“Do you think we should check her into a psychiatric ward?” Delaney whispered as she walked toward the back of the car.
I shook my head slowly and shrugged. “No, I think she needs some time to process what happened. It can’t be easy for her.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “How’s Caleb?”
“Better today.” She pulled her gaze away from mine. Digging in her purse, she pulled out her car keys.
“Good.”
“How are you?” She dangled her keys from one finger.
“Just peachy.”
“Are you ready for the wake?”
“I don't think so.” She leaned forward and rested a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I'm going to the hospital to check on Nate. See if he’s awake.”
The sound of his name hurt. I hadn’t seen him since they rushed him into surgery. I nodded, and my gaze landed on the gravel ahead. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be there, holding his hand, hoping he would wake up. But I wasn't his wife. That was her responsibility.
“I'll see you soon,” Delaney said and walked away.
I got in my car and drove Louisa home. The ride was silent until we were a few miles away from the house. I'd stopped at a red light when Louisa covered her face. Sobbing, she asked, “Please, Brielle, tell me what happened between them?”
I couldn’t tell her the truth because it would tarnish any good memory she had of her sons. Julian had gone there to kill me, and instead, Nate almost died.
I swallowed and reached across the console to take her hand in mine. “It was a misunderstanding.” My voice broke.
“It doesn’t make any sense. The medical examiner said he was drunk and high on cocaine.” She paused and gasped for air. “Julian was never like this before. What happened?”
I happened.
I managed to ruin the lives of the ones I loved most.
Chapter 36
Brielle
The floral scent at the funeral home caused my skin to crawl. Never again would I look at flowers the same. With the tragedy of Julian’s death, we decided it would be best to hold a small service for immediate friends and family only. Louisa had pasted together boards displaying photographs of Julian and Nate throughout the room. They looked so happy in them. Brothers through it all until I came along.
I nodded politely and accepted condolences, but I wasn’t devastated. I didn’t wish this for Julian, but I was finally free.
From across the room, I spotted Delaney, who smiled and hugged a few of Nate’s co-workers. She had been very tightlipped about Nate’s condition and had enforced a visitor’s restriction where only she and Louisa could see him.
“How are you?” Warren’s voice pulled me out of a trance.
“I feel numb,” I answered honestly.
“Would you rather feel pain?”
“No, but I should feel sadness. I’m a widow.”
Warren suggested we sit. “Brie.” He turned on his chair. “Julian was a son to me. I gladly adopted him and Nate when I married Louisa, but even when he was a kid he had anger issues Louisa never wanted to admit. She felt she was to blame. That he was acting out. We got him counseling, and it helped a lot when he was away at college. We thought he’d grown out of it. But what he was doing to you, you didn’t deserve.”
Taken aback, I stared at him dumbfounded. “You knew?”
“Not until I saw your face. I suspected it but I didn’t know for sure. Not to mention, you don’t seem like the grieving widow.” I wiped away a tear. “I’m sorry we weren’t there to help him sooner.”
“There’s no need to apologize. I never asked for help. How would you two even know?”
Warren sighed and cupped my hand with his. “Louisa will grieve him differently. He was her blood. But you shouldn’t feel guilty. You suffered tremendously while you were with him. I can tell because you’re not the same girl I met ten years ago.”
I cried, unable to hold it in anymore. I did feel guilty. If he’d landed his shot, I’d probably be the one dead and Nate and Julian would be okay.
“You get your life back.” Warren grinned softly. “And that’s a good thing.”
“I don’t know what’s next for me.” I shook my head. “I’m living one day at a time.”
“I know. And the answers will unfold, as they need to. But for now, take it one step at a time.”
Delaney held the gathering after the service at her house. She informed the guests that Caleb would stay in his room. I knew she did that to protect him from inquisitive eyes. I couldn’t go back to that house, though. There wasn’t a bedroom for me to hide in. Instead, I drove to the hospital.
I sat outside the nurse’s station for a few hours. My heart ached, and I didn’t know what the future held for me. I couldn’t stay in Charlotte anymore. This wasn’t my home, but I also didn’t know what Nate wanted. Only the possibility of a future with him kept me here. At seven in the evening, the night shift nurses took over, so a new unfamiliar face sat at the desk. Delaney would be home entertaining and I could potentially sneak in to see Nate. Slowly, I approached her with a smile.
“Hi.” I paused and waited for her to look up at me. “I’m here to see Nathaniel Wright.” She reached for the paperwork, and I slid my license toward her as proof, not that she required it. “I’m his wife,” I lied. Since Nate had been unconscious in the ICU since his surgery, the only one allowed to visit him was his next of kin. In this case Delaney. It was my only chance. We shared the same last name, same address.
She scanned the identification and smiled. “Of course, Mrs. Wright.” She handed it back to me along with a visitor’s pass.
When I rounded the corner, I sighed with relief. I’d get to see him. Even if it was only for a few minutes.
My legs felt like Jell-O with each step I took. The sterile scent of the hospital vanished when I stepped inside his room. It was filled with colorful bouquets from his closest friends.
