by Naomi Niles
He squeezed my hand, and I knew that he understood. That decision was left up to the future and the person I would be in that moment. I could feel little shivers scale up through Victor’s body; it was making me shake, too. I knew he was still in shock and tried to think of a way to calm him down. I stroked his head lightly.
“You could use a haircut,” I said. “How about I give you one?”
Victor raised his eyebrows at me, obviously confused by my offer.
“It’ll give me something to do,” I explained.
He nodded.
“I’ll pop out for a bit and get us some food,” I said. “I can buy scissors when I’m out.”
“Come back soon,” he said.
“I will,” I nodded, kissing the top of his head before I left the room.
“Madison?” he called, just as I had opened the door to leave.
“Yes?” I said, turning back.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but… I’m incredibly proud of you,” he said.
I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “Thank you, big brother,” I said, before I closed the door behind me.
I had to drive someplace that was open twenty-four hours, but I managed to find a convenience store about ten minutes away. I walked down the aisles getting what I thought was necessary. But every five minutes, I kept checking my phone. Peter still hadn’t called me; I wondered if that was a good sign or a bad one.
My life had shifted for the second time in weeks, and this time, I felt no relief and no sense of freedom. I forced myself to face the fact that I might never see Peter again, that I might never again feel that warm comfort of domestic bliss. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to hold onto the last few weeks with him, all the while knowing it would never be enough.
Chapter Thirty-One
Peter
It was strange to be sitting in the station on the wrong side of the desk. I stared around at the walls of my second home and suddenly, it didn’t seem quite so familiar as it had. I wrung my hands together, remembering to keep my resolve, remembering to make the decision that I could best live with.
“Peter,” Chief Hunstable said as he walked back into the office. He was an impressive man, with ebony skin and a big boned figure.
“Chief,” I said, rising to my feet in respect.
“Sit, sit,” the chief said quickly. “I filed the report, but I still need you to sign the statement paperwork.”
“Of course,” I nodded. I knew this drill; I had just never been on the receiving end of it.
Chief Hunstable pushed the papers towards me. “All the details you made in this report, they are accurate?”
I felt a prick at my conscience; I felt my stomach lurch forward. Was I doing the right thing? I had gone too far to turn back now. “Of course,” I nodded, before there was room for a hesitation before my answer.
“Good,” Chief Hunstable nodded. “Then it’s done.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“You were lucky to avoid being shot tonight.”
“I’m very aware of that,” I nodded, as I rose. “I’ll see you at work next week.”
“Peter,” he said. “I think that’s a little premature. We need to get this investigation closed before you can come back to work.”
I sighed. “I suppose I’m not surprised.”
“I’m putting you on administrative leave until all this can be settled.”
“Yes, Chief,” I nodded.
“And, we will need to speak to the girl…your neighbor… What’s her name?”
“Madison Wright,” I said shakily.
“You said she was out of town?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “It’s all in the paperwork.”
“The department’s tried calling her a couple of times. No answer.”
I gulped. “She’s probably just away from her phone. She’s expected back in town tomorrow.”
Chief nodded. “Do we have an identity confirmation on the gunman?”
“They’re looking into it now,” I replied.
“Good,” he nodded. “Once this is all cleared up, you can get back to work immediately.”
“I look forward to it,” I said fervently.
“We all do,” Chief replied. “You’ve been missed.”
I smiled, gratified by his words. “Thank you, Sir.”
We shook hands and I left the chief’s office. The moment I stepped out of the police station, I felt another little prick of guilt, but I pushed it down and continued to my car. I spent the drive home in a fog of thought and before I knew it, I was pulling up in front of the house.
Lights were everywhere. Madison’s house was cordoned off by police tape. A number of different officers milled around, collecting evidence and taking pictures of the scene. I turned to my own front porch and saw Sam and John seated outside, staring over at Madison’s house.
I got out of the car and walked towards them. Sam and John approached me immediately. “What the hell happened?” John demanded, his eyes wide with alarm.
“We tried calling you like a hundred times.”
“My phone died,” I sighed. “I didn’t get any calls.”
“Are you all right?” John asked.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I think.”
I saw John and Sam exchange a glance. “We came home to find the place swarming with cops and Madison’s dog was in the house, cowering under the dining room table,” John said. “Peter, what the hell is going on?”
“It’s a long story,” I replied. “And, I don’t think I want to go into it tonight.”
“Where’s Madison?” Sam asked, ignoring my request.
“Where’s Talen?” I asked, noticing that he was not with them. “I thought you guys were going to watch a movie together.”
“We did,” Sam said. “And afterwards, Talen said goodbye and went off to his place. I was just going to drop off John and head home myself when we came upon this scene.”
“Oh.”
“Peter?” John’s voice was calm and soothing. He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed, the pressure felt good, but it also made me realize that I was a little shaky on my feet.
