As the countdown finally reached one, they shouted “Happy New Year!” with everyone else, then turned to each other. Nicholas bent down and kissed her.
When they pulled away he smiled at her.
“Tell me something,” he began, “am I your first kiss?”
She laughed.
“Am I that bad?”
“No. It’s just that I was thinking about it. You don’t seem the type to...I think you’re a late bloomer.”
She rolled her eyes.
“God why does everybody think I lived under a rock?”
Nicholas laughed.
“That’s basically what Maria told me—that you live under a rock.”
“Well, I will have you know Nicholas, that you are actually my second.”
“Really? Who was the first?”
“This guy named Jason.”
“And how long ago was this?”
She looked sheepish.
“Okay, so I was thirteen,” she said.
Nicholas laughed again.
***
The day before his flight back to Pennsylvania, Nicholas found himself getting one more holiday surprise.
As he sat watching television, his ajar door swung open.
Nicholas stared dumbstruck when he saw Evelyn enter his room.
“Nicholas dear, is it all right if I come in?” she asked as she shut the door.
“Uh, sure Ev—mother. What is it?” he asked.
She sat on the bed near his feet.
“Well dear I—I just wanted to say thank you for visiting me, it really means a lot. And I know you and I didn’t have the best relationship...”—he gave her a look—”...well okay, not much of a relationship at all,” she said as she smiled, “but I really hope we can do something about that. Will you think about visiting me over summer break?”
Nicholas didn’t know what to think.
“Yeah sure—I’ll think about it.”
She tapped foot.
“Thanks dear.”
She headed to the door, turned once more to smile at him, then she was gone.
Nicholas stared at the door long after she had left in utter confusion.
He was brought out of his thoughts by a gentle knock.
He shouted: “come in” and by the look on Edward’s face, knew that he, too, had been visited by Evelyn and was just as dumbstruck by their mother’s actions.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Pennsylvania - Spring
Sydney had always managed to blend into the background, hide in plain sight, but now, after years of not being seen, she felt like everyone was staring at her, judging her.
Spring semester began with word spreading quickly that she and Nicholas were an item. While Nicholas seemed like he couldn’t care less about the mixture of admiring, curious, envious, and even disgusted looks sent their way when they were seen together, Sydney struggled to deal with it. She smiled shyly at those who sent them positive looks, usually black girls she assumed were either impressed that she had managed to snag a rich, white man, or impressed that a rich, white man was unashamedly prancing around with her. And she could also deal with the curious looks, for she at least understood them—they came from every type of person, male, female, black, white, Asian. But the ones who threw disgusted looks their way, a leggy redhead or a stuck-up-looking blond, even some black men, she was having a harder time dealing with.
She and Nicholas sometimes hung out with Maria and Edward and they would have lunch together, walk around campus together, or go out together on weekends.
It was therefore no surprise when two months into the semester, the Dhaltons proposed they all take a trip together for spring break. What surprised Sydney, was that they had already bought them all tickets for an Alaskan cruise.
Sydney felt anxious about it but Maria seemed so excited about the trip, she didn’t have the heart to express her concerns right away.
She waited until they had both retired to their dorm room, then asked Maria if she genuinely thought the trip was a good idea.
“Are you kidding me? I’ve never been on a cruise before!” Maria said.
“Well, neither have I...and I’m not sure I’m starting now.”
Sydney looked away from Maria, avoiding the eyes she knew would arrest her; instead she focused on one of the drawings up on the wall.
“You better not mean what I think you mean.”
Sydney felt Maria’s eyes burning into her. She looked over at another drawing.
“I’m just not sure this is a good idea,” Sydney said.
“Seriously? Okay, we get to sail all over the place, eat lots of great, expensive food, we get swimming pools, hot tubs, spas—all this at no cost to us—and you don’t think it’s a good idea?”
Sydney lowered her voice and her eyes.
“I wouldn’t say it’s at no cost to us.”
“Oh boy,” Maria said.
“My parents would kill me if they found out. They probably wouldn’t let me go if they knew...”
“Okay, who the hell says you’ve got to tell them? Sydney, how old are you again?”
“That’s not the point. Anyway, I’m just really afraid of going.”
Sydney couldn’t find the words to explain the true source of her anxiety. She looked at Maria, hoping she could see the answer in her eyes.
But Maria’s eyebrows just furrowed in confusion.
“Help me out here, you think you’d get sea sick? You’re afraid of the ocean? What?”
Sydney sighed.
“I’m afraid of Nicholas,” she said.
She watched Maria’s face go from deeper confusion to glowing understanding. A smile formed, spreading wider and wider, culminating in a laugh.
“You’re afraid you’ll get tempted to give it up?” she said, her eyes sparkling from amusement. Then she laughed again, her laughter spilling forth as if she had tried to dam it and the dam had burst.
“That’s not funny Maria.”
“Oh yes it is,” Maria said, nodding her head vigorously.
