Brandon.
She didn’t speak my name. She mouthed it. On her orgasm.
It was so beautiful that it took everything I had to hold back until she was finished riding out her silent waves of passion.
Then I let myself explode as she slowed down her moments, giving a naughty smile of satisfaction, easing her grip on the headboard.
When she fell against my chest, all full tits and dewy skin, still on my cock, she whispered in my ear, “I’m going to like living here.”
I was one hundred percent in agreement with that.
Chapter Twelve
The girls had voted to walk to school, so we had to get up even earlier than if we took the train. I threw on shorts and a T-shirt, put my hair in a messy bun and tried to wake up. I grabbed my coffee mug and my keys and followed them to the door. They were in their uniforms, backpacks in hand.
“You’re taking your coffee with you?” Willow asked. “Don’t you have a to-go cup?”
“No. And yes, I’m taking it with me.”
“That’s so embarrassing and weird. It’s a mug.”
“Someone carrying an actual coffee mug is one of the least embarrassing things I’ve seen in New York.”
We went downstairs and the doorman was the same one who had brought the donuts up the day before. He gave me a warm smile. I smiled back and sipped my coffee. The walk was actually pleasant and I enjoyed the morning sounds of the city, but as we got closer and closer to school, it was obvious Willow got more and more anxious. She was chewing her hair, scowling, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.
“Hey,” I said, falling in step beside her. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said.
“Are you sure?”
“Just stop. I’m fine. I’m fucking fine,” she said, sounding on the verge of tears.
That was not the sound of a girl who was actually fine. Maybe she expected me to get angry because she swore or had an attitude. Maybe she thought she would shock me into shutting up. I sipped my coffee.
“Got it. But if you ever want to talk, I have a lot of experience with girls being mean to me and boys who would have rather died than hang out with me.”
For a second, she didn’t say anything. Then she scoffed. “I doubt it. You’re cool. I’m not.”
“Are you kidding? In middle school I was the same height I am now.” I put my hands to my waist. “Boys came to about here on me. They called me Towering Tanner for three years. Boys looked at me like they were being asked to climb Mt. Everest without a safety harness.”
Willow actually gave a little laugh. “That sucks.”
“It did suck. But it got better. Dance gave me confidence. What do you love to do?”
“Soccer. But our school doesn’t have a soccer team.”
“That sucks. Maybe we can find you a traveling team.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s complicated.”
It was. But I made a mental note to talk to Brandon about it.
“We’re here,” Poppy said, having been silent the whole walk, humming to herself. She gave me a wave. “Bye, Dakota!” She ran through the gates and over to a group of girls. They opened up the circle to include her.
Willow dragged her feet and gave me a limp, “Bye,” as she went through the gate, head down. Her distress made me feel sick to my stomach. I stood and watched her, willing her to have the confidence to raise her head and stare down her tormentors.
It was clear who the popular girls were. They had a tight pack of about five of them, tossing their hair back, laughing, and glancing around to shoot disdainful sneers about the girls not in their clique. There were other little gatherings of girls, but Willow didn’t seem to even try to join them. She just hung back. The popular girls stared at her and whispered to each other, pointing and laughing.
Oh, God. It hurt my heart to see it. I remembered that pain all too well.
I shifted back slightly, just in case Willow glanced over. Two boys and a girl of various ages ran up, chattering and blew past them through the gate. The woman accompanying them glanced over at me and smiled. “Hi. Are your kids new here?”
I shook my head. “No, they were here last year too. I’m the new nanny for Willow and Poppy Macnamara.”
“Oh, right.” She nodded. She was in her early forties if I had to guess and had a warm smile. “I’m Anika. My middle child, Arya, is a friend of Poppy’s.”
“Dakota. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Brandon has a hard time keeping nannies. Hopefully you’ll be a better fit. I think the girls could use some stability.”
That made me feel terrible. My position was only temporary. Brandon and I were helping each other out. For six months. Nothing more. I wasn’t going to share that with a stranger, though. “I think they’re great kids.” That was the truth, but vague enough to discourage further conversation.
She hesitated but then she said, “You should join the parents’ organization. There are other nannies in it as well. It’s good for parents and care providers to be on the same page.”
If I did that, I would find myself even more invested in the girls than I was. It sounded like a bad idea for both them and me. I just smiled. “Thanks. I’ll look into it.” I turned. “Well, I should head out before Willow spots me. Great to meet you.” I sipped my coffee.
“I’ve never seen anyone drink from a ceramic mug on the street,” she said.
Amused, I merely saluted with it and went on my way. I wished I could teach Willow that it didn’t matter if people thought you were weird. There was always going to be someone who thought you were different, didn’t like you, or was threatened by you. That was life.
Maybe this wasn’t just a random coincidence. Maybe I wasn’t there just to have sexy times with Brandon and not starve to death. Maybe I was there to help the girls too.
Maybe I was there so we could help each other.
After three days of coming home and finding the apartment and the girls mostly calm, I suggested we order pizza for dinner. I was helping Poppy with her homework at the kitchen island when the doorbell rang for the delivery.
