by Kayt Miller
I want to talk to them about Mick but I’ve tried talking about ‘boys’ before, and it’s always the same. They listen and pat my arm like I’m some poor sap who can’t keep a man. We get our drinks, and it’s time. Frankie goes first, “Now, Roni. Tell us what’s going on. You’ve been home for five days now, and we want to know why.”
“I told you. I just missed you guys.”
Gloria snorts, “I can believe you missed your nieces, but beyond that, I say that’s bull-pucky.”
Bullpucky? “Yeah, well…” I take a deep breath. “It’s complicated.”
“We love complicated,” interjects Frankie.
“Yeah, our lives are boring as hell. Spill,” demands Gloria. Gloria may be the youngest, but that doesn’t preclude her from being the bossy one.
“I don’t want mom and dad to worry, and I’m doing fine. I’ve got savings…”
“Oh shit,” both sisters say simultaneously.
“No. It’s not bad. I’ve got it under control.”
“What? Did you get fired from your fancy city job?” says Gloria sarcastically.
“No. I quit!”
“You quit? Why? That was a great job for you. You were lucky to get it.” That came from Frankie who has never, and I mean never, held a job. Not even in high school because of all of her activities. Her dance team, cheerleading squad, and drama club took up too much of her time. Then she married Matt right out of high school.
I’m sick and tired of the way they make me feel. “What would you know about it, Frankie? You’ve never worked a day in your life.”
“I work! Being a mom is a tough job.”
“Yeah,” agrees Gloria.
Of course, she agrees. Except for a two-month stint at The Dairy Cone, (yeah, stupid name) she hasn’t worked either. She claimed she was lactose intolerant and had to quit. She is not lactose intolerant. She eats cheese like it’s air. Mind you, it’s light cheese.
“Look. It’s a long story, and I don’t want to get into it tonight. It’s my last night with you guys, and I want to spend it bonding.” And getting drunk. I blink like I’m going to cry. I’m appealing to their emotional, sister side.
“Awe, we do too, VeeVee.”
I hate that nickname. I didn’t mind it when I was five. But, when I hit puberty, having the tag ‘VeeVee’ was super embarrassing. Might as well call me Vagina, Vagina. So, I made them stop by telling them I’d send pictures of both of them to the Goblesville varsity football team without their hair and makeup done. ‘VeeVee’ died a quick death.
“So,” Frankie says cheerily. “Met any guys lately?”
Should I talk to them about Mick? I know I shouldn't because I am aware I’ll feel worse when it’s over than I do right now. But, fuck it. “I have a friend.”
“A friend?” asks Gloria.
“Yep. A hot friend.” They’re both looking at me pityingly, so I add, “With benefits.”
That perks them right up. “With benefits? What does that mean in your world? Have you gone on any dates?” asks Frankie.
“Have you… done it?” Gloria whispers the last two words.
For two married women, they act like they’ve never and sex. I whisper back, “Yes.” And then I smirk.
“So, what happened?”
“What do you mean?” I ask Frankie.
“Well, it must be over if you’re here. If he were so hot, you’d be with him now. Right?” she asks looking at Gloria.
“Yeah, I see what Frankie’s saying. Poor VeeVee. Did he dump you?”
Jesus. See? I told you this would happen, Roni. “No, he didn’t dump me. He’s just…he’s…” standing in the fucking doorway of Smitty’s Tavern. “What is he doing here?” I squeak.
Both sisters follow my line of sight. “Ooh, I don’t know, but I’m glad,” coos Gloria.
“That’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. In. My. Life,” adds Frankie.
“Yeah.” Mick Flynn is hot as hell. I watch as he saunters over to our table. “Ladies.” He nods at my sisters. Then he says, “Roni? I’ve been looking for you for over a week. I’ve been worried about you.” He puts his hands on his narrow hips and adds, “Should you be drinking?”
I blink up at him and wonder what that’s supposed to mean. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He doesn’t get to answer my question because my sister loudly interrupts. “Wait for a second Roni. You know him?” squeaks Frankie.
“No way,” adds Gloria.
