by Carol Devine
Shane curled in a ball, covered his head with her pillow and cried.
* * * * *
"I'd like to feed Cassie breakfast this morning."
Shane's announcement came from the entrance between the kitchen and the living room. Mariah hid her absolute shock at seeing him awake and downstairs before breakfast. He was dressed in the same t-shirt and sweatpants he wore every day, similar in style and color as to become the interchangeable 24 hour uniform he wore since his homecoming.
"That would be wonderful, Shane. Her breakfast is almost ready."
"Good," he said, his big hands gripping the molding around the door.
Mariah clapped to draw Cassie's attention from her toys kept confined in a corner of the room. "Oatmeal is ready. Time to climb into your chair."
Chortling in delight, Cassie half cruised and half ran to her high chair, trying to climb the legs and support bars. Mariah lifted her high and fitted her into the seat, then snapped the safety belt and tray in place. Sitting on the counter, her oatmeal had cooled enough to eat.
"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Mariah asked Shane. "Or I could prepare a regular breakfast for you."
"Later, maybe. I had a couple of protein bars before I got out of bed."
Pulling out a chair for him as casually as possible, Mariah set Cassie's divided bowl and rubber-tipped spoon on the kitchen table. "It's oatmeal with a side of applesauce," she said.
She turned her back in case he didn't want her to see him struggling to move. She heard him slide forward a step or two, then the chair scraped and squeaked as he sat down. Cassie echoed the noise with her own set of squeaks, wiggling in her chair, babbling her desire to be fed.
"If she starts to fuss too much, dip the oatmeal in the applesauce. It's her favorite."
"Mm-mmm, applesauce," Shane said. He used the corner of the table to lever himself into position as he bent the knee on his bad leg. The act of sitting on a hardwood chair without gritting his teeth in pain made sweat break out on his brow.
Egged on by Cassie's obvious joy at the sight of her food, he slid the bowl into position, picked up the little spoon and focused on enunciating his words, determined to sound and, yes, appear, perfectly normal.
"My mom mixes cinnamon in. Do you think Cassie would like that?"
He sent a glance Mariah's way but her back was to him. His main concern had to be Cassie. Raising her arms and flapping her hands, she looked like a hungry baby bird. He scooped up a big bite of oatmeal and started it moving in her direction.
Mariah made washing noises at the sink. "I put the cinnamon in her oatmeal rather than the applesauce."
"That's almost the same." Shane wrinkled his nose at Cassie. "Applesauce is already sweet, sweet as my baby."
Mariah peeked, then watched, gratified. Shane was actually interacting with Cassie. He read books to her, sure, propped next to him. But this was face to face, nose to nose, so to speak.
Sitting in her high chair with her father at eye level, she rocked enthusiastically in her chair, excited by the attention. More likely, it was the prospect of applesauce and oatmeal that induced her excitement. Mariah preferred the happier thought that the sight of her Daddy elicited a response that was catching Shane in its grip.
After the first few seconds, his hand shook while lifting the baby spoon with its dab of oatmeal. Ecstatic at the sight of food, Cassie didn't care if his aim was off as long as it landed near her mouth. She used her hand to smear and suck it in.
Shane concentrated on keeping a certain rhythm going as her fed her, creating momentum that helped him maintain his ability to scrape spoon against bowl and angle it accurately towards Cassie's mouth. When the oatmeal and applesauce were gone, he forced himself to rise. He held the bowl and shuffled to the sink, dropping the spoon and bowl inside.
Mariah noted the dampness that darkened the center of his t-shirt, showing the considerable amount of sweat on his chest. He leaned against the kitchen counter, gripping it with both hands. He kicked his mouth into a smile, aiming it at her.
"Maybe later this afternoon, I can help change Cassie's diaper."
Mariah busied herself at the sink, rinsing the bowl and spoon over and over again. "Believe me, you have full authority to change her diaper at any time."
"I need your help. If I do it myself, she might flip off the table."
"No problem." Casually, Mariah checked her watch. "Your lovely physical therapy muscle man should be here any minute."
"I'll go in the living room and wait."
Mariah noted how he used the back of the kitchen chairs as support as he limped his way out of the room. She wiped Cassie's face with some wet wipes, picked her up and checked the living room. As expected, Shane was fast asleep, tilted in his recliner. Stabilizing Cassie's head against her shoulder, Mariah hurried up the stairs. She entered Cassie's room, closed and locked the door. In the privacy of that space she shared with her baby, Mariah sat on her twin bed next to the crib, buried her face in Cassie's reddish gold curls, and cried.
CHAPTER seven
Six Months later
Mariah hovered behind Shane as he placed his booted foot in the stirrup and hefted himself into the saddle. Fortunately, the sleepy-eyed horse underneath him didn't move.
"How's it feel?" she asked, watching with a critical eye as he settled in.
"Good. She's more docile than I'm used to, but since we start the rank beginners on her, I'm feeling confident."
"I like confident." Mariah mounted her usual horse. "Where do you want to go?"
"Around the arena a couple of times. Then we'll see."
They circled the arena twice on their horses, side by side. Mariah appraised his progress from the corner of her eye. Shane looked exactly as he always did when mounted, at home in the saddle, an extension of the horse, moving as one.
