But what then? What if she healed and never wanted to speak to me again? What if she decided to take back the love she gave to me so freely and give it to someone else, someone more deserving of her heart?
So I left. To give her space. To protect myself. I wasn’t going to hang around Falls Edge to witness the utter ruin of my heart. I was barely living when she came back into my life as it was.
I’m not a better person for the distance. I’m still sick over her. She haunts my dreams. I curse the day I let myself believe I could be the one to change the course of our family, win the girl, and carve out a life at the farm. Everything about those broken dreams still hurts like hell.
A couple weeks turned into four months. I went back to my part-time gig tending bar near the university. I crashed with old buddies, believing it was all temporary. Until I woke up one morning hating myself for all the alcohol I’d consumed after a long shift, and realized this was becoming my life. My silence and self-imposed exile wasn’t getting me any closer to a dream. No closer to getting over June. No closer to moving on.
All that’s about to change.
I scale the steps of the Falls Edge Hotel. It’s fall and the veranda’s closed, but I can’t ignore a vision of June there with a tray in her hand, hair up in a ponytail that’s never totally right, apron slung around her hips, and sunshine in her smile. And her eyes, those stormy green eyes that always made me want to press her against the wall and do things to her…
I blow out a frustrated breath and head for the reception desk.
“Hi there,” I say.
Martha, the older woman at the front desk of the Falls Edge Hotel, blinks up at me. Last time I saw her, I could barely hold a pen to tell June that I loved her. That I always would. And I always would…
“Kase McCasker. Good seeing you. How can I help you today?”
“I was wondering if June was around.”
She shakes her head. “Afraid not.” Every line in her face communicates genuine disappointment.
She has no idea how hard and fast my heart is already plummeting.
“I can give her a message if you’d like,” she says, new light in her eyes.
I hesitate. This is déjà vu all over again. “No, thanks.”
I turn on my heel and walk toward the door.
“Kase, wait a minute.”
I halt and look over my shoulder.
“If you were wanting to see her, you could head over to the farm. She’s been overseeing the new development there.”
I swallow hard and nod. “Thanks, Martha.”
She smiles and waves as I disappear through the door. I jump into my truck and head for the farmhouse. Anxious, I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, trying not to feel miserable about the transformations that have taken place since I left. As soon as I heard the words “new development” pass Martha’s lips, I knew June had signed off on it. I feel like a damn fool for holding on to some hope that she wouldn’t jump at the chance, that her time at the farm had changed her heart.
Truth is I would have burned the damn house down to have her. Instead I put Falls Edge in my rearview without the girl, and I left my dream for the future in the smug hands of her father. Salt on the wound, and it hurts now more than ever.
Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I catch sight of the farm up ahead. I brace myself, already regretting this whole thing. I should have picked a better way to move on. Reconnecting with June is like pulling on a thread that’s been unraveling my life for years. What good can possibly come from it?
But when I roll up, it’s as if nothing has changed. Edwin’s truck is parked in the drive. The farmhouse is still there. The wood siding has been whitewashed. Fresh mulch lines the lily plants along the path up to the front porch, which is littered with construction materials. Half a dozen cabinet doors are lined up on saw horses, and every variety of sander is plugged in to a power strip that snakes back into the house through the front door.
I climb the stairs just as Edwin swings open the door, another cabinet door in hand. He tosses it down and pulls me into a tight hug.
“Kase! My God, son. Where the hell have you been?”
I close my eyes and hug him back. I haven’t been able to call him Dad since he broke the news to me. I’m not sure that’ll ever change, but times like these, I always seem to say it silently in my head. I might even squeeze him a little tighter, because I feel like such a shithead for leaving him alone again when he made me his whole world for eighteen years.
“I needed to get away for a little while,” I say, my words muffled into his thick work coat.
We separate, and his eyes are misted. “Well, I’m glad as hell you’re back. Not complaining, but you could have called and given me a heads-up. Things are kind of turned upside down right now.”
He gestures to the materials littering the porch.
“What’s this all about?” I wasn’t expecting to see the farmhouse, let alone Edwin in it, upon my return. Everything on the farm should be flattened by now.
“Oh, just a little home-improvement project. June has been pecking at me about tuning things up in here. She wants to bring in a contractor, but the work keeps me busy, so I’m doing it myself, little by little.”
I’m about to be outraged that she’s putting Edwin to work remodeling a house he no longer owns. “Let me get this right. June Bell wants you to remodel this house?”
“She’s got an opinion about everything these days. You’d think she lives here.” He rolls his eyes and chuckles.
My eyes grow wide. My muscles tense. “She all but does. She owns the damn house. Now they’re putting you to work on your way out the door?”
He frowns and laughs again. “No, Kase. It’s not like that. Come on. You missed a lot.”
He waves me in the front door, and I follow him into the kitchen.
“I guess so,” I mutter, sizing up the construction debris on nearly every surface.
Paint cans are everywhere. The wooden trim has been stripped, along with the face of every cabinet in the room. At least the old pine floors have been refinished and given a generous coat of shine, restoring them to their original glory.
