by A J Waines
‘Right.’ I got up. ‘I’ll let you get changed,’ I said.
‘Oh, Alice…’
I swallowed hard and turned back.
‘Thanks…’
I waved her words away. ‘No problem. Any time.’
After breakfast, I needed to get outside. The cottage continued to feel like a place where bad things happened. Corruption had seeped into the walls and carpet and I felt it leeching into my skin like noxious rays. I grabbed an extra fleece from my room and made sure I’d turned the heater off.
I glanced at my slippers on the mat by the bed and seeing them there, huddled together, brought another wave of homesickness. I sat down for a second to control this sudden sense of abandonment.
I didn’t want to think about how many miles from home I was, how I didn’t have an immediate means of transport and, even if I did, the weather was cutting cottages like ours off from the rest of the world at regular intervals. Both inside and outside was forbidding – nowhere felt safe.
Outside, it was deathly quiet; the snow had gone completely and the landscape appeared innocent and unscathed, like the icy weather had never been there. But it felt like a trick, a test set to lure me into another dangerous situation.
I thought about the stained rubber gloves I’d found under the chest of drawers. Had Karen hidden them? Or had they been tucked under there for months?
As I wandered past the byre, my phone chirped. It was Nina.
‘Listen – I have what I think is good news,’ she said.
‘Tell me.’ My voice sounded desperate.
‘Are you okay? Where are you? I tried your landline but they said you’d gone.’
‘I’m just outside the cottage. I’m…alright.’
‘I know you’re concerned about Stuart claiming to work at Edinburgh University.’
I felt a shiver trail over my skin. ‘And?’
‘I made some calls and a tutor by the name of Stuart Wishart is working at Edinburgh University as a locum. He was brought in to the History Department at the start of the Autumn term and admin haven’t added his name to the staff list, because they don’t know how long he’s staying.’
In an instant the doubts melted. I had to stop myself from punching the air. ‘So, it’s all above board!’
‘I thought you’d be pleased!’
‘Thank you, Nina, for taking such trouble.’
I didn’t know whether to fill her in on Stuart’s connection with the man she’d spotted running across the field. I didn’t want to talk about Charlie.
‘What are you up to today?’
‘Not entirely sure. I think I’m catching up with Stuart.’ I decided to tell her a fragment of the background just in case she found out some other way then wondered why I’d not said anything. ‘I saw him last night. Apparently, he’s in this area looking for his nephew. He’s been missing for ten months. Stuart’s searching for him to help his brother.’
‘Oh – that’s sad. Is he making any progress?’
I felt my cheeks go hot. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Well – let me know if you get any free time and want to hook up.’
‘I will. Thank you.’
It occurred to me that had I met Nina at Leeds University, I might have looked up to her in the same way I’d latched on to Karen. Nina was generous, warm and showed an interest in me – those same qualities had bewitched me with Karen when I was younger. Only now it didn’t occur to me to suck up to Nina or put her on a pedestal. It was good to know those days were in the past. I didn’t need to feel inferior to anyone any more.
I ended the call and noticed I had a missed call from Stuart. A burst of adrenalin fizzled in my chest; I didn’t need to be wary about him now. I was about to press connect call when his Land Rover pulled onto the track. I waved and he drew up beside me, the window open, the engine running.
‘How are you feeling this morning? You look a lot better.’
‘I am,’ I said, reaching over and kissing his cheek. He put his hand on my neck and pulled me to him, so our foreheads touched. ‘I’m sure it wasn’t your meal,’ I said, kicking at the tufts of grass near the front tyre. ‘And I’m the one who owes you a big apology. I feel terrible about doubting you.’ I told him what Nina had found out.
He switched off the engine and the chugging stopped. ‘No – you did the right thing to check up on me. I could have been anyone – weaving a web of lies to deceive you.’
‘Well – it happens,’ I said, straightening up, nipping my lips together. ‘There are a lot of con men out there.’