"My leg is shaking," he said.
"It doesn't look like it's shaking to me."
"It's the one on the other side, the one you can't see."
"Oh. Do you want to stop?"
"No. But if I'm smart, I better. Let's walk 'em to the gate, push myself a bit."
"If your leg gives out and you fall off pushing yourself, I will murder you the moment you hit the ground."
He winked at her. "You should have kept packing your pistol. Then I'd really be scared."
"My sacrifice better be impressing the hell out of you. None of my guns will see the light of day until my baby is old enough to take marksmanship classes."
"I don't know why you keep calling her a baby. She's toddling around like a professional."
"That's because she is a professional, toddling as fast as humanly possible."
"It astounds me that you don't take her on your treadmill during your daily jogs, honing her skills."
"There's an abundance of time for that later. I'm a domestic goddess at the moment and enjoying every minute of it. Tonight I have a bouillabaisse stew planned for supper."
"A what kind of stew?"
"Bouillabaisse."
"Sounds terrible, something no self-respecting cowhand would eat, much less an elite horseman like myself."
"You'll eat it and you'll like it."
"Don't know how long I can take this rich food you're feeding me, Doc. I'm about to make fighting weight again."
"I like trying new recipes. If you were the family chef, our diet would be a consistent round of hamburgers, steak and fried chicken."
"I love me my fried chicken. Cassie likes it, too. That's two against one. I even know how to make it, so if you don't like to, I will."
"I may take you up on that."
They reached the gate. Mariah quickly dismounted, ensuring she was first on the ground in case Shane took it into his head to do something idiotic, like jumping from his horse in one motion. His energy was coming back, inspiring him to take chances here and there, chances that had never bothered her before. Not with the old Shane. But the new Shane, able to stride like the old and talk in full par
agraphs, still seemed fragile to her.
As usual, he scared her when he lifted his bad leg over the neck of the horse. It was an unorthodox dismount where he swung around and swiveled his body outward in the saddle. Sitting sideways, he slid down to the ground, both feet at the same time. The horse would be behind him, helping to maintain his balance.
"Shane, I wish you would slow down."
"It's easier on my hip going fast. I know what I'm doing."
"You're not supposed to scare me like that."
"I ain't a lie-abed no more. Might be able to run a lap around the house. Cassie will beat me but I'll make it over the finish line in one piece. Sorry if it scares you but that's the way it's going to be." He grabbed the reins under his horse's chin and unlatched the gate. "Race you to the barn."
He stayed at a walk, but it was a fast walk, forcing his lazy mount into a slowish jog. Mariah let him go on ahead, unwilling to engage his competitive streak. Let Cassie fulfill that role.
He insisted on unsaddling and grooming both horses. Deciding she wasn't keen on watching him perform any more unorthodox maneuvers, Mariah headed for the stable office to visit with Ana.
As full manager of the entire operation, she'd taken on two assistants, who basically worked full-time doing the job she had done before. Now she oversaw the various tasks involved with his side of the business.
The only thing lacking was Shane's superior judgment regarding quality horseflesh. The newer mares and replacement mounts for the trail rides weren't up to snuff. The breeding program had lost its luster. Without Shane's close supervision over the horses and personnel involved in the trail rides, tourist visits had fallen off, and the rides lost position as the bread and butter of their revenue stream.
As always, Ana and Mariah hugged each other. "How did he do?"
"He hopes to start steer-wrestling tomorrow. I'll have to feed him something poisonous tonight to keep him from making too early an appearance."
"This morning he told me he's going to the National Western Stock Show with us for the buying part of the trip."
"Should I be worried about that?"
"Not unless he wants to ride one of the unknown mounts and put it through the paces himself."
"I guess Cassie and I will be making our debut appearance at the National Western Stock Show."
"He'll get a kick out of taking Cassie to the rodeo. And there are plenty of things for kids to do, even toddlers, while the other events are going on."
"Maybe I can wear him out by assigning him Cassie's care, feeding and entertainment. Who else is scheduled to go?"
"Bum and Billy are competing in the reining competition, along with the owners of horses we've trained. We have a nice crop of colts to sell, but Shane likes putting his effort into finding promising young mares, rather than showing off the end result. He'll skip the selling and focus on the buying. Bum and Billy can do the halter classes. I'll go, too, as a backup, but we could use you, too, especially to keep Shane out of my hair."
Shane entered the office. "Did I hear someone call my name?"
Ana winked at Mariah. "Only in passing. Your wife and I both agree you're taking too much on."
Mariah retrieved Cassie from her toys on the floor. She handed her to Shane. "What's this I hear about you going to the Stock Show?"
Juggling Cassie, Shane frowned at Ana. "Spilling the beans about the business decisions of your employer will not endear you to him. This might cost you your year-end bonus."
"I already gave me my year-end bonus. We're a week into the New Year."
"Okay, keep the bonus. But you're giving up your place as senior woman on the show tour. I'm inviting my wife to go with us. Cassie needs a room of her own so I want you to book a suite for the Youngblood family."
