by Lynn Stark
Gentleness was something she had craved since the attack. Fast movements often startled her. Loud noises still disturbed her. The slamming of a door, the revving of a car’s engine, the squeal of tires on pavement, all made her jumpy. Even bright light could bring on stress. Basically, she was a walking, talking panic attack waiting to happen. She was a mess.
And it was proven when a small voice asked from behind her, “Can we take a bath with you?”
Cherry spun around to see JJ and Merilee standing in the open doorway. He was so serious, so grown-up in his speech. So like Logan. While her heart calmed in her chest, she reached out for a towel, wrapping it around her trembling body. She frowned, wondering how she was to deal with this.
“You two don’t look dirty.”
“We’re not dirty. We just like to take baths.”
Her eyebrows rose. “Really?”
Her nephew nodded. Merilee looked up then, mimicking the action so hard her curls bounced into her eyes. Cherry smiled down at them. They were both so darn cute. “Well, I suppose it would be okay. But you have to ask your mom first.”
While JJ went running off, leaving Merilee behind, she was exposed to the blatant openness of a child. Her niece was staring at the long scars on her legs.
“Ouchie,” she stated, looking up at Cherry.
Cherry nodded. “Yes, it’s an ouchie. They’re all better now.”
“Fall down?” Merilee asked seriously, her little face scrunching up in a thoughtful frown.
Cherry was way out of her depth here. Though she had plenty of nieces and nephews, she was rarely in a position where she had to answer questions like this. “No, honey, I didn’t fall down. Now, why don’t we get you out of your clothes? Then you can play in the bath.”
Thank god she was easily distracted. Pulling, tugging, and twisting kept Merilee occupied as Cherry helped her get undressed. There was no explanation she could give the child which wouldn’t scare her. She sure didn’t want the kid scared of life. Basically, shit happened. You couldn’t be afraid of it happening. It was something she’d been trying to convince herself of for years.
Merilee was happy in the bathtub, playing with the thick, foamy bubbles floating on the water, so sweet and innocent…
That’s what was called for now. A distraction is what she needed to keep her from fearing every shadow, every noise, and every uncertainty about her future. It was life. It was a mystery. No one knew what was going to happen from one moment to the next.
Though she had no plans, no bucket list where she wanted to go BASE jumping, she would like to be able to do ordinary things without wondering if she was going to get hurt, if something would happen that was completely out of her control.
Cherry jumped again when her nephew ran back in with an armful of bath toys. He dumped them unceremoniously into the soapy water, making his sister squeal with excited pleasure. A moment later he was in the water with her, having lost his clothes at some point between leaving to ask his mother if he could take a bath and returning.
Amused, she smiled at them as she put down the lid on the toilet and sat down. Peaches came in just then, shaking her head as she saw her children playing in the tub.
“Sorry about that. He was supposed to come back to get his sister. I forgot to latch the gate. They got away from me. Just shows you what can happen in two minutes.”
“It’s okay. They must have come straight here.” Cherry looked at the pair. They were so adorable and having a great deal of fun.
“You were supposed to be relaxing. I’m sorry.”
“This is kind of relaxing. Remember when we use to take baths together? They were a lot of fun.”
Peaches laughed, sitting down on the wooden, lath-style bench along the wall. “I remember. More water outside the tub than in it, soap-bubble beards and Mom shrieking every time she saw the mess we made.”
They talked, reliving childhood memories as the pair played in the huge tub. It was easy and gentle, just what Cherry wanted. It didn’t take long for her to realize that Peaches was not going to bring up the subject of the Preston brothers again. Relieved, the tension slowly ebbed, leaving her more relaxed than she had been in a long time.
After twenty minutes of play, Peaches rinsed and wrapped her children. She carried them out as the pair waved and giggled. They were more than a little pleased. Cherry couldn’t blame them. The innocence of childhood was a wonderful thing. It didn’t take much to make a child happy.
