by Rosa Swann
Then there is an excited scream. “Wilder!”
In all of the busyness, Maddy’s head full of curls is easy to recognise, and she comes running right for me. I kneel down, coming down to her height and the next moment her arms are around me.
“You’re here!” She’s so excited that I can’t help but laugh.
“I’m here.” I hug her tight, glad to see that she’s doing well.
“Are you staying?” She pulls back a little, looking at me closely.
“At least for a few days.” I won’t be making promises I won’t be able to keep.
Maddy’s smile is blinding, then she looks up. “Daddy! He’s here!”
Sterling blushes a little. “Yes, he is. Now, let’s get home.” He takes her hand, and Maddy grabs it, then she reaches out for me to take her other hand.
I swallow hard as I grab her hand, she’s so much easier at showing her affection than either of her fathers. As we walk back to the car, I can feel the eyes on us, and I’m pretty sure I’m blushing. Of course people here know about Logan and to then see his Omega and child be so easy with another Alpha so soon... that’s gotta be the thing of rumours. I hope it’s not going to reflect badly on Maddy or really either of them.
When we get back to the car, Sterling straps Maddy in the back and then looks at me. “Don’t worry so much. You’re worrying.” He smiles and shakes his head, then he gets in on the driver’s side of the car.
I get in the car myself and as I put my seatbelt on I stop, looking up at someone, someone who looks very annoyed with me.
“Wilder.” Sterling snaps me out of it. “Don’t pay attention to them. They don’t know us. They don’t know what happened.”
I nod, looking away, looking at the street and not the people. Why does Sterling make it seem so much easier?
As we drive off, Maddy starts chattering about something that happened at school and Sterling seems to ask exactly the right questions at the right times to keep her going. It’s calming. I forgot that they were like this. I don’t know how I forgot, but being with Sterling and Maddy relaxes me a little. Then I remember why I’m with them.
On the phone, Sarah told me that Logan’s parents want to fight the will, they want to take away all that they can from me and have Sterling and Maddy under their direct control. Sterling would be like a kept pet instead of the independent man I’ve gotten to know, and Maddy... I’ve seen how they treated Sarah. There is no way that I’d allow them to do that to this amazing little girl, not if I have any power to change that. I couldn’t help Sarah, and I couldn’t stop Logan, but I can help Sterling and Maddy, and I will, for the rest of my life. I don’t need a note from Logan to ask this of me. They’re mine, they’re mine to protect.
The driveway comes into view, and I’m glad to see only my car in front of the house. Logan’s parents aren’t here, yet. I know that they may come here at any time, and I don’t want them to tell their distorted idea of the ‘truth’ about my relationship with Logan. Logan mated me, I’m legally his mate. No matter my status, no matter that I’m an Alpha. I’m legally his mate and leaving things in his will to me trumps his parents’ wishes. I may never have used my mating to him for anything in the past, but I will use my mating to Logan, my mating of Sterling, anything to keep this family together. But I also know that Logan’s parents may try to bury us in paperwork or legal fees or anything like that. Trying to tire us out enough that we won’t fight anymore, that we’ll just go with the easiest option. I’m not going to let that happen. They may have tired out Logan enough that he left me, but I won’t give up. Not this time.
I get out of the car and Sterling stops me before I can go into the house, his eyes are serious as he looks at me. “Tell me. Honestly. Are we in danger?”
I reach up, touching his cheek, wanting to kiss him but resisting it. “No. I’m just here to make sure that it stays that way too.”
He nods, taking my hand and holding it. “Please don’t shoulder this on your own. I’m here too.”
“I know. I’ll explain it better tonight.” I just hope that I get to explain it before anyone else does.
He looks at me for a moment, a curiosity in his eyes. “Okay. I’m keeping you to that.” He lets me go and walks into the house.
I want to reach out, to pull him close and to let him know how hard I’ll fight for him. But it’s not a good idea, not when he’s got no idea.
“Wilder!” Maddy comes running back to the front door, holding out a drawing. “I made this! Look, it’s our garden! Come see!” She grabs my hand and drags me along to the back, where the garden has grown a lot since I was last here. The rest of the afternoon I spend with Maddy, checking out all the different vegetables and plants growing in the garden, listening to her talk about them and, for once, I also have things to say, I have knowledge that Maddy is so keen on. Those books I’ve been reading really do come in handy now.
“Maddy! Wilder!” I look up, and Sterling is standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “Dinner is ready.”
Already? I didn’t even realise so much time had passed. When I look down at myself and Maddy, we’re both covered in dirt, and I can’t help but laugh. It’s nice to have gotten so lost in such a simple thing for a while.
Sterling laughs as we come back into the house. “Both of you, go clean yourself. I’m not letting you at the table like this.”
The kitchen smells good, and I’m tempted to check what it is exactly, but Sterling steps between me and the stove, glaring at me.
“Clean and change, now.”
“Fine, fine. I’m gone.” I laugh as I make my way down to the hallway and grab my bag, but when I open the guest room, I stop. This room definitely looks lived-in right now.