“Yes?”
“Where is Madison?”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “It doesn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?” Sam demanded. “What do you mean you don’t know? What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”
I sighed. “She’s gone,” I said. “And, I think I need to sit down now.”
Sam was about to ask another question, but John held up his hand to silence him. “Peter, do you need anything…some water maybe?” John asked.
“Some water would be good,” I nodded.
“Sam,” John said. “Can you get Peter some water, please.”
Sam shot John an annoyed look, but did as he was told. John didn’t say anything while Sam was gone. He just watched me carefully, and I could tell he had gone into doctor mode. Sam came back and shoved a glass of water in my face. I accepted it gratefully and downed the glass in one shot.
“Would you like some more water?” John asked.
“No, thank you,” I replied.
I set the glass down on the porch and looked up at my brothers. “I have a favor to ask of you,” I said. “Of both of you.”
“Okay?” Sam said, as John nodded.
“If anyone comes over here to talk to you about Madison, say that she was out of town.”
“Even though she wasn’t?” John asked.
“Even though she wasn’t,” I nodded.
A sound caught my attention. “Is that whining?” I asked.
“It’s the dog,” Sam replied. “He’s been doing that since we got home.”
I got up and walked inside. Polo was hiding under the dining table. His brown eyes were filled with uncertainty and fear, and his body was shivering ever so slightly. I bent down so that I was at eye level with him and stretched my hand out.
“It’s okay
, boy,” I said gently. “Everything’s okay. Come out now.”
Polo looked at my uncertain, but I could tell he was longing for some comfort. I waited patiently until he was ready to come out and then I lifted him up in my arms. He was heavier than I expected, but I liked the feeling of having something to hold on to. I heard hushed voices out on the porch and knew that Sam and John were talking about me.
I slipped a little closer and strained my ears to better hear their words. John sounded concerned and Sam was indignant with curiosity.
“What do you think happened?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know,” John replied, in his calm voice.
“It looks bad, John.”
“I know.”
“There was a dead body in Madison’s house.”
“I know,” John replied softly. “It was a man’s body, though.”
“And, Madison’s not here,” Sam said. “Peter said she was gone…and he also told us to lie to the police.”
“I know.”
“You know what it looks like, don’t you?” Sam asked.
“Yes.”
Sam fell silent for a moment. “Peter has never bent the rules,” he said, after a long pause. “He’s always been extremely ethical.”
“I know.”
“But he cares about Madison,” Sam continued. “He may even love her.”
“Yes.”
“Then why is she not here?” Sam demanded. “If he had protected her, she should still be here.”
“Sam,” John said bracingly. “Don’t ask Peter any more questions tonight.”
“But-”
“He’s in shock.”
“How can you tell?”
“I just can,” John insisted. “He needs time to recover, to get his thoughts together and to process what just happened – whatever it was that happened.”
“I checked his eyes,” Sam said. “He wasn’t in shock.”
“Not that way,” John said. “I mean his mind is in shock. He’s reeling from that happened tonight. He’s had to make a decision that he’s not altogether comfortable with.”
“You mean, he turned Madison in?”
“I don’t know,” John said. “No more questions tonight okay?”
“Okay,” Sam agreed.
I walked into my bedroom and shut the door. Then I set Polo down and got into bed. Immediately, the dog jumped onto my bed and snuggled in next to me, as though he had already substituted me for Madison. Every time there was a noise, however, he lifted his head up as though he were looking for her.
“I have to call Madison,” I said aloud. I pulled out my phone, but it was still dead. I hooked it up to charge and was forced to wait for enough power to infuse into it before I could make a call or send a text. Polo was looking at me as though I had all the answers. At the moment, I wasn’t sure I was capable of giving any of the right ones.
“I remember when I took the oath to become a police officer,” I said, looking at Polo. “I was so young, too young to know anything about life, really. I had these idealistic views about serving, and for the most part, those idealistic views have served me well. Tell the truth, never bend the rules, do the right thing. That’s the code I believe in. That’s the code I’ve always followed.”
I looked at Polo, who blinked at me as though he were really listening. “But now… Now I don’t know anymore. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve lied, and I’ve broken every code I believed in. I think I’m doing the right thing, I feel I’m doing the right thing but who’s to know? I certainly don’t.
“The truth is, Polo… I’m scared. I’m scared of the future. I’m scared to lose Madison. And, I’m scared to compromise my ethics as a police officer. I’m scared of everything.”
After a moment, I broke out of my thoughts and laughed. “Oh God, I’m talking to a dog. What is happening to me?”
I stroked Polo’s head as he burrowed into my side as though he were searching for warmth. It was late, and I was tired. My body was sore, my limbs were aching, and my mind was still trying to process everything that had happened. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to sleep as soundly as I once had.
