by Ramona Wray
“The mind is such a fragile thing,” he whispered. “I’ll do anything for you, Lily, give you anything. But not this. Not like this. Don’t give me a taste of what I can never really have, baby, it would kill me tomorrow.”
His fingers went slack around mine and he looked away. “I’d lose my mind. Please, try to understand.”
I did.
Chapter: Thirty-One
After much debate consisting mainly of my shouting “no” and “absolutely not” again and again, Ryder won, and I reluctantly agreed to let him call Mary Kate. His arguments were solid. On the one hand, he was sure she could be trusted, and on the other, we did need someone to act as a delivery person in charge of getting the potion to J, in case Lucian decided to … well, just in case.
However passionate my hate of Mary Kate’s guts, it wasn’t the only reason I fought so hard against Ryder’s idea. Glancing into his mind had revealed additional info to me. I knew now that every time I’d died, he’d tried to stop it, bodily, by throwing himself in front of me, something that obviously had never worked. And even if he didn’t die from Lucian’s blow, being injured by a halfling hurt something frightful. The wound wouldn’t close up for months afterward, and there was always fever and hallucinating and pain. Oh, so much pain! Mountains of it. And I was sure that tonight wasn’t going to be any different; he’d get hurt again. Hadn’t he already planned for it? Why else would he leave me everything he owned? In case he could save me. In case he did die in my place.
I can’t promise you heaven, baby, but I swear to you I’ll do the best I can. Oh, he’d do that, alright! He’d try and end up half-dead again, which was exactly why I wanted him to deliver the medicine to J. So he’d be out of harm’s way.
But no, he was bent on staying. Arguing was just like talking to a brick wall. And once that wall grew lips and soft fingertips and … To wrap up, he made the darn call.
Mary Kate was waiting in front of my house, dressed, as per Ryder’s instructions, in a warm tracksuit, complete with hiking boots, which transformed her leaning on the luxury BMW she drove into a ridiculous pose. At least, that’s what I thought.
“What’s going on?” she asked as we approached, her eyes latching on to Ryder’s face like flies in honey.
He, however, didn’t get a chance to answer.
“You wanted to know what Ryder’s deal was,” I snapped sourly. “Saddle up, Miss Davis, it’s your lucky night.”
Ryder, who held my hand with all the purpose of a man hanging over a cliff, didn’t react. The three of us moved inside, where I flipped the lights on, trying to gently wriggle out of his hold. The grandfather clock in the hallway showed an hour left to midnight.
“Let go,” I told him quietly, running my free hand across his face. “I need to get my supplies.”
He eyed me with a baffled expression, as if he couldn’t quite get what I’d asked him to do. He knew that, pretty soon, he’d have to let me go for real. For a much longer time. Again.
Gently, I suggested, “Why don’t you fill Mary Kate in? Tell her what she needs to do.”
He nodded and I left them to it, for once glad to have my head abuzz with details of what I had to do. Practicalities, bless them, still keeping me from falling to pieces. Someone really should write a poem to praise their simple might.
Not up for taking chances, I had decided to work my magic in the woods. Not only did my powers always peak outdoors, under the light of the moon, but also the place I’d chosen was deep enough into the forest, which put it reasonably far from populated areas. Even if Lucian decided to show up, no matter what fireworks he’d pull on us, nobody else would get hurt. Except maybe Mary Kate, but I could almost live with that. I only jest, of course.
Apart from my plants, oils, and whatnot, I also grabbed some of our camping gear: flashlights, a grill to set over the fire, a pot, strainer, and a couple of Thermos bottles. And, of course, la piece de résistance, a knife, so I could draw out those few drops of my blood, without which all of this would’ve achieved a big fat nothing.
I had no idea how much Ryder had told Mary Kate, but she was a whole lot paler when I returned. She only gave me a strange look, half pity, half flat-out terror, but without uttering a single word.
