I had to stop him. Like, now. Immediately. “I’m sorry. You’ll have to excuse me a minute because I need to run to the restroom.”
I hurried across the restaurant and disappeared into the ladies’ bathroom, not because I had to go, but because I needed a moment to compose myself. The area had spa-like decorations with sea-foam-green walls and soothing sand-colored tiles everywhere else. The scent of bleach mingled with the normal bathroom odors, and the combination turned my stomach.
I leaned against the wall, not something I would normally recommend in public facilities, and rubbed my temples. This was great. Five minutes into my so-called date, and all I wanted to do was sock the man. What kind of game was he playing? None of this made any sense.
“Holly Anna Paladin, what exactly are you doing?” Accusation rang in the voice.
I pulled my eyes open and spotted Jamie. Wait . . . Jamie?
“What are you doing here?” I whispered, pondering just how my timing could be so very bad.
She put a hand on her hip and gave me the diva-like stare. “The question is: What are you doing here? With that Benjamin weirdo of all people? What about Chase? Holly, what is going on?”
I almost—almost—poured everything out right then and there. But I stopped myself and sighed. “It’s complicated.”
She didn’t break her stare, nor did any compassion wash over her features. “Uncomplicate it for me.”
“I can’t. Relationships are tricky.” She had no idea. Absolutely no idea.
Nor did she believe me. Her gaze made that clear. “There’s no way you went from Chase to Benjamin. He’s not your type.”
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted to do was argue the point. The thought of it exhausted me, not only mentally but physically too. This whole thing was taking a toll on me.
“He’s perfectly nice,” I finally muttered.
“He may be. But you’re in love with Chase.”
“Feelings are fickle. You and I both know that.” I had to change the subject before I had a breakdown. “Now, why are you here?”
“You’re not getting out of this conversation that easily, Holly. I’m your best friend. We share everything. The fact that you and Chase are having problems and you didn’t mention it to me first says a lot.”
My heart softened a moment. Jamie was hurt and confused, and she was upset with me. I deserved her anger because all of this was a major fail in the friendship department. “Jamie, you know I trust you with everything. But Chase and I . . . I can’t really explain it. Not now, at least.”
“I’m not buying it, Holly.”
I let out a sigh. Why couldn’t she just let this go? She was only making my inner struggle more volatile. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Tears flooded Jamie’s eyes before she raised her chin. “I see.”
She started to walk away with nothing resolved between us. I wanted to change that, but I couldn’t. Instead, I grabbed her arm.
“How’d you find me, Jamie?” The question seemed so inconsequential compared to the steps back our friendship had just taken, but I had to know.
The scowl on her face proved to me that she felt the irritation I’d expected from her. “Ralph called me and asked if I’d check on you. I drove up to the office just as you pulled away. I decided to head home but happened to see you pull into this place. I wasn’t going to give you a hard time, but then I saw Benjamin and started to get suspicious.”
“I don’t know what to say, Jamie.”
“You don’t have to say anything else.” She pushed past me and out the door, pausing long enough to add, “I thought more of you, Holly. And I thought our friendship meant more to you. I guess I was wrong.”
I leaned against the wall again, feeling like my world was falling apart and I had no idea what to do about it.
CHAPTER 11
I had no choice except to go back out and face Benjamin. But I felt even more dead inside now than I did earlier. Each movement felt heavy, almost mechanical. I couldn’t get a deep breath because of the weight I felt pressing against my chest. My head buzzed with so many thoughts and so much confusion that I felt off balance.
Benjamin didn’t seem to notice.
When I returned, our food sat on the table, and Benjamin had already eaten half of his. Go figure.
“You okay? I almost went to check on you, but it seemed a little inappropriate.” He let out a laugh as his vocal pitch climbed into the stratosphere. “Or I figured you may have skipped out in the middle of dinner.”
“I’m fine. Thank you.” I raised my fork, said a silent prayer, and then began picking at my food.
If he thought I was going to attempt to make conversation, he was wrong. I wanted no part of this. I had no idea what purpose this was supposed to serve. If I was going to be forced into it, I wasn’t going to make it easy on anyone.
Apparently, it didn’t matter. Benjamin began talking. And he kept talking. And talking.
And he didn’t talk about anything of substance. Not really. He mentioned restaurants he’d discovered since moving here. What he missed about Louisville. How he’d grown up in Tennessee.
I moved pieces of pasta and chicken around my plate, and every once in a while glanced at him.
The man was so oblivious and unassuming. Maybe he was just a pawn in this whole scheme. Maybe he didn’t even know the full extent of what was going on.
“So how’s your food?” he finally asked.
I looked down at my plate. I obviously hadn’t eaten anything, but Mr. Clueless didn’t seem to notice. “It was fine,” I muttered.
“Yeah, I thought it was super good. I’m really glad we were able to get together tonight, Holly. I guess sometimes persistence pays off, right?”
I nodded slowly but said nothing.
“So do you want to do it again sometime?”