Deciding she had lost a lot of time, Cherry took a shower instead of a bath. After drying her body and hair, she rubbed a soothing cream into her skin, making sure she took extra care with the maze of ugly scars covering her body. She would ask Peaches to rub some into the scars on her back before she went to bed. It was something her mother or one of her other sisters normally did for her.
As the day’s activities caught up with her, Cherry slipped between the cool, smooth sheets. Snuggling into the pillow, she forgot her fears, her pain, her struggles, giving in to the pull of exhaustion. She left everything behind but the Preston brothers. They followed her into her dreams.
* * * *
Peaches left the hallway by which the guest suite was connected, walking toward the kitchen. It was nearly eight o’clock at night and Cherry was still sleeping soundly. She was worried about her sister. Their mother had been right to be concerned. Cherry had lost a considerable amount of weight since she had last seen her. There were lines of strain at the corners of her eyes, adding to the drawn, strained appearance. She needed to gain at least fifteen pounds. Twenty, even.
Olivia Malloy, their mother, had told her Cherry got very little sleep. Well, it appeared Cherry was making up for that now. Maybe all she had needed was a new setting, someplace which was far away from the horrible events which had changed her life so drastically.
Whatever the reason for her sister sleeping like the dead, Peaches wasn’t about to wake her. Yes, Cherry needed to eat, but she could do that easily enough in the morning. Smiling, she went to the fridge and began pulling out a selection of fruit, quickly cleaning, peeling, slicing, and chopping. It wasn’t long before she had a pretty and tasty fruit salad prepared. It would be perfect with the oatmeal which was served every morning. The men would add eggs, some kind of meat, and wheat toast on the side, building up their calories before they went out to work the ranch. But the kids enjoyed their oatmeal and fruit, along with an occasional strip of bacon. Merilee was partial to stirring her chocolate milk with it. Kids, she thought, laughing as she popped a blueberry into her mouth.
With the kids in bed, Peaches finished cleaning up the kitchen before she went out on the back porch with her husbands. She saw that Damien was on the swing tonight. Smiling, she sauntered over, noting the men watching her, as she took her place beside him. A strong arm wrapped around her as she snuggled in close. Firm lips pressed a kiss to her hair.
“How was your day, sweetheart?” he asked softly. She often needed softly spoken words after a day listening to very boisterous children. It was nice.
It was the same every evening, after supper and putting the kids to bed. They talked about their day. Sometimes it was the four of them, other times just three. There were even times, when Logan and Ryan happened to be away at jousting and rodeo competitions that she and Damien would talk until it was time to go to bed. Well, talk frequently interrupted by kisses, caresses, and a little frisky horseplay. It was all good. They had found the formula which worked for them.
Now Peaches had to discover what formula would work for Cherry and her men. The Preston brothers were chomping at the bit, ready to come over to see her. Those guys were so in love with her sister that she thought they wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer. If they didn’t succeed this time, she guessed it might just destroy something inside those four good men.
Peaches sent up a prayer even as Ryan, who had obviously been teasing Logan while she had been lost in thought, jumped off the porch and ran across the strip of la
wn between the house and Logan’s private sanctuary/playroom.
Both she and Damien winced as Logan tackled the smaller man. But instead of beating the snot out of each other, Logan pinned Ryan to the ground with his heavier body. A moment later they were kissing passionately, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Neither she nor Damien was surprised when Logan got up, pulling Ryan to his feet and toward the playroom.
“Well, I don’t think Ryan will want to ride the fence line tomorrow.” Damien chuckled, rising to his feet. He took Peaches by the hand and helped her up. “Come on, baby. Let’s go set our sheets on fire.”
It sounded good to her. Peaches grinned like an idiot, following her cowboy into the house, her gaze dropping to below his belt. The man still had a damned fine ass.
Chapter Two
Cherry didn’t know if it was sleeping for nearly sixteen hours straight, the fresh air coming off the mountains, or a combination of both, but she was ravenous when she woke the morning after her arrival. It took a moment to get her body to function, the aches and pains being the worst in the morning, but she finally managed to drag herself out of bed.