“I’ll get it,” Dakota said. She went and opened the door. “Oh, hi.”
Her voice sounded friendly for a pizza guy. I turned and was surprised to see the doorman, Liam, an Irish kid, delivering the pizza.
Then I realized why he was delivering instead of letting the pizza guy bring it up. He was asking Dakota for her phone number. He was making no secret of looking at her legs in her shorts as he fumbled his way through a request to hang out sometime.
For some insane reason, the whole exchange annoyed me. I wasn’t jealous. That kid was just that—a kid. But I didn’t want him looking at her like that. Like she was sexy as hell. Which she was. But she was living with me. She was having sex with me. He had no right to be looking at her.
Which was insane, given we had a completely secret and primarily sexual relationship.
I strained to hear her response to him. Her voice was low.
“Dad!” Poppy shoved my arm. “You’re not even listening to me.”
“What?” I glanced at her, then back to Dakota.
“Exactly.” She waved her pencil in my face to get my attention.
“Stop.” I grabbed the pencil out of her hand. “I’m paying attention.”
I couldn’t hear anything from the doorway anyway. All I knew was that it was taking way too long to tell Liam to go fuck himself. She must be giving him her phone number. Which made my fists clench. She had every right to, of course. But it still made me want to chew glass.
I forced myself to focus on what Poppy was saying and ignore the fact that it took forever for Dakota to come to the kitchen with the pizza box. “What was that all about?” I asked, before I could stop myself.
She looked at me blankly. “What was what about?”
“Was the doorman asking you out?”
Dakota just shrugged. “Yes.�
�
“Oooh, Dakota has a boyfriend,” Poppy said.
She waved her pencil in my face again. I yanked it out of her hand and barely managed to restrain myself from snapping it in half. “I told you to stop waving that in my face.”
Dakota set the box down on the island and went in the cabinet for plates. She didn’t say anything else and it was making me crazy. I texted her.
Come to my room tonight.
It had been days since the post-bath sex and I missed the feel of her.
She pulled her phone out of the back pocket of those tiny-ass shorts she constantly wore and glanced at my text. She put her phone back without responding. She didn’t look at me either.
What the hell was that?
Instead she just put slices of pizza on plates and passed them around.
“Put your homework away for now so you don’t get grease on it,” I told Poppy.
“Why are you so grumpy?” she asked, though she did comply, sliding her papers into her backpack and dropping it to the floor.
“I’m not grumpy.” I was actually very grumpy.
She was making a weird voice and stretching her mouth open as wide as possible. “You sound grumpy.” She closed her hands into fists. “What if you lived inside my hand?” She opened one again. “Tiny Dad, come out.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I ruffled her hair. “You have an amazing mind, Pops.”
We ate our pizza and Poppy and Dakota chattered away. Willow was quiet and so was I. Dakota not answering me was grinding on my nerves.
“Oh, hey, I want to show you something before this weekend,” Dakota said.
Hopefully that meant her naked.
“I’ll be right back.” She disappeared into her room.
When she reappeared she was wearing a Dak North jersey. That was about nine times too small. Her entire midriff was showing and it was skintight. “Did you steal that from a toddler?” I asked. I was both turned on by how tight it was and how much skin was showing, and irritated that she’d chosen the star quarterback’s jersey.
The girls exchanged glances and then both looked at Dakota. She raised her eyebrows back at them.
“What?” There was a conspiracy going on. I wasn’t included in whatever the joke or prank was. “This is a joke, right?”
“No. Dakota needs something to wear to the game Sunday, so she borrowed my jersey,” Poppy said. “I think it works.”
“I think it’s not happening. Under any circumstances.” I studied all of them. None of them were cracking. They all looked like they thought this was a great idea. “You can’t be serious.”
“Okay, we’re not,” Dakota said, finally laughing. “At first when Poppy offered, I thought it might work because she said it was too big, but then I put it on and we all just about died laughing.”
“Dad, your face.” Willow was laughing now too.
I gave a sigh of relief. “You almost gave me a heart attack visualizing you showing up to the game in this. And what’s up with wearing North’s number? Does he have a crush on you or something? Tell him to get in line behind the doorman.”
Dakota’s eyes widened. “Are you finished?”
Maybe. Probably not. I might even just be getting started.
“Dak North has a crush on you?” Willow’s eyes widened. “That would be so cool.”
“I’ve never even met him, so no, he does not.”
“If you two got married, it would be Dakota and Dakota on all your wedding stuff. How cute would that be?” Willow asked, looking delighted at the prospect.
On the other hand, I despised the idea. She’d already dated one player, what was to prevent her from dating another? Since we weren’t dating, nothing really.
“Your babies would be so cute,” Poppy said, squeezing her fists together again. “Little blond babies.”
Dakota was leaning against the counter eating her pizza slice. She wasn’t saying a word. I wondered if she wanted kids. Little blond babies with some young guy her own age. Then I wondered why it mattered to me.
Poppy was right. I was grumpy.
An hour later, I was on the couch, being grumpy, when Dakota sat down next to me, tucking her feet under her butt. The girls were both in their rooms.
