“Tomas can’t travel in the sunlight. His ghostly form materializes at night when the shadows are deepest. He’s a phantom, but retains his vampiric traits when corporeal.”
“Not. Our. Problem.” Each word was bit out so forcefully I’m surprised he didn’t spit incoherent syllables.
“I have to go now.” I tilted my head back to gauge his reaction. “And you can’t come with me.”
Breandan stared over my head. I winced hearing his back teeth grind. “You are doing this because of last night. We spent time together, and I thought you were happy. I misread you.” His face twisted in confusion. “Though we slept through it, today was the best of my life. I woke in my bed, turned, and there you were. I cannot express how that made me feel.” His eyes narrowed in pain. “Now you leave me. You did not enjoy our time together?”
I cupped his face. “More than anything.”
“Give me the reason you act this way?”
I couldn’t speak. Him choosing to come with me triggered a future worse than the one set off if I asked him to go with me.
Latching onto my silence as a chance to coax me into his way of thinking, he stroked my back, and applied steady pressure until we took a jerky step closer to his dwelling, and further from the boundary.
“Come home,” he pushed. “We will talk. Just come home with me.”
My hold on his face tightened in reluctance then let go. Maybe if I repeated the same words enough they’d sink in. “I love our home, but I have to leave–”
“No!” The panicked outburst rocked his body. “Not this again.”
“Please make this easy. Please.”
“Tell me what is happening.”
Dampening a wave of emotion that brought tears to my eyes and a tremor to my voice, I kept my face impassive. “No.”
“Let me help.”
“Your family needs you here.”
“They will find their way.”
“Lochlann is scared.” I attempted a different approach. “The Tribe is falling apart because they don’t trust him.”
Breandan rubbed the middle of his forehead. “This is what he wanted.”
“They’re rejecting him because of you. Because of what you convinced him to do.”
“They are upset because he has feelings for a vampire.”
“You’re sure?”
His gaze wavered. “He was responsible for your death.” After a moment’s silence, his face reddened. “Partly responsible. He would not dare deny me the chance to bring you back.”
I touched his face. The stroke ended with my finger brushing the tip of his ear. I traced the curved shell hoping the caress would soothe him and diminish the severity of my words. “Consequences of the resurrection will hurt those who participated. Nobody gets a free pass.” I kept my gaze steady. “Lochlann suffers because of what you did. Your sacrifice was immense, but nothing compared to what he faces losing.”
“Nothing?” Face slackening, he put distance between us. “Rae, I cannot touch anyone without withering the life within them. Anything that lives dies at my hand. It feels … it feels….” Shoulders drooping, he directed his empty stare heavenward.
What he couldn’t bring himself to say is that it killed him. Someone who fought for life, and revered it above all was cursed to end it with a single touch because he’d resurrected someone destined to give life.
“The only thing I can touch and not hurt is you.” He winced. “And you leave me.”
“Your family needs you,” I pressed, ignoring the feeble quality sucking the passion from my voice. I sounded hollow. “Mine needs me too.”
“Cael.” He spat the word. “You are going to him after what he did. Why?”
“He needs me.” Brave face discarded, I broke and leaned into him. “Please understand. He needs help. He does.” I nodded when nothing but sceptic thoughts reflected in his expression.
“Tell me the real reason I cannot come.”
If Breandan discovered the Loa were at the Coven Wyld there’d be hell to pay. “I can’t.”
His eyes turned bitter. “I am not oblivious. I know Tomas wants you.”
“Breandan. No.”
“Why are you so desperate to leave me?” Mouth distorted in a snarl, he grabbed my shoulders. “Tell me.”
“It’s not Tomas, it’s you. I’m cleaning up your mess.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Rae
Flinching, Breandan made a pained noise.
The moment the words wrenched from me the dull ache in my chest lightened, but my stomach knotted. “I take it back.” I bent a bit. Regret manifested as physical pain. “I take that back.”
“It was the truth.” Movement slow and jerky, he let me go. “Do not be afraid to speak the truth.”