Ryder, with his drawn face, the cracked lips, and those eyes burning with madness, had never looked worse. I was starting to suspect that putting the ring on my finger had caused some sort of energy transfer between us. From a shaky, whimpering mess, I had turned focused, stronger in some ways. There was a realistic purpose I clung to and it kept my head securely above water.
I’d made my peace with the dying, and now my only concerns were saving J and not letting Ryder get hurt. These were my ambitions and I was going for them with all my notorious stubbornness.
Unlike me, Ryder didn’t have the advantage of a purpose. Past this point, his hands were tied and he knew it. No matter how much he tried, no matter what he did, he couldn’t change a thing. He’d try, but he would fail. He could only watch. Just as the hex demanded.
In the moonlight, he looked cold, haunted, and I gripped his hand harder. The two of us led the way, each carrying a backpack and a flashlight. Behind us, I could hear Mary Kate struggling to keep up and managing about as well as any city girl could. It occurred to me that she’d been a good friend to Ryder, coming out and agreeing to help like this.
“Hey, Mary Kate,” I said, “thanks for doing this.”
I owed her that much.
“No problem,” came the response from behind me. She didn’t sound as scared as I expected. Good for her.
We were heading for a spring where sometimes J and I came to recharge our batteries. I couldn’t quite tell why I’d chosen that particular patch of forest. Sure, after picking up some pine needless, the spring water remained the last ingredient I needed, but there were other springs in the woods. A couple of which, considerably closer, too ... But something inside nudged me toward this particular one. Luckily, even with the lawyer in tow, we were making good time.
After a few moments of silent hiking, she spoke again, in an undertone.
“I’m sorry, Lily.”
At my side, Ryder jerked once. I lifted up his hand and pressed it to my lips. His skin was ice-cold.
“It is what it is,” I answered, wanting to look away from Ryder and failing. His eyes burned so painfully!
Behind us, Mary Kate went on.
“I’m sorry, I realize that I don’t have all the facts, but this entire situation is simply ludicrous. That you should walk to your own death, willingly! Surely there is something we can do to stop it. This person —”
“Not a person, MK,” Ryder snapped angrily, his voice a low growl.
“He’s kind of like an angel gone bad,” I intervened calmly. “And no, there’s no way to stop it. Remember those two girls you told me about, Marion Frost and Sarah Manbeck?”
Ryder shot me a sideways glance, but I only answered with a smile that said it didn’t matter. What I knew, what he didn’t think I should know, none of it made any difference now.
“What you don’t know,” I continued, though my eyes stayed with him, “is that they were both me. Everything that’s coming tonight has happened before.”
“What are you —?”
“Enough of this,” Ryder cut in.
Evidently, he didn’t appreciate that Mary Kate had told me about the past. Since he couldn’t really protect me, the least he could do was make sure that I was happy, right until the end. And how could anyone be happy while carrying around a guilty conscience? If you spent your days cowering in fear of the future? He knew better than anyone that didn’t quite work.
Nobody spoke again for the rest of the journey. We stopped here and there to tie pieces of ribbon on the trees so that Mary Kate could find her way back. My woods, my beautiful, beloved woods, where I’d walked so many nights before, seemed no different tonight. The energy radiating from the trees and plants was the same as always: pure, potent,
and uncomplicated. It welcomed me back with open arms and I felt safer for it.
With fifteen minutes left before midnight, our camp was set. Tongues of flame danced under the pot filled with water, and my supplies were lined up around me in piles and small leather pouches. I raised my face to the moon, whispered a quick prayer, and then got to work.
“Wait,” Ryder called from behind.
I stopped in midair, dropping the lavender back in the pouch, just as his arms encircled me from behind. A windstorm of emotions exploded inside me, blowing my heart to pieces, showing just how close I was to falling apart. Tormenting me with questions like, how could I let him go? How did I hold on to my mind long enough to cast the spell, when every last bit of me was coming unhinged already?
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I love you, too,” I answered fiercely even as my face turned and tilted and I got lost in the magic of his lips one last time.
