
“And they’re dangerous as hell as well as downright evil. No way can you trust her, you must know that?”
Hal made a non-committal noise. “Fabian asked. I found her. If he’s willing to take the risk, who are we to argue?”
“We’re his friends, that’s who we are. You may not care if this madjna sends him to hell instead of home, but I sure do. I won’t allow it.”
“You won’t be able to stop it. Do you know how badly he wants to go home?”
She glanced again at Fabian, fighting now with renewed vigour. If he punched any harder he would break down the door.
“You should have seen his face when I told him. He may or may not be delusional, but if that madjina can open a portal, he’ll jump right in without hesitation. I’ve felt his need, Tig. Never known a man want something as much as he does.”
“And what will this cost?” She sat heavily on the porch step to stop herself falling. Mages were versed in smoke and mirrors, small magic, a bit of contact with the dead. Nothing serious enough to take Fabian and deposit him in another time and another place. No matter how much he’d wished that to happen, she’d never believed it would. She still didn’t. “Will there be blood?” She almost didn’t dare ask. In the fairy tales of old, the evil madjinas never worked for anything less than blood.
Hal ruffled her hair, causing her to jerk away from his roving hand. “Let me worry about that.” His expression softened. “The man’s leaving you one way or another. You must have come to terms with that by now.”
“It’s win win for you, isn’t it?” She returned his look with one of cold contempt. “You don’t care where he ends up, do you?”
Hal dropped down beside her, elbows resting on his knees. Along with the new gold tooth, two new rings adorned his fingers. The gloves hanging from his belt were of the finest kid.
“Not particularly, no. He beats Warrington, I get paid and leave. Warrington kills him, I get to stay and prosper anyway. I care only for me and you.”
“And Sunas?”
“Well, of course and Sunas. Fabian’s asked to meet the madjina.” He gave a snort of laughter. “The man doesn’t trust me and after all I’ve done for him. Wants to see her for himself before the event. I’m bringing her here so they can talk. Work out a price.”
“No.” Tig shot to her feet so fast she nearly overbalanced. “Not on my land. I will not have one of those devils on my land.”
“Tig, Tig.” Hal spoke to her in a tone reserved for a child too stupid to understand what was going on. “You lost control of this the day I walked into your studio and found out what you’d been hiding. Now stop causing a scene, you’re putting him off his training. And if you do that he might well lose everything. Do you understand?”
Fabian had stopped at her shout. Seen her struggling with Hal who was now trying to pull her back down onto the step
. Face set, he started towards them.
“And that’s my cue to leave.” Hal pushed himself up and waved a hasty goodbye, almost tripping over the small stack of supplies he’d unloaded from his wagon. “Two days,” he said holding up two fingers to Fabian. “See you then.”
Fabian snatched up a drying-cloth from the porch rail and rubbed at the back of his neck, sweeping it over the rivulets of sweat zig-zagging down his chest and arms. Feet apart, he stood before her while she stared down at his scuffed boots and listened to him breathe.
“Fabian, what’s happening in two days?”
“Hal’s bringing someone over. Seems he’s found a mage powerful enough to get me home.”
“Who might be powerful enough.”
“Tig, I know you don’t want me to go.”
“I don’t want to see you die. There’s a big difference.”
“Come here.”
He held out his arms, waiting for her to step into them. She did because time with him was looking more finite by the day and she wanted all the contact she could get. Curving her fingers around his massive arms, she wondered what it took to hold onto a man like him. More than she had to offer? How could two people love each other this much and still not move earth and sky to be together?
“Love the way you smell when you’ve been training.” She took a deep, appreciative sniff, printing the scent into her memory. “She’s not coming here, Fabian. Not on my land, not in my house.”
“You would deny me this chance?” He sounded surprised she would deny him anything. Too used to her pandering to his every whim like some love-sick fool.
“She’s not coming here. They’re evil and I want nothing to do with them. And if you had any sense, you wouldn’t either. They deal in demons and death and they scare me.”
His hand moved on her back, rubbing soothing circles. He murmured soft words into her hair, words in his own tongue.
“I have experience of demons. In the right hands, they can be controlled. My good sense has not deserted me, I will exercise caution. I wish merely to assess her skills. She may be able to give me the edge in the fight, if nothing else.”
“Oh dear god, tell me you’re joking.” She clutched him tighter, as if she thought he might run off right there to seal a deal with the demons of hell. “Take the roids if you need that edge, but not even Warrington would contemplate what you’re thinking. You’ll sell your soul and then jump into a portal that will take you straight to hell. I won’t let you do it.”
“The choice is mine not yours.”
“False hope, Fabian. Hal’s selling you false hope. I wouldn’t help you go home to your rivers of blood, and I won’t help you in this. And I’m not sorry. I’d rather you hated me and lived rather than thank me as you go to your doom.”
Okay, melodramatic, she knew, but poor man, the hope in his voice was tragic to hear.
“The rivers of blood are becoming optional.” He spoke with no trace of irony, cradling her face with his large hands, speaking from the heart. “I ache to stand on Anxur soil again, even for one brief moment. To speak with my true-brother once more. Your family is dead. Mine is still out there, somewhere in time and space. This madjina may be able to locate him. Can you blame me for wishing to try?”
She couldn’t. She could only fear for him and do what was within her power to keep him safe.