A tear slipped past my defences and rolled down my cheek. “There was balance. I died for balance, yet everything is screwed up because I’m here. Because Obe manipulated the situation.”
I scrubbed at my cheeks, hating how stuffy and hot my head felt.
It wasn’t fair.
Papa Obe helped me after Roland rescued me from the Temple and the Sect torture. In Breandan’s place, I would’ve extended my trust to him.
Realizing Brenadan needed more to let me go, I said, “I have to stop Cael from joining the Loa. You, Cael, and me are the only beings powerful enough to fight them. Cael aligning himself with them means it’s over, Breandan. We fail. Our loved ones suffer, horribly, for a long time before another is born that might save them.”
“We will fight,” he said hoarsely. “Until we have nothing left to give. Together. We are stronger if we fight side by side.”
I rested my head on his chest and gripped the edge of his waistband. The beat of his heart was quick and strong under my ear. The booming sounds the most significant in my world, a powerful reminder to remain committed.
“We can’t fight if we’re destroyed. Not dead, destroyed. If the Loa overpower us there’ll be nothing left of us.” I risked much telling him, but I had little fight left. He knocked my barriers down. “Ana won’t be able to summon us back.”
“You know this.” Arms finally lifting, he hugged me and angled his head down to aim me a look so deep, I swear, the back of my brain tingled. “You are not guessing. You know what is going to happen.” My eyes drifted from his. Snapped back when he murmured, “Ana. You can only be so sure if Ana told you.”
My heart skipped a beat, and my hands turned damp. He encroached too close to the truth.
Running my hands up his body, I placed my hands either side of his neck and raked my nails down his throat. “Your family needs you. Maeve is struggling with being Priestess. I thought she’d handle it. She’s got a huge decision to make when it comes to her relationship with Alec, and soon. Don’t you want to support her? Lochlann isn’t making it easy.”
“Do not leave me to go with him.” With feverish, bright eyes, he rocked back on his heels dragging me another step. “He will betray you.”
I guzzled air, each inhalation a battle won. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
I tugged his arms from around me. He let go, but hesitated.
Crowding closer, he rubbed a lock of my hair as if afraid I’d vanish from lack of contact. “This hurts me.”
“Don’t. Not when you know I want to stay.”
Breandan’s stroking hand curled into a fist. “If you leave with him, I am done.” His energy intensified. For the first time, he tried to use it to intimidate me. “If you leave me and go with him, I will not follow. Not this time.” His nature beat against mine until I flinched with each bitter word. “I will do everything in my power to free myself of you.”
As a godling, his power equalled mine. A gift from our bond he’d tainted into a curse – for me.
Blaming him for reacting to his desperation was something I would’ve done following my weaker instincts.
Instead, I allowed submission.
My power receded, and his swelled to dom
inate. I withered. Gasped as his power drained mine. My skin turned ashen. Brittle and thin, my hair lost its shine, turning dull and stringy. Vitality infused by my presence leeched from the air, and the lush flora died.
He must see I’ll die if he forces me to stay.
A physical representation of the future that loomed would impress that upon him.
Realisation dawned in his eyes. Holding on he looked down in shame. Unbearable seconds later, he shuddered. His hand unclenched, and slipped from tangling in my hair to cup my face. “Forgive me.”
“Always.”
“I did not mean for this to happen. You gave up. You left me here alone. What else was I supposed to do?”
“Breandan I don’t blame you.” Body healing the damage, I worked my tongue around my mouth. My throat was dry and voice scratchy because of it. “Understand I have to set right what we’ve put wrong.”
“I do not want you anywhere near him. He is evil.”
“Nobody showed Cael any different. He was a child and my family abandoned him. He needs love. Acceptance. He needs a defender, and I can be one for him. Conall can’t. And I don’t want to make my Elder feel guilty for what he can’t give.”
Ruddy colour stained Breandan’s face. “I did not mean Cael.”
