“Seriously!” I inhaled slowly to build up any courage my soul could grasp. “I’m pretty sure that the few seconds you saw me were erased once you were on top of Delaney that night.”
Nate swallowed and I noticed his Adam's apple bob. We stood facing one another, his eyes scanning mine. He cleared his throat, brought his face closer to mine and whispered, “Can I tell you a secret?” He didn’t wait for me to respond. “I know it makes me a fucked up person, but it was you I thought of while I was having sex with Delaney. Naked. Wet. Freshly showered.”
I gasped as the emotional roller coaster sped away leaving me a complete and utter mess.
“You have no idea how happy I was when I woke up the following morning and Julian was on the couch. At least I knew he hadn’t touched you.” Nate ran his hand down my cheek, and I felt the warmth of his breath on my skin.
I was paralyzed.
Stunned.
“I can’t erase you from my mind.” His voice was soothing.
I closed my eyes. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t happen. I thought if I kept my eyes closed that in that moment it wouldn’t be real. When I opened them again, he’d be gone. But it wasn’t a dream. My face still burned from his touch.
The fire that he sparked between us, the one I so desperately tried to put out, burned brighter than the sun. I told myself it was a contained fire. That it was a mild crush that would soon pass.
But like Nate said, I was a bad liar.
Thursday night, I arrived back at the dorm from work to find Nate and Delaney hanging out in our room. That was a rare occurrence. Most of the time she was at his place. I threw my keys in the fishbowl and was greeted with Nate’s smile. After our encounter the previous day in class, I couldn’t look in his direction without feeling as though my skin would catch fire, so I avoided his gaze and looked over at Delaney.
“Hey.”
“Just the person we were talking about.” Delaney gave me her widest smile. She stood by the microwave as a bag of popcorn spun around and kernels began to pop.
I hadn’t slept well the night before. My mind kept replaying what Nate said. He had sex with Delaney while he imagined me. She was my best friend. I shared almost all my secrets with her. Yet I couldn’t get her boyfriend out of my head.
I tossed my bag on my bed and fell back on the comforter.
“What do you want, Del?” I covered my eyes with my forearm.
“Nate’s having a house party tomorrow night. I want you to come with me.”
I guessed this was the party Julian had mentioned in his text message earlier. I removed my hand and looked over at her. “No.” I had said yes to Julian when he first asked. Even though we weren’t together, we spent almost every weekend together. But knowing it was at Nate’s house I quickly changed my mind.
“Brie!” She rested her hands on her hips. “You never want to do anything fun.”
“That’s not true. I went to the game with you.”
“One, that was months ago; and two, you left early.”
I pulled my gaze from her and looked over at Nate. We both knew why I left early.
“Come on, Brielle.” Nate sat up on Delaney’s bed. I hated the way he said my name. He cocked his eyebrow and smiled. “Julian will be there. Plus, it’s our Christmas bash. We’ve done it every year since I was a freshman and this is my last year. You don’t want to miss it.” A sideways grin grew on his face. They still had no clue that Julian and I were only friends now. I kept debating whether I wanted to tell him. His tongue ran across his lips and his green eyes pierced me. Thoughts of Julian vanished.
I was a fucking goner.
“Fine.” I tossed my hands in the air in defeat. “I’m in.”
The following night, I put on the shortest black dress I owned, let Delaney give me smokey eyes, and left my hair wild and curly. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize the person looking back at me.
“Holy shit, Brie. You look so fucking hot! Julian won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”
I wanted to impress a different Wright man. It was crazy to admit, but I wanted to feel desired by Nate. There was no greater feeling than to be wanted by a man you couldn’t have.
It was sick and twisted.
The forbidden fruit you could never taste.
I needed to tell her Julian and I were no longer together. “Del—” My words were interrupted by a tap on our door. Delaney rushed to answer it. Julian strolled into the room wearing a black button down shirt and dark jeans. His messy hair was styled back, giving him the boyish look I had grown to like. But his face instantly changed when he noticed me. His wide smile vanished and his lips pursed.