“Look, I’m really worried here. You know I don’t believe in those things...”
“You mean sex Sydney? Foreplay? After-play? Twelve-play?” She laughed again. “‘Those things’ are completely natural.”
“Yeah but there’s a time and place for...”
“Oh I agree. Yours could be this cruise.” Maria smiled. Sydney glared at her.
Then Maria suddenly looked irritated.
“Sydney you need to loosen up. No pun intended.”
Then she walked away, leaving Sydney confused, wondering what made her friend go from amused to angry in zero to sixty seconds.
Then she decided she was being silly after all—of course she would still have control over her own actions.
***
Their first day on the cruise, the girls admired the fifteen hundred square feet of their suite. The boys placed them together at their request, but the brothers had suites of their own. The girls’ spacious room was equipped with two queen-sized beds, wall to wall plush carpeting, a living room with a coffee table and a television, and their very own balcony.
Before meeting the boys for dinner, they enjoyed complimentary massages in the spa. Then Maria went to work making them both into works of art as they got dressed.
When they saw the looks on the boys’s faces, Sydney knew all the styling and spraying and face painting had paid off.
They ate their gourmet dinner, danced on the ballroom floor, enjoyed the jazz musicians at one of the nightclubs. The night couldn’t be more perfect for Sydney.
The next day they enjoyed other amenities and activities on board the ship: swimming in the pool, playing tennis, enjoying the hot tubs and the view.
By the third day, the foursome broke apart, separating into couples.
Sydney and Nicholas spent the day exploring other parts of the ship.
It was then that she noticed they were receiving not only the stares they usually got, but tha
t some of the women were practically batting their eyes at Nicholas, smiling at him, trying to get his attention.
Sydney started to feel uncomfortable; some were absolutely gorgeous—they could easily lead Nicholas away from her.
She started wondering why he was with her anyway, why he didn’t just date someone who looked more like him. Was she a charity case of some sort? Was this some kind of dare?
“What is it Sydney?” he asked suddenly, as they were walking to get lunch.
Sydney was reluctant to voice her thoughts but they weighed so heavily on her heart that her mouth opened before she could stop it.
“Nicholas, why are you with me? I mean look at all these beautiful women...I don’t compare to them in any possible way.”
“Sydney, I’m here with you because I want you. End of story.”
“But...”
“I’ll tell you this: my head tells me I can be selfish, but my heart keeps saying that’s a bad idea and it keeps winning. It’s weird how two parts of the same body can pull in opposite directions. But you shouldn’t worry your cute little head about it—I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.”
“I can’t help it! I mean look at me. At the risk of sounding pitiful, you can do better. And I know that must come to your mind every now and then.”
“Actually it doesn’t. Look, Sydney, you’re right—I get a lot of women offering themselves to me, directly and indirectly; it comes with the Dhalton territory. But one thing my head and heart can agree on, is that we don’t want to risk losing you, okay? I don’t think I can do better than you. Now for real, end of story.” He punctuated his words with finality.
Sydney decided to leave it alone for now.
They ended up walking to a jewelry store where he told her to pick out what she wanted.
As much as the thought delighted her, she couldn’t bring herself to do it so she politely declined. But Nicholas refused to take no for an answer. She figured he probably just wanted to help lift her heavy heart, that he had figured out she hadn’t stopped thinking about what she had questioned him about earlier and he would be right—she was still feeling down and undeserving.
He kept insisting she choose something.
She didn’t plan to pick anything out and tried to look away, but something caught her eye—a beautiful ruby and diamond necklace with matching earrings. Once he caught her eyeing the pieces, he made her put them on, and when she looked at herself in the mirror and her mouth fell open, he bought it at once.
“It’s not just because you obviously love it that I’m buying it—it’s the way you look in it. So really, it’s for me—not you. Okay?”
She realized it was pointless trying to pretend the gift didn’t delight her, useless to try to give it back. He would find some way to make her keep it. She thanked him, but while her words expressed gratitude, sadness made a slow takeover of her body.
She cast her eyes downward.
“Sydney,” he said, lifting her face and forcing her to look at him. “You don’t owe me anything,” he said quietly but firmly, as if making sure she knew he meant it. “You don’t owe me a single thing,” he said again.
She smiled at him, relieved.
From the jewelry store, he suggested they catch the sunset.
“Private or public view?”
“Public,” she said quickly.
He smiled as if he knew how much it frightened her to think of watching from one of their private balconies with probably an empty suite behind them since Sydney guessed Maria and Eddie were still out exploring.
They headed to the deck and caught the sun as it was about to set.
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” she said, watching the colors throw themselves together in a sunset dance.
“Isn’t it?” he replied, looking directly at her.
Her heart caught in her throat as she noticed the look in his eyes and this time, it wasn’t admiration or adoration. This time, she saw a raw desire burning from his orbs to hers, sending shivers up and down her spine.