Pulling his head down, I nuzzled his cheek. “I know.”
A turn of the head and I captured his lips. He resisted for all of a second before kissing back, lips branding mine. His thumb rubbed between the peak of my jaw and earlobe. Scraping my lip with his teeth, his tongue struck. Lashed until my own swelled and throbbed, hit back, and got tangled up.
Hands splayed on his stomach, hard ridges of flesh that tensed under my touch, I groaned and rubbed my self against him.
I wanted him naked and smiling and laughing rather than unhappy at my departure.
Our hips connected then rocked together. He sucked in air, and exhaled in a breathy rush that made my lips tingle. Thrusting his hands into my hair, he massaged my scalp. The drugging effect of my hair being played with made my head lolled to the side. I fairly swooned, languid and compliant in his arms. “Ugnhuh.” I made a half-hearted attempt to slow things down, but he hoisted me closer. Caressed my hips in slow, teasing strokes. “Hmmm.”
A thumb found the stretched indentation of my spine and pressed there. Warm fingertips teased the leather ties at the side of my tunic until they unravelled.
A calloused palm swept over my back. Ran back down spreading heat along the way.
The insistent tugs on my leggings dragged them lower on my hips.
Sternly telling myself there was no time, I eased back.
Breandan did something with his lips and tongue that made me go cross-eyed. I melted, surrendering without another protest.
Hell, I started pawing at the leather ties keeping his trousers up.
He kissed me so forcefully my upper back bent and bumped against something. Didn’t care to look at what, too busy delighting in the feel of his hot flesh getting hotter at my touch.
Two broad palms landed on my ass. I lifted off the ground with a jerk and was pressed against the solid thing at my back; a roll of the eyes revealed it was a tree.
Moaning softly, I locked my ankles at the small of Breandan’s back.
Chuckling at my eagerness, he bent and licked the hollow of my throat. Tickled it with flicks of his tongue. I wiggled with pleasure. The squirming shifted me higher up the tree, and rough bark abraded the sensitive membrane of my wings. Ignoring the sting of the scrape, I threw my head back to laugh breathlessly.
Our amusement didn’t lessen the intensity of the moment. The low laughter was intimate. His laughter? High Gods, it’s stunning. Deep and rich peals of sound vibrated my chest and stroked me with phantasm hands inside out.
My brows drew together when a cold touch fondled the column of my throat. A heavy-handed touch that was overly possessive.
Eyes popping wide, I started. My gaze scanned the gloomy forest, paying particular attention to the black spaces between the stout trunks and fat branches. I tried to see into the misted undergrowth, and felt stupid when nothing jumped to reveal itself.
Uneasiness cooled my desire somewhat. I felt….
Expanding my senses, I stifled a squeal when the ethereal touch dipped lower. Cold fingers trailed across skin damp from Breandan’s wicked tongue. “Stop.” I pushed Breandan’s shoulders. They pinned me in place as he kissed his way down my neck and chest. His hands busy stroking my thighs and trying to wriggle me from the skin-tight leather.
Tomas’ presence darkened the shadows. Thickened the air. He was spying. Touching me. I hid my anger, knowing Breandan would lose his mind if he sensed the vampire taking such liberties.
Another push and Breandan dropped me to the ground. Straightening, he wrapped his hands around my upper arms. Eyes hot, he stared a question, gaze drifting to appreciate the rumpled view before snapping up only to drop again. Mouth crooking in a sexy curve, his lips parted, but he paused and tensed.
Another unnaturally isolated chill stirred close by.
An ill-timed reminder I dallied too long.
Hissing, Breandan let go then adjusted his clothes in agitated movements. Thrusting a hand through his mussed hair, muttering a curse, he paced arguing with himself then spun, and dropped to his knees. “Stay.” Fumbling fingers retied my tunic. “I am begging.”
Dismayed, my face fell. We’d gone full circle to the beginning of the argument. I batted at his hands and fixed the ties myself. “Stand up.”
“I meant it. Leave with him and I will not follow.”