“Hi.” I walked toward him. My high heels made me come up to his nose.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” His gaze ran up and down my body.
“Doesn’t she look hot?” Delaney asked as she applied her red lipstick that matched her blood red dress.
“Do you like?” I spun around for Julian.
“You can’t wear that,” he snapped.
“What?” I was taken aback. Glancing down at my dress, I saw nothing wrong with what I was wearing. I looked up at him, my eyebrows pinched together.
“Change into something else. I don’t want you going if you’re wearing that.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“You can’t be serious.” I felt my forehead scrunch together.
“Very.”
I stepped closer to him and tickled his stomach playfully. “You’re silly.”
“Brielle.” He pulled away from me. His nose flared as his gaze scanned mine.
“Julian.” I matched his stance.
“You’re really not going to change?”
“No!” I shook my head and crossed my hands over my chest. “My friends don’t tell me what to wear.”
“Come on, you two.” Delaney handed me my clutch and coat. “We’ll be late.” Julian walked out of the room first and Delaney gave me a concerned look as I locked our door. “That’s new, huh?”
I knew she was referring to Julian’s jealous reaction over my dress. I shrugged. “Whatever.”
Julian drove us off campus and across town to where Nate and his roommates lived. The small red brick Cape Cod house was packed with stragglers stumbling across the lawn. We had to park a few blocks away and the music could be heard from where we were.
“That’s pretty loud.” I looked over at Delaney and bit my lip.
“This area is known for weekend parties since most of these houses are rented out to college kids who can’t afford to dorm. Most of them are probably at the party now.”
Julian reached for my arm, his grip tightening as we reached the house. Inside, we found most of the furniture pushed to the walls and each room filled with people. The kitchen had been designated as the bar area and the party overflowed onto the lawn. Tables ran across the grass as people lined up to play beer pong and flip cup. Julian’s hand never released mine as we walked through the house looking for his brother.
Nate was in the back den, a red Solo cup in hand. He was dressed in a Santa outfit minus the shirt, his chest bare for everyone to admire. Including me. His shoulders were broad, the bicep and tricep muscles impossible to miss. His chest was tight as though he spent hours at the gym. And then the abs . . .
But what caught my attention was the happy trail that started below his belly button and ran all the way down to the seam of his red velvet pants. Instantly, my body felt as if it were overheating.
“Can you hold this?” I handed my purse to Delaney. Her face was stoic and stilled as she stared at Nate. I desperately tried to take off my coat. I felt trapped, as if I couldn’t breathe.
“What are you doing?” Julian reached for my hand to stop me.
“I’m taking my coat off. What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Don’t take it off.” Julian began to button up my coat.
I swatted his hand away and pulled my coa
t off my shoulders. Inhaling, I placed my coat on my forearm. “What’s gotten into you?”
Julian looked around, his hand scratching his head before he met my gaze. “Brielle, put your coat on or we’re leaving. I’ won’t stay here and have every man look at you in that ridiculous excuse for a dress.”
My eyes widened. “Excuse me?” From the corner of my eyes, I noticed Delaney pull her gaze away from Nate and land on me. Her eyebrows pinched together.
“You heard me. Put it back on or we’re leaving.”
I tossed my coat on the closest chair and stepped closer to Julian. This had gone too far. “Let me remind you of something. One, you’re not my father. Two, you're not my boyfriend. So you either get over the fact this is what I’m wearing and we enjoy the night, or you can leave.” My hands rested at my waist as I waited for him to respond. Delaney's head snapped in my direction. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights.
“You know what?” He paused. “Do whatever the fuck you want. I’m not fucking staying here.” Without another word, Julian marched out of the house the same way we arrived.
Exhaling, I turned over to Delaney. “I need a big drink.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “You guys broke up?”