“Dad,” I whispered. “I wish you were here. Sometimes I need a father.”
My brothers were right outside, and I knew that if I went to them, they would give me all the support I needed. That was what we had always done for each other. But I wasn’t up to explaining everything to them. It was all too fresh in my mind, and I was scared that relaying it again aloud would mess with my head.
“It’s too late to go back now,” I told Polo. “What’s done is done. There is no going back now.”
I wanted to see Madison. I wanted to speak to her, hold her, and touch her. I wanted to feel the warmth of her body, and I wanted to savor that feeling. I didn’t know where she was and like I had said before, it didn’t matter.
I picked up my phone and checked the battery. It had charged only two percent, but it was enough for me to make a call. I let the phone charge as I bent down and dialed Madison’s number. It rang for a long time, but she didn’t pick up.
I felt a prick of worry ignite inside me. Why wasn’t she picking up? Was something wrong?
Suddenly a stray thought hit me and I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. What if she was deliberately not picking up? What if she had taken my advice to heart and she was leaving…not just leaving, but running? What if she simply disappeared with Victor and I never saw her again?
“Oh God,” I said aloud. “Have I just made a terrible mistake?”
I tried to remember what I had told her when I had asked her to take Victor and leave town. I tried to remember if I had given her any reassurances or made her any promises. I couldn’t remember anything specific that I had said. Would she trust me now? Would she listen to me?
I typed quickly into our personal chat. “Madison, come back to town tomorrow. Come to my house. Bring Victor with you. Trust me.”
Trust – the word lingered on my tongue. Trust was a tricky thing. It was a complicated thing. It was hard to give, but easily broken. It could make a relationship or break one.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Madison
“We’re really going back?” Victor asked for what seemed like the tenth time that morning.
“He told me to,” I replied, keeping my eyes fixed on the road ahead.
Victor fell into a deep silence, but I could feel every tenor of emotion he was feeling. There was worry and uncertainty, but chief among them was fear.
I wanted to reassure him. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be all right. But the truth was, I didn’t know myself. I was going back because Peter had sent a text in the night telling me to. He hadn’t said what had happened after we had left or what would be awaiting us once we got back to Fort Collins.
“Did you speak to him?” Victor asked abruptly. “I mean, did you actually hear his voice?”
I sighed. “No, Victor,” I replied. “I didn’t.”
“What about all the calls you received?” he asked. “Were they all from Peter?”
“I don’t know,” I said again.
In the clear light of day, everything looked different.
Last night, I had been prepared to clear out my bank account and run with Victor. But I had woken up with the clarity of distance. I would be giving up my entire life, including my college degree and any hopes of a better life. Not just that, Victor and I would be forced to keep a low profile, which meant we probably wouldn’t earn much in the way of jobs.
I was starting to realize that without the support of a healthy lifestyle, Victor would probably fall back into old patterns. Drugs were the most profitable business to get into. And if we were on the run, then it would probably be the easiest, too.
The alternative for Victor was jail, however, and I had yet to really consider that possibility. I knew I couldn’t lose him to a prison cell, but I had resolved that whatever a
waited us in Fort Collins, I would stand by Victor’s side and testify for him in court if I had to.
I was no lawyer, but I was already forming justifications and defense pleas in my head. It was self-defense, temporary insanity; it was a reaction to years of abuse at Kameron’s hands.
I glanced at Victor’s face. It looked a little better, but the bruises were still bright and prominent. His left eye had sealed shut the previous day and didn’t look like it was going to open anytime soon. He had a purple bruise snaking up his jawline and a yellow bruise on his right cheek.
“Let’s get some breakfast?” I suggested, as we came up upon a food stop.
“I’m not hungry,” he said with finality. “You can stop if you want.”
“Okay,” I nodded and just kept driving. I probably wouldn’t be able to hold anything down, either.
“Madison?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you know what Peter’s going to do?” Victor asked cautiously, finally addressing the elephant in the room.
I was silent for a long time. “Honestly, I don’t know,” I replied slowly. “He pulled a gun on you for grabbing me. I don’t know what he’ll do at this point.”
“And we’re going back because…”
As I had suspected, things had changed for Victor in the clear light of day, too. He had been ready to take the blame and the punishment for Kameron’s death last night. But now that daylight had sprung and his courage had left him, he was scared of the consequences.
I couldn’t blame him. I’d be scared, too. And I knew Victor well enough to know that he wouldn’t be able to survive jail. He didn’t have the temperament or the resilience for a place as unforgiving as jail was.
He had always had a habit of attaching himself to people who were stronger than he was, which meant he was under their protection for as long as they deigned to give it to him and for as long as he was useful to them. It had served him well over the years, but now, with Kameron gone, there was no one left to stand in front of him.
“Because he asked me to come back,” I repeated again. “And, he told me to bring you.”