I’m stunned, but I can speak, “Um, yeah. Mick, meet my sisters.” I point to Frankie first, “This is Frankie, and the other one is Gloria.”
“Guys, this is Mick Flynn. The friend I was just telling you about.”
“No way!” shouts Gloria. “There’s no way you can get a guy like that!” she points accusingly.
“Gloria! That’s not nice,” warns Frankie. “They’re just friends. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah. Phew, for a second there I thought the sky was falling,” she giggles. “Or it’s the end of the world as we know it. Ooh, no wait... Hell froze over!”
I’m listening to them but not really hearing what they’re saying. I’m just looking up at Mick. God, he’s beautiful.
But, it’s apparent that he heard them. With a look that could kill my sisters, he asks, “Roni. Can I talk to you? Alone.”
“Oh, um, sure. Can you let me out, Gloria?”
She moves out of the booth and stands next to Mick. She’s peering up at him fluttering her eyelashes.
“Do you have something in your eye?” Mick asks.
“No. Why do you ask?” Gloria giggles still fluttering her false lashes.
“You’re blinking a lot. It looks weird,” he deadpans.
She stops immediately just as I step between them. Giggling, I take his firm, muscular arm in my hand and pull him toward the door. There’s no way I’m having this conversation in front of the entire town bar.
It’s chilly outside but not the common November cold I’m used to in Chicago where Lake Michigan brings in frigid temperatures. Since Goblesville is land-locked, it’s only brisk. I move him to the side of the building that obscures any curious gawkers and blocks the chilly wind. I lean back on the wood clad siding and look up into his clear blue eyes.
He’s wearing a dark blue Peacoat and jeans. His hair is partially down because part of his knot of hair has come loose. You can see how long his locks are like that.
“Do you want my coat?” Mick asks as he starts to unbutton his jacket.
“No, we won’t be out here long. What are you doing here? How did you find me? This is creepy as hell, Mick.”
He chuckles, “Yeah. It’s got that stalker vibe all over it, doesn’t it?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“I was worried. I’ve tried calling and texting. I’ve been to your apartment a half dozen times. I even stopped by your work. You quit your job?”
“Yep.”
“Why? And why didn’t you tell me?” he says sounding hurt.
“I don’t know. I guess I didn't want to talk about it. You know how that feels, right?” He does. He went a year without telling people about Lauren and the baby.
“I get that. I guess I thought we were closer. Close enough for you to be able to talk to me,” he says sounding sad again.
I sigh. We’re not close, really. We’re good friends. So I say, “I’m not at the point in this friendship where I feel like I can confide in you about everything, Mick.” I risk getting hurt, and I don’t want that.
“I get that. But, you just disappeared, baby,” he whispers moving closer to me. One of his hands now rests on my hip while the other moves up to the back of my neck. “You cut your hair off?”
I sigh. This isn’t going to be good. “Yeah. I, um, wanted a change.”
He runs his fingers through the short strands. “I like it. You look hot, babe.” He brings his other hand up to touch my head. “So soft,” he says distractedly. He puts his forehead against mine smi
les down at me. “It’s still long enough for me to pull,” he smirks.
Oh hell. I decide to forget that entire exchange because he’s turning me on. Instead, I explain my trip home, “I didn’t just disappear. I was planning on heading back first thing Sunday morning. I had my bags packed and the rental car parked right out in front of my apartment building. I woke up and grabbed my stuff and left. You were sound asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up. You’d had a hard night. You needed the sleep.”
The truth is, I woke up at five thirty in the morning and tiptoed out of my place. I did not want to wake him up because I wanted to escape.
“But, you didn’t return my calls, and you only replied to one text.”
“I’ve had my phone off most the time I’ve been home. My boss, I mean ex-boss, Bill Phillips, has been blowing up my phone this week. I was tired of hearing it ding. It gave me a headache.”
“What does he want?” Mick is using his fingers to touch strands of my blunt haircut. I could fall asleep to that. I love having my hair played with, but I press on, “Oh, um, he wants to talk to me. I’m not sure why ” I slur as I feel his hand move from my hair down to my waist then up under my sweater. “Mick? What are you doing?”
