I pause outside of the second door on the right after hearing a loud shrill expletive followed by even louder crying. Shit this can't be good. The door is yanked inward and if I was leaning on it there's no doubt that I would be doing a face plant right now.
“We're leaving. Now!” Tanya says and grabs my hand, practically dragging me along with her. She storms straight past the living room where her brothers sit and out the front door.
“Are we going to say goodbye?” I ask, my suspicion making itself more plausible with every passing second.
“Nope.” She lets go of my hand and hurries to get into the car. “Just get me the fuck out of here. I'll call my parents later once I cool off.”
She doesn't mutter another word the entire ride and I'm not stupid enough to ask. She'll let it out eventually and I'll be right there to listen. If it's what I think it is she's going to need an opinion whether she likes it or not. And I really don't think she's going to like mine.
THE STORM
Tanya
I'm seriously trying to process the shit that Ashley just confessed to me.
What the fuck?
Why?
How? When did it start?
The questions inside of my head are going to drive me insane. And honestly I don't think I want the answers. They'll probably, most likely push me over the edge of sanity that I'm barely holding onto with my pinky.
Julian sits quietly in the driver’s seat when he pulls into his garage, not moving a muscle, his jaw twitching, waiting for me to speak. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it right now but there's no better time than the present. If I let it stew anymore I'll end up pulling my hair out.
“Ashley's been fucking George,” I blurt out, causing him to whip his head in my direction, his eyes bulging wide.
I wait patiently for his response. Anything, but he's just staring at me. Is he waiting for more?
“You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.” He opens his door and comes around to my side, opening mine for me and I climb out to follow him into the house. I throw my purse on his counter and plop my ass down on the nearest stool and my stomach growls, reminding me of our lack of food.
Changing the subject I ask, “Are you hungry?”
“Sure I could go for some food. You want me to cook?” He asks and starts going through the fridge and cabinets looking for ingredients. “I don't have much. We could do a salad,” he offers. I nod my head in agreement, not sure if I could stomach anything heavier.
I'm still in knots over everything with Eric and now this. How much shit can one person handle? Something else suddenly makes its way into my thought process. How close can I honestly get to Julian? What if our jobs are a problem? No one really knows about us but close friends and family. What will his coach say if he learns about us? Not if. When? This realization scares me shitless. I've already developed feelings for him. The thought that we can no longer be together in the long run temporarily takes the forefront and suddenly I'm not so hungry anymore.
“I'm going to take a nap,” I tell him and leave the room. I can feel him hot on my heels.
“I thought you were hungry?” He asks with a concerned expression clouding his handsome features that I'd hoped I would never have to stop looking at. The way my life's been going, everything's going to be ripped away from me, my best friend, my brother, my somewhat respected view of my ex. I can't let this go any further. It will only hurt more later; a whole lot more.
“I'm sorry. I really just need to be alone, maybe when I wake up. Can you leave my salad in the fridge please?” I stroke his face with one hand while leaning in to land a soft kiss on his lips. He deepens the kiss and I have to pull away before this goes any further. “I'll see you in a little while,” I tell him and walk away. Probably for good but he doesn't know it yet.
“Alright babe, I'll be around. Find me when you wake up.” He treats me with that sexy award winning smile that has thousands of females drooling for him and leaves me to myself.
As I'm curled up in his comfortable bed planning my escape, I know that I'll have to wait until he's asleep and then I remember that my car is still at work. Fuck!! I'm going to have to ask him to bring me to get my car. That's just more time that I'm going to spend memorizing his features. In a perfect world we could be together but this world is anything but perfect. Hopefully he's up for the trip when I wake up. I don't want to prolong this any longer than I have to. It's already going to be hard enough as it is.
When I wake up it's dark and I'm alone. I reach my arm up and turn on the lamp on the nightstand. Sitting at its base is a note from Julian letting me know that he's gone to the gym.
I run into the kitchen and grab my phone from my purse, noting the time. His note says he should be home in a couple of hours. He must have just left before I woke up.
Clicking into my contacts I immediately find my go to. Shit, I can't call Ashley. I'm super pissed at her right now. I scroll until I find who I'm looking for and hit the call button. Frank answers on the third ring sounding sleepy. “Hello?”
“Hey can you come get me? I'll give you the address for your phone.”
“Where are you?”
“I'm at Julian's but I want to go home and he's at the gym.”
“Is he going to be pissed at me for picking you up?”
“What the hell Frank, where's your loyalty lie? I'm your fucking sister. Less talk more action. Are you going to come get me or not?”
“Christ Tanya, calm down. What the hell is going on? Why are you getting so defensive? Wait? Are you like leaving him? Shit, I don't know. He's gonna be so pissed. He's got it bad for you, you know?”
“I know. That's the problem. Now please hurry and I'll explain on the way home.” After giving him the address he tells me he'll be here within an hour. That should give me plenty of time before Julian gets home.
When I get in Franks car I ask, “Hey do you mind taking me to my car? It's still at the office. If not I can have Mom bring me tomorrow.”