A fat raindrop splashed onto her arm, followed by another. A bright arc of lightning sliced through the sky, illuminating the yard in electric blue. She moved back under the cover of the porch. Fabian remained in place, tipping his face towards the deluge as if welcoming the battering of the storm. Both dogs cowered beside her, whining, looking at her and then at him as if to ask why she wasn’t out there dragging him away from the storm’s fury.
As the thunder rumbled, he lifted both arms to the sky and cried out in words she didn’t understand. Rain beaded on his face forming droplets that hung and dripped from his nose, his chin, the tips of his hair. Every muscle rigid, he trembled with the effort of what? He had once commanded the storm. That he no longer did was painfully apparent.
“Come inside,” she said softly. “It’s dangerous out there.”
He tried again, renewing his efforts to harness the storm, his voice choking with rising frustration.
“Come inside,” she said again. “You’re no longer that man.”
Fabian turned his face, making no move to come into the dry. “I’m starting to forget who he was. Do you know how terrifying that is?”
“That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Fetch him,” she commanded the dogs. “Bring him inside where he belongs.”
Both dogs streaked from the porch in a blur of dark fur. One caught Fabian’s pants in its teeth while the other barked out a sharp command to get out of the storm and into the dry where he belonged. Fabian bent his head and showed his teeth in a feral grin causing the dogs to drop and cower before him. He stooped to ruffle their wet fur before running for the porch, the dogs at his heels.
Three wet bodies shook themselves vigorously, splashing her so she shrieked and flailed to fend them off. Fabian was having none of that. Grabbing her, he pressed her to his damp body and kissed the breath from her.
“So, you will help me with the madjina?”
She shook her head. “I may love you, but I won’t be your pushover. The answer is still no.”
A look of surprise quickly replaced the flash of disappointment.
“You love me?”
She smiled wearily. How could he look so surprised, after all they’d been through? At least, she hoped that was surprise. What if it was shock and she’d misinterpreted everything?
No, he’d already said his feelings ran to more than like. No man touched a woman the way he did without feeling something for her.
“I was planning to tell you in one last grand gesture before you disappeared off home. When it wouldn’t look as if I was trying to influence you. This doesn’t have to change anything—“
His fingers stopped the rest of her babbling. He let them linger on her bottom lip before stroking them lightly over her cheek. He was silent for so long she thought he must surely be composing her a dear Jane letter.
“How can it change things when we are only voicing what we both already know?”
“You knew I loved you?” Widening her eyes, she kept her tone flippant, a little embarrassed now at having spoken when she’d been so determined to hold back.
“I was speaking of us both. In matters of the heart I am but a child. This feeling though, here inside of me.” He took her hand and guided it to the centre of his chest. “When I look at you, my heart clenches and I soften inside in a most alarming manner. Is that love?”
“Oh, Fabian.” His cheeks had taken on a decidedly pink tinge. “Only you would find love alarming. But now you mention it, isn’t it always? I’ve never worried more about anything since the day I realised my feelings for you. My hair will be grey by the time this is over.”
“No. You will be old and wise when your hair turns. As it should be.”
“And you won’t be here to see it.”
“If I win my fight and find my magic that may be the case.”
Honest to the last. She couldn’t ask more than that.
“So where does this leave us?”
“Us?”
He mouthed the word, as if testing the sound of it, the implication. She’d stepped over a line with that word and there was no going back. She wasn’t martyr material, no matter how much she fantasised about giving everything up for love. Of watching him walk into his sunset while she waved him off with hidden tears.
Women spent entirely too much of their time sitting around waiting for men to notice what was under their noses. For them to make all the decisions. Nothing wrong with letting a man know you wanted him.
As long as you were strong enough to deal with the rejection.
A small voice in her head urged caution. From the look on Fabian’s face, she’d
said enough. The rest was up to him. Giving voice to her feelings had at least clarified the thoughts jumbling her mind.
She wasn’t letting him go without a fight.
Chapter 16
Us. Not a word that figured large in his vocabulary. Some rulers used the royal “We” to denote they served and acted for their people. He’d preferred to hog all the glory for himself.
Asshole would be the word Tig used to describe that man. He was beginning to agree with her.
She’d left him to his thoughts, busying herself with the business of eking out an existence from this thing she called a life.
Stay. Why not? Build a life here with this woman who would excite and entertain him. Who would love and nurture him. All that stood in the way was the no small matter of pride. The blaze in his heart had died down to embers, but it was still there, a small burning need to prove himself in this strange world. To go home and salvage his family honour.
Now he knew about the madjina, he could do no less than meet her and test her ability. Then he would decide what to do with that knowledge. How better to show his love for Tig than walking away from the opportunity to go home?
Would a return to his immortality merely condemn him to an eternity of worrying about the woman he left behind?
Humanity was indeed a curse. This growing conscience a weight about his neck, dragging him back to unanswered questions when he wished to move forward and act.
“Want to come for a ride?”
Tig called from the middle of the yard, wiping soil from her hands after sowing seeds he would never see grow.
“We need to get out of here for a bit, and I want to show you something. Let’s take out the Sunday rig. Go out like a proper lady and gentleman. What do you say?”
Her abundant hair hung in a rope at her back. Clothes that might once have fit her hung from her bony frame. Her eyes made dark shadows in the paler oval of her face. And yet he desired her. He who had never looked past the physical found in her a beauty that startled him. How many women like her had he missed over the years?
Fabian pushed to his feet. Thinking that way would drive him insane.