I waited a beat, for Nick to look over at me.
After a deliberate-feeling pause, he did. His expression exuded indifference, his crystal eyes flat as they gauged mine.
“Why?” I said, speaking to him that time. “Why would you do that, Nick? Explain to me how you could have even one ounce of the Nick I knew still inside you, and you could rape someone you considered a friend? Explain how you could nearly kill her, then leave that fucking message on the wall for me and Black to find?”
The silence deepened.
Nick didn’t look away from me. He didn’t even blink.
In the same set of seconds, I realized I couldn’t see him breathing.
I was about to speak again, when Jem’s voice rose from behind me.
“You are saying he will change?” the seer said.
His accent came out stronger than I’d ever heard it.
I turned my head, looking over my shoulder at him.
Jem didn’t look at me, but I saw his jaw harden as he stared at Brick, his green and violet eyes reflecting light from the industrial-style overhead lamps.
“Nick,” Jem clarified, when the vampire tilted his gaze up, focusing from me to Jem. “Naoko, as you call him. That is what this long-winded lecture is about, na? That he will become more like himself again, once he regains his ‘emotional memories,’ or whatever it is you’re calling them? That once that happens, we’ll have the basis for a real alliance?”
Brick looked at him.
From the faint frown on his lips, he clearly heard the emotion in the seer’s voice. He stared at him shrewdly, right before his glass-like eyes swiveled to Nick.
“This one is fond of you, Naoko,” he observed, frowning slightly. “You neglected to mention him.”
“Because I didn’t think he even knew who the fuck I was,” Nick said.
Nick’s voice made me physically jump.
Then it made my heart pound wildly.
It sounded so much like him, a pain stabbed into my chest. Still, I heard a hint of that more melodic quality in his words, too.
He sounded utterly bored as he went on.
“…Other than him fucking the human I wanted to fuck, and drawing the eye of every female in our camp, I knew nothing about him. He’s one of those who walked through the door in New Mexico. He’s their leader… was, until he joined Black.”
“Well, he knows you,” Brick said, still studying Jem’s face. He seemed nonplussed by the observation, even as he aimed his next words at Jem. “Are we going to have a problem, friend? Or can you control yourself until we finish here?”
Frowning, I looked at Jem a second time.
That time, I saw what Brick saw.
Jem was breathing harder, a dense, cold fury emanating from his light. He didn’t just look warlike that time; he looked murderous.
Black clearly felt it, too.
Glancing at Jem, he motioned towards him with a few flicks of his fingers. I felt him send something with his light, too.
Whatever that second thing was, he didn’t accompany it with words.
Jem looked at him.
His green eyes blazed with heat, but he really looked at Black, and as he did, he seemed to see something there, some affinity or understanding.
Whatever it was, it caused him to back down.
Temporarily, at least.
Brick continued to measure Jem warily, even as he directed his words back at Nick. “You are certainly much more popular here than you led us to believe, beloved one.”
Nick didn’t answer. He didn’t even change expression.
The impression I got off him was a mental shrug.
Brick looked at me, then at Black, his expression cautious. “I apologize for the emotional trauma this is no doubt causing you and your people… particularly your wife,” the vampire said, his voice cautious. “But I needed to marry our camps, so to speak. This struck me as the most efficient way to do it… if not exactly the safest way for myself.”
I glanced at Black.
He was staring only at Brick now.
His expression held nothing. I could feel him through the bond structure we shared, but not a single piece of him showed in his face or his eyes.
“You knew I wished this,” Brick added, looking between me and Black. “I intended it for your wife originally, as you know. I truly thought it would be the best of both worlds, for both of us. I know how fond you are of having your blood drawn by one of our kind, Quentin. I truly hoped and believed your wife having this ability… this additional means of pleasuring you… might be something that would add to your marriage. To your sex life, at least. In addition, how could you better understand our kind than through being married to one of us?”
Black’s face didn’t move.
Even so, I felt a curl of heat below my feet that was difficult to keep off my face. It reminded me so much of Koh Mangaan, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at him.
“…It was drawn to my attention, however,” Brick continued carefully, now watching me as much as Black. “That turning Miriam posed unforeseen risks. Not so much due to her mixed blood. I was already relatively certain her blood was compatible with becoming one of us. No, the problem was her marriage to you, Quentin.”
Adjusting his body minutely in his chair, he assessed our faces, then went on in that careful voice.
“Due to the nature of how your people bond, I could not predict how Miriam… or you yourself, Quentin… would react to such a radical change in one of your physiological natures. I was told the bond makes you both quite volatile to any changes in the other already, and that to enter further instability into that mix could have deadly consequences. Not simply for Miriam, but for you, Quentin. And for me, since I would be changing her the way I changed Naoko, which would make at least Miri’s and my own life dependent upon one another. Possibly, it would make all three of our lives mutually dependent.”
Frowning faintly, he added,
“I was warned about this primarily by members of your own kind. Efraim, in particular, was quite insistent that for Miriam to become one of us, it had to happen prior to the completion of the bond between the two of you. He seemed to think I was playing with gasoline and matches to experiment with such a thing even then, Quentin… but he said to try this with a fully completed bond was tantamount to suicide.”