“Is there a home-improvement project you haven’t started yet?”
He lifts an eyebrow and rubs the back of his neck as he looks around, surveying what can only be characterized as a midmakeover tornado.
“You know what they say. It has to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.”
I meet his tentative look. “That sounds about right.”
He cracks a smile and slaps my arm. “Lighten up, Kase. We’ll get there. Maybe you can help me finish something before you disappear on us again.”
I’m already mentally mapping out a to-do list, if only to minimize the number of power tools on the kitchen counters. Except I still don’t understand why the hell he’s bothering with all this.
He grabs a couple beers from the fridge and hands me one. “Come on. The back porch hasn’t changed a bit. Promise.”
I follow him out back, only to stop in my tracks one step outside.
“Whoa.”
Edwin stops at the rail, tips his bottle back and swallows. Together we stare out over the landscape of the farm. What I couldn’t see from the road is clear now. Things have changed.
“What happened?”
“June took over. That’s what happened. After you left, she and Gerald came here with a whole new plan. He didn’t seem overly thrilled about it, but I think things happening the way they did maybe shocked him out of his usual pattern of thinking.” He wrinkles his nose. “Shocked me out of it too, I suppose. She said it was time we let the past go and move on. And so we did.”
“How does that explain the rest of this?”
“They reworked the blueprints from the expansion. I downsized the livestock and sold off some of the dairy operation to help fund the development. That, along with the loan from the Bells, was enough to get us started.” He points to the
north side of the property, where half a dozen little houses are framed and in various stages of completion. “We’re starting with ten cottages that we can rent out year-round. As soon as they’re up and running, the income will be enough to keep us going. That and all the crops she’s planning.”
“Crops?”
“We repurposed some of the fields for the development. We’re switching up some of the others. June’s got her head set on strawberries. She wants a whole damn field of them. She says the renters will love being able to pick their own. And she wants to expand on the orchard so we can get some more people coming here in the fall.” He laughs. “You think I’ve got my hands full with projects. You should talk to her. She’s unstoppable. Honestly, I think she’s been bored out of her mind up at the hotel all these years, and she’s finally getting to do something on her own. Bringing her here might have been the best thing you ever did for her.”
I look at him again in disbelief.
He takes another swig of his beer and points to the cottages. “Go see for yourself. She’s out there keeping everyone on their toes.”
I ponder his suggestion a moment. The prospect of seeing her again has me frozen in place suddenly. Especially now that everything I believed to have happened has been all wrong. Now I hate myself for believing she’d let Edwin sell and turn my childhood home into ugly townhomes.
“I think I’ll do that.”
I leave the house, reeling. A second glance at Edwin’s truck reveals the McCasker Farms logo retouched. No longer a faded blue, the lettering now frames two bright-red strawberries in the center. Relief like I’ve never known bubbles to the surface until I’m laughing and smiling ear-to-ear like an idiot.
How could I have ever underestimated her?
I drive toward the cottages, slowing by the custom-made sign that reads McCasker Farm Cottages.
I park in front of the first cottage, which seems near completion. Her Jeep is parked outside. She’s here. My palms prickle with anxiety. I left her for four months. I never looked back. And I’m a repeat fucking offender. She’s never going to forgive me for this.
But why would she do all this? Why would she save the farm if she didn’t care?
I force myself out of the truck and up the front steps. I walk through the front door and she’s there, standing across the room. Her arms are crossed. She’s staring out a picture window facing the pasture and the mountains beyond. In this moment, she has no idea I’m here, and I almost wish I could be here a few more minutes to simply acclimate to being in her presence again without her knowing. Maybe build up the nerve to face the wrath I surely deserve.
I take a couple tentative steps forward. “That’s quite the view,” I say.
She spins toward me. Her arms fall to her sides and her face registers her shock. One look at her feels like blunt force to the chest. That hollow place where my heart used to be. Does she have any idea how empty I am without her?
I stop when we’re only a few feet away from each other.
“Kase…” Her lip quivers.
God, she’s beautiful. Her hair is a mess, a dull pencil poked through her bun. Her jeans and shoes are dusty. I just want to wrap my arms around her. I’m convinced I could simply hold her for hours, cherish her heartbeat, the feel of her breath, the smell of her skin.
“What are you doing here?”
I glance around and then back to her. “I was about to ask you the same question.”
Her lips form a little o, and she follows my circuit around the room. “It’s not what you think, Kase. We changed the plans.”
“I know,” I say quietly.
She exhales softly. “Oh.”
“Why are you doing all this?”
She presses her lips together and turns away. “I’m just trying to make things right.”
I step closer and touch her shoulder. She shivers. How I ache to lean in and bury my nose in her hair, taking her scent into me. Her taste. Her moans…
“June.” I can hear my desperation in her name. The months of aching and missing her.
She wraps her arms around herself tightly, like she’s hoping that can keep me out.
“I’m so sorry,” I say quietly. “I wanted to give you time.”