“It wasn't working out. I really wasn't into him. But we remained friends. Or at least I thought.” My last word fell flat as Nate greeted us with his presence. I forced myself to look at anything but his taut chest.
“Where did Julian go?” Nate asked.
“Home.” I shrugged. Nate’s eyes squinted as if he was trying to read between the lines.
“Moose, come on! We need a picture,” some girl called from behind him.
Delaney’s lips puckered together. “Go. Have fun at your party. Come on, Brie. Let’s go find some tequila.” She laced her arm through mine and spun me so our backs were to Nate.
“What was that about?” I asked when we managed to find our way through the sea of bodies and into the kitchen. “I thought you wanted to come here.”
Delaney yanked a bottle from the counter, along with two plastic cups. She handed me one and she poured amber liquid into mine and then hers. “He’s fucking Santa,” she muttered through gritted teeth and shot the liquor down her throat. She swallowed, shook her face in disgust, and motioned for me to drink mine.
I followed suit and gagged as the alcohol burned down my throat. “God!” I held my hand over my mouth. “That’s horrible.” Delaney poured another shot into her glass and then mine. “What does him being dressed up as Santa have to do with us pouring rubbing alcohol down our throats?”
Delaney drank back another gulp. “Every year they have two of these parties. Christmas and Easter. Every time someone is Sexy Santa or Bad Boy Bunny. The girls get drunk and toward the end of the night they get to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him if they’ve been naughty or nice.” She lifted my cup to my lips. I contemplated not drinking it, but the thoughts of girls sitting on Nate had me seeking more liquor.
The second shot wasn’t as bad as the first. “What do you tell the Easter Bunny?” Heat permeated through my body.
Delaney filled our cups again. I wasn’t a drinker. I avoided parties and only drank once a year. I was in for a messy night if Delaney kept pouring me shots.
“You ask him to fertilize your eggs.”
“Ew.” I scrunched my face.
“Here’s to the Wright brothers being complete dick faces.” She held up her cup and toasted it with mine. We tossed back a third shot which surprisingly went down smoothly. She was right. Julian was a dick for telling me to cover up and Nate was a fucking sexy Santa.
A heavy arm draped over Delaney’s shoulder and mine. I stepped to the side to steady my balance.
“What are you two ladies drinking tonight?”
“Seriously, Austin, you’re putting all your weight on me.” Delaney shoved his hand off her shoulder and I did the same.
“You’ve never complained about it before.” His lip curled into a devious smile.
I watched Delaney dramatically roll her eyes at him. “You’re drunk and talking out of your ass.” She took another swig of the bottle. “Come on.” Delaney put the bottle down and grasped my hand. “Let’s go play some flip cup and get wasted.”
I followed her outside, and the cool air felt refreshing on my warm skin. Whatever Delaney gave me to drink was working because suddenly I was really happy.
Three games of flip cup later, and all the beer my stomach could take, I needed to use the restroom.
“I need to pee.”
Delaney gulped her beer and shook her head. “Come on. Let’s go dance.”
“I need to pee, though.”
We walked toward the house. “Okay. Go pee and I’ll meet you on the dance floor.”
There were two bathrooms in the entire house. One upstairs that had been designated as the fuck spot and one on the main floor. I took my chances and waited in line for the one downstairs. It seemed an eternity before it was my turn. I used the bathroom, washed my hands, and ran my fingers under my eyes to remove the mascara that had smudged.
Feeling a thousand times better, I walked toward the makeshift dance floor. My body swayed to a Timbaland song about promiscuous girls as I looked for Delaney.
“What are you doing?” I felt Nate’s warm breath on my neck. A smile grew on my face as I turned to face him.
“Have you seen Del?” I closed one eye and looked up at him.
“No.” He stepped closer and lowered his face to my ear. “Are you okay?”
“A little tipsy.” I giggled and goose bumps popped up all over my skin. He pulled back and I ran my gaze up his torso. “You know, Del is not happy about this whole thing.” I indicated his taut abs.
