by Naomi Niles
“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I’m fine.”
“Of course I’m worried about you,” he said. “You just disappeared – no explanation, no warning, nothing.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking straight, Victor. I just needed to get out.”
“Of what exactly?”
“The apartment, the atmosphere, the life I was living with Kameron,” I tried to explain. “It was too much. I couldn’t deal with him anymore, and if I had told him I wanted out, do you think he would have just held the door open for me and wished me luck?”
“Of course, he wouldn’t have done that,” Victor conceded. “But that’s only because he loves you.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Madison.”
“If you love someone, then you don’t treat them the way Kameron treated me,” I argued fiercely. “He treated me like shit, Victor, and sometimes you saw it yourself. I was his maid and his cook and his nurse when he needed one…and when he deigned to be in one of his good moods, he gave me a little attention and that was it.”
“I know it wasn’t perfect, but-”
“Perfect?” I repeated incredulously. “Perfect?”
“All right, calm down, Madison,” Victor said in the soothing voice he used when he was trying to be diplomatic. “I’m just trying to be the mediator here.”
I laughed humorlessly and shook my head at the phone. “Do you even hear yourself, Victor? You shouldn’t want to be the mediator here. I’m not one of your drug smuggling deals – I’m your sister. You should be on my side.”
“I am on your side.”
“Really?” I asked. “Why are you calling, Victor?”
“To see if you’re okay,” Vichetor replied immediately. “To see if you’re safe.”
“Is that all?”
There was a second’s pause on the other line. “Kameron’s looking for you, Mads,” he said. I felt my throat constrict in response.
“It was naïve of me to believe he’d just let me go,” I managed to spit out.
“He’s upset at the moment,” Victor continued. “But he’s not mad. I think if you came back now, he would just forget the whole thing.”
“Are you serious?”
“The longer you keep this up, the angrier he’ll get, Mads.”
“You’re really telling me that I should come back?”
“Your home is here.”
“That was never my home,” I said, through gritted teeth. “It was your home, and somehow, I let myself be roped into your world.”
“Madison-”
“Do you even know why I moved into that neighborhood in the first place?” I demanded. “Do you even realize why I stayed in that drug-infested slum?”
“You fell in love with Kameron.”
I laughed. “Of course, you would think that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You nearly died, Victor,” I practically yelled into the phone. “You OD’d on cocaine. Do you remember that?”
“Yes.”
“Because I certainly do,” I said. “I was terrified. It was probably the most terrified I’d ever been. I had no one in the world but you, and the thought of losing you was… It was more than I could bear.
“So I came over and saw the state of you, and I decided to stay. I moved in with you. I looked after you and after a few weeks, you started looking like a human being again.”
“I remember.”
“No, you don’t,” I snapped. “You don’t remember because you were breaking into withdrawal sweats, you were having hallucinations, you were pissing yourself half the time. You don’t remember shit because you weren’t in your right mind at the time.
“Kameron would come over to see you, and he would stay to speak to me. And, he was charming, and he was concerned, and he paid attention to me. And yes, I believed I’d fallen in love with him, but it was only because I was naïve and stupid and desperate for some love and kindness.
“After you got better, I still stayed because I thought in some twisted way that if I were around, I could prevent you from making the same mistakes. I honestly believed I could stop you from dying. But it didn’t matter what sacrifices I had made in the end because you just got right back up on that horse.”
“But you still stayed,” Victor pointed out. “You stayed for Kameron.”
“Like I said: I was naïve and stupid,” I replied. “And, I didn’t think I deserved anything better. But you should have. You’re my brother, Victor. You’re my big brother. You should have wanted a better man for me. You should have thought I deserved better than Kameron, even if I didn’t.”
“I believe he loves you.”
“That’s because you’re blind with loyalty and completely under his heel,” I spat. “Kameron treats you the way he treats everyone in his life: like an animal that’s trained to come when it’s called.”
“Kameron gave me a job when I needed it, Madison.”
“He got you into drugs in the first place, Victor,” I shot back. “He ruined your life, and he got you to thank him for it. And now, you want me to do the same. Well, I won’t let him ruin my life and I’m certainly not going to thank him for it.”
“Madison.”
“What happened to you, Victor?” I demanded. “What happened to the big brother who promised he would always protect me? Are you seriously counseling me to go back to Kameron and live my life under his heel like you do?”
“You’re being unfair to him.”
“Have you ever considered the possibility that he’s being unfair to me?” I demanded. “I don’t love him, Victor. In fact, I don’t think I ever really did. I just suffered from the delusion that he would protect me and would keep me safe. I’d never really had that in my life, and I clung to it when I thought I got it. But it was never real. You’re going to realize that too one day.”
“He’s looking for you, Mads.”
“I heard you, Victor,” I said, raising my voice. “I know he’s looking for me and honestly… I don’t care. He can look as long as he wants; he can look forever as far as I’m concerned. Finding me is his only option because I’m telling you right now, I’m never coming back.”
