My heart pounded, head spun, and my pancakes threatened to make a second appearance. How could he speak so casually about potential marriage? And after one night together?
That was faster than even I could handle.
“Charlotte?” Ash was at my side in an instant, pushing the hair from my sweaty face. “Are you all right? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
I swallowed the lump of nausea and tried to clear my head. It was a lot to take in. I cleared my throat and tried to put words to the sickening dread turning my stomach inside out.
It was happening again, faster and with more consequences than ever. If I said yes, I’d be on the fast track to being a Trisean princess. I knew he was speaking hypothetically—priming me for what could happen if things did work out. I knew it, but that didn’t keep my body from reacting like it was in danger. I wiped my palms on my thighs and tried to calm myself.
But I had to wonder. Hypothetical or not, was that what I wanted? Did I want to spend my days attending goodwill events and having my clothes picked out for me? Did I want my whole life revolving around someone else’s nation? Would I even be able to run my own charity?
I could barely handle Hollywood. How was I supposed to handle a whole nation looking to me as a role model? “Ash, I need to be honest. I don’t think I truly considered what having a relationship with you meant. I don’t know if I can play another role, if I can be a princess to your people. It’s hard enough being in a public relationship, but adding the royal aspect isn’t something...” My words trailed away as Ash’s expression grew cold.
“I see,” he said, crossing his arms and pulling away from the island counter.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt you. One of the reasons I left Hollywood was so I could have a normal life again. A relationship with you is exactly the opposite of a normal life.”
Ash nodded, eyes darkening to the deep blue of a stormy sky. “I think I should be going,” he said quietly. He collected his things quickly and left, closing the door gently behind him.
Chapter Twelve
Ash
I rode to the ground floor in an empty elevator. Knotted stomach and self-doubt nagging in the back of my mind, telling me this was my fault, and I shouldn’t have laid it out so bluntly. But, I had to respect her decision. I knew how hard it was to be so honest. I’d done it many times with people who weren’t right for me, let alone for Trisea. But Charlotte was right for me and for my nation. I felt it in my bones, and that was what made it so fucking hard.
Nathaniel waited for me outside Charlotte’s building, getting in the sedan after me. “Am I making arrangements for Ms. Blush, Prince Ash?” he asked.
“No, Nathaniel, Ms. Blush won’t be visiting Trisea.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Your Highness.”
“Me too,” I said out the window. Me too.
I spent the drive back to my hotel silently moping, fully immersing myself in every negative thought and emotion, wallowing right up to the moment I walked into the hotel suite. Then I switched it off, diving once more into the mysterious actions of Mr. Creightly. “Any word on our friend in Switzerland?”
“Yes, Prince Ash. He’s tried to open several accounts with several banks. They’ve all turned him away for various unspecified reasons.”
“Good,” I said. The Swiss were good at many things, one of which was honoring agreements. With a single call, I’d blacklisted Crieghtly from every overseas bank except Trisea.
If he thought he could steal money from me, he’d have to be bold enough to enough to bring it to Trisea to deposit. I doubted the man had such testicular fortitude, but the money he siphoned from the allocations would be useless without a way to deposit and access it.
Now it was a mere matter of waiting for him to discover his only option.
In ten hours, I was back in my study in the east turret of my castle, surrounded by the books that inspired me, the creature comforts that consoled me, and the family who cared for me. All I could ever want was right here. Except the one person I wanted to share it with.
I’d had enough life experience to know what I didn’t want. The selfish, title-hungry Trisean debutantes ogling me, trying to win favor with me, trying their best to wiggle their way into the royal family were everywhere, and I’d seen enough to know exactly what I wanted the moment I saw her. Charlotte was everything I could hope for and more, driven, successful, compassionate and dedicated to helping others. She would make a wonderful partner. An exemplary royal.
But she didn’t want it.
It was hard not to take that blow directly to the ego, hard not to think that if she wanted me enough, she’d want the title as well.
Instead of dwelling, I buried myself in six-month’s worth of allocation sheets, pouring over every number and decimal, making absolutely certain everything was in order. Of course everything was. If it wasn’t correct, the Trisean royal accountants would have spotted it, but I kept searching until my eyes blurred and refused to stay open. I passed out on the desk, woke in the morning, and did it all again.
I knew there was nothing to find, but I kept at it. Busywork was better than sulking about the life I might have had with Charlotte. It was better than second guessing myself, than telling myself I’d been stupid to think someone I’d just met wouldn’t be turned off at the idea of being a princess in a foreign land she’d never heard of.
I knew there was nothing to find.
There was nothing to find until I found something.
