by Naomi Niles
“It was wonderful, Aidan. I felt so happy seeing everything that you showed me.” I told him that I didn’t want to lose him as I dissolved into more tears. Aidan talked about the men that he worked with and how they were sick just like him due to exposure. They didn’t deserve it, but he did for all of the wrong that he’d done.
His pain tore my heart open as he told me about his aunt that had died from cancer after using the treatments that he tried to explain to me. I knew little about cancer since it hadn’t entered my world yet. From the way he told it, she’d only been sick and miserable in her last days. He didn’t want that for himself since his treatment was stronger than hers. This cancer was more aggressive than hers had been.
I argued with him. He was too young just to give in. He needed to fight for him, and I wanted him to fight for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered that I loved him as he pulled me closer.
“I want to, now. I never did before I met you,” Aidan told me as I pulled away enough to kiss him. It was messy, but he felt so good as he kissed me back and held me tight.
I promised him that I would fight for him and stay by his side. I could never leave him now, not since I knew what was going on. I vowed to find a way to make him get that treatment that he needed and fight to live. He had so much more to offer the world; he just needed to put a lot behind him. He needed to forgive his past and find happiness. Everybody wanted that for him but Aidan, so it seemed.
I would do anything, and I kissed him clumsily as I tried to convey my feelings through our lips. He’d heard my words, and it was up to him to decide to survive.
CHAPTER 34
Aidan
I cleared my soul, and we left the cemetery together as darkness was setting in. I felt like I had released a huge weight from my shoulders between talking to Mari, Kathy, and Elsa. I felt like if they thought I was a good person, then I just might be worth it. We grabbed some food from a local restaurant and ate it on the balcony looking at the stars as I told her about the constellations and their meanings. Elsa didn’t take those classes like I had and I longed to find a planetarium along the way to have her hear the stories and see the stars that weren’t visible tonight. She seemed to be still shaken by everything that she’d heard tonight but still had her curiosity about her. She seemed hopeful to me, and I needed that with such a risk to survive this cancer at all.
I would never forget her telling me that she loved me. It meant more coming from her than it ever had. I loved all of the women that had been in my life, but perhaps I was in a different place now and ready for it. There was still fear in my heart that I would only end up hurting her in the end if treatment failed but the way her blue eyes shined in the moonlight told me that she was willing to take that risk.
Elsa loved me. I would never forget that.
We cleaned up our trash and went inside of the room that was softly lit by a few lamps. Elsa had looked at me before she went into the bathroom. I heard water running, and she called me inside as she slipped her shirt over her head. “Take a bath with me, Aidan?”
“Of course,” I told her as she slid her jeans down and shimmied out of her panties. Damn, she was beautiful. I loved her so much, and I lifted my t-shirt over my head as she watched with unabashed desire. I stripped my body of my jeans and boxers, and she stepped forward as she lowered her head to kiss my scarred chest and arms. “These are a part of you, Aidan. Everything that you have to offer is a part of you, and I love every bit of it. I want all of you.” She dropped to her knees and took me into her mouth as I slid my hands into her hair. “Baby, you feel so good.” I knew that I never wanted another woman’s mouth on me or anyone but Elsa underneath me ever again. She was everything.
I told her that I was going to come, but she greedily kept me inside of her mouth until I was jerking forward and crying out her name. Elsa took it all as she stared up at me with her endless blue eyes as I gaze down at her. I lifted her to her feet and unclasped her bra as she stared at me before leading her to the tub to turn it off. It was getting full.
I found the button to turn on the jets and added some of the bubble baths that the hotel offered on the shelf. The room smelled of lavender and vanilla as we lowered ourselves into the seats and I held her close to me. My hand slipped over her pert nipples under the bubbles, and she sighed as her lips found mine. “Was that good for you?” Elsa murmured as we took a break to catch our breath in the steamy room.