“I don't mind but you're forking over some damn gas money. This isn’t a taxi service.”
“You're such a big brat. How about we stop and I buy you a couple beers. I could use a drink right about now and we can talk.”
“Works for me, anywhere you want to go?”
“As long as there's booze I couldn't care less,” I tell him as he drives down the street away from Julian's house.
Headlights blind my vision as Julian's car drives in the other direction and my sight clears long enough to see him looking in my direction. I can only pray that he didn't notice me. My nerves are on edge as we leave his community and just as I release the breath of air I was holding, headlights are riding our ass. Shit, shit, fuck. He did see me.
“Is that who I think it is behind us?” My brother asks from his side of the car.
“Yup, sure the fuck is. Dammit, any chance of losing him?”
Frank looks at me with a “are you fucking serious” expression and all of my hope for escape is lost. “What's the problem anyway? You two seem to really like each other.”
“That's just the problem. I just know our jobs are going to cause problems for us. I would rather end it now before we're more emotionally invested,” I try to explain the best way I know how but he's not buying it.
“That's bullshit Tanya and you know it. You're making excuses again. If you want to work out, you two will find a way. Now I know he's not going to give up his football career but can you honestly tell me you wouldn't be willing to switch fields if it was the only way you two could be together?” He remains a safe speed the entire way through the city streets, the lights from above revealing his angry expression.
“Why do you care?” I scream at him from my side of the car. My body turned in his direction. “Does it really matter to you that much who I end up with? Or is it because you think you can get perks because your sister's banging a Patriots player?”
“What the fuck? Watch your mouth. You'
re not a ticket to me. I'm sick and tired of watching you push people away. Hell, we all are. You're so afraid to let anyone in anymore after what happened with Eric in college. I for one am super, fucking ecstatic that you're not with that sick fuck anymore.” He's positively fuming and I guess I never thought about what my isolation did to my brothers.
“You have no idea. I lose everyone Frank. I lost Eric and now I know it was for the better. I've lost Ashley and George.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He cuts me off. “You've lost Ashley and George? What is that even supposed to mean? I'd be lying if I said that I missed the tension earlier, but friends fight sometimes. You girls have been tight forever. I can't see anything that could tear what you two have apart.”
“Just forget I said anything okay? It's not my place to say.”
“Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Spill it.”
“No. It's none of your business and it's not mine to tell. Drop it.” Crossing my arms like a petulant child, I sit quietly in my seat and stare at the landscape as it flies past me down the highway. I can see the city looming in the distance and I know it won't be long before we pull over and I'm faced with Julian.
I know he won't understand but I have to make him see that we're no good for each other. I love what I do and so does he. There’s no compromise, best to go our separate ways now before we go any further. I can't imagine Braydon or Ilyanna splitting up now or even Sarah and Brent. Rachel and John are married so that would be even worse. God, I don't ever want to get married. That level of commitment is defcon shit for me, never going there. Not now, not ever. I've ridden that ride before and look how fucking fantastic that all went down. It's a good thing it didn't make it to the end.
“Fine, I'll drop it for now,” Franks finally says as he pulls onto the off ramp.
As soon as he finds a parking spot at the bar he cuts the engine and turns to me. “I'll be inside. You two need to talk. Seriously Tanya, think about this before you make any rash decisions.”
I quietly nod my head as a single tear rolls down my cheek. A sharp tapping on my window makes me jump and I look up into Julian's stormy face. The expressions on it sending a chill down my spine and I roll the window down wanting to stay in the safety of the car.
“What the fuck Tanya? Why did you leave? Were you even going to tell me?” I'm silent for so long that he slams his hand onto the car frame before continuing. “Did I do something to piss you off? I told you I'd give you space. I went to the gym and on my way home I see you leaving with Frank. Don't you think you owe me an explanation?”
“I don't owe you anything,” I whisper.
“What was that?”
“I said I don't owe you anything,” My voice a little stronger this time. I just need to stand my ground. “My life is fucked up right now, trust me, you don't want to be part of it.”
“Why don't you let me decide that, I have no idea why you feel that way, but you're wrong. I really like you and I think we could have something special. If you ask me, I think you're running.”
“I didn't ask you Julian. This is my decision. Everything in my life's been turning to shit.”
“And you think we will?” He asks and I nod in agreement. “This is bullshit Tanya and you know it. You know where to find me. I'm not going to stand here and argue with you. Hopefully you'll come to your senses soon. This thing with Ashley and George will blow over eventually. Just remember when it does I'll be waiting. If you need to talk call me, I'm a good listener.”
“Thank you for not making this harder than it needs to be,” I tell him as he walks away.
He turns briefly, hurt deepening his features. “This is plenty hard Tanya, but go ahead and keep fooling yourself that anything worth having is easy. Let's see how far that gets you.” And with that he's gone.
I take a few minutes to clean myself up before joining Frank inside. It takes me no time at all to find him chatting up some redhead at the bar. The minute he spots me he sends her away and pats the stool that she was just occupying.