He pulled away slightly, and in the moonlight his eyes glittered like diamonds. “Always,” he cooed against my lips.
“And forever,” I whispered back, slurred by tears.
We held each other. It was over maddeningly soon.
“I’ll find you again,” he promised, but his voice could barely carry anymore.
I nodded, sniffling. “I’ll be waiting.”
With that, he let go. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and turned to the bubbling pot, crossing my legs under me on the cold ground. I closed my eyes and focused fully on my breathing. Unless I calmed down, this would all be useless.
I let the light of the moon and the familiar sounds of the forest soothe me. The earth grounded me. Trees shared their energy with me and their power, the lifeblood of every living thing in the forest, crawled under my skin to awaken my magic. Moonlight wrapped around me like a new layer of skin and kept it all together inside. My eyes snapped open.
I was ready.
“I’m going to cast a circle,” I said, not recognizing my own voice. It was tuneful, low-pitched, like waves breaking gently against the shore. “You’ll want to be as close to me as possible, but without touching me. Don’t move until I say so. The circle will act as a cloak and keep the magic from spreading. Hopefully, Lucian won’t sense the spell until I’m ready for him.”
There was no need to stand or move around. I only had to motion my finger and the air rippled, growing thicker, around and above us. The earth surged with current and then warmed up, softening slightly, closing the circle.
I was ready to get cooking.
Mixing the ingredients was the easy part; my hands moved on their own and my lips whispered, bridging the forces involved, ensuring they fit and worked together. The power crackled and sparked inside the circle and a heavenly smell of flowers and honey and freshly cut fruit spread everywhere. It was that very scent that told me when it was time to add the last ingredient. As always, I had absolutely no idea how I knew when and what to do; my magic had never really been mine. Using it meant that I wasn’t the one in the driver’s seat, just along for the ride.
I slashed my palm without hesitation, visualizing J’s face, thinking her awake, wishing her restored to full health. And then I almost yelped in shock as I watched the cut closing itself above the bath of fragrant steam rising from the pot. Oh yeah, I’d definitely cooked the right batch for healing someone!
Shrugging off my jacket, I used it as a pair of makeshift oven mittens and removed the pot from the grill. Carefully not to spill any, I strained the liquid inside it, dividing it between the two Thermos bottles. After sealing them, I stood.
“Mary Kate,” I sang, again in that impossibly sweet voice.
Her eyes were wide, the pupils dilated and dark. She was charged with the magic of my spell, virtually intoxicated, and I could only hope she’d recover once outside the circle.
“Listen carefully,” I said. “I will open the door so that you can leave the circle, and you have to move really fast. Understand?”
She nodded.
“You will run as fast as you can and you won’t look back, do you hear? And you will not, under any circumstances, open the lid of this container until you are within reaching distance of my friend’s lips.”
Again she nodded.
“What’s her name again?” I checked.
“Jane Archer. Rosemound Clinic, first floor, room one-oh-six,” she recited.
“Good. My mother will be there; she’s a young blonde lady who goes by Savannah. Tell her I sent you, but don’t say a word about what you’ve seen tonight. Just let her know I’m with Ryder, that’s all. Okay? And make sure J gets the potion into her system. If necessary, inject it into her IV. Got it?”
“I understand.”
“Good, let’s move, then.”
We walked to the very edge of the circle and I touched the flimsy wall tentatively. It rippled gently, like a thin sheet of smoke but alive. I gave it a small push, whispering again words with meanings I didn’t know, and a small arch appeared. Without wasting a second, I pushed Mary Kate through it. As soon as her second foot touched the grass beyond the circle, the opening snapped shut.
I knew she wouldn’t hear me even if I shouted, so I didn’t repeat that she should hurry. A few moments after she straightened herself up and grabbed a flashlight, she broke into a run. Following the right trail, too, which I took as a really good sign. Pretty soon, she was out of sight.
