by Shauna Allen
I nodded, my stomach suddenly churning. Did this mean he was leaving soon? What did this mean?
“I’ll explain later,” he promised. “I’ve gotta go right now.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“I’ll come find you as soon as we’re done here.”
“Okay,” I said again, feeling anything but okay.
He slid his hand into my pocket with mine, where he knew I had his Marine girlfriend keychain, and cupped both our fingers around it. “You have nothing to be scared of, baby. I swear I’ll protect you.”
My eyes sought his, seeking the truth of his words, begging for his promise. “I know you will,” I said, my words tasting false and empty.
Yes, he could and would protect me from the world and its threats . . . but I still had everything to be scared of when he took my heart with him when he left.
~ ~
Dinner was a crazy affair. Somehow, they managed to fit an additional seven Navy SEALs, six Marines, nine women, and ten children into the Ray household, and we gorged ourselves on Mrs. Ray’s world-famous beef stew and homemade cornbread then pecan pie for dessert. How she managed to throw together enough to feed that many people was a mystery, but she’d always been a special woman.
“Can someone please explain to me why Bubba left this place and joined the Marines?” his friend, Lucky, asked with a grin as he settled back in his chair with a satisfied sigh.
Johnny wadded up a napkin and threw it at his head. “So I could hang out with you in dirty foxholes and listen to you wax poetic about your latest female conquests.”
“Better than hearing about the latest piece of British lit crap you’d read.”
The men laughed, and I’d swear Mr. Ray’s eyes held a hint of nostalgia.
I turned to Johnny. “You read British literature?”
The rest of his team began to guffaw, and I’d swear he flushed, but he diverted behind his water glass and a shrug. “I’ve read a few.”
“Huh.” I filed that tidbit away and let the conversation move to other things, but I didn’t miss the way the men became shifty as the night wore on, obviously ready to leave and finish their discussion from earlier. The one Johnny never explained to me.
I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit.
But, eventually, we cleaned up the dishes and everyone trickled out. The women took the younger kids to get them bathed and ready for bed and I lingered behind to chat with some of others while the guys moved off to the locked den to talk quietly.
“So, have you and Bubba, I mean Johnny, dated long?”
I turned to the cute, petite blonde, trying to recall her name.
She took pity on me and held out her hand. “Rebekah Keegan. Tex is my cousin and Johnny’s friend, Maverick, is my boyfriend.”
I took her hand. “Right. Nice to meet you. And, no, we haven’t been together long, though I’ve known him for years.” I glanced around at the chaos. “So . . . you’re used to all of this?”
Her laugh was light and airy. “I’m getting there.” Big blue eyes met mine with something akin to sisterhood. “And you will, too. Don’t worry.”
I wanted to ask her what she could possibly mean by that, but Daniel raced up and grabbed me around the waist. “Can we show the kids the horseys, Mommy?”
I glanced around for Nathan. If anyone would want to see the horses, it would be my oldest son. “Where’s your brother?”
“He’s playing down by the creek with the big kids and Miss Jessyka.”
“Of course, he is.” I smiled back at Rebekah. “Well . . . go ask him if he wants to feed Nugget, and I’ll walk with you guys and anyone else who wants to see the horses.”
“Okay!” He bolted off.
“Want to see the horses?” I asked Rebekah.
She shook her head. “I’m good. Thanks. I think I’ll go lie down for a bit. I’m a little tired after the trip out here.”
“Okay.” I waved and made my way down the steps, where I collected my boys and a few of the women and children who were interested in the horses.
I showed them around the pens and we fed Nugget and some of the others, and I made promises that we could saddle up some of the gentler mares for some rides before they left, which made the kids very happy.
I have to admit, Mr. and Mrs. Ray seemed tickled pink to have all these people around. Mr. Ray really loved talking military stuff with the guys at dinner and Mrs. Ray was enjoying the children as they gravitated toward her now.
“She’s a natural born grandmother.”
I startled when Johnny’s voice came up behind me as he eyed his mom with the horde of kids around her.
“Yes, I think she is.” I snuggled into his side. “You guys done for the night?”
“Mostly.” His eyes flashed concern. “At least my part since I’m not going with them to Mexico.”
Something clicked in my mind. “Does this have to do with the cartel that shot you?”
He nodded once, but didn’t say more. It was obvious he didn’t want to scare me.
“When are they going?”
“Day after tomorrow. The guys promised their women they would stay through New Year’s Eve.”
“Are you sorry you’re not going?”
His gaze tracked to mine. “This feels like a trick question.”
“It’s not. I know you miss your team.” I’m sure there was also a part of him that wanted to take down the person who’d nearly killed him. Hell, I did, too.
“I do.” He turned back to the kids. “But I’ll never regret my time here with you and the boys, Scarlett.”
Why did that feel like a goodbye? Why couldn’t I just open my mouth and ask him what was next for us?
Because I was scared of the answer.
I think we both were.
Instead of addressing the bull in the pasture, we finished up in the barn, got everyone tucked in for the night, then made our way back to my house. Alone at last, I couldn’t help but feel a selfish little thrill that I had him all to myself again, at least for tonight. There was no telling what was coming around the bend, especially over the next few days, but I had tonight, and I wasn’t about to waste it.