I wanted to say no, but I hadn’t exactly been given orders on what to say regarding a second date, had I? I didn’t think so. “I have a pretty busy weekend coming up.”
“Maybe next weekend?” The man was like a puppy dog. He’d easily take away my superlative of being optimistic. So. Easily. “I’ll call you.”
I stood as he dropped some cash on the table. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. The problem was that I didn’t have Chase to run to. We’d always talked at night, and he helped everything make a little more sense in my world. Now I felt so alone and burdened.
“I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Actually, I’m going to run to the little girls’ room again.” I nodded behind me.
“Little girls’ room?”
I shook my head. “The restroom. My grandmother used to call it that, and it’s stuck with me ever since.”
“I see.”
“I have one more question for you, Benjamin.”
He paused. “Okay.”
“That first day when we met by my Mustang,” I started.
“I remember it well.”
“I’d just come from an explosion downtown. I’d been helping casualties. I was covered in soot and blood, but you didn’t say anything. Why?”
He shrugged. “That would have been rude.”
He could not be serious. “Didn’t it concern you?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I just figured you’d had one of those days.”
“One of those days?” I repeated like a parrot. I just couldn’t buy this. Of course, I had rightly concluded that he was clueless, so maybe this was all within the realm of possibility.
“Well, have a good evening, Holly. I’ll talk to you later.”
I watched him walk away, really hoping I’d never have to see the man again. I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the case, though.
***
Someone was sitting on my porch as I pulled up to my house. Chase. Immediately, my spirit sank with dread. I wanted to talk to him so badly. I wanted to make things right between us.
But I couldn’t.
This day
was getting worse and worse. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to convince him our breakup was sincere. I couldn’t bear the heartache in his gaze.
I gingerly made my way toward him, my muscles tensing more and more with each step. He was so handsome. But he was more than eye candy. He was also kind.
Life had broken him in the past, and those experiences had rebuilt him with depth and character. He loved justice, strove to be his best, and was open about his struggles. He wasn’t perfect, but I couldn’t help but think he was perfect for me.
“Hey there.” My voice cracked as I tried to hold back my emotions. I stopped in front of him, the cool nighttime air around us making my feelings even more crisp.
When Chase looked at me, I saw the pain in his eyes. That sent me reeling again. How could I hurt someone I loved so much?
It was the lesser of two evils, I reminded myself. I was breaking his heart but saving his life. How many times would I have to remind myself of that?
“I was hoping we could talk.” His voice sounded raspy.
I immediately wanted to sit beside him and rub his back. I wanted to listen to how his day went and maybe even fix him something warm to drink. That was me: the nurturer. I didn’t mind all those gender-specific stereotypes that a lot of women rebelled against. I wouldn’t push my ideals on anyone else, but I knew what I wanted for my life.
“Okay.” I sat down beside him, pulling my jacket closer and ignoring my instinct to reach out. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve been thinking all day, Holly.” He shook his head slowly and uncertainly. “Can’t we work things out together?”
An ache that had started at the back of my heart emerged full force and nearly had me flinching with pain. I wanted to say, “Yes! Yes, we can. Of course we can.”
“I’m sorry, Chase. But right now . . . it’s difficult.” My voice cracked.
“You went back to the doctor, didn’t you?”
“What?” I quipped in surprise.
“That’s the only thing I’ve been able to figure out. You went to the doctor, heard some bad news, and now you’re trying to protect me or something.”
I put my hand on his knee and squeezed. He thought I was sick again. The poor guy. He worried about me too much.
As soon as I realized I’d touched him, I jerked away, afraid Mr. All-Knowing had seen me. “I’m okay, Chase.”
His gaze captured mine, and I couldn’t look away. “Then, what is it? If you want me to leave you alone, I will. But I hate having these unanswered questions. I didn’t sleep last night. I felt like the one good thing in my life slipped away. You.”
“Oh, Chase. Of course I don’t want you to leave me alone—” I stopped myself, realizing I was a total idiot who should receive the Worst Liar of the Year Award. I tried to neutralize my expression. “Give me a little while, Chase. Please. Then we can talk. You just have to trust me. This is a really bad time.”
“I can help you, then.”
I wanted more than anything to throw my arms around him and erase the hurt I knew he was experiencing.
“This is one thing that only I can do,” I whispered, wishing reality wasn’t reality.
“Are you in trouble, Holly?” The concern in his voice nearly made me give in to the urge to spill everything. If we stuck together, maybe we could figure this mess out. Together. But who else would get hurt in the process?
The bomb flashed in my head. The image of my mom being shoved in a closet. Pictures of life being recorded at my brother’s house.
I stood, feeling like giving in to all my weakness, but I desperately resisted the urge. “I need to go.”
“Holly—”
“I’m sorry, Chase. Really sorry,” I mumbled. I hurried inside my house and shut the door, ready to be alone and process the dastardly day I’d had. Ready to scold myself for my inability to figure this out before I had to hurt people I loved. Wishing I could bury my head in the sand and pretend none of this had happened.
I could, however, do none of those things.