Inclining his head, Brick glanced at me, then at Black.
“To be honest, Efraim hated the idea, regardless of when it occurred. Now that I understand your species better, I am sympathetic to this view. The bond is sacred with your people. I respect that sentiment. Truly. I would not have even entertained such an idea, were I not so desperate to link our peoples before Charles had time to indoctrinate you fully to his racist obsessions.”
Pausing deliberately, Brick added,
“After New York, and after Dorian got me out of that hellhole in Virginia, I assumed it was too late for our peoples to ally with one another, Quentin. I assumed you had been fully brainwashed into Uncle Charles’ army by that point.”
A smile tugged at Brick’s lips.
It wasn’t a sarcastic smile, but one that struck me as genuinely pleased.
“Imagine my surprise when you appeared in that swamp in Louisiana, Quentin, looking for me. I was quite flummoxed on how to react at first. I also couldn’t quite bring myself to hope what this change of mind of yours might mean. Then, when you let Dorian and myself leave that ambush in D.C. unharmed, and even requested our help on that island with those human lunatics, I knew the gods of the underworlds had to be sending me a sign.”
I felt the heat coil up hotter out of Black.
I also felt his crushing guilt as he comprehended Brick’s words.
Still, his expression didn’t move.
“I never forgot Efraim’s warning, however,” Brick said, his voice thoughtful. He tapped the top of the table lightly with his fingers. “I remembered what he said about the two of you. I remembered him telling me that usi
ng one half of a mated pair to create a blood-link between our peoples could fail spectacularly… not to mention constitute a tragedy the likes of which I might never forgive myself. So I looked for another way.”
Glancing around at the faces on our side of the table, he shrugged eloquently.
“I decided it would be better if I avoided anyone who was compatible with my vampire blood, although I do have the ability to create any of my children via the blood-link, if I so chose. More importantly than any of that, however, I wanted someone who would be an asset… both to my people and to yours.”
Pausing, he made another of those apologetic gestures.
“In the end, the choice was clear. For me, at least.”
Brick’s eyes swung to Nick, his voice thoughtful.
“I admit, I was partial to Naoko as soon as I noticed him. Once I saw how fond your wife was of him… and you, yourself, Quentin, despite your obvious jealousy of his relationship to Miriam… I knew it had to be him. The more I observed him, and noted his personality traits, his skill sets, his intelligence, the more convinced I was that he would make an excellent addition to my family. Truthfully, I was quite pleased.”
Glancing cautiously at me, then at Black, he added,
“I am still quite pleased. I consider it an extraordinary honor to have Naoko in my blood. Whatever you might think of us, we wish him no harm whatsoever. Quite the contrary. We all love him dearly. All of us do. Irrespective of the blood-link I share with him, we would protect him with our very lives. Without hesitation.”
Brick’s voice grew harder.
“It is important to me that you understand this, Quentin. Naoko is family now… for both of us. Trust me when I tell you, for vampires, that is no less a thing than it is for seers. He is a part of me now, and always will be. I hope that is something all of you will grow to understand. At the very least, I hope you will grow to respect the power this has over me.”
The silence grew dense.
When none of us broke it, Brick went on in a somewhat lighter voice.
“And yes,” he said, directing his clear, cracked-crystal eyes up at Jem. “To answer your question, friend, he will regain more and more of himself as time goes on. His emotions are already returning in small snippets of memory, here and there. He can avoid and repress them for now, but that won’t be possible for very much longer. Once that happens, you might truly be surprised at how much of your Nick Tanaka remains… even inside a vampire’s body.”
Again, he paused, listening to our silence.
That time, however, he didn’t seem in a hurry to break it.
Unfortunately, none of us seemed to know how to break it, either.
22
Bad Memory
WHAT DO YOU want me to do?
Black turned, looking at me, his sculpted mouth tilted in a frown. I felt his distress as he studied my eyes, and realized he genuinely didn’t know how to react to this, or how to move forward after everything Brick had said.
He didn’t know what to do.
Miri. He reached under the table, grasping and massaging my thigh. Miri… what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything you want. Anything you think is right.
Feeling my heart pound in my chest, I bit my lip.
Before I knew I intended to, I looked back across the table.
Without my willing it, my eyes found Nick.
He was watching me, too.
For a long moment, I could only look at him.
Then Nick spoke, his words coming out amidst a deep curl of involuntary-sounding laughter.
“Jesus fucking christ,” he said, staring around at all of us. “I should have died years ago. Look at all of you.”
His crystal-like eyes met mine.
I watched the humor evaporate from their clear depths, even as a plume of scarlet grew visible around the black pupil.
“All of these sad faces,” he said, still staring at me. “All of this pretend grief. Funny. You seemed okay with me dying when you left me in that fucking cave on that island, Miri. And when you sent vampires to ‘help’ us into that tree.”
Making air quotes with a hard smile on his face, he glanced past me.