I turned on my heel. Forced myself to walk. “Good.”
Feet leaving the ground, kicking, I was hauled by the middle and spun mid air. Face thunderous, Breandan shook me so hard my teeth rattled.
My head cracked back and forth. “Stop.”
“You will listen to me now.”
“Say-so.” I slapped his chest with both hands. “Let go.”
Visibly controlling his temper, he did and crossed his arms over his chest. Somehow, he made the move seem defensive as if I’d shaken him. “You do not get to throw me aside. It is alright to put the one you love first.” He swallowed hard. “Put me first.”
“That’s all I’ve ever done.”
He flashed a cold, insincere smile. “When you fought to save the vampire that was putting me first?”
I recoiled as if slapped. “That’s not fair. I fought because I didn’t see his death as a path to happiness with you.” The disgust in his voice made me shake. Breandan’s behaviour couldn’t have astounded me more if he dropped fang and bitten me. “I chose you. End of story.”
“I won. The choice wasn’t yours to make.”
“You killed him because you weren’t sure I’d choose you?” I got angry. Higher gods be damned if I wouldn’t hit back when verbally slapped. “You don’t know anything.”
His stare was flat. “You ruin us. Does he mean that much?”
He wanted to argue.
I didn’t.
“I’m being awfully clear.” I kept eye contact. “I don’t want him now or in future. I am with you. Simple.”
“Not simple. He wants you vulnerable to take advantage. By leaving with him, and pushing me away, you set us to fail.”
“Damn is your opinion of me low. You must think it’s so easy to gain my love if all it takes is for me to feel a little vulnerable before–why are you nodding your bloody head?”
Stilling, Breandan opened his mouth, but closed it when my eyes bugged, and my head snapped back in shock and indignation.
“He wants you,” Breandan said. “He will wait until you are at your lowest to pounce. That is his nature. Yours is to overlook liberties until it is too late.”
“In the past Tomas has acted wrongly. The past. I don’t believe he’d act so crappy now.”
Breandan scrubbed a hand over his face, expression edged with annoyance. “He plots to steal you from me.”
“An
d I’m flat out telling you, you’re wrong.”
“He told me this. He sought me out and swore he would do everything to make you see he deserved a chance.”
“You both rub each other the wrong way. Tomas is teasing you, Breandan. Poking sore spots trying to make you jealous.” I paused. “You’re letting him get to you.”
Face blanking, he blinked then scowled throwing up his hands. “I have given you my body. My life.” He made a forceful gesture, a quick cut of the hand. I heard the whistle of air. “I have nothing left to give but a promise of eternal love. Still it is not enough. I tell you a male is trying to steal you away, and you defend him. What about me?”
“You’ll regret this. What you’re saying now, all these accusations, you’ll regret them. You’ll see you got it wrong and that it’s unfair to twist what’s happened to manipulate me into doing what you want.”
“Put me first.”
“I do. Am.”
“You put me first when you ran after Devlin? Avenging a girl ready to break the circle during your resurrection and leave you trapped in the fire.”
“Lex is – was – my friend. Family. You’d do the same for your family.”
“My kin,” he roared, “struggle look at me in the eye and are horrified at what I have done for you.”
“I’m sorry. I am.” I lifted my hands in bewilderment. “Does that make it better? I can talk to them. Try to make them see–”
“It does not matter. What does matter is that by doing this, you are making them right. Their disgust in what I have become will be warranted.”
“What you are is honourable. You fight for what you believe in. Be proud of that. I am.”
He shook his head, ignoring my praise. “You risked both our lives when we could not touch and ease the bond.” His voice turned bitter. “Instead of listening to my voice and fighting to stay alive you–” His breathing hitched. “You pushed me away and gave up. That was putting me first?”
“Sorry,” I blurted again. Seeing him so tormented and fierce disturbed me. “I’ll fix this. I can fix this when I get back.”
“I will not let you toss me away without telling you to fight for us. Staying silent would be cowardly