Before I could travel to my room, Mom appeared. Her hands were on her hips, and she had a look of vast disapproval on her face: lips together, eyebrows pointed inward, and stiff shoulders. “Are you out of your mind?”
“What was that?” I knew exactly what she was talking about. Kind of.
“You broke up with Chase?” She asked the question like someone might ask, “You forfeited a million-dollar lottery win for a life of poverty?”
“How’d you know?” I leaned against the door, unable to move. I kept picturing Chase sitting outside. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe I could run back to him and clear up this whole mess. The temptation was so strong, so real.
“Ralph told me.”
Ralph had a bigger mouth than I thought he did. I was going to have to talk to him about that.
But first I had to finish this conversation. “It’s complicated, Mom.”
“But Holly, you and Chase—”
I couldn’t let her go any further. I couldn’t bear to hear what she had to say. She was going to convince me we were perfect together, and I knew she was right.
“Chase and I are over, Mom.” The words made blood rush to my cheeks.
“But you can’t break up with him.”
“Why not?”
“Because you love him.” Her voice actually cracked with emotion.
I opened my mouth to speak but stopped midway and ended up gaping at her. I couldn’t bring myself to deny it.
“You’re just going to have to trust me, Mom. I’m a big girl, and I have to make my own choices.”
“I just hate to see you throw your whole life away. You finally gave up your dead-end job, and you’re working for Ralph—”
I breezed past her. This was becoming a bad habit with me lately. I didn’t promote walking away from confrontations, but I felt cornered, and I didn’t like it. “I thought we’d been through this, Mom. Being a social worker wasn’t a dead-end job. It was very fulfilling. But I want to help Ralph, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to have a broader reach.”
Here I was going again. Defending myself and my actions and my choices. This seemed to be a cycle with Mom and me. One minute she said she trusted me and accepted my decisions. The next minute she was telling me why I was wrong and why she knew better.
Times like this made me wonder if I should move out. Maybe we were having trouble letting go of that parent-child relationship because of the fact that I was the youngest and still living at home.
I mentally sighed. Nothing was ever easy. No matter how we tried to sculpt it otherwise, life was messy. Just when we perfected one area, another fell apart.
“Holly, I just don’t know what you’re thinking sometimes.” She followed me as I started toward the stairs. “I only want what’s best for you.”
“Then let me figure it out. That’s what’s best for me.”
Mom’s lips parted for a moment. Then she shut her mouth completely. I knew she was disappointed in me for speaking to her like that. Maybe in the morning I’d apologize, even though I’d spoken the truth.
“Good night,” I called over my shoulder.
She didn’t say anything.
Make that three for three. I’d just ruined my three most important relationships in twenty-four hours.
This had to be a new record. And I had the Shadow Man to blame for all of it.
CHAPTER 12
When I got back to my room, I’d half expected to see the man there. I really needed to give him a name because calling him the Shadow Man was getting old. The Man in Black had a certain ring to it, as did Mr. All-Knowing. But thinking about this now was just a way of avoiding thinking about what a disaster today had been.
I leaned back on my bed, turned on my phone, and watched the video on my email again. I paused it on the bomb beneath Ralph’s house.
How did someone just come and go in people’s homes like that? How did this person know so much about bombs? How di
d he know about my relationships? About Chase’s relationships? And how did he watch me all the time without me noticing?
I rubbed my temples. There was so much here to process. I had so many questions and so few leads to go on. But I knew for certain that if I was going to regain my boyfriend, my best friend, and my relationship with my mom, I had to get to the bottom of this.
Maybe this person was connected with one of Chase’s old cases. That seemed the most likely. The guy could have been following Chase, seen he was dating me, and then decided he’d get some kind of satisfaction if I broke up with Chase.
But there was still more to this man’s plan, I was sure of it. Otherwise, why would I have to go on a date with someone else?
My head pounded harder.
If I was right about this being connected with one of Chase’s old cases, then where did I even start to figure out which one? I had no earthly idea.
Benjamin said he was from Louisville, so maybe this was connected to one of Chase’s cases from his time there. Out of curiosity, I googled Chase’s name. Nearly sixty articles appeared with his name attached. I clicked on the one at the top of my screen.
Apparently one of Chase’s most notable cases had been when he put away a man who’d killed two of his coworkers and covered it up. But that man was in prison for life. It made no sense for a closed case to be brought to light again like that, especially not when the suspect was behind bars.
I supposed another case was a possibility also. In some ways, however, I simply felt this was a wild goose chase. I was grasping at straws and taking my best guesses.
There had to be something else I could do here, some other way to figure out a solution. Right now, the only thing I knew for sure was that Benjamin was somehow involved. But how could I use that to my advantage?
As soon as the question entered my mind, an idea smacked me in the face. It might be a long shot, but it also might work. My strategy seemed like a better plan than tracking down random criminals who might be upset with Chase.
Spontaneously, I texted Benjamin and asked if we could meet for lunch tomorrow.
Random Acts of Deceit (Holly Anna Paladin Mysteries Book 2) Page 9