“Forget getting my car. I need to get fucking wasted.” Frank looks over at me before signaling the bartender. I drink tequila shots until I can't feel my limbs and I vaguely remember being cut off before my head hits my pillow and I pass the fuck out.
unhinged
Julian
If I go back to my house now I'll most likely end up smashing a bunch of my shit. My safest bet is to head back to the gym and blow off some steam.
I don't get it. We were just fine when I left her tonight. Weren't we? Thousands of questions run wild through my mind as my fists pound the bag. I've done this before because of her. It's not healthy. I barely know her, yet I feel so much. Have so many feelings invested already. Hopefully this shit blows over. I'm normally not a very angry person but this hot and cold shit is getting old.
I can understand what's going on with George and Ashley and I think I can help her through it. If she'd only let me.
*****
I wake up before my alarm and remember that coach wants us to meet at the field for some drills. I have a couple new rookies to work with and I'm hopeful they can help me keep my mind off of this bullshit with Tanya. I don't know how long I'm willing to wait for her to come to her senses before I take control of the situation.
Coach runs us hard until late into the afternoon. Powering on my phone I see two new voicemails and several texts from George. He wants to meet with me to talk. Thank fuck somebody wants to. One of his texts even mentions Brent and Sarah's party this weekend and he hopes that I'm still going.
I wouldn't miss it for the world. If Tanya's going to be there then so am I. Saturday is only a few days away and I'm not going to take no for an answer. She will talk to me if I have to use her brothers against her. George has my back. That I have no doubt about. It's Frank that's going to take some persuasion. Texting George back, I ask him to invite Frank to meet with us.
When I walk into the bar I spot them sitting in the corner having what looks like a heated discussion. Maybe George finally decided to let his brother in on his relationship with Ashley.
“Are you fucking crazy?” I hear Frank asks as I reach their table.
“Can you keep your voice down? Or do you want the whole place to know our business?” George fires back.
They both look over at me as I scrape my chair against the dingy floor. “So I take it you filled him in on your little secret?” I ask George as I take a seat.
“More like a big fucking secret, you mean. I just can't believe you would stoop that low man. She's our little sister's best friend.” Frank shakes his head in disgust and downs the rest of his beer, placing the empty bottle next to other three sitting in front of him on the table.
“It just happened and you know what? I don't regret it. Not one fucking bit. I'm in love with her and I thought she felt the same until Tanya came home. That's when it all went to shit. Can we talk about what we came here for now?” George is pissed. That much I know. I need to find a way to diffuse the situation and fast if I expect to get them to help me. United front and all that shit.
“I agree. We need to focus on Tanya. She's in a really bad place right now and we need to figure out a way to make her see that we're all going to be there for her in any way that she needs.”
“So we all go to the cookout this weekend and do what exactly?” George asks and we spend the next several hours figuring it out.
I don't see how all of us ignoring her is going to solve anything but they said it worked when she was younger to get her to snap out of her stubborn fits. I hope like hell they're right. I don't know how long I can pretend.
As we leave the bar and walk to where we parked our cars, well they took their cars, I rode my bike, I ask them one more time to be sure, “You guys going to be able to pull this off? No giving in?” I raise one of my eyebrows in question.
“We used to do it all the time, piece of cake.” George nods his head at his brother's words. Gr
eat, now let’s see if I can pull this off. I'm feeling pretty confident but when it comes to Tanya, all bets are off.
*****
“What the fuck do you mean she hasn't been home in two days?” I ask George angrily as I pace in my kitchen. Slamming the cabinet I opened closed and propping my hands on the counter to try and calm myself, I let out a stuttered breath. Is she crazy? “Where did she go?”
“Calm down Julian. My mother said she just called an hour ago and she's safe.”
“Does she know where she is?”
“Yes but she won't tell me. She said Tanya doesn't want to see either of us right now. Tanya told her about me and Ashley and she's furious with me. I tried getting her to tell me where she is but she won't budge. I'm sorry Julian. I'll call around and see if anyone can get their women to talk.”
“Thanks. I'll be waiting.”
If I spend any more time at the gym they're going to kick my ass out. I've been there more often than my house and I have my own personal gym. I can still smell her in the air and it taunts me. My fragile girl. She's trying to be strong but we all see the opposite, she's hiding from her feelings, afraid to get hurt by expressing them.
I think it's time to talk to coach about this. If I can reassure her on one thing the rest is sure to follow, right?
“Julian? Is everything okay? You never call my cell,” The noise in the background suddenly gets quieter and I realize that he must have left whatever room he was in for some privacy.
“Of course Coach. I need some advice and I didn't know who else to ask and well if anyone would have an opinion that matters about what I'm going to ask, you would be him.” I brace myself for the conversation looming but I have no other choice but to get on with it.
There's silence on the other end of the phone as he waits for me to continue and I guess he's growing impatient when he lets out heavy breath. “Whatever you have to say can't be that bad. Can it? You didn't do anything to get yourself in trouble I hope. You know what that would mean?”
Fighting Control (Bay State Series Book 3) Page 11