“God, I missed you so much, Roni.” He leans down and covers my mouth with his, and I let him. His tongue sweeps, and when I hear his deep moan, I can’t take it. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him like he’s water, and I’m the desert.
He slides his mouth from mine to kiss down my cheek to my neck, “I missed you so fucking much. I need you. I need to fuck you so bad, angel.”
I can tell. His hard-on is rubbing me right where I need it. He reaches down and grasps my ass and lifts me up. Out of fear of falling on my ass I wrap my legs around his waist and hold onto his shoulders. I can’t believe he lifted me up like I weigh nothing.
“All I could think about all week is about fucking you again.”
Really? That’s all he thought about? I drop my legs and wiggle until he lets me down. Pull “Mick? I thought you said you were worried about me. That you missed me.”
He reaches for me to pull me back, “I was worried. I did miss you.”
“You missed your fuck buddy? Is that it?”
“Well, yeah. We’re friends with benefits. Right?”
I pull further away from him. “No. We’re not. You only see to your own needs. I don’t want to just be a booty call, Mick. I’m the girl that wants to be in a real relationship and have a family someday. Since I know that’s not what you want, I think we should just part ways.”
I turn and start back to the bar. I’m chilled through, and not all of it has to do with November in Indiana. I feel a large hand wrap around my arm, “Roni. Wait. I’m sorry. I… I know I came on too strong there. You’ve got me coming and going.”
“I’ll help you figure this out. You’re going,” I pull my arm out of his hand and almost make it to the door when he slides in front, blocking my entrance.
“I know you’re pissed, babe. I don't blame you.”
“You don’t know anything about me, Mick. If you did, you would have handled this differently. How the hell did you find me, anyway?”
“I used your key and searched your place for your parent's address. I figured I’d call them to see if they knew where you were. When they told me you were here and only a few hours away, I decided to drive here. Your parents said you were out with your sisters,” he says pointing to the bar.
“You still have my key?”
“I did as you instructed. I slid it under your door. But, when I went back to your place, I reached back under and grabbed it.”
“You looked through my shit? You invaded my privacy?” Shit. I hope he didn’t read my journal.
“I didn’t read your journal if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“The fact that you know I have a journal is enough to give me chills, Mick. What the hell?” I yell. “Go home, Mick. I’m trying to be nice here. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just wanted to spend time with my family. My sisters are…”
“Bitches,” he pronounces.
“You know what, asshat. You cannot call them that! You don't even know them. Only I can call them names. Me! Not you! How would you like it if I called your sisters bitches?”
He chuckles, “They have their moments, but they aren’t bitches, Roni. You know that.”
“You’re missing the point here, baby. You don't have any right to call my sister's names.”
“No right? I love you…” he stares at me and blinks. Thinking quickly he adds, “…like a friend, Veronica. I hated hearing them talk about you like that,” he says nodding to the door to Smitty’s.
Why did that make me even angrier? “You love me? Like a friend?”
“Of course.”
“I flutter my eyelashes at him and bring my hands up like I’m in prayer. “You love me like a friend? Oh, thank you so much, Mick. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I’ll cherish that. I really will.” Yeah, sarcasm is awesome. I place one fist on my hip and point toward the highway, “Now go home!”
“What? Jesus, Roni. You confuse the fuck out of me. What’s wrong with you? You use to be so sweet to me. So funny.”
Okay, my anger has morphed in seconds. It’s now something else entirely. I’m on the verge of tears, but I just can’t let him see those. I’m resigned. That’s it. He’s trying to make me feel guilty. He’s blaming me and making it seem like I’ve changed on him. Or maybe he thinks he didn’t have the real Veronica before.
One tear leaks out of my eye. I can’t stop it. “Mick. I’m confused too. You confuse me too. One minute you want a friend who makes you laugh. The next you want one who makes you come. Hard. Sure, I’m both of those things, but I’m a whole lot more too. The problem is, you don’t want the other parts of me. You want the funny friend who you can fuck.”