I followed his stare, and realized he was looking at Jem.
The dark-haired seer stepped forward. Without taking his eyes off Nick, he approached the table, until he stood directly behind me.
I felt his hand rest lightly on the back of my chair.
I felt the protectiveness his light exuded.
“You’re awfully forgiving, Jem,” Nick said, his voice faintly mocking. “But I guess you’re seer, too… maybe it makes sense to you that Black’s non-stop fuckathon with the doc here would take precedence over saving our asses.”
“You remember the cave?” Jem said.
Nick grunted. “Of course.”
“Good. Then you remember you tried to help me in there? Even after what I did to you, you tried to help me. You even offered yourself up to be beaten in my place. Do you remember? You were angry at me, but you could not help yourself from trying to help me.”
I stared up at Jem, blinking.
He hadn’t told us any of this.
“You were the only one who did that,” Jem added, his voice harder. “No one else tried to help me. Only you. You think I didn’t know, that I was too drugged… not conscious enough to know what you did. But I did know. I heard everything you said in there. I felt your pain.”
Nick stared at him.
For a brief instant, I saw doubt color those glass-like eyes, touching the edges of his full mouth.
Then Nick frowned, forcing his eyes off the tall seer.
He stared down at the table, shaking his dark head.
“I remember you got the crap kicked out of you,” he said, lifting his eyes to Jem’s. “Maybe I was just more squeamish than the others––”
“Bullshit,” Jem growled.
Nick’s frown hardened. He looked about to go on, to speak again, when Dorian reached over, laying a hand on his arm.
When Nick opened his mouth anyway, the blond vampire spoke.
“No,” he said simply.
Nick turned, glaring at him.
Even so, after a bare pause, he closed his mouth.
Turning, Nick frowned around at all of us on the other side of the table. He bit his lip, glancing at Dorian, then muttered words anyway, as if unable to silence himself entirely.
“The hypocrisy is just fucking unbelievable,” he growled. “All of these ridiculous crocodile tears. A bunch of maudlin whining. As if any one of them gave a shit, back when––”
Dorian gripped his arm tighter.
Nick turned, glaring at him a second time.
“Fuck off,” he growled. “I’ve sat here and let you parade me as your new toy for the last fucking hour. I’ve let you do it, because I understand the need for it. But do not mistake that for ownership. I’m not your goddamned pet––”
Dorian reached up, gripping Nick’s hair in one hand.
Moving deftly, too quickly for my eyes to follow, he tugged Nick’s head sideways, and nipped the side of his neck with his fangs, just above where it met Nick’s pale shoulder. Instantly, the expression on Nick’s face changed, growing less hard. He gripped the forearm of the taller vampire, right before he turned towards him, kissing him on the mouth.
I watched them kiss for what felt like an endless stretch of time.
It hurt some part of me, watching it.
I felt it affect me on some level, too.
I didn’t examine either thing, not while the kiss went on. I don’t think my brain emitted anything other than static for those few minutes.
When Dorian finally pulled away, both vampires’ eyes looked glazed.
Then Black’s voice rose.
It came out loud, infused with light, angry enough to make me jump.
“We need to talk about this,” Black said.
I turned, looking at him. I felt him breathing harder, that dark l
ight coiling and sparking under his feet, under mine, his skin heating as he stared at the vampires seated across from him. He stared at Nick and Dorian, then focused all of his light and mind on Brick.
Just seeing the look on his face, feeling his light, made me breathe harder, too.
“We need time to discuss it,” Black said, his voice holding even more of that added punch. “Without any of you sitting in front of us. Without any of you ‘explaining’ anything. Without any of you anywhere near us. You need to go, Brick. You need to get the fuck out of here, and bring your new vampire with you and all of your goddamned minions. You need to disappear until I tell you I can talk to you again.”
I tore my eyes off Black, looking to the vampire king.
I saw that caution once more in the vampire’s eyes, along with an understanding that grew as he looked around at the faces lining our end of the room.
In a bare blink, he made up his mind.
“Of course,” he said, rising at once.
He looked at Dorian and Nick, and the two of them rose after him.
I watched Brick arrange his suit jacket, buttoning the bottom button as he picked up the Anubis-head cane and glanced around at the other vampires standing in a half-circle around their leader. I didn’t see or hear him speak, or make any kind of gesture, but they all seemed to understand what he intended at the exact same instant.
I watched them begin to file out of the room, more or less the same way they entered it.
That time, however, Nick walked between Dorian and Brick, with two other vampires in front of him and behind him.
I could not help but feel the overt protectiveness there.
All of us just remained where we were, standing and sitting, as the vampires disappeared through the dark opening that led to the steel doors, and back out onto the busy Mission District street. I don’t think any of us moved other than to breathe, and to follow the liquid movements of the vampires with our eyes.
Within seconds, they’d vanished entirely.
It seemed to take another few seconds after that before the rest of us stopped staring at that dark opening, or the other side of the table where they’d sat.
TO BLACK WITH LOVE: Quentin Black Mystery #10 Page 31