‘Of course, I wasn’t thinking,’ he said. ‘I should have understood that you’d need to be more cautious with people. Sorry.’
‘Let’s stop saying sorry, shall we?’ I said lightly.
‘It’s a deal.’ He gave me a high-five and I laughed.
‘I know it’s still early,’ he went on, ‘but I thought you might like to risk lunch with me?’
He patted the passenger seat. ‘I promise I won’t cook. I wondered if you fancied a drive over to Ebersley – it’s about fifteen miles – there’s a lovely restaurant over there, does simple home-cooked food, apparently.’
He tapped his stomach. ‘You could just have something light, if you’re not feeling a hundred per cent.’
His hair looked thick and freshly washed. Within the space of twenty seconds, he’d touched my shoulder, squeezed my hand and given me a spine-tingling smile. This man had a magic ingredient that won me over in an instant.
‘I’d love to,’ I said and walked round to the passenger door.
We chatted on the drive over as if we’d known each other for years, stopping at several spots to admire the view. I felt I could give in to his enchantment now, certain that his allure wasn’t that of a siren, leading me onto the rocks.
We pulled into the car park. ‘Can I ask you something?’ he said, sounding more serious.
I sat up straight. ‘Okay.’
‘Well – I’d like to tell you something first and then ask you my question.’ He switched off the engine and we both unfastened our seat belts, so we could face each other. ‘Right – here’s what I want to say.’
His mouth twisted to one side as if he knew he had to get this right. ‘I think you’re a gentle, kind, thoughtful and basically irresistible woman.’ I swallowed hard. ‘I’m in the middle of a grim divorce – not instigated by me, but I came here in the hope of getting my head clear about a few things as well as trying to find Charlie.’
He didn’t take his eyes off mine. ‘This wild place has been exactly what I needed to help me see that…my wife is right…we have drifted apart over the years and we’re not made for each other anymore – probably never were.’
He peeled off his driving gloves and put them on the dashboard. ‘What has helped me see the wood for the trees – is you. Because I feel something for you I’ve never felt for her.
‘It’s hard to explain, but Sandy is a forthright woman. Now, that’s good – of course it is – she’s strong and assertive and knows her own mind, but what I see now, since I’ve met you, is that she’s selfish. I’ve spent most of my life trying to placate her and fit in with the way she wanted everything to be.’
He rubbed his hands over his knees. ‘The point is, I don’t think Sandy and I ever brought out the best in each other. I think we were rivals – or she certainly felt that way about me. Our marriage was a power struggle to her and she had to win every time. I let her win – but that meant giving up a part of myself.’
I thought briefly of Jodie and Mark.
‘Go on…’
‘I gave up honesty, the truth. I gave up integrity. I gave up my point of view. It applied to small things – like choosing which plants we had on the patio, but also big decisions – like having children. Sandy never wanted them – and I did. I tried to fight my corner so many times, but she either stormed out of the house or dissolved into tears. In the end, I stopped asking.’
I put my h
and on his. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Maybe that’s why I feel safe with you. I can talk to you, be open and not fear that you’re going to judge me. If you disagree – that’s fine – that’s no problem, but it’s your manner that I find so heart-warming. It’s something to do with respect. How can I put it?’ He leant his elbow on the steering wheel, looking at me. ‘I think you’re a beautiful person – on the inside as well as the outside.’
I didn’t know where to look. ‘That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.’
‘You see?’ He held up his palms as if to say I rest my case, then put a fingertip on my cheek. ‘And now I’ve made you cry.’
I didn’t know a tear had escaped. ‘Sorry,’ I said.
‘No – don’t apologise.’
I managed a crooked smile. I could barely believe what I’d just heard. ‘You said there was also a question?’
‘Ah, yes. It follows on, really. I wanted to ask if you thought there might be a possibility you could feel something similar. It’s early days, I know, and things are messy my end – and we live at opposite ends of the earth – but am I…you know, in with a chance, do you think?’