Sterling’s footsteps behind me startle me. “Yeah, sorry. I sort of moved here. I realised I couldn’t sleep in the bedroom upstairs and I guess this doesn’t bring back as many memories.” He looks around the room, and I reach out, touching him on his arm carefully.
“Have you been sleeping at least?” He looks better than when I saw him last, but that doesn’t really say anything…
“A little.” He holds my hand and shakes his head. “Not as well as I’d like. But...” Shrugging, he lets go of me again. “That’s not something I can fix easily. Would be nice though, but I don’t think it’s realistic right now. It’ll just take time.”
I open my mouth to say something, comfort him. But I don’t have the words, especially when he looks this lost. “I’ll go get changed.” I grab a change of clothes and make my way to the bathroom. Being back, it’s comforting and a little weird at the same time. Especially with the things we now know. Specifically with the things I now know about what Logan has done... What he put in his will... But above all, coming back here feels like coming home, no matter how messed up that is.
I quickly change, taking a peek into Sterling and Logan’s bedroom, which is pristine and definitely doesn’t look slept in. It doesn’t even looks like it’s used for much else either.
Maddy knocks on the bathroom door. “Dinner!” Then her little footsteps race down the stairs and hallway, and I follow her. Smiling.
Dinner is easy and comfortable, Maddy tells me about the things that happened while I was gone, sometimes making Sterling blush very interestingly, then I try to make my job sound much more interesting to her than it really is and before we know it, it’s over. Maddy is off to play before bed, leaving me in the kitchen with Sterling. Finally some relaxing time on our own. I help him with the dishes, and when we’re finished, I wrap my arms around him.
First he tries to step away, but then he leans in closer, holding me tighter.
“How are you feeling?” It can’t be easy, all of this and being pregnant all at the same time.
“I’m good.” He looks up at me, then he comes up a little and gives me a soft kiss. He steps back, blushing a little. “Sorry, been wanting to do that all day.”
“You’re not the only one.” I smile, and Ste
rling looks back at me, smiling too. “Though not as much when you were yelling at me when you stormed into my house.” I laugh, and his eyes go wide.
“That was so stupid of me. I was just... so upset.” He shakes his head. “I just couldn’t believe it. I... I still can’t really believe it. Why Logan would do that.”
“As much as I may have answers to your questions. I don’t have the answer to that one.” Out of all the things, Logan’s will is the one thing that has baffled me the most about everything going on.
“Yeah. I don’t think we’ll ever get a proper answer either.” He steps away. “I’m going to get Maddy ready for bed. Can you make some coffee? You sound like we may need it.”
“Sure. Will do.” We may also need something much stronger than coffee, much much stronger. But in Sterling’s state, that’s not really a possibility. Poor man.
I make the coffee as I try to come up with ways to tell Sterling about my past with Logan, about why he may have written the will the way he did, about why I am where I am now in life. It’s all connected, but it’s scary. Can I tell exactly what happened? Will that make both Logan and me look so much different than Sterling believes us to be? At the same time, there is just no way to hide all of this. Even if it means sleeping on the couch for me. Even if it means that Sterling won’t talk to me anymore. That he won’t want to have anything to do with me.
But I’m going to have to take that gamble. I’m going to have to, or I’ll have to keep living with these secrets, and those secrets will put us both in situations that can be abused by Logan’s parents. I refuse to give them that type of power over us, over me, not with the rest of the mess that’s going on. I just can’t give them that type of control over us, especially not if we’re going to move forward as a family.
Up until now, I’ve kept my mouth about what happened between Logan and me. Nobody but Sarah knows what really happened. But she was there for me when I needed her most because she knew that Logan wouldn’t. It’s a side of Logan I’ve never been able to fully understand, but also a side that I’ve never been able to forgive. Him leaving me, it broke me, and I’ve never been able to fully recover from it.
For all the silly ideas of choosing Sterling as my mate if we’d met under different circumstances... The reality is that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have done anything, and that realisation doesn’t make me feel better about myself at all.
4. Sterling
I quietly leave Maddy’s room, she’s been fighting me again. Ever since Wilder left, she’s been trying to push the rules. She couldn’t understand why he had to leave or why he wasn’t immediately coming back. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also had to keep in mind that no matter what happened, Wilder may have never come back into our lives again. It was a choice that I made, or in a way, that Wilder made for us. But all this time, it was me who could go back to him if I wanted, and I never reached out.
I know why he left, why he asked me what he did. It would have been unfair to push myself onto Wilder after having just lost Logan, and Wilder, having lost his mate himself, he understood that. He’s been through this before... He knows how easy it would be to try to fill up the void inside me with someone else, without considering their feelings or considering my own in the long run.
But for Maddy... She’s too young, to her it felt like she lost another person she was getting attached to, and that must have been hard for her. But to see her so happy to see Wilder again, that was amazing too. She doesn’t do that with anyone else, which has made me a little worried in the past. She doesn’t connect to people easily, so to have someone she likes taken from her, again, I was afraid it would harm her.
I walk down the stairs, I want to know about Wilder’s past, but at the same time... Seeing the way he’s broken down before when I asked about things makes me unhappy to force it. But now, we need to talk about Logan, and somehow, his past and Logan have been connected in some way. Which would make sense with the things that Logan left him in his will. We’ll need to talk about these things. Even if it’s about his past with his Alpha.