She swivels back around, her eyes narrow and misty. “Time? You think I haven’t wasted enough of my life waiting for you to come back to Falls Edge for me? I didn’t need time. I needed you, Kase. That’s all I ever needed, and you left me here.” She cuts herself off, bringing her fingertips to her shaking lips.
I work my jaw, trying to ignore how her words dig into me. I almost forgot how much the truth could hurt.
“I was afraid, all right? I ran. I couldn’t stomach the thought of losing you and watching you slip away.”
“I wasn’t—”
“You left me first, okay? I know why you did. You were hurting, but my heart was in this too. I know I screwed up. I should have told you everything. I just…” I close my eyes and reach for the right words. “I’ve been broken for so long, June. And when you left, maybe I convinced myself I was foolish to believe we could have something so perfect. So right. That I could deserve you.”
“I shouldn’t have left you,” she whispers, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears.
I pray that means it’s not too late. I send up a solemn vow never to do anything so damn stupid as long as I live if she’ll have me now. If she’ll take me back.
“Tell me I’m not too late, June. Tell me I’ve still got a chance.”
She laughs and brushes away the tear that falls. “My God, Kase. Do you know how long I’ve waited to be with you?”
“Probably just as long as I have. But I think we’ve run clean out of excuses, grudges, and tragedies to keep us apart, don’t you? Time to get on with it already.”
Her lips curve up into a sad smile, but I’m not convinced I’ve won her over. I hurt her. I dealt a blow that might take time to recover from. I’m ready to do the time, but hell, I need some hope right now.
Take me back. Take me back…
I want to drag her against me and kiss her until she gives in to me, but that’s not enough. The answer has to come from her heart. I already know her body will say yes to what I want to give her, which is a lifetime supply of bliss and earth-shattering orgasms.
I’m on my knees before I know what I’m doing. I grab her hand and gaze up at her.
“Will you take me back?”
She shakes her head with a laugh. Then a sigh. And another smile, one that reaches her eyes. “I will take you back.”
I grin broadly, like I’ve just won the world’s best and biggest grand prize of all time. Another chance with the love of my life. And the thread I thought was unraveling everything just started making something new. A whole new dream I could have never imagined without June in my life.
“I may have one condition,” she says. “Maybe two.”
Epilogue
Kase
June wanted to move into the farmhouse as soon as I helped Edwin finish up the remodel. She was done living in a hotel suite, and she spent most of her days managing the cottage operation anyway. I couldn’t think of a better arrangement, considering I’d never wanted her to leave in the first place.
I helped Edwin finish the dozen or so projects he’d started, and together we put the house back together. Spurred by a desire to satisfy June’s wish and give our family a place to grow, we made the farmhouse livable again. Over those couple of months, all the blood, sweat, and tears seemed to heal what had been broken between Edwin and me. By the time we were putting on the finishing touches, the first cottage was complete. It turned out to be perfect for Edwin, who was already eager to help with odds and ends that came up once the rental operation was underway.
June refused to tell me what her second condition was until the farmhouse was ready.
She was moved in. We shared a closet, a toothbrush holder, and a towel rack. We even had a Christmas tree sitting in the living room,
strung with hundreds of tiny white lights. Settled on the couch sipping her nightcap, she finally revealed the last, and final, condition to her taking me back for good.
I even had multiple choice. I could tattoo her name on my ass, or I could marry her. She wasn’t about to let anyone in town think I was available. Not after the hell I’d already put her through. Twice.
Naturally, I was ready for anything that bound June Bell to me in the most permanent way possible.
As soon as winter thawed and spring warmed into early summer days, we invited half of Falls Edge to witness our nuptials. We married at the hotel, of course. Gerald insisted on it, ensuring that everything was beautiful and perfect and expensive.
Halfway through the reception, a few slow dances and one locomotion later, June’s bridal hairdo is coming undone. So is my patience, seeing her glowing in her pale-pink gown for hours on end. Layers upon layers of organza flow out from her sweetheart bodice, its beading sparkling like her eyes in the firelight. And the way she feels against me when we dance is pure heaven because she’s my wife now, and I’m never letting her go again.
We sway together to a slow song, her body pressed snug to mine, her smile lighting up my heart like a night of the best fireworks ever.
“How are you feeling, Mrs. McCasker?”
Her eyes gleam with happiness. “Happier than I’ve ever been, my sweet husband.”
I grin. “Oh, I’m not sweet at all.”
“No?” She quirks an eyebrow.
“No, I’m downright devious. I can’t believe you fell for that nice-guy routine this whole time.”
She laughs and slaps my chest. “Don’t you think you’re smart?”
I wag my eyebrows, earning another musical laugh that makes me want to explode from pure joy.
Composing herself, she curls her lips into a coy smile. “What you don’t know is that I have this thing for bad boys. I had you pegged this whole time. I’ve just been making you play nice so I could get my dream house before you turned into the devil I know you really are.”
Misadventures of a Virgin Page 14