Silently, with the moon shining down on our skin through my cracked blinds, I undressed us both. He let me take my time, as if he sensed my need in this moment. He touched me after I touched him first. He kissed me after I kissed him first. It was an exquisite give and take, and even though I held back those three little words that sat as heavy as a thundercloud on the tip of my tongue, I knew he felt my love, and he showered me with his in return. And I cried for it. I ached for it. I soaked it up like it was all I’d ever wanted or needed, because it was. He was.
When we were flesh to flesh, his body poised above mine, he met my gaze. Still, he didn’t speak, but he shouted a thousand love words all the same. I heard them. I felt them. I knew them by heart.
I lifted my head and met his mouth just as he thrust his hips forward. We began to move together. Slowly at first. Gentle, like the rain. No rush as the heat poured through our bodies in a lazy wave.
He groaned and bit my lip in a nibble when I began to pick up the pace beneath him, the wave becoming a river, the rush of the water demanding I move. I raked my nails down his back, gripping his backside, urging him on. Faster. Harder. I pleaded.
He gave in to my cries, moving with me like an unleashed animal, but I thrived on it. I reveled in it. I held on and enjoyed the ride.
“Johnny,” I moaned his name, grinding into his sweat-slicked body harder, writhing beneath him. “Please . . .”
He shifted my thighs wider, grabbed the headboard with both hands and thrust his rock-hard body into mine like his life depended on it.
I bit my lip to try to contain the mewling cry that burst from my lips as a flaming hot orgasm began to blaze through my body. “OhGodOhGod . . .” I began to chant, but suddenly, his lips were on mine, shushing me.
“This one’s mine, baby.” He pumped harder, rolling his
hips over mine like magic. “Nobody on this ranch gets to hear you come tonight but me.”
Another cry ripped from me, but he swallowed it down with a kiss then fed me his own deep-throated growl as he thrust two more times then froze, his sweat dripping onto my temple as he shook violently with his own orgasm.
A minute later, he rolled away, tucking me into the crook of his arm.
As the night air cooled our skin and his breathing slowed toward sleep, I let my nagging worries overtake me. This was so perfect, and I guess the realist in me needed to prepare for the inevitable. I propped my chin on his chest and faced the truth head-on. “So . . . when will you be leaving to go back with them?”
Sleepy, sated, dark eyes slid open to meet mine and I saw my answer.
Entirely too soon.
Thirteen
Johnny
I didn’t leave Scarlett that night. By silent, mutual agreement, I held her all night. We didn’t even try to hide from the boys in the morning, and not only did they not seem to mind me being there when they woke up, they didn’t seem surprised. In fact, they seemed kind of thrilled, Daniel jumping right up on my back like a little monkey and Nathan straight into my lap, both of them chattering like birds, all before I’d had my coffee. But I didn’t mind, especially when I saw the ooey-gooey mushy look that came over Scarlett’s face when she witnessed the scene, which was immediately followed by a delicious breakfast. What man would complain about that?
After breakfast, we went to the main house, and my parents didn’t bat an eye to see me show up with Scarlett and the boys in tow, having not slept in my own bed. The rest of the crew were trickling in and Mom was treating them to her homemade flapjacks.
I sat next to Tex and his wife and daughters, who were busy chatting with Mom and Fiona. “Anything new crop up during the night?”
He flashed me a glance as he stuffed in a bite of pancake and shook his head. “Nothing.”
“So, everything is still a go for zero-three-hundred?”
“Yup.” He sipped his orange juice and lowered his voice, even though nobody was paying us any mind. “We ring in the New Year, tuck in the wives and kiddos, then we’re gearing up and heading out, and hopefully we’ll be back before lunchtime.”
I sat back and ran a hand over my head. “Yeah.” If only this cartel hadn’t already proven to be such shady, shifty assholes.
“And El Lobo Blanco?” I asked.
“Radio silence,” he said with a frown, pushing his plate aside. “He’s wiped all of his electronic fingerprints. It’s as if he never existed.”
“You can do that?”
“Not easily, and never one hundred percent. Not from the trained eye and the right software anyway. Luckily, I caught his trail before he’d erased the bulk of it.”
We cut off the conversation as more folks trickled in looking for food, and we shelved it entirely as we played happy family for the wives and kids, spending the day on the ranch. I will admit it was nice to be around my family and friends and to see Scarlett and the boys interacting with my team. It almost felt like a test of sorts, feeling out the possibility of a real relationship. Something that could last outside the boundaries of the ranch, past my recovery, beyond anything we’d thought possible.
Daniel was pretty much my shadow all day, as if he sensed something was up, but I have to admit I enjoyed that, too. I cared about those boys as much as I cared about their mother and the fact that they looked up to me at all made me want to puff out my chest and be a better man just for them. Lord knows their douchebag of a father didn’t deserve them.
I hauled him up onto my shoulders as we plodded along toward the lake, where some of the guys were fishing. “Hey, Champ. Having fun with my friends?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t sound so sure though. “What’s up, buddy? Nathan do something?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
His tiny legs swung near my shoulders, making me flinch, but he couldn’t inflict any real damage. Heck, my shoulder was pretty much healed up now, which should’ve made me happy, but the thought of leaving filled me with equal parts dread and joy now. “Are your friends here to take you home?”