“Everything with you is good for me, Elsa. You’re an amazing woman,” I murmured before our lips locked again.
“I am just a girl compared to you,” she whispered as my hand slid down her stomach and between her legs as she shuddered.
“You were always a woman to me. You always stood out from anyone else that I ever met,” I promised her as I kissed her again and began to stroke her firmly. Elsa lifted her feet to spread her thighs open, and I slipped two fingers inside of her as she leaned back and took shallow breaths. I loved watching her come. She moaned my name as she tightened around me and I felt myself harden as I watched her. I told myself to wait until we were out to take her the way that I wanted to and held her as she recovered from her strong release. This water felt so good, and I massaged her lower back as she dropped her head against his shoulder and sighed happily. She deserved this, and I wanted to fall asleep with her after being inside of her.
I was sleeping better with her than I ever had before. The nightmares were lessening and the ones I did have were controllable. Waking up in her arms was so reassuring to me apart from the night that I was alone on the couch and dreamed that I lost her. I remembered my fear and dismay when I woke up and thought that it was real, followed by the very real possibility of her leaving with her brother.
I thanked God that she was still here with me and willing to fight with me as she kissed me again. I moved her in front of me and massaged her entire back as she leaned forward onto her legs. We talked about our upcoming trip to the Grand Canyon, and she sounded anxious and excited as I described it to her.
I thought about how little credit I gave the good in the world after joining the military. After seeing such carnage, I stopped remembering the little things that filled me with joy as a kid and could only play back the bad memories in my mind. I didn’t appreciate my relationships any further, as seen in what happened with Melissa and Angela. They both deserved far better than what I had to offer, and I hoped that Angela would find love again. As strong as she came off, I knew that the pain from our loss was still very present in her memories. I only connected pain with the military now that Joe was gone and the others that I’d been close to were ill just like me. I didn’t credit them for being my brothers away from home and sticking with me through some of the hardest times that we would ever see. I vowed to contact them and make things right again. They weren’t dead yet and had so much will to survive, and I never wanted to lose the chance to say what I felt again. I didn’t want to lose any more chances.
Being with Elsa was so easy, so effortless. I could just feel it in my heart that we were meant to be together, and I thanked God for allowing me to find her. I acknowledged that I had to go through everything that I’d experienced to find her and she was one of the best things that I could ever hope for in my life.
I helped her out when the water started to cool off and dried her with the soft towel as my eyes took in her bare form. Her pretty pink nipples hardened under my gaze, and I slipped the towel over her firm stomach and licked my lips. Elsa met my eyes, and I lowered myself to dry her legs as I moved between her legs to lick her slowly. She was wet in every way possible, and I pushed her onto the counter gently before I spread her legs apart and feasted on her while she slipped her hands into my hair and pulled me closer. “Aidan, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.” I pushed my tongue deeper inside of her, and she came again as I drank her in and kept her slow orgasm going. I would spend my life pleasing this woman if God allowed it.
I got myself dried off, and we made
our way to the bed in the dim room. She crawled on before me, and I followed her as she laughed and dropped onto her back. My lips found her mouth and then her neck as Elsa wrapped her arms around me.
I sucked her nipples between my lips as she shuddered and arched her back. Elsa was natural at making love with me, and it was never awkward. She was perfect for me since the first time, and none of that passion had faded even with all that we’d gone through. Hell, it was stronger, and I struggled as rushed to get a condom from my bag and over me before I took her with one deep thrust. Her feet peer pressed against my chest as I drove myself into her fast and hard and she cried out for more. “Aidan, Aidan…oh yes. Yes!” We came together as I rocked against her and stared down at her flushed body and hooded eyes and knew that she was it for me.
Elsa fell asleep before I did pressed against me in the way that she loved as she closed her eyes. Every part of her was touching me, and I realized that I’d never liked cuddling as much before. I couldn’t sleep, though. I kept thinking about war and loss and pain as she breathed easily in my arms. I thought about death and wanting to live as I played back what she’d said to me at the cemetery.