“Your eyes,” Ryder whispered, standing up in front of me. He reached for my face before remembering he shouldn’t touch me and letting his arm drop. “They’re silver, almost white … and so bright, Lily. They glow — you ... you
— you’re glowing!” He meant it literally, too. My skin was covered in a silvery shimmer, visible even through the clothes I had on.
“I know,” I answered in the same alien voice. “It’s the magic. It’s not inside me anymore; I’m wearing it. You’re breathing it right now, in fact. And standing on it, and moving through it. It’s all around us.”
His awed expression collapsed into a frown.
“What happens once you lift the circle?”
“It will spread.”
And Lucian would feel it instantly. He’d be drawn to it like metal to a
magnet. He’d come. For it, for the power that had summoned him on our plane, and for me. Ryder’s face hardened. “How long can you keep it going?”
“Hopefully, long enough for Mary Kate to make it to the hospital.”
“And then?”
“I’m riding a huge ball of energy, Ryder. I have to set it loose or I will implode.”
“But won’t that drain your power? I mean, it is your power, your magic, this ball of energy. Isn’t it?”
I smiled sadly. “See, it’s like a video game. The moment I set it free, my batteries will be instantly recharged. I’m going to get a new life. The magic in me is inexhaustible; I can juggle with it. I can mold it and use it and shape it. I can even throw it, like a boomerang. But I can’t control it, not really, because it’s never really been mine. It’s been forced into me, and I don’t know how to separate myself from it. I am the magic.”
His head fell to his chest, bobbing slowly. He looked defeated. Broken. I wanted to put my arms around him, but that would’ve ended my focus for sure. Already I felt dizzy, weakened by the energy the circle was siphoning from me to keep itself alive.
“I need to sit down,” I said, beginning to doubt that I could last long enough.
His head snapped back up like a whip.
“You feel sick?”
I sat on the grass and hugged my knees to my chest.
“The circle is draining me.” Even my voice sounded weary.
“Don’t talk anymore,” he answered softly, coming to sit close, but careful not to touch me. “Save your strength.”
My eyelids felt heavier than lead. They pulled down, urging me to let them fall. I fought it. The sluggishness wrapped around me with soft, caressing fingers of sleep and I fought it, for a
s long as I could. Until I could fight no more.
With a final twitch, my concentration failed. One thundering boom later and the circle exploded around us, freeing the magic and letting it scatter everywhere.
I counted three seconds before I was back on my feet and functional again. And I counted five seconds until Lucian appeared at the end of the trail before us.
Ryder moved faster than any mortal should, pushing me behind him. Trying to protect me, even knowing he couldn’t.
“Katherine!” Lucian exclaimed, acting surprised, seeming worried. “What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”
“Enough with the masquerade. I know the truth.”
He prowled closer with a predatory, feline stride, and in the light of the moon his mouth twisted into one of those cold, empty smiles he usually gave Ryder. But this one was for me.
“Busted,” he said, and shrugged with open, upturned palms. Then he burst out laughing.
Chapter: Thirty-Two
He moved toward us slowly and Ryder put his body right in front of me, as always, giving me shelter. Just as I feared, he was determined to get himself hurt again. Brave and bone-meltingly caring, sure, but definitely on the kamikaze side. How many times was Lucian supposed to hurt him before Ryder understood that he couldn’t stop a halfling? It seemed at least once more. Panicking, I closed my eyes, focusing on surrounding us in another, much smaller circle, before I gently pushed him aside.
“He can’t touch either of us while we’re inside,” I said, answering the unspoken question in his eyes.
Then I turned my eyes back to Lucian. He looked different somehow and even more beautiful than usual. The blue scar in the corner of his mouth was gone, its being there in the fi rst place just another one of his tricks, no doubt. There was something unearthly about him tonight, a softness that was just too soft, a radiance that was just too bright. He was too perfect; to even look at him stung. It occurred to me now that, normally, he kept his true appearance hidden under a glamour. You can’t really go out walking on the street glowing like a Christmas tree and expect people not to notice.