Sweat beaded at my hairline as I stared at the numbers, the pattern that was now so obvious. How could I have been so blind? There all along, hidden in the numbers and commas and endless spreadsheets, was the snake in the grass. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe, but it stared back at me as clear as my own reflection.
I called Nathaniel who I’d given the day off after being on-call for the entire length of my trip to New York.
“Your Highness?”
“My study, immediately,” I growled.
“Of course. I’ll just need time to get changed, Your High—”
“Now!” I said, slamming the phone back in the cradle.
I didn’t have a short fuse. I wasn’t the kind of person who yelled at subordinates. Except I just had. Nathaniel was in my study in minutes, unshaven and in sweatpants and a Trisean Army t-shirt. “Prince Ash, how can I be of—”
“I’ll give you one chance,” I said, rising to my full height. “Sit, now,” I ordered, pointing to the chair in front of him. “One chance to come clean with everything, Nathaniel. I’d suggest taking the opportunity, or you’ll end up serving a life sentence in the dungeon for treason”
Nathaniel’s face went ashen.
“I suppose this is my fault,” I said sharply. “Trusting you with every secret, expecting you to keep them for me, not because of a sense of honor or reverence for my position as your prince, but because I paid you well. I should have known, eventually, someone would offer you more and you’d betray me. I should have seen this coming.”
“Your Highness! I haven’t betrayed you.” Nathaniel’s eyes went wide, crinkling the scar above his eyebrow.
“Do not lie to me, Nathaniel! I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Tell me everything now, and I promise leniency.”
Every last art gallery I’d donated to in the name of the Crown had a sizable amount of cleverly masked funds misallocated. Sometimes, it was only a few hundred thousand, sometimes it was millions, but each time, Nathaniel had been the guard by my side. If he didn’t cause it, then he knew who did. He had to.
His head dipped low as he spoke. “Art was always your passion, Your Highness. I thought if I made certain it happened only at the events you attended, you’d notice and put an end to the practice.”
“What practice. What are you talking about?”
Nathaniel sighed before locking eyes. “Trisea isn’t as benevolent as you’ve been led to believe, Prince Ash. The nation use
s allocations to funnel money for whoever pays their fee. The Crown takes their share, the royal accountants don’t report those earnings to the people, and Trisea remains the wealthiest nation per capita. My only part in this was orchestrating all the transactions to take place so you would take notice.”
I stared at my guard for a long time, trying to find the deception in his face, replaying his words over and over to catch his lies. But I found no hint of evasion, no scrap of fabrication. Nathaniel told the truth.
I sank into my chair, head pounding and stomach sinking. “How long have you known?”
“A few months. I took me some time to catch on.”
“And how long have you been trying to clue me in?”
“Since I first found out, Your Highness.”
“Why not just tell me outright?”
Nathaniel sighed. “You love Trisea so much, Your Highness, I doubted you’d believe the deception as truth if you didn’t see it for yourself.”
I nodded and allowed myself a few moments of childish brooding. How could I have been so blind? How could my country be so corrupt? Why did everything seem to be falling apart?
I leaned into those feelings for less than a minute before shaking it off.
A prince can’t mope in his study when things in his kingdom go wrong. A prince faces them, head on, and fixes his shit.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlotte
“I don’t care,” I said to my former agent. “I’m not interested in playing these games anymore. I’ll buy out the rest of my contract with Paramount, and that’s the end of it. Understood?”
“Ms. Blush I understand. I truly do. But I don’t think you understand the consequences of a buyout.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten silently, hoping to clear out some of the nonsense in my head.
Thoughts like, “You knew it wouldn’t be that easy to leave Hollywood,” and, “You always find a way to screw everything up,” and my favorite, “If you had said yes to Ash, you’d be in another country right now and Hollywood couldn’t touch you.”
I knew those things weren’t true. Leaving the machine that was Hollywood might not be cost-effective, but it was as easy as writing a gigantic check to Paramount Pictures for the rest of my three-movie contract.
And I wasn’t a screwup. I’d accomplished a lot—working my way to the top of not one but two cutthroat industries wasn’t something a screwup could do. And maybe being in Trisea with Ash would be easier, but I had to deal with my problems. I couldn’t run from them. Even if I did miss the fuck out of him.
I took a steadying breath and told my agent exactly how I felt. “What you don’t understand, Alice, is that I don’t give a shit about the consequences. I don’t care if a buyout destroys my chances of getting future roles. I don’t care if Paramount trashes my name to all the execs, and I sure as hell don’t care what the tabloids have to say if it gets leaked. So please, call up Paramount, tell them they can go to hell and that I’ll send a check as soon as my lawyers go over the contract.”
“Of course, Ms. Blush.”
“Thank you, Alice. Have a nice day.”
“Um, Ms. Blush, before you go...”
“Yes?”