I gave him an answer without hesitation ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I think you might be...’
He reached across to me, searching my face. He must have found what he was looking for and sank his mouth into mine. I closed my eyes and in that instant, images of Charlie and the lake dissipated into oblivion.
I don’t know how many minutes passed as we remained locked together in one long, sumptuous embrace. It was the voices of young children approaching that forced us to separate.
‘Let’s go in,’ I suggested, reaching for the door handle. ‘We can continue this particular conversation later…’ I turned and gave him a coy smile.
‘Why not?’ he patted his pockets, collecting himself. ‘Don’t think I’ve ever had such a meaningful discussion in a car park.’
As Stuart had promised, the lunch was delicious and my appetite was gradually tiptoeing back. The restaurant specialised in organic, local produce and I managed nearly half of probably the best winter pheasant stew I’d ever tasted. Stuart had a sticky-toffee pudding all to himself and we moved to a comfy sofa by the log fire.
I thought of how far we’d come since the doubts and unspoken accusations of yesterday evening, but hanging around in the back of my mind I knew there were parts of his story he hadn’t yet told me. I hated the idea of pulling our romantic moment into darker waters, but I needed to know the rest of it.
‘You said there was more to tell about your nephew and…Karen…’
He turned to me and took both my hands, pressing them together between his. ‘How’s it going at the cottage?’ he asked.
‘Karen’s worrying me. She’s been good to me in the past, but she’s not the fun-loving, bright spark I remember.’
It was true – and not just since the terrible business with Charlie. Karen had seemed different; she’d been distant and tense from the start.
‘She’s got her daughter back after a long life-threatening illness and you’d think she’d be over the moon. But she doesn’t seem happy. It’s as if she’s had her good qualities – the vibrant colours of her personality – washed out of her.’
‘Why do you think that is?’
‘I’ve no idea. I had no contact at all with her for about six years. I don’t know anything about her life now – a lot must have happened during that time. You reckon she’s lied about those years since Uni, don’t you – popping up out of nowhere with what now looks like a made-up story about being in Hollywood…?’
He bowed his head. ‘Has she done anything else to make you distrust her?’
The muscles in my neck had gone rigid. ‘Tell me what’s going on,’ I said.
‘Okay.’ He leant closer and lowered his voice. ‘This is going to be hard,’ he warned. I kept perfectly still. ‘Jim Cohen, the private detective I told you about, has done a lot of background work trying to track Charlie down. Charlie doesn’t have a criminal record, but seems to have friends on the wrong side of the law and Jim came up with a bunch of names in connection with his search. Karen Morley is one of them.’
‘O-kay,’ I said slowly. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Jim followed as many avenues as he could to try to find a link to Charlie – he’s costing me a fortune, but he’s doing a thorough job. Apparently, Charlie is pally with Don Rees; he’s married to Pamela Rees, who was in Holloway prison until earlier this year.’
My hand was gripping his as if we were about to topple over the edge of a cliff.
‘This is where it gets interesting,’ he said. ‘Pamela’s cell-mate was none other than Karen Morley.’
Chapter 38
Suddenly I was terribly hot, as if an inferno had ignited inside my stomach.
I stared at him, my mouth gaping. ‘Karen’s been in prison?’ I was astounded. ‘It can’t be the same person – not my Karen.’ I’d raised my voice and people in the restaurant were turning their heads.
‘It’s definitely her,’ he said, patting my knees. ‘Jim has only just confirmed it. That’s why I couldn’t say anything before now. I still haven’t got the details.’
‘What did she do? Why was she put away?’
‘Like I say – we don’t have the full facts yet. He’s working on it.’
‘I can’t…not Karen…what could she have done...?’
An image of Karen standing in the snow beside the bonfire, burning the stool, came into my mind. I thought about how methodical she’d been about getting rid of Charlie, how in control she’d been the whole time. I thought about how she’d appeared to call the police straight after we found the body and they hadn’t come. About the car that wouldn’t start. The phone socket in the sitting room she said she knew nothing about…
‘You’re in shock,’ he said, a look of concern darkening his face. ‘Do you want to get out of here?’