I knew that Marion was gone, and I had to let her go completely. What mattered now was the present, and I looked down at Elsa’s face as I smiled softly. She believed in me completely when I had never allowed that for myself. I hadn’t given anyone else the chance either.
I woke her up gently a few hours later, and she murmured my name as she slowly blinked and looked around. “Aidan? Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay, baby. After we make this trip tomorrow, I am going to talk to a doctor. I am going to get the treatment. “Do you really want me?” My voice was soft as she gave me a beautiful smile and nodded.
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything, Aidan. Thank you for this. I can’t wait for our future,” Elsa told me as she pulled me down for a kiss. I watched her as she fell back to sleep with a smile on her face and I finally felt peace settling around me in the room. Everything was going to be okay, and I was going to do this. With Elsa by my side, I could do anything, and I breathed in the scent of vanilla deeply.
I kissed her forehead and fell asleep as I felt her leg slide around mine to lock my body against hers with a smile.
CHAPTER 35
Elsa
We made love in the morning before we even made it out of bed, sweet and slow. I had to shower to tame my wild hair, and Aidan went to get some coffee and muffins while I jumped into the spacious stained glass shower. I used the products that Angela had given me and smiled as I thought back to her house. That had been both wonderful as well as hard on both of us, making me shudder as I remembered our drive here. It had been one of the worst days of my life, but now we were stronger. We were going to move forward together.
I got out of the shower and remembered Aidan’s words to dress comfortably for this trip. I picked out my clean pair of skinny jeans and a red camisole with a cream button-up shirt over it and tied at my waist. I smiled as I remembered the woman that did my make up for me telling me to take care of my skin and applied the cream she’d given me for free before I put on the barest hint of makeup over it. Aidan made me feel beautiful without it, and I braided my hair in a loose braid over my shoulder as I gazed into the mirror. “You look gorgeous, Angel,” I smiled at Aidan in the mirror as he handed me a coffee. I gave him some space to shower before we left and drank my coffee as I nibbled on my muffin on the balcony in the warming air.
He came out and wrapped his arms around me before he suggested heading over to the train. There were a few families and other people gathered and Aidan got our tickets while I looked over the hills in awe. He returned, and the whistle blew as he led be to the train by the hand. We found a seat by the window, and he moved me beside him so I could see the best as he kissed my hair. I was so happy that he’d picked this train as it started even as I trembled a little bit in fear. I’d never been on a train and the speed that it was gaining gave me a rush as I gave Aidan a nervous smile. “We’re fine, Elsa. Enjoy this…every part.” He whispered as I looked out and watched as the hills turned into deep valleys with water and trees along with rocks. It was stunning, and I pressed myself against him tightly as I took it all in with a big smile. I tried to take pictures, and I was thrilled when Aidan showed me how to take a video to remember this by. Not that I would ever forget it. If this place was so beautiful and just one place, what else was there to see in the world? “This is everything that I thought it would be and more,” I whispered to him as he chuckled and kissed my hair again.
“It’s something. It makes you feel small somehow, doesn’t it?” Aidan asked as I shook my head.
“It makes me feel invincible, Aidan. It makes me want to see everything that I can.” He pulled me closer, and I leaned my head against his shoulder as I breathed him in. I was so in love with him, and the risk of his treatment entered my mind again as I allowed a moment of self-doubt to fill my mind. I could still lose him. There had to be more that I could do than just fighting with him, and ideas started forming in my head as I smiled to myself.
We enjoyed the ride with a light lunch midway through and talked about all that we were seeing. Once the ride ended, I bounced off of the train and dragged him by the hand to the first place that I saw people. It was an overlook that looked over an enormous part of the valley, and I sucked in my breath as I looked over the edge with his arms around me. “You’re not scared of heights, are you?” Aidan asked me as I shook my head. He laughed and told me that he didn’t think I was scared of anything. I didn’t even know how high we were, but it had to be hundreds of feet.