“Well, maybe this is out of line, but I just wanted to say I think what you’re doing is really brave. Sticking it to the man and living your life unafraid of what people think is refreshing and encouraging, so thank you for that. Good luck.”
Alice ended the call before I could respond.
I sighed and set my phone down. Her words echoed in my head over and over as I stared out my window at the New York skyline. Live your life unafraid of what people think.
Is that what I was doing? It certainly didn’t feel like that. I was too afraid of the tabloids finding out about Ash, so I never gave him a fair shot. And then I was so scared of what being a Trisean could mean that I never stopped to find out what did mean.
Three days had gone by since Ash left. Three days and I still felt his presence in my penthouse like a ghost. Three days and I still hadn’t told Serene I dumped her friend.
Not that I was hiding it. Serene was buried in work, and I hadn’t seen or talked to her since the morning after the Met Gala. But that didn’t mean I was excited to tell her. I glanced at the clock and sighed. She’d be here any minute.
Knock, knock, knock. “Charlotte, it’s Serene. Open up. I only have a few minutes.”
I opened the door for my friend. “A few minutes? I thought it was your lunch hour.”
Serene took one look at me and knew. “Oh god, what happened? Did he hurt you? I swear if he did something—”
“It wasn’t him, Serene. I did the hurting.” I led her into the sitting room and told her everything. How fast I fell, how I didn’t want to do that anymore, and ultimately how I didn’t see myself in the role of a Trisean princess.
Serene sighed and leaned back in the settee. “You know, I’ve always admired how easy it is for you to give your heart to another. It’s strange. We’re so close, I sometimes forget that we haven’t known each other that long. You didn’t know the person I was before I met Jeffrey. I’d built every wall you could imagine around myself and my heart. That was my defense mechanism, but you were always able to keep your heart open despite being hurt in the past. I always respected that. Such a waste to throw it all away because you don’t like Trisean politics.”
“Oh, I didn’t say that. Honestly, I don’t know anything about the country’s politics.”
“I see,” Serene said. “Well, then I suppose you broke it off after finding out exactly what would be expected of you and carefully deciding that wasn’t for you.”
“Well, I can’t say I grilled him on the duties of a Trisean princess, but I had the feeling that—”
“I’m sorry,” Serene interrupted. “You’re telling me you made a decision to end a promising relationship based on...what exactly?”
“I—I, well, it was because... I freaked out. I thought it was going too fast, and for me, that’s saying something. I didn’t want to jump into something with such potential to change every part of my life.”
Serene smiled at me. “And yet, you didn’t find out how it would change your life? If you ask me, you just pulled a brilliant bit of self-sabotage. Something I know quite a bit about. Look, Char, all relationships change us. The good ones for the better and the bad ones give us baggage, but we never stay the same. That’s for certain. Before I met Jeffrey, I was a workaholic with no friends, no social life to speak of, and I’d completely cut myself off from my royal family. You’d have been shocked if you’d seen where I lived before we bought the Brownstone.”
“But then Jeffrey happened, and I learned that I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone. I learned I could work hard and do my job well, but that I didn’t have to live my work. I also learned that I didn’t have to hide who I was from anyone. For me, that meant I could ‘come out’ as a member of the British royal family. For you, maybe that means accepting the fact that you’re wired to fall hard, fast, and fully.”
Serene’s words hit me like a massive blow. Was she right? Had I made a rash decision based in fear? “Oh god, Serene, what have I done?” I should have asked Ash what being a Trisean royal meant before I convinced myself it wasn’t for me. “It’s too late now. I can’t very well ask him, not after hurting him by saying I wasn’t interested at all.”
Serene smiled at me. “Well, I can’t tell you what it’s like in Trisea, specifically, but I can tell you everything you need to know about what’s expected of British royalty.”
Chapter Fourteen
Charlotte
Serene took the rest of her lunch break and then some to go over the finer points of not only royal etiquette, but everything expected of a princess which, interestingly enough, in England, you can’t actually be unless you’re the daughter of a king. Wives of princes get a new title. They’re called Duchess. I wondered if the same was for Trisea.
It wasn�
�t what I expected. There were rules, of course, and some were fairly ridiculous, like Kate Middleton or rather, Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge is only allowed to wear nude nail polish. But on the whole, it wasn’t anything like I thought.
If Trisea was anything like England, then I had some serious amends to make.
“What’s the fastest way to get to Trisea?”
“Private jet,” Serene said simply.
“I lost all private jet privileges when I broke my contract with Paramount, which I don’t think I mentioned will probably end up costing me millions.”
“Borrow my jet. I’m not going anywhere. And have your lawyers send the contract and the paperwork over to me. I’ll have the lawyers at work look at it.”
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