After a hot shower, Cherry dressed quickly in a pair of worn jeans and a bright-blue scoop-necked tee, ignoring the fact that both were very loose on her. She brushed her honey-colored hair, braiding it so it hung over her left shoulder. Satisfied with how she looked, she shoved her feet into a pair of sensible sneakers and headed for the door.
The men had eaten breakfast and left hours earlier. JJ and Merilee were at the table, spooning oatmeal into their mouths, while Peaches stood at the counter chopping a pile of fresh vegetables. When Merilee grinned at her, oatmeal oozed from between her pink lips. Laughing, Cherry leaned down to kiss her forehead while reaching for the dish towel placed on the table for the purpose of cleaning up messy little faces.
“How are you this morning, sis?” Peaches asked. “You were sleeping like the dead when I checked on you last night.”
“Best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. I feel great. And I’m hungry.” She got a bowl off the counter and spooned oatmeal into it. A little cream and it was ready to go. Carrying it back to the table, she ate the oatmeal, then the bowl of fruit her sister placed in front of her. When that was gone Peaches made a plate up of eggs and bacon. She was amazed when she ate all of it and was still looking for more. Her sweet little nephew pushed his bowl of blueberries in her direction. She accepted them with a smile, not wanting to refuse his gift. She was a little more leery of Merilee’s gift. She eyed the small cup of chocolate milk with the soggy slice of bacon hanging limply over the lip with more than a little trepidation.
“Thank you, sweetie pie. It looks yummy.”
“Yum!”
Merilee grinned again and nodded vigorously, her blonde curls bouncing in every direction. Unfortunately the child seemed to be waiting for her to do a taste test. Peaches was watching, too, obviously holding back her laughter, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief. Oh, she was so going to get paid back for this, Cherry thought.
Picking up the cup, she pretended to take a drink. “Oh, that is the best bacon-flavored chocolate milk I’ve ever had.” She licked her lips and gave them a good smack. Merilee giggled and nodded again. “I’m going to let you share it with me,” she said, scooting the cup back across the table.
Cherry was relieved when her niece took the cup and drank the rest of it down.
Twenty minutes later they were off to the corral. JJ wanted to show her how well he could ride his new horse. He ran across the yard, his chubby little legs clomping in his western boots, his white straw western hat bobbing along. Merilee looked adorable, too, in a bright-pink shirt, blue jeans, and her pale-blonde hair in pigtails tied off with pink ribbons. Her tiny pink Western boots were adorable.
When the twinge of regret struck Cherry this time, she shoved it ruthlessly away. She wasn’t going to spoil her time with her family with what-ifs. She had fourteen days to get to know her family better, relax, recuperate, and begin building her inner strength again. It was failing big time and she knew she had to get it together before she got lost in it.
Having spent nearly ten years as a police officer, Cherry had seen what pain and despair could do to a person. People who had had it all at one time, money, power, prestige, actually living on the streets, depending on others for a meal or a place to simply bathe or sleep. While she doubted she would ever be in a similar situation, she knew it would be easy at moments to let every simple decision slide by, to let it go as if it didn’t matter. Those little things would turn into bigger things sooner or later.
No, Cherry knew she had to keep control. She was healing. Yes, there was pain. Yes, there were times when the simplest of functions were difficult, almost impossible. But she reminded herself that she had already gotten through so much that anything else should be easy. She had lived, survived a brutal attack by two suspects.
Living had come first. Healing had come second. The recovery of her inner self was third on the list. Creating a new Cherry would help in that process. She would focus on the future. Being positive would help. She couldn’t dwell on the negative. She had given that a place in her life. It was firmly in the past.
Cherry had spent a lot of time talking to her therapist. Tad was Peaches’s ex-boyfriend, now married to her sister’s good friend Darla. The man was a genius about dealing with the emotional trauma she had suffered. It never failed that she felt better after talking with him.