Nate ran his tongue across his lips. I bit mine to contain the fear of asking him to kiss me.
“Moose!” someone called from behind me. “Come on. We’re waiting for our pictures.”
“I have to do this Santa thing.” His green eyes never moved from mine. “Can you wait here for a second? I don’t want you walking around alone.”
I nodded. Nate’s body brushed against mine as he passed me, and the warmth of his skin had my body reheating. This couldn’t be good. Inhaling, I walked around the dance floor once more but I still couldn’t locate Delaney.
A line of girls and a few guys who wanted to joke around with a picture of sexy Santa had formed toward the den. I promised Nate I’d stay where I was, but he didn’t say I couldn’t get in line to sit on Santa’s lap. I also figured if Delaney showed up she would come looking for her boyfriend.
One by one, each girl sat on his lap and whispered in his ear. You could tell some girls were more daring than others. Nate’s face tensed when a girl got too close or whispered something in his ear that I assumed made him uncomfortable. Some of the guys fucked around and sat on Santa’s lap for a picture.
I was the last one in line. I had let eight people in front of me. Nate licked his lips and muttered, “Your turn, sweetheart.”
The butterflies began to flap their wings in my stomach. I chewed on my fingernails as I approached. A smile widened above Santa’s beard as he patted his right knee for me to sit.
“So, tell me, young lady.” He lowered his voice. “Have you been naughty or nice?” His fingers ran across my lower back.
I don’t know if it was the alcohol, his bare chest, or the way a sideways grin grew on his face, but I felt daring. Throwing away my fears, I leaned in closer. “I want to be very naughty.”
Nate looked away from the camera and over at me. Under my dress, I could feel his erection growing within his red pants.
“Naughty?” he questioned. His voice was so low I had to read his lips. I bit my lower lip and nodded.
“I can help you with that.” Nate never pulled his eyes away from mine as his hands continued to trace small circles around my back.
Suddenly, it was impossible to breathe. “I need some air.” I pushed off his l
ap and stood. Nate reached behind him, grabbed a white T-shirt, and pulled it his over his body.
“Let’s go.” He stood and grabbed my hand.
Mixed emotions ran through me and made speaking nearly impossible. Nate held my hand until we were outside. He led me to the back of the house, away from the chaos. I stood against the wall for support and he stepped in to block me from view.
“Better?” One hand rested on the brick wall and caged me in.
“A little.” I inhaled.
“Did I tell you how gorgeous you look?” His voice was low and husky.
My clouded head began to sway. I was drunk off the alcohol. I was drunk off him, too. “Nate,” I whispered.
“Brie.”
There was a line between us. A line that said he was my best friend’s boyfriend. A line we were desperately close to crossing.
“What are we doing?”
“We’re getting some air.”
“No.” I shook my head; my eyes felt heavy. “I mean this. Us. What are we doing?”
“I’m helping a friend.” His body inched closer to mine. His fingertip played with the hem of my skirt.
“Friend?”
“Yes, you’re my friend.”
This was the moment I could choose to cross that line. But once I did, there would be no turning back. “Do you get this close to all your friends?”
“Fine.” He sighed. “You’re my best friend.”
“Nate . . .” I moaned his name.
“Shh.” He lowered his face to the crook of my neck. The tip of his nose ran up my skin and toward my cheek.
I was high.
Intoxicated by him.
He had this power over me, over my heart. He was mere centimeters from my mouth. One small movement and his lips would capture mine.
One kiss.
One kiss was all I desperately wanted.
My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I heard it in my ears. I silently begged him to kiss me. With each second that passed, I became a ball of nerves. And then all the alcohol in my system decided it wanted to ruin the moment.
“I think I’m about to be sick.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, my body bent over and the contents of my stomach splattered all over the grass. Nate pulled my hair back, his hand running up my back as I continued to heave.
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