I faltered then came to a stop. I took a breath then scooped him off my shoulders and set him on his feet and crouched down in front of him. “Is that what’s bothering you? That I might leave?”
He nodded, fat tears filling his hazel eyes. Suddenly, he threw his arms around my neck and hugged me tight. “I don’t want you to go.”
I hugged him back. “Aw, buddy.” I didn’t want to tread on his little heart, but I couldn’t lie either. Shit. I tried to imagine what my own father would say in this situation. “I don’t want to make you sad, and I don’t want to leave you or your brother and mom either. But you understand I have a very important job, right?”
He nodded, those tears breaking loose to fall down his round cheeks.
I wiped at them with my thumbs. “I have to catch bad guys to keep you and other people safe. I wouldn’t leave if my job wasn’t very important. I’d never leave you otherwise.”
He swiped his cheeks and sniffled, nodding again.
Overcome, I yanked him into my arms again and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I promise you, Daniel, I’ll always take care of you guys and I’ll always come visit,” I swore, though the words nearly choked me. I wanted so much more than visits, but what did I have to offer them with the life I led?
He nodded against me, holding me just as tight. “Okay,” was his muffled reply against my shoulder.
He eventually stopped crying and we moved on to go fishing with the guys while everyone else rode horses with Nathan and Scarlett. Later, we met back up for a picnic and then naps for the kids. The guys reconvened to go over the op one more time before dinner then, once it was dark, we blew off some fireworks in the back pasture then rang in the new year with champagne for the adults and sparkling grape juice for the few kids that were still awake at midnight. All in all, a good day.
Still, even though I knew I was sitting this one out, I could practically taste the thrill of anticipation in the air—the same that preceded every mission. I felt the heady burn of adrenaline buzzing through my veins. I’d never wanted to be whole so much in my life.
All too soon, 0300 rolled around. Both teams geared up and silently headed out while the women and children slept in the bunkhouse. I stood on the porch, watching them load up into the two vans, knowing that as much as I hated not going with them, they were trusting me with the things they cherished most in this world, and that was something I could not take lightly.
Wolf and his men climbed into the first van, Tex in the passenger seat navigating. Consultant, my ass. He was just as much a part of this as anyone now that the cartel had taken aim at his family, and I had a feeling he wasn’t going to back down until the threat was neutralized. Not that I blamed him one bit.
My team took up the second van, Lucky at the wheel, Tito up front. My team leader faced me just before he closed his door and tipped his head in a silent acknowledgment.
I lifted my hand in a wave, then didn’t move until their taillights disappeared into the darkness.
Scarlett snuggled up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I shifted her to my side. “What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Where are the boys?”
She tilted her head toward the bunkhouse. “They wanted to sleep with everyone else, so I let them take their sleeping bags and bunk down on the floor with the rest of the kids.”
I raised a brow. “So, we’re alone?”
She smiled sleepily. “We are.”
“Well . . .” I leaned down and kissed her, but pulled back a moment later. “I’d love to finish that, but I need to check on a few things around the property first.”
Her eyes clouded over. “I’ll come with you.”
I di
dn’t bother arguing with her. We threw on our jackets then hopped on the four-wheeler and made the rounds of the ranch. I checked the main gate and made sure it was locked, then double-checked all the security cameras on the perimeter. Next, I made sure the bunkhouse was secure and locked, then the main house, where Dad kept all the weapons as well as the security camera feeds, which were all secure and operational.
Back at her place, we crawled into bed, where we didn’t even make love, we just held onto each other and slept skin to skin and heart to heart.
I left her asleep later that morning and made my way back to the main house to check in with my dad.
I was met with a frown. “Did you check everything last night?”
“Yes, sir. Why?”
“Did you see the dog anywhere?”
“Barkley? No. He’s not here or at the barn?”
My dad shook his head. “No. And one of the cameras is acting up.”
I followed him to the den to the bank of screens. “Which one?”
“The one by the back pasture.” He tapped the computer. “Was it working last night when you locked up?”
“Yes, sir. They all were.” I narrowed my gaze and studied all the screens again as the hair began to stand on the back of my neck. It could be nothing, but every bit of my Marine training was screaming otherwise. “Anything else out of place?”
“Not that I can tell.” He glanced at me. “You think this is something to worry about?”
We hadn’t divulged all the details of our op to him, of course, but he knew enough to understand that there was more to this visit that just a social call, and he hadn’t questioned their 0300 departure in full tactical gear.
“I’m not sure.” I tucked my hands in my back pockets and tried to think. Could this be random? Would the cartel have a way of knowing we were here? That the guys had left? I wasn’t sure how, but they’d surprised us before . . . and this time, I had so much more on the line.
“Can you get in touch with your men? Find out any information?” he asked, concern clear in his voice.
“I can try.” I pulled out my phone and dialed Tito.
It rolled straight to voicemail. Same with Lucky, Kid, Red, Maverick, and Tex.