I took several pictures of the scenery as we made our way around to see different parts of the canyon. Aidan balked at the walkway that extended over the canyon, but I scampered over it like a little kid as he reluctantly followed. The view below us was intense, and he shook his head with a smile as I wrapped my arms around him. “Is my big military man scared of this?” I teased as he smiled and shook his head.
“Look down. It’s infinite,” he told me as I did and realized that we were so far above the ground right now. It was scary in some ways but to me, it was nothing compared to what I’d faced so far with him. We walked around and took pictures and a sweet family of four offered to snap one of us as we leaned back against the railing together. Our arms were wrapped around each other, and we were smiling as the woman smiled and shook her head. “You two look truly in love,” she told us as her toddler tugged on her hand. “Enjoy the time alone. These take up a lot of energy.” Her smile showed how happy she was as she gazed at us and Aidan nodded.
“Not too long, “Aidan teased as I grinned and she laughed. “I wouldn’t mind twins.”
“You’re young. You could keep up.” Her husband called her as he stood at the railing with their older son and she told us to have a good time as she handed my phone to me. I turned and hugged him as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Twins? Did you see how busy those two were at Melissa’s?” I laughed as he spun me around.
“We’re going to get through this, Elsa. We’re going to have the most beautiful babies and the best life. You’ve made everything worth it to me again.” He kissed me as I stilled under him and prayed for his words to come true. I wanted him forever and losing him would hurt more than anything in my life ever had before. I couldn’t focus on the low success rate, and I happily took his phone as he finished taking a picture and handed it to me as he told me that he had to use the restroom.
I put my plan into action. I glanced up to see him disappearing into the men’s bathroom and opened his text app to see the messages from the men. I opened each thread and made sure that was who it was before I sent what I’d been planning over the course of the train ride. There was a total of three men contacted that promised they would help me with the rest, and I closed the phone after I was done, just in time for him to come back over to me and kiss me. “Want to catch a shutt
le and head down to see more close-up?”
I nodded and kissed him again before we got into the line for the bus. We got a seat in the back, and he kissed me hard and long as we drove the road down into the canyon as the driver filled us in on some of the things to see. There was wildlife as well as rivers and waterfalls to see, depending on how much we wanted to walk. Aidan asked me if I wanted to stay the night and look at the stars as I whispered ‘yes’ and kissed him again.
We joined some people on some hikes and saw the Colorado River as it rushed over the rocks and onto the small shores. Aidan was still in good shape, and I resisted the urge to ask him if he was up to this since I trusted him now. I didn’t imagine that he would hide anything from me, and I took his hand and followed him along to see some waterfalls deep into a moderate hike. We headed to one of the lodges for some cold water and rested as settles on a couch and talked about what we’d seen.
Aidan surprised me by telling me he’d reserved a room from the get go, and I smiled. We had packed a small bag just in case, and he had been carrying it along with us since it was just a backpack. He took me to the desk, and we got our key, and he led me to the room as I laughed. It was a simple room, but the view was stunning as I looked out of the window and over the rocks in the canyon. There was even a small balcony, and I felt Aidan behind me. “How did you get this room?” I asked as I remembered all of the people that were here. There was well more than the rooms offered, and he smiled as he explained that he was lucky, and there was a cancellation early on. “Thank you,” I told him as I turned in his arms and kissed him softly. We fought the urge to make love again and left the room to finish looking around together before dinner.
Aidan got us down to the water, and I sat down and watched as people slipped off their shoes and walked through it. Aidan convinced me, and I slipped my shoes off before wading over the stones and feeling the cool water nip at my ankles. I rolled my stretchy pants higher and followed him just a little deeper as he held out his hand. We played for half an hour before we let our feet dry and made the hike back to some of the overlooks and then the lodge.