“Roni. That’s not true. I…”
“Until you want all of me. You get none of me. My heart can’t take it, Mick. I have feelings for you. Feelings I know you can’t or won’t reciprocate. That’s your choice,” I back away from him. “My choice is to salvage what’s left of my heart and go back to the way I used to be. Alone.”
“Baby. Don’t. I care about all of you.”
“Mick. No, you don’t.” I take a deep breath, “It’s okay. I can’t ask you to give me more than you’re willing to give. That wouldn’t be fair of me. Like it’s not fair of you to ask me to give less of me. I can’t. When I’m in, I’m all in. I take care of the ones that I love, and I need the same in return.”
I reach for the door handle, but I turn and walk up to him. I place my hands on his upper arms and lift up onto my toes. I give him a gentle kiss on his lips. “Mick, you’re an amazing guy, and you were actually, good friend. I just need more than that from you. So, go home. Go back to Chicago and live your life as you want. I want you to be happy.” I kiss him one more time and head back into the bar.
Holy crap. Saying goodbye to Mick Flynn hurts like hell. Time to get flucked up.
Chapter 35: Mick
The drive back home is going to suck. I know I’ll spend the entire time reliving what just went down at the bar. “Fuck! What the hell just happened back there?” Did she just break up with me? Can I call it a breakup? No. I can’t call it a breakup. We weren’t a couple. But, we were, in a way. It felt like we were a couple at her launch party. And at my Halloween party––until we weren’t. Fucking Lauren.
Talking to myself doesn’t seem to help, but I can’t stop. “She has feelings for me?” I guess I knew that. Veronica McGonigall is not the kind of girl who just ‘hooks up’ with a guy. She’s girlfriend all the way. She’s right. I’m not for her. Did she say that? I wasn’t for her? Or was I just summarizing her words?
Jesus, I’m going insane. I hit the phone button in my car to make a call. I need to talk to someone other than myself. It’s late, but I know she’ll be up. She’s always up late studying or doi
ng whatever med students do.
“What the hell, Mick. It’s late,” Emily grumbles. “Are you in your car?”
“I knew you’d be up and I need to talk.” I take a deep breath. “I’m on my way home from Goblesville, Indiana. I went to see Roni.”
“Roni? I had a feeling this was about a girl. Why is she in Indiana?”
“What do you mean you knew this was about a girl?”
“The only times you want to have a serious talk with me is to talk about a woman. Spit it out. What’d you do?”
“First of all, that’s not true. I talk to you about all kinds of shit. As for me, I didn’t do… Yeah, I did. I fucked up.”
“Mmmhmm, grrrl,” she giggles.
After she stops taunting me, I tell her everything that has happened since the Halloween party.
“You stalked her all the way to Indiana?”
“Yeah, so?”
I hear her pretend to shiver, “You’re a creeper, brah.”
“I need advice. I need for you to tell me what to do. You’re my Kung Fu master, I’m your Grasshopper.”
“Jesus Mick. You need sleep. You’re delirious.”
“True. Now tell me.”
She takes a deep breath, “You sure you want to hear this?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okaaay. Here goes. You’re a fucking idiot douchebag, Mick.”
That takes me off guard. That’s not what I expected to hear. “And? Jeez. Don’t hold back on my account.”
“You said you wanted the truth, but you can’t handle the truth, dude.”
“I can. Just say it.”
“Where was I? Oh, yeah, Blah, blah, blah, fucking idiot douchebag. Okay. I’ve caught up. Mick, you know the answer already. I don’t need to tell you what you already know. You want the girl, but you’re scared shitless. That’s all thanks to that cun... um, Lauren.”
I hear Emily clanking dishes in the background as she speaks, “That bitch doesn’t deserve one more minute of your time, Mick. She’s a stain on your life, for sure, but a stain that will eventually disappear. But by keeping all of that hate and anger inside of you, you’re missing out on something that could be fantastic and real and forever. Roni is cool. She’s funny and super pretty. Not to mention that she seems to put up with your shit. Or she did. Apparently, she got smart and dumped your ass. She deserves to be treated better by you, big brother.”