by Sophie Stern
She should have come in sooner, but she’s lucky she collapsed in my office and not alone at home.
“You know, Sarah, sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to find anyone.”
“You mean like a boyfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“Why would you be worried about that?” I look up sharply at Tami. She’s quiet and shy, but she’s smart and witty and beautiful. And clever. Tami is really, really clever.
“You know,” she shrugs. “Look at her. She’s lovely and she got one of the most incredible guys on the ship.” Tami blushes and looks up at me quickly. “Not that I had any interest in Blake, of course.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s just that he’s really handsome.”
“Yeah, I know,” I roll my eyes. “I’ve seen him, too.”
Tami laughs. “You know what I mean, though, right? Finding someone is hard. Finding someone to love you unconditionally is hard. In another world, maybe I would have met a doctor or found someone I could work side-by-side with while we saved the universe.”
“You can still find someone, Tami. It’s not like your life is about to end or anything. You’re not old, honey.”
“It’s just been a really long time since I felt that way about anyone. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me.”
“Tami, look at me.”
She does.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful and perfect and smart. You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had. You work hard and you’re consistent and prompt. You’re a really, really good person.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Sarah, has anyone ever told you that you’re a true optimist?”
I laugh. “All the time, but I have to be.”
“I guess it helps with being a doctor. After all, what’s the point in trying to save someone if you just expect them to die? You have to have hope, right?”
“We all need hope,” I agree.
“So can I ask you something really personal?”
“Of course you can.”
“Don’t you think you’re giving up hope with Blake? Don’t get me wrong,” she adds quickly, holding her hands up. “He was a complete jerk, but don’t you think you should give him another shot?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want or what I think,” I tell her sadly. “Blake made his choice.”
“Blake made the wrong choice,” a voice says from behind me, and my body stills. Tami’s eyes are wide and I realize that this is actually happening. He’s standing behind me. He’s come into the room and he heard what we were saying.
Fuck.
How long has he been standing there?
I take a deep breath, and then I stand up and turn around, pasting a smile on my face.
“Blake,” I say. “And Max. What can I do for you?”
They look past me to Liz. “What happened?”
“She’s sick,” I say.
“Did she hurt you?” Blake asks. “We were worried she might have hurt you.”
“She tried!” Tami speaks up. “But Sarah is kind of a badass. Not that you would know,” she glares at him, and Blake has the decency to look chastised.
“I’ve been an idiot,” he turns to me, ignoring Tami’s dig. “And I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m stupid, Sarah. I shouldn’t have treated you the way that I did. You deserve more than that, and I’m sorry for how I reacted when we kissed.”
I blush twelve shades of red as I realize that now everyone in the room knows I kissed Blake and he didn’t like it or want me.
“It’s fine, Blake,” I say, hoping he’ll take the hint. “I’m totally over it.” I turn to Max and jerk my head toward Lizzie. “So, the deal with Lizzie is that she’s sick. She may have picked up a couple of viruses on her last expeditions. Left untreated, they’ve been wreaking havoc on her body. She should have gotten in sooner.”
“I didn’t even know anything was wrong,” Max says. “Didn’t she go to her medical evaluations before we left for the mission?”
“She skipped her last physical here, and I’m guessing her sports physical testing results she either faked or paid someone off. May want to talk to Marv about that.” Marv is the one who handles making sure each member of Extrinsic can run fast and maintain their pace. He checks everyone for endurance levels and strength abilities and makes sure that everyone is in tip-top shape. For this to have slid past him, something has to be seriously wrong.
“I’ll talk to him,” Max agrees. “In the meantime, what’s the status?”
“She needs to be sedated for awhile,” I tell him. “Why?” Now it’s my turn to ask questions. “What’s with the sudden concern over Blake’s girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Blake says.
At the same time, Max tells me, “She’s under arrest.”
“For what?”
“For being a fucking liar, Sarah,” Max tells me. “She completely fucked with our mission and she may be responsible for our team dying.”
“No,” I gasp, my hand fluttering to my mouth.
“Yeah,” Max says. He pulls out a pair of pepperao cuffs and secures Lizzie’s hands.
“That’s not really necessary,” I tell him, but the look he gives me tells me that right now, it’s best not to argue.
“I’m going to have a guy in here constantly,” he tells me. “I know you have nurses and team members who care for your patients who are on bed rest and they need to be protected from Lizzie. Give me five minutes and I’ll get everything set up.” He reaches for his communications unit, and I feel Blake’s hand on my arm.
“Sarah?” He asks gently. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah,” I tell him with a sigh. “What is it?”
“Not here,” he says. “Can we go to your place?”
I look over at Tami, and she grins and smiles.
“I’ve got this covered,” she assures me.
“Fine,” I turn back to Blake. “But let’s make this fast, okay? I’ve got a patient to care for.”