It was this strong support system which had gotten her through the past three years. And since she was dealing with the realities of it, she finally admitted to herself she would have to see Mick, Cody, Collin, and Jake. There was no getting around it.
Peaches believed that the men still wanted her. Cherry doubted it, but knew there was a chance they simply needed to get beyond the past as she had done. It would be ending a chapter. Once that was done they could all get back to their lives.
Cherry leaned on the fence as JJ rode his new chestnut quarter horse around the corral. She thought he looked so darn adorable sitting on the miniature saddle. The horse was big, probably around sixteen hands, but seemed perfectly content to allow the small human to dictate his actions. The boy was being raised by one very confident mother and three equally confident fathers and it showed.
When he was finished he shimmied over onto his belly then dropped down. Then he grabbed the reins and led the horse over to the fence. Merilee clapped excitedly, yelling for her turn. Peaches slid through the rails, her daughter crawling under the bottom one, as they went into the pen. Her nephew held the reins as Peaches lifted Merilee onto the horse’s back. The gelding didn’t even flinch when the baby girl squealed with unrestrained excitement. Cherry winced, but smiled as JJ led the horse slowly around and Merilee rode with her mother providing a protective hand on her leg.
It was the way they had all learned to ride, though they hadn’t been as young as her niece and nephew. One good yank and you were safe. At least that’s what their father had always told them. She grinned at the memory.
“Hey, sis, do you remember when Blackie bolted and you were left on the ground in your underwear and dad was holding your pants and a shoe?” Cherry called, still chuckling.
“Yeah, yeah, it was one of my finest moments. And Mom just had to bring the video camera that day.”
“We’ll have to see if she can get a copy made and send it. I’m sure the guys would enjoy seeing that.”
Their mother was a madwoman when it came to a video camera. She had captured their entire youth with one. She had a library full of embarrassing moments caught on tape, though she recorded everything digitally these days, allowing her to save even more in far less space. And now there was a whole new generation to be digitally captured for posterity.
“If you do, I’ll ask mom for the tape of your singing debut as a teenage female rocker.”
Cherry groaned as her face heated. “Okay, you win! No tapes.” She shu
ddered. “I can’t believe I thought I could sing.”
“Oh, it wasn’t your singing that was bad,” Peaches told her with a laugh, obviously lying. They both knew it. “It was the hair and makeup.”
“You really are a cruel woman.” She refocused her attention. “Good job, Merilee!”
Merilee let go of the saddle horn to wave at her aunt with both hands. She lost her balance and fell back and to the side. Peaches pulled on the ankle she was holding and reached over the horse’s back. A moment later the startled toddler reappeared. It took her a moment, but her bottom lip stopped quivering, her chest quit heaving, and the threatening tears were kept in check.
“Good girl. Now hold on,” Peaches instructed gently. “We’ll go around a couple more times.”
Both women knew it was important that Merilee not become afraid of riding the horse. If she went on, her fears would be calmed and she would be able to focus on learning the activity. Not that a toddler had that much focus, but it was a good life lesson at any age. If you fell off the horse, you got back on. If you did it right away, the fall wasn’t such a big deal. If you didn’t, well, the fall became greater, harder, and more painful, with every return of the memory.
“You are such an idiot,” Cherry told herself, feeling ashamed. “The things you’ve done.”
“What’s that?” Peaches asked as they returned to the fence. She looked at her closely. No one knew her like Peaches did. “What’s going on?”
“I think I just figured something out.” She smiled tightly, her heart beating a mile a minute in her chest. “I’ll tell you later, okay?”
“Sure thing, hon. I’m here any time you need me.”
After their ride the kids were taken in, washed up, and given a snack. Merilee wanted a nap and JJ went with Damien when he came in for the bag of granola bars they had forgotten to take with them. Both women saw the excuse for what it was. A way he could get to see his woman.