“Madison, wait. Where are you?”
“Goodbye, Victor,” I said before I cut the line.
Silence engulfed me, and I felt both relieved and empty. I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes. He was still my brother, no matter what.
But that phone call had just cemented one thing in my mind: I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t count on him. At the end of the day, he was working for Kameron and that meant that I had just lost my brother.
I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and a scratching in my throat. Polo licked the dried tears off my face, but even his comforting presence did very little to make me feel better. I dressed distractedly, throwing on old jeans and a plain t-shirt and headed for the salon. I tried my best to hide my despair, but Whitney was not someone you could hide things from.
“Madison!” she called, the moment I had finished with my first client. “My office, now.”
I followed her into her little cubicle and sat down. She gazed at me pointedly for a moment. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I replied, a little too quickly.
“Sorry,” Whitney said. “I’m not buying what you’re selling.”
I sighed. “I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”
Whitney’s face softened as she leaned in a little. “Madison, we all have problems. Trying to work through them alone can make everything worse sometimes. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way. Now I’m not going to force you to talk to me, but I really wish you would.”
I took a deep breath, thinking how wonderful it would be to speak to someone. My only confidant at the moment was my dog, and Polo couldn’t exactly talk back.
“It’s my brother,” I said, forcing out the words.
“Okay?”
; “We had an argument last night,” I said. “And I think… I mean… I don’t think I’m ever going to see him again.”
“It was that bad an argument?”
“It was more than that, really,” I sighed. “It’s hard to explain. It’s just that he’s made some life decisions that I can’t stand by. And at this point, I feel as though I need to look out for myself first.”
“You do,” Whitney nodded. “But I doubt it’s as easy as cutting off ties with your brother. He’s always going to be there, in the back of your mind.”
“I know.”
“I have a sister, Madison,” she said. “And she drives me crazy sometimes, but I love her to death. I just couldn’t imagine not talking to her every day. Now I don’t know the exact deal between you and your brother, but I know that cutting off ties with a family member is never that easy. Whatever his life choices may be, he’s still your brother. Family is the one thing that’s hard to run from.”
Her words struck home, but they only made me feel worse. She was telling me what I already knew – but denial was easier to swallow sometimes than reality.
Chapter Eleven
Peter
I felt the bed groan with weight and I turned abruptly onto my side, forcing my eyes open. Sam was next to me with his head propped up on his hands like some a fourth grader. He had a bid, dopey grin on his face and the moment we made eye contact, his grin only grew wider.
“Geez,” I moaned. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“This is my childhood home, too, you know,” he said pleasantly.
“I don’t mean ‘here’ in this house,” I complained. “I meant ‘here’ in my bed.”
“Oh,” Sam smiled widely. “Can’t a guy slip into bed with his brother every now and again? You didn’t mind when we were younger.”
I rolled my eyes. “It was easier to stomach when you were nine and cute.”
“I’m still cute.”
“That’s a matter of opinion,” I sighed, sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“I expected you to be in a better mood today…considering your hot date last night with the neighbor.”
“I’m going to kill John.”
“Sooo, tell me… What does she look like naked?”
“Get the fuck out of my bed, you creep,” I demanded, throwing back the covers and onto Sam’s face.
He shook over the covers and stood eagerly. “Come on,” he pleaded. “I want details.”
“There aren’t any to tell.”
“You’re such a liar.”
“And, you’re a pain in my ass.”
I left Sam in my bedroom and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came back out again, he was still there on my bed and rifling through my bedside drawers.
“Dude,” he said, the moment he saw me. “No dirty magazines in the side drawer, no porn stashed under the bed: you are so boring.”
“Get out.”
“Rude,” Sam replied as he followed me into the kitchen.
John was leaning against the sink, eating yogurt from a cup. I shot him a dirty look the moment I saw him. “What?” he asked innocently.
“Did you have to tell this dumbass about the dinner last night?”
“He wanted to know why I dropped by unexpectedly last night,” he replied, with a smile. “I didn’t think to lie.”
“And why should he have lied?” Sam demanded, taking a seat at the breakfast table. “We’re brothers – we shouldn’t have any secrets from one another.”
“Oh, I think having a few wouldn’t hurt,” I said, glaring at Sam. “It might actually help.”
Sam laughed and turned to John. “He’s being really tight lipped about the date last night. I think he screwed it up.”
“I didn’t screw up anything,” I said immediately. “And in any case, it wasn’t a date.”
John guffawed, and I shot him a look. “What?” I demanded.
“Come on, Pete,” John said evenly. “You’re totally smitten with this girl.”
“How hot is she?” Sam asked, perking up.
“She’s pretty.”