Chapter 8
Blake
Sarah is silent as we walk down the narrow hallway.
“It was pretty big of you to care for Lizzie,” I comment as we make our way to her housing unit.
“It’s my job, Blake. Don’t read too much into it. I care for all of my patients in the exact same way.”
“And that’s one of the things I love about you,” I say. She sighs loudly, but doesn’t say another word until we get to her room. The door slides shut behind us, and she instantly turns to me.
“Okay, what do you want?”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised.
Sarah has never yelled at me. Ever. She’s never so much as raised her voice. No, when Sarah talks to me, it’s with gentleness and kindness and compassion. This is a side of her I’ve never gotten to experience before.
I don’t say anything right away, but that doesn’t seem to bother Sarah because she keeps right on talking.
“I kissed you, Blake. I threw myself at you completely and entirely. It took me years to get the courage to tell you how I felt, and you threw me aside like I didn’t matter. And then you left!” She yells, and I realize she’s been waiting a long time to say all of this to me.
She’s been bottling it up, and it’s finally all coming out.
“You didn’t even say goodbye, Blake.”
Now the tears are streaming down her cheeks, and Sarah looks at me like she’s broken.
She looks at me like I’ve broken her, and I’m filled with the urge to wrap my arms around her, to kiss her, to hold her until she’s not scared or sad or in pain anymore.
“I know,” I tell her, but she’s not done.
“I thought that when you came back, we’d be able to talk,” she says. “I thought we’d talk and we’d work through things like friends because surely, despite any awkwardness,
we’d still be friends, but then you came back with someone else, Blake. You came back and tossed me aside like I didn’t even matter to you.”
I drop to my knees, and Sarah closes her mouth.
“I was so wrong, Sarah,” I tell her. “And I’m on my knees now to beg for your forgiveness.”
“Blake, get up,” she says, shaking her head. She’s still crying.
“Sarah, I was wrong. I was scared and I behaved like a real jerk. The truth is that I love you, too, Sarah. I’ve loved you for a very long time and when you kissed me, I realized I had to make a choice. We couldn’t keep going on as friends, Sarah, but I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“What do you mean? What do you mean, Blake? How could you possibly not be good enough for me?”
“Because of my past,” I say slowly.
“The thing with your brothers?”
“Well, yeah. You deserve better than a former convict, Sarah.”
“I think I know what I deserve, Blake, and I think you need to stop fucking selling yourself short. I know you didn’t kill anyone. I know that was a false sentence. You never should have been in that jail and I’ll never forgive your brothers for hurting you like that.”
“I know you don’t care about my past, Sarah. You and Max are the only two people who know everything about me, but who love me anyway. I broke your trust when I pulled away from you and went on the mission. I was cruel, Sarah. I was horrible.”
“What are you saying, Blake? Are you asking me for a second chance?”
“Yes, Sarah. I’m begging you for a second chance and a third chance and however many chances it takes to show you just how much I care about you.”
“What about Lizzie?” Her voice is quiet now.
“Lizzie isn’t who I thought she was.”
“But you were dating her.”
“We didn’t sleep together, Sarah. I couldn’t. We did spend a lot of time together, though. I won’t lie to you about that. We spent a lot of time talking, but we weren’t physically close, despite what you may have heard.”
“I don’t care about that stuff, Blake. I don’t care that you’ve been with other women. I care that you didn’t respect me enough to come talk to me when you got back. I care that you left without saying goodbye, and I care that when I kissed you, your response was to walk away, Blake. You hurt me.”
She says the words with mourning, and it’s now that I realize I need to stop talking.
Talking isn’t going to go any farther with Sarah.
What she needs now is to know that I’m all in when it comes to her. Honestly, I’m still scared. Terrified. I have quite the past and Sarah is a brilliant, incredible doctor with a beautiful future ahead of her. She deserves better than me, but you know what? Nobody is going to love this girl like I can. Nobody is going to make her smile or make her laugh or make her feel happy like I can, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to take care of Sarah until she realizes just how totally, completely adored she really is.
I should have done this years ago, but I was a coward.
I’m not anymore.
Life is short.
I could have died on Eola. Lizzie could have started killing the group off or done something that meant we’d be stranded there forever. She could have done anything, and then I would never have seen Sarah again. How could I live with that? How could I live never seeing her smile? I need to see her smile. I need Sarah.
I need her now and forever.
Slowly, I get to my feet and move toward her.
“Blake? What are you doing?”
“What I should have done a long time ago, Sarah.”
And then I kiss her.
I grab her face and pull her close and I kiss Sarah.
I kiss my princess.
I kiss my darling.
She’s tense at first, unsure of whether this is really happening, unsure of whether I’m actually going to follow through on the promises I just made, but when I deepen the kiss and pull her closer to me, Sarah mews in response and relaxes.