Alerted by this piece of news, Mariah happily followed Shane outside. He carried Cassie the whole way to the house without limping. Mariah skipped to keep up, humming her favorite tune. "We'll have our own room in the hotel, won't we? Does this mean what I think it means?"
"Lord, woman, I hope so. It's a really nice hotel, and I want to be done with the old-fashioned condom thing. Is that IUD on full power yet?"
Mariah covered Cassie's ears. "Shhh. Our daughter's not old enough to hear the sex talk. Yes, it's on board, full steam ahead."
"Good, cause we're going to put it to the test, as much as you'll let me, Mariah. I'll leave the timing to you but I'm asserting my husbandly rights."
"You've been asserting your husbandly rights for a while now. But if I'm catching your meaning, you're telling me being in a hotel is inspiring you to greater heights of expectation, expectations you hope I have the wherewithal to meet."
"I have the feeling I'll be lucky to keep up with you." Grinning, he gave her a double-take. "You're looking pretty happy, if I do say so myself."
"Happy because you're jealous of my many sexual capacities. And happy because Cassie and I will finally get to see our first rodeo. Will you introduce me to the bull and bronc riders? There's something about them that excites my appetite. All my appetites."
Shane covered Cassie's ears. "Hush or our daughter might repeat bad words in front of my folks. I'm not ready to see how her grandparents will react if they hear the words 'appetites' and 'sexual capacities' trip off her tongue."
They entered the house. Shane transferred Cassie to Mariah, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and ambled into the dining room. The table and chairs had been pushed against the walls. Racks of free weights were arrayed on one side, two exercise machines on the other. He seated himself on the padded bench, unscrewed the top off his water bottle and chugged the contents.
He repeated the same stretches he'd done previous to the ride. He loosened up his leg muscles, his glutes and flexors, especially around his bad hip. It was the only injury that nagged him anymore.
Next time he mounted a horse, he'd be ready to ride.
* * * * *
Six months later
Mariah slid the bottom half of her body sideways on the bed to avoid putting extra weight on Shane's hips. She steadied her breathing and rested her torso on his chest. The heavy thudding of his heart matched her own. She relished the sound, rewarded for her efforts.
Shane played with the ends of her hair. He sifted it through his fingers, his expression a study in satisfaction.
She rested her chin on his chest. Taking in his relaxed look, she decided this was as good a time as any to bring up a subject he may well be skittish about.
"Shane, I want to have another child."
She was right. His brow creased and his mouth flat-lined. It took him a while to respond because he chose his words carefully. "I like our little family of three. We can fit in the pickup together."
"Your truck's seating capacity is the reason we should confine ourselves to one child?"
He stroked the arches of her eyebrows, a soft tracing of gentleness. "I'm sure there are other reasons. I just can't think of another one at the moment."
"We need to at least have a discussion about it. Neither one of us is getting any younger."
Shane frowned. "It's hard for me, Mariah. Yeah, it's been and a year and a half since the accident and I'm ninety-five percent back to where I was before, but there's still a ways to go. I'm not the spring chicken I used to be. And when you were pregnant… well, let's be honest, there was plenty of worry to go around."
"Fertility wise you are a spring chicken, at least compared to my 37 year-old ovaries. For all we know, I may not be able to conceive again."
"If that's the case, we've been wasting a lot of money on birth control."
"I was thinking, I should go to the doctor first to see if pregnancy is even possible. This could be a waste. But I wanted to tell you what was on my mind."
"Can't say I'm totally against it. I like to keep my wife happy. And Cassie is... well, kids don't get smarter or cuter than her. If you promise we get ourselves a guaranteed keeper, I could be convinced."
"Why am I g
etting the feeling we're negotiating a deal involving a mare and her foal rather than a baby?"
"I thought we were talking about a baby pony for Cassie. Isn't that right?"
Mariah pretended to bite his chest all the way up to his chin. She planted a big kiss on his mouth. "You are treading a very thin line, mister. What if I said yes? You'd be in charge of raising all those babies by yourself."
"Me, in charge? I'm surrounded by you and Cassie and Ana. Since when have I been in charge?"
"I suppose that means if we do have a baby, you want a son."
"I'll take whatever God blesses us with, Mariah."
"Me, too. Even if another baby isn't in the cards, I'm very grateful my prayers were answered where you're concerned."
"Me coming back from the dead is a miracle. It strengthened my faith. I'm glad it strengthened yours, too."
"Except I sometimes feel like good things are suspect, like I always need to be on guard."
"Has anyone ever told you, you think too much?"
"Well, my husband has made comments about it on occasion. I like to believe, deep down, he appreciates it very much."
"You're right. Truth is, he doesn't think enough. Between the two of us, though, it's seems to be working alright. Guess God really does know what He's doing."
"I hope so, Shane. I really hope so."
* * * * *
Eighteen months later
Willing herself into optimism, Mariah opened the pregnancy test. She settled on the toilet seat, hoping she'd chosen a lucky position.
Shane lounged on the bathroom counter, using the same pose he'd been in when they had learned Cassie was on the way. The fact he was willing to indulge her superstitions month after month made her feel guilty and she tried to push the feeling away with happy talk.