“She’s beautiful,” I corrected instinctively, and immediately I wished I hadn’t. John and Sam both whistled loudly, and I shook my head at both of them. “Anyway, she just moved in, she’s settling down here, she doesn’t really know the town… I just thought I could help her out a little.”
“Sure,” Sam nodded sarcastically. “Because men are usually that considerate.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re obviously hoping to fuck her at some point?”
I cringed at Sam’s choice of words. “I’m hoping no such thing. Yes, I find her attractive, and yes, I’m happy to help her out if she needs it, but I don’t expect anything from her.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “You are such a goody two shoes.”
“And, you’re a complete opportunist.”
“Guilty as charged,” he nodded, with his hands in the air. “I do not deny it.”
John laughed. “Okay, well, I’d love to stay and hear the rest of this banter, but unfortunately, I’ve got to head out now. And Pete, I won’t be back till Sunday dinner.”
I turned to him in surprise. “How come?”
“An important client wants a consult and they’re flying me down to Malibu for a few days,” John explained. “It was pretty last minute, but I didn’t want to turn it down.”
Sam whistled. “Lucky you.”
“Oh, okay, well…have fun,” I said. “If that is in fact the right sentiment.”
John smiled. “It’ll work,” he said. “Good luck with the neighbor situation.”
“There’s no situation,” I shouted after him as he left the kitchen.
Once John was gone, Sam turned his full attention onto me. “So,” he started pointedly.
I rolled my eyes. “Is there a reason you’re here today?”
“I came to help you with the addition,” he said. “Because I’m such a caring, considerate and helpful brother.”
“Is that what you are?” I asked sarcastically. “You did a good job of hiding it all these years.”
Sam pretending to hold his heart with hurt. “Sometimes your words, they hurt.”
I laughed at his dramatics and reached for the half-empty juice carton. “I’ll be happy for the helping hand, and I trust you can take direction?”
“Direct me, master,” Sam said, saluting me with vigor. “I shall obey your every order.”
“Good,” I laughed. “Glad to hear it.”
“How did you learn so much about…this stuff?”
“Construction and carpentry, you mean?”
“Yup.”
“Dad,” I replied shortly.
“Ah,” Sam nodded, his expression smoothening out a little. “Right.”
As I ate my breakfast, I could see Sam’s eyes unfocus a little as he became bogged down in thought. I tried to distract him with unnecessary questions, but he just kept giving me short answers and then he fell back into silence.
“Do you ever think about Dad?” Sam asked finally.
I’d suspected that that was the route his thoughts had taken. “Of course,” I nodded. “I think about him all the time. It’s hard to live in this house and not remember him.”
“I know I was thirteen when he died,” Sam said. “But sometimes it’s still hard to remember certain things about him. It feels like he died when I was much younger. Do you think that’s odd?”
“What’s odd?” I asked, in confusion.
“That I don’t remember as much as I should.”
“Of course not,” I said immediately. “Memory is a funny thing; sometimes forgetting is just our mind’s way of protecting us.”
Sam tapped his fingers against the table like he used to when he was a kid and he was trying to figure something out. “He was a good father, wasn’t he?”
“The best,” I nodded. “You know that.”
“He was a good father Sam,” I insisted.
He was silent for a minute. “I know he was, but somehow, the person I associate most with that word is you.”
“Me?” I said incredulously.
Sam smiled. “Yeah. Odd, right?”
“Well, I’m undeserving of that title.”
“I don’t think so,” he said firmly. “You took the reins after Dad died. You looked after us, especially Talen and I. You sacrificed a lot so that we could all stay together. You became a man at eighteen, and it never seemed like you were faking.”
“I was though,” I said.
“If you were, I never noticed. Neither did Talen.”
I snorted. “Talen… Come on.”
“No, I’m serious,” Sam nodded. “In some ways, I think that’s why your relationship with him is so rocky. I think if Dad had been alive, they would have had the exact same dynamic.”
“That’s the irony, isn’t it?” I said. “If Dad had been alive, Talen might never have gone down the route he chose. He might have become an engineer or an architect or…something other than a drifter who goes from one pointless job to another.”
“You even talk about him like he’s your kid,” Sam pointed out.
“That’s how I talk about all you guys.”
“Proving my point,” he said. “You weren’t just forced to become a man before you were ready. You were forced to become a father, too.”
“I guess,” I conceded. “It wasn’t so bad, though. I quite liked you guys.”
He smiled. “You know I’ve never said as much in so many words, but… I really appreciate everything you’ve done for us.”
I smiled, touched by my brother’s sudden and unexpected sentimentality. “Thanks, Sam,” I replied. “That means a lot to me.”
We held each other’s gaze for a split second before embarrassment set in. Sam looked away from me as a blush crept up his cheeks. “Given that we’re bonding and everything…maybe you could tell me what the new neighbor looks like naked?” he said, trying to deflect the serious moment with some humor.
I laughed and shook my head. “Nice try, buddy.”