She’s sweet and delicious: the perfect combination of excitement and adventure. Oh, Sarah and I are going to have a lot of adventures together. We’re going to have a lifetime together: just the two of us.
I’m not about to pretend that things are going to be perfect. Chances are that I’ll fuck up again at some point, or she will, and we’ll have to work things out, but that’s the thing about love, isn’t it? As long as you’re willing to fight for it, you can make things work. It’s not about having a perfect relationship. It’s about being willing to pour in the work and dedication when things get hard.
Sarah pulls away and looks up at me.
“Blake?”
“I love you, Sarah. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”
“I love you, too,” she says. “Even though I probably shouldn’t. You’ve been kind of ridiculous lately.”
“I’ll make it up to you,” I promise.
“How?” She winks at me and there’s a twinkle in her eyes.
“Like this,” I growl, and I kiss her again.
Chapter 9
Sarah
Blake’s mouth glides over mine in a silent, beautiful dance.
I’m instantly wet and rubbing myself shamelessly against him.
More.
I just need more.
The last day has been a whirlwind of emotions and I’m still not feeling completely grounded, but somehow, Blake makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
He makes me feel like no matter what, we’re going to get through this one day at a time.
Blake is finally here with me, and his hands are planted firmly on my hips, digging into my skin gently. Then he pulls me closer to himself. Blake, too, is completely entranced in the movement. I can tell by the way he grinds his hardness against my belly: firm and feral.
“I need you, Sarah,” he murmurs against my mouth, and I nod.
“Blake,” I moan, but he kisses me before I can say anything else. Blake kisses me like I’ve never been kissed before. His lips are relaxed, but firm. He’s gentle, yet knows what he wants. He expects to be followed in the bedroom. I can tell that much just from the kiss, but that’s always been Blake: in control.
Even when we were kids, even when we were just children on Orchid, he was always in control of every moment. When the interstellar police told him he was under arrest for something one of his dumbass brothers did, Blake went with them quietly.
He didn’t fight.
He didn’t protest.
He just went.
I remember watching him go without so much as blaming his brothers, and I didn’t understand that dedication or that loyalty. There was more to it than that, though: Blake values control. He always has. When he was taken away by the police that day, Blake didn’t fight them because he could choose to remain calm. Staying relaxed and in charge gave him a semblance of control, and that’s what he needs now.
He nips my lip. “Ouch! What was that for?”
“Come back to me, baby.”
“What?”
“I think you got lost in your own thoughts a minute ago, love,” Blake whispers. “I need you to stay with me.” He kisses my neck now and slides his tongue down my shoulder blade and collarbone.
“I’m with you, Blake,” I murmur.
“Good, because I need you, Sarah. I need you more than I need my next breath.” His hands move from my hips now. As Blake kisses my shoulders, his hands make their way to my breasts. I quiver as he touches me.
This feels like a decade of foreplay has all come to fruition, and it’s time to stop messing around.
“Blake,” I push him away, trying to catch my breath. He stills, instantly, and looks at me.
“Sarah?”
“Blake,” I shake my head. “This isn’t going to work.”
His face falls.
“We’ve been friends forever, Bla
ke. Years and years. We’ve been friends and we’ve been through so much together and we’ve adored each other from afar.”
“I know, and-”
“And that’s why we need to fuck right now.”
“Excuse me?” He looks up at me sharply.
“Blake, I can’t do an hour of foreplay, baby. I just can’t. Another time, yes. Absolutely. Tonight? No, baby. I need you now. I need you to fuck me, Blake. Please.”
I’m begging, but the heat that fills his gaze makes me forget any embarrassment I might be feeling. No, there’s nothing humiliating about telling Blake how I feel.
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he says, and lifts me effortlessly. He carries me to the bed and drops me on it. Before I know what’s happening, we’re both naked and sprawled on my bed.
“Blake, what the hell?” I look around for my clothes. “Baby, where are my clothes?”
“Where we’re going, we don’t need clothes,” he says, and pulls my hair as he kisses me hard. The sting of pain is delicious: much better than any Yeapleam fruit, and I groan as he kisses me harder and harder.
Then he’s got me beneath him: my hands pinned over my head.
“Sarah,” he groans, and he thrusts into me, filling me. My eyes open wide and I meet Blake’s gaze, and it’s then that I realize I want to marry this boy.
More than anything else in the world, I want to be mated to Blake, and I want to have his damn babies.
He might be a jerk sometimes. He might make poor choices. He might be flawed, but damn if he’s not the best fucking thing to ever happen to me.
Blake kisses me as he makes love to me. He lips barely leave mine as he reminds me what it feels to be a woman. He shows me, perhaps for the very first time, what it feels like to be truly loved, to be adored.
Soon I’m floating, unable to stop the waves of pleasure that wash over me. Blake owns my body like it’s been his all along, and I suppose, in a way, that it has. He’s always been the one for me. It’s always been the two of us who were meant to be together.