‘No…’ I was staring into space, trying to figure it all out. Did she know Charlie? Did she know why he had come to the cottage?
For the first time, the idea that Karen had killed him solidified in my mind. I hadn’t dared let it take full hold before, but with everything else – and her subsequent actions – it made sense.
‘She didn’t want the police involved,’ I muttered, not realising I’d said it out loud.
‘What?’ he said.
‘Nothing…I don’t know…’
He held me close and I hid my face inside his jacket. Everything seemed to be flashing; shapes in the room, pictures in my head. I closed my eyes hoping it would stop, but it only got worse.
He gently shook my arm. He’d been speaking to me and I hadn’t heard him. ‘I said, do you want a coffee?’
‘Oh…a brandy, I think…’
He disappeared for a while and returned with two glasses – a double shot for me and a soda and lime for him, as he was driving.
‘When will you know more?’ I asked him, gulping down half of my glass in one go.
‘Jim will be in touch later today. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear from him,’ he promised.
‘Thank you.’
He settled back, one ankle on the other knee, his arm around me. It felt so natural to be cuddling up against him. Suddenly my life split into two parts – before Stuart and now; this chance of a new beginning with such a compelling man at my side. If only…
At that point he mentioned the police. ‘Did you hear? They’re sending divers down into the lake – Loch Tierney.’
I tried not to stiffen. ‘Why?’
‘At least two families say they saw something early on Saturday morning. A boat in the lake, something dropping into the water – sounds very dodgy.’
I knew this beautiful encounter with Stuart was too good to be true. The reality of the situation came flooding back over me again. Everything wasn’t going to be alright. Karen and I had been seen.
I kept my gaze on
him, tried to keep my hands still. Now the police were going to find Charlie and start asking yet more questions. Stuart would be beside himself. I couldn’t face a round of enquiries, omissions and lies. I’d break – I knew I would.
‘Did the police say what they’d seen?’ my voice had weakened to a hoarse whisper.
‘I don’t know. It was just a short update on the local news.’
Nina might know more. I made an excuse to go to the Ladies’ and gave her a call. I told her I’d heard a boat was seen at the loch and asked whether she could tell me any more.
‘Not really. Ted and Lorrie – do you remember? They saw something. And a couple in the cottage further down, closer to the water. They spotted the boat right in the centre of the loch very early on Saturday morning, apparently. The sun had barely come up and they were out at the crack of dawn looking for wildlife with their binoculars.’
I shuddered at her last word.
‘Did they…see what happened?’
‘Only that there were two figures in the boat – and they threw something over the side. Something heavy. The police think it’s the boy.’
‘Oh – they think it’s Brody?’
‘Yeah – they’re sending divers down today. I didn’t really want to go and look, but if you— ’
‘No, no, no,’ I said. ‘I’m just…you know…interested. Obviously, I want the police to find him – but it might not…’ I stopped before I gave myself away.
‘Malcolm and I are going out shortly – I’ve got my camera and he’s got his paints, but if you wanted to meet up later, I could come and collect you?’
I didn’t know if I could face it. The police would have found the body by then – I dreaded to think what state he’d be in – but one thing was for sure, they’d know it wasn’t Brody.
Nina would want to tell me all about it and I didn’t know if I could keep up with the mock surprise, They found a man, not the boy? I told her I’d call her later and thanked her for the offer.
As Stuart and I walked back to the Land Rover, I felt completely disconnected from myself. I felt dangerous, on the edge. I didn’t trust myself to say anything, because I couldn’t guarantee that my words wouldn’t run away with me and my mouth wouldn’t spill out all kinds of revelations about my misdemeanours in the last nine days. Was it only nine days since I’d got here and my life had become one long surreal nightmare?