Wilder looked so ashamed when he talked about that before, about his Alpha. I know that some look down on it, an Alpha with an Alpha or an Omega with another Omega, like those things are shameful because they’re not naturally how we’re supposed to work. Like the only natural relationships are the ones that can produce children... I’ve seen people getting disowned over things like that, and I’ve heard even worse… But I can’t blame someone for falling in love with someone else. Because if that is wrong, then what is me falling— me being mated by Wilder? Isn’t that just as bad? First one Alpha, and then another?
Wilder comes out of the living room, his eyes on me for a moment. “I was about to grab us coffee, you go sit on the couch.” His voice is soft, caring, hiding the fear I can see in his eyes.
“Sure.” I walk into the living room, surprised by what I find there. Wilder has put some candles out and draped blankets on the couch. He’s made this into much more than just a talk, at least it’s more than just a talk now. I sit down on the couch, making myself comfortable.
Wilder sits down next to me, putting our mugs with coffee on the low table in front of us. “I thought that doing this may take the nerves away a little. Keeping me busy for a moment and making it all less scary.” He looks uncomfortable, his eyes on everything but me.
“Did it work?”
“No.” He shakes his head, and we fall into an uncomfortable silence.
“Wilder...” I’m as nervous as he is. I know he feels like he needs to do this, but I don’t think either of us has any idea how to start.
“Is there anything you really want to know about me?” His voice is low, and he’s still not looking at me.
“Everything.” As I say it, I mean it. There isn’t just one specific thing that I want to know, need to know. I really do want to know everything about Wilder, his past, his present, everything.
That gets me a little smile. “I was thinking about something more specific.”
I know. But at least he’s smiling now and doesn’t look as scared. I realise that I need to clear up one thing first, one thing that has been bugging me since this morning. “You said that you hadn’t seen Logan in years, is that why he never said anything about you? Him leaving you so much in his will means that it’s weird that I had no idea you existed. Right?” It’s been the one part that I can’t make sense of.
He nods, thinking for a moment. “You may have heard about me, somewhere in interactions between Logan and Sarah or Logan and his parents, but you probably didn’t know it was about me specifically. I’ve probably never been named, or not by my real name anyway.” His words are carefully chosen, not revealing more than he wants. Which is annoying, but I guess he’ll tell me later on anyway, hopefully.
“Did Logan know your mate?” Time wise, that would make sense, right?
Wilder flinches and tenses. “I’m not ready to talk about that yet. Different question.”
That’s odd, but I guess I can move on for now. “How did you find out about the funeral?” I’m not really good at doing this questions thing, am I? Or maybe Wilder isn’t good at giving me enough information to actually ask follow-up questions.
“My sister told me. She’s friends with Sarah.”
“Sarah didn’t call you herself? Or anyone else?” This is hard to believe, how can they not tell him? This is really getting more and more confusing.
“They rather forget I exist.” Wilder shrugs, putting on a brave face, and I can’t help but reach out to him, pulling him close as my heart breaks. Losing an important friend, even if he hadn’t seen him in a long time, and then not hearing about it from the people who should have told him. That’s just cruel. He takes a deep breath. “I wish I knew how to tell you all this. There is so much, and it’s all so messed up.” He keeps the next words he wants to say inside, and it hurts that he doesn’t trust me with them.
“How long did you know Logan?”
“Basically all my life.” My mind goes back to previous conversations, this definitely means that Logan knew Wilder’s mate. Is that the reason they didn’t see each other anymore? Wilder’s mate passing away broke their friendship? Something in the back of my mind starts putting things together, but I have no idea how everything fits yet, like I can’t properly grasp all the pieces. “He was there for me during all the important times in my life. Sadly enough, I apparently wasn’t for his.” He looks around, a hard edge to his voice. “Obviously.”
I need to change tactics because this just upsets us both so much. “Sarah looks much more happy to see you than she ever was with Logan. Why is that?” If Logan’s family rather forgets that Wilder exists, then why does Sarah seem to be so glad to see him?
That surprises him, which confuses me in turn. “Really?”
“Yeah. They’ve always been civilised, but I knew something was wrong. She even was pretty cold towards me when I first met her, she didn’t like me. Maddy’s a little like her that way, they both don’t seem to really like new people.” The family connections are easy to make.
Wilder shakes his head. “I didn’t know that. She’s... Logan and Sarah were always the best of friends, the social ones, the ones who always made friends no matter where they went. I was always jealous of them for that. But I guess...” He falls silent, breathing deeply. “It makes sense. Knowing the both of them, it makes sense.”
“Why?” Because for me... that makes zero sense. That even makes less sense than it did before Wilder started to explain things.
“Sarah thought Logan made a stupid choice. She’s despised him ever since... I guess she really couldn’t overcome it in the end. I guess I thought that ten years would at least have made their relationship at a little better. But it seems that maybe it only got worse.” His voice is getting thick, sad, heavy.
“What choice?” I can’t imagine anything that would put siblings at such odds, but I’m an only kid, so what do I know?