“Hi,” I whispered and sat on the chair next to him. My hand gripped his, and gently I kissed his knuckles. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” A scruff had begun to grow on his face. “We buried Julian today. It was a small service. Your mom seems to be doing better, and Delaney says the doctors have faith you’ll wake up any day now.” I sniffled.
“Nate, I need you to live, okay? I need you to wake up. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist. I can’t live without you—not anymore. For ten years I hated you, but the last few months have been everything I ever wanted from you. I want a life with you, Nate. So you have to live. You have to be okay.” I kissed the back of his hand and stood.
Walking out of his room, I was greeted by Delaney. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her lips were pursed with anger. “Of course you’d sneak off to come visit him.”
“I can explain—”
“Explain what? Explain that you’ve been fucking my husband behind my back since you got here?” I took a step back. “Did you really think that when they cleaned up his office, they wouldn’t give me your phone records that were tossed on the floor? That’s why Julian went in there. He would have never shot his brother. You were the one he was trying to get rid of.” She took a step forward. The devil was in her eyes.
“I thought I got rid of you years ago. You weren’t supposed to come back. He was supposed to forget you.”
“Y-You’ve known?”
“I was eight months pregnant when Nate came home inebriated. He crawled into bed with me, oblivious to it all, and told me how much he missed you. How he regretted every day that he didn’t go after you,” she spat.
“You were pregnant with Austin’s kid,” I bit back. “You trapped Nate for ten years because Austin didn’t want anything to do with you. And I know you were planning to do it again because Austin’s back in town and he’s looking to meet his son.”
“You’re crazy!” She threw her hands up. “Caleb—”
“Looks identical to Austin.”
“Why don’t you tel
l Nate that? Tell him that the son he’s been raising as his own isn’t his. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage around here? Your husband killed himself because of you, and now you want to take mine, too! You ruined your mother’s marriage, you ruined Julian’s life, and Nate is unconscious because of you. Don’t you see the common denominator in it all, Brielle? It’s you.”
“Fuck you.”
“Don’t you think if Nate really wanted to be with you, he would be? You’re an old flame that will die out eventually. We were going through a lull when you arrived. Marriages go through lulls all the time. But I’m his wife. He won’t turn his back on his family for a home wrecker.”
Her words were like venom, but I knew they held some truth. Nate would never turn his back on Caleb.
“Mrs. Wright?” a nurse said from behind me. Delaney and I both turned to face her. “Your husband is awake and asking for you.”
Delaney brushed past me, her shoulder colliding with mine. “He’s asking for his wife, not his whore.” Delaney paused right before she stepped inside his room. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and disappear again?”
Broken, I turned away from her and left. Delaney was a heartless bitch, but she was right about one thing.
I’d done enough damage.
I arrived home to a cold, empty apartment. Julian’s scent lingered in the brisk air. Aimlessly, I walked through the rooms. My mind wouldn’t turn off. I’d ruined it all for all of them. There was nothing left here for me. My husband was gone, and the man I loved was married with a child.
Walking to the junk drawer, I pulled out a pen and paper. It was time to say good-bye. I didn’t want to risk Delaney finding it and deleting it.
Dear Nate,
Almost eleven years ago, you took my parking spot. Eleven years later, you took a bullet for me. I sit here and wonder how different your life would be had I arrived to class early that morning and beaten you to the spot. There wouldn’t be any half kisses, nor would there be a nasty affair. Julian would still be here, and none of the sadness and heartache would have happened.
I’m heading back home. There’s no reason for me to be here anymore. I came here with one mission, and that was to help Julian, but instead, I made it worse. I stood by your mother as she placed his ashes in an urn, and I couldn’t stop the guilt that weighed on my heart.
You and Delaney were happy before I arrived, and I hope you find that happiness again once I’m gone.
I’m sorry I didn’t get to say good-bye, but I need to live for me. I need to go out in the world and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I need to find what brings me joy.
I will cherish every second I spent with you. I will love you all the days of my life. Maybe in another lifetime we will bump into each other again.
With all my love,
Brie.
I folded the piece of paper, slid it into an envelope, and walked over to Nate’s house. Louisa and Warren sat with Caleb at the kitchen table. Smiles were plastered on all their faces.
“Nate’s awake,” Louisa announced blissfully.
“I heard.”
“We’re headed to the hospital now. Would you like to come with us?” Warren invited.
“I actually have to do a few things here for Delaney, and then I’ll head over,” I lied. I planned to be long gone before they ever got back. Walking over to Louisa, I leaned over and hugged her. “I’m truly sorry about Julian,” I whispered into her hair. Releasing her, I scurried to Caleb. “You are such a strong, brave young man, Caleb.” My voice cracked. I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t ever change.”
I stood and looked over at Warren. He nodded in my direction as though he knew I was saying good-bye. I nodded back and walked toward Nate’s office. When I pushed the door open, it looked as though nothing ever happened. As if Julian’s suicide ceased to exist.