“Why didn’t you answer my text?” I demanded in a low voice.
“Because your phone was sitting right on the kitchen island. If I’m texting, then your phone dinged, right after you texted and my phone dinged, it would be obvious to the girls we were texting each other. Then they would wonder why and probably assume it was about them. Then they would be sneaking glances at your screen and would see it’s not about them at all but something dirty.”
Oh. “That makes sense. So what’s your answer to my question?”
“It wasn’t really a question. More like a command.” She eyed me and stretched her legs out. She pushed my leg with her foot. “Are you jealous of the doorman? I turned him down, by the way. In case you were stewing over it.”
I had been and I felt stupid amounts of relief. “You can date whoever you want.”
God, why was I being such a dick?
“Now why would I do that when I’m sleeping with you?” she asked. She glanced toward the hallway, clearly to make sure we were still alone. “Or have you retracted your command to come to your room later?”
“No. I want you,” I said, squeezing her bare foot, which was still resting against my leg. “I’m just grumpy, I’m sorry.” Maybe I didn’t like the secrecy of our relationship. Because I sure in the hell didn’t like listening to my daughters speculate on Dakota’s future blond babies with my quarterback.
“Then I’ll be there. Is this official nanny business or should I skip wearing panties?” She gave me a smile that made me forget all about possible competition.
“Definitely no panties,” I murmured.
“I wish I could kiss you right now,” she said.
I wanted nothing more, truthfully.
But then she seemed to realize that might have been too revealing because she immediately stood up. “Later, Hater.”
I turned the TV on and stared blankly at the screen.
We were getting into this deeper and deeper and I had no clue what to do about it.
When she came into my room that night, we didn’t talk about my territorial response or her desire to kiss me in the living room. We didn’t talk about anything. We just went at each other as quietly as possible in the dark.
This, we understood. Even if we didn’t have a clue about the rest.
Chapter Thirteen
“You look amazing,” Leah said, giving me a hug as she came into Brandon’s box before the game on Sunday two weeks later. “I haven’t seen you in forever and you look so much more relaxed. Happy.”
“A little you-know-what will do that to you,” I said, going for the joke. I didn’t want to admit that living at Brandon’s with a steady paycheck and no looming rent or bills to pay was a huge stress reliever. Or that it went beyond that. That I was happy being with him, even when we weren’t having sex. That I enjoyed his company. That I was really starting to care about the girls.
We had a routine and it was an easy one, an enjoyable one. My days were my own and I’d been on a few auditions and had started searching job sites to see what I might be qualified to do. Which was nothing. Then evenings we hung out, the four of us, then when our bedroom doors closed, I went in to Brandon’s room and we had amazing sex. Almost every night.
It was getting dangerous though and I knew it.
One, we were getting more and more careless. The day before Poppy had come looking for me in my room in the morning and I was still in Brandon’s bed. Fortunately, the bathroom door was locked and I had heard her, but it was a close call.
Two, we were a couple pretending we weren’t a couple while pretending to be a couple. Or something like that. And it was starting to scare me that I was feeling things I had no right to be feeling.
Now all of my friends were
in the box at the stadium and I was playing hostess. As if I were Brandon’s girlfriend or wife. “Do you want a drink?” I asked Leah after saying hello to her husband, Grant.
He looked like he belonged here more than I did. He had grown up wealthy and he moved easily in this world, greeting the rest of our friends. Felicia and her husband, Michael, were there with baby Amelia, who Willow was cooing over at the moment. Isla and Sean. Savannah and Maddox with Sully, who was over two years old now, which was crazy. That little guy was tearing around the place while Poppy followed behind him, watching him. Maddox had an eye on him too but he was sitting down indulging in a beer. Savannah looked exhausted.
“I would love a glass of wine. Whatever white you have.”
“Sure.” I went into the little refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of chardonnay.
“I’m serious,” she said as she watched me. “Something is going on with you. Would you like to share or should I just guess?”
“What would you guess?” I asked, grateful the bottle was a screw top. I twisted it open. My friends had all been eyeing me curiously. It was obvious I had been discussed among them.
Leah leaned in close to me, keeping her voice low. “That you are falling in love with your boss.”
I handed her the glass so fast wine splashed over the rim onto my hand. I wiped it on the team T-shirt I was wearing. “You would be wrong.”
Even as I denied it, I wondered if that were even true. I definitely had feelings for Brandon that were not straightforward. “I’m giddy today because I’m in the coach’s box at a football game. It’s fun. That’s what you’re seeing.”
“Okay,” she said. She sipped her wine. “Deny it all you want.”
“Isn’t this what you all thought would happen though?” I asked. “That I would be the last single girl standing in our group, my life a beautiful disaster? I’ve never really gone after marriage and a family, you know that. My life was, is, and probably always will be, chaos.”
“Who said anything about marriage and a family?” she asked, her eyebrows shooting up.
I didn't even know why I had said that, even if it was the truth. She wasn't talking about the future in that way. She just wanted me to admit I had feelings for Brandon. My cheeks felt hot.
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