She was afraid to kiss him then, but his lips came toward hers anyway, pulling at hers with hunger and need. Her heartbeat quickened and she tried to stay removed from the moment for fear of letting go and letting him take her. His arms came around her and pulled her close. He was crushing whatever hesitance she had in her, and in moments, she knew she would be putty in his hands. He tore away from her lips to kiss her neck and in that moment, the last of her resistance dripped away. He could take her right there and then if he wanted to and it could not be clearer that he would love nothing more.
Suddenly, he pulled his lips away and took her hands in his and it registered to her that, luckily, they were surrounded by people, a few even looking in their direction.
She felt her cheeks grow hotter in shame.
“I’m sorry,” he said, not looking at her. “Please believe me—what I told you earlier...I mean it. You don’t owe me anything. I just got carried away. It’s just that...you look so beautiful and this...” His arm swept in the direction of the sunset. He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop now—if you want me to. But I want to kiss you again.”
She could tell he was fighting with himself. He wanted more, but didn’t want to make himself out to be a liar. And she knew if she wanted to guarantee more didn’t happen, they should stop right then—he was not at his strongest, and neither was she.
She smiled an inviting smile at him.
She knew what she should have said, but couldn’t bring herself to say it. She had been worked up into a frenzy and couldn’t form the words, and didn’t want to.
She took his hand and led him inside and toward their suites. She wasn’t sure if Maria was back or not, but it didn’t matter—he steered her toward his own suite.
When he closed and locked the door, she got a rush of fear and excitement, of anticipation.
He led her toward the bed, then laid her on it, resuming the seduction. He rained kisses on her face and neck, then her shoulders. Every kiss sent a sliver of ecstatic shock through her. She was gasping at what he was making her feel: she wanted him to touch her there, be a part of her.
He began removing her clothing starting with her top. Once her top was removed he continued kissing her neck, then moved to her chest, kissing around her bra. As he started to remove that, her hand stilled his. She looked at him. His eyes looked tortured.
“Just tell me what you want—I’ll do it,” he whispered.
She was moved that her hesitation was enough to stop him, and help him win against his desires.
She moved her hand from over his.
“I want this,” she whispered back, “I want you Nicholas.”
He let out a breath—of relief it seemed—then kissed her on the lips.
He unclasped her bra and took it off, bending to taste her breasts, sucking them, his tongue playing with her erect nipples, dancing around and over them.
She had never had anyone’s lips there and the sensation made her feel like she was losing her mind.
“God, Nicholas...”
He came up to her lips and kissed them again, then made a trail of kisses down her chin, her neck, her chest, her stomach. She jumped slightly as his lips touched her waist. He started to undo her jeans and once they were off, he reared up on his knees and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it. As he started to undo his jeans she sat up, feeling like cold water had been dumped on her.
“No!” she said, arms crossing her chest.
His hands stilled on his waist band.
“Sydney?”
He looked confused and positioned himself next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
She sat there, covering herself, trying not to cry. Then she turned away from him and grabbed her clothing.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she hurriedly put them on, back turned. “I can’t do this right now, I’m not ready. I’m sorry.”
He watched her silently as she finally pulled on her shoes, the
n rushed out.
***
Sydney sat in her room with her head in her hand, replaying the scene in her mind.
Every time she had tried to surrender completely to Nicholas, a memory intruded—an ugly memory she had tried to hide away in the recesses of her mind, imprison in the basement of her brain. But it came to her as she felt Nicholas harden against her, as she got a whiff of his smell, as she closed her eyes and felt his figure over her. Her memories overwhelmed her once she heard him removing his belt; she had to escape.
She was left alone with her thoughts and memories and they weren’t turning out to be good company.
Maria eventually came bustling in, moving through the suite like a storm.
“You and Eddie have plans?” Sydney asked, watching Maria go through the motions of changing her clothes.
“Yup. I’m meeting him in a few minutes. Where’s Nick?”
“Oh...in his room I guess.”
“What happened? You two had a fight?”
“Well, something like that I guess. I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Thankfully, Maria didn’t press.
“Okay hon.”
Sydney said nothing else for the next few seconds, trying to figure out where to go next when Maria asked: “Is there something else bothering you Syd?”
“Actually, I’m curious. About you and Eddie.” She paused, then smiled at Maria whose attention she now had. “Do you think you’re gonna...you know, do it with him?”
Maria laughed. She picked up her lotion and started rubbing it on her legs. “’Do it’ Sydney?” She shook her head. “Sweetheart, been there, done that.”
Sydney felt her jaw drop. Maria walked past her to the dresser, pushing her chin up as she went. Then she picked up her brush and started brushing her hair.
Sydney finally found her voice.
“And you didn’t tell me about it?”
“I usually keep you in the dark about stuff like that honey.”
Maria’s wording jumped out at Sydney.
“What do you mean?”
Maria gave a little chuckle.
“I bet you think he’s my first.”
Sydney’s mouth dropped open again.
“He’s not?”
Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets) Page 12