Walking over to Nate’s desk, I slid the envelope in Caleb’s workbook. I hesitated for a second when there was a tap on the door. My head snapped up and I was greeted with Warren. He was leaning on the frame of the door.
“Something I can help you with?” His voice was low.
I pressed the envelope to my chest. If I left it in the workbook Delaney could find it. I sighed and walked over to Warren. “Can you please make sure Nate gets this?” My lips quivered as tears threatened to fall. “Wait till he’s home . . . and alone.”
“Of course.” He folded the letter and shoved it in his back pocket. “You’re not going to the hospital, are you?”
“No.” I whimpered. “It’s better for me to leave now. I want everyone focused on Nate getting better, not me leaving. Besides, there’s nothing left for me here. This isn’t my home. I don’t belong here.”
Warren took a step toward me and opened his arms. I hugged him tightly as I cried into his chest. He was the father I desperately needed in that moment. “Remember that home is where love is,” he whispered.
I pulled back and wiped my face. “Thank you for everything.”
A small grin grew on his face and pushed up his crow’s feet. “You were always my favorite daughter. Please stay in touch.”
I nodded.
“Warren?” Louisa called from the kitchen.
He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. I’ll see you soon.
Once he left I turned back and glanced one last time at Nate’s office. “I’ll see you soon.” It was less painful than saying good-bye.
My feet dragged out of the office and toward the kitchen. When I was walking up the stairs toward the apartment, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Yve.
“Helllllooo,” she sang. Yve was completely oblivious to what had happened.
“Hey.” I jogged to the closet where my suitcases were. “I’ll be there soon.”
“What?”
“Oh, Yve, I’ve made a mess of everything.” I dropped to my knees and cried.
“Brie . . . I’m thrilled, but I don’t understand why?”
“Julian’s dead. I’m coming home.”
Chapter 37
Nathaniel
Beep.
My throat ached and my mouth was dry. My body felt heavy, and it was difficult to open my eyes.
Beep.
Inhaling slowly, I gathered my thoughts. Julian found us. He had his gun aimed at Brielle. I dove to protect her, but the room went dark and I felt weak.
Beep.
My vision came into focus. I was in a hospital room. I opened my mouth to speak, but I felt the tube. Trying not to gag, I located the nurse call button and pressed it with the little strength I had.
A moment later, a nurse popped in. “Mr. Wright, I'm glad to see you're awake.” She walked to the bed and slowly pulled out the tube. “I'm Susan. Is there anything I can get you?” Her hand gripped my wrist as she checked my pulse.
“Water,” I mouthed to her.
She smiled and grabbed a pink cup with a straw. “Your throat will be a little sore, but I’m sure we can give you something for that. I’ll let the doctor know that you're awake.”
“Brielle,” I managed to say after the cold water soothed my throat.
“She's right outside the room. I'll call her right in.”
I closed my eyes again.
“Nate!” I opened my eyes as Delaney rushed to my side. “Oh, baby . . .”
A wave of disappointment washed over me. Brielle wasn't with her. “Where’s—”
“Caleb's fine. He's home with your parents.” Delaney brushed her hand through my hair.
I meant to ask for Brielle.
Delaney pulled out her cell. “I'm going to call home. I know Caleb will be very excited to see you.”
“Del?” She looked up from her phone and at me. “Julian? What happened?”
She slid both of her lips between her teeth and sighed. “I'm sorry, Nate. Your brother ended his own life.”
I couldn't remember anything after I pushed Brielle out of the way. “And Brielle?” I manage
d to ask.
Delaney rubbed the palm of her hand along my cheek. “She’s home, but why don't you worry about getting better?”
I dropped the subject.
My parents and Caleb arrived shortly after Delaney called them. All were excited to see me doing so well. I kept waiting for Brielle to arrive. Surely she'd come and say hello. But there was no word from her.
“Mom,” Caleb said, and the room grew silent. He was lying on the bed watching television with me.
“Yes?” Delaney pulled her gaze away from her phone.
“I'm hungry.”
“The cafeteria is open until eleven,” my mother added.
“Come on.” Delaney stood. “Let’s go grab you something.”
Caleb hopped off the bed, and coiled his hands with Delaney’s. My mother stood. “I’m going to grab something, too. Do you want anything?”
I shook my head.
As they walked out, Warren came in with some ice chips for me. His head was lowered and he avoided my eyes.
“Warren?” I said when it was only the two of us. “Are you okay?”
He sighed and sat at the edge of the bed. “I’m between a rock and a hard place.”
“I’m sorry about Julian.”
“It’s not your fault. And just like I told Brielle, it’s not her fault, either.”
I sat higher on the bed. “Is she okay? Did he hurt her?” This was the first time anyone had said anything to me about her.
Warren dug in his back pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. “She’s gone home.”
My heart sank.
“She asked me to give you this. I was going to wait until you were home, but I noticed you keep looking at that door waiting for her to arrive. She’s not coming, son.”
I reached for the crisp white envelope and peeled back the folds. I didn’t need to read the letter to know why she left. Maybe in a different lifetime, she said.
But she was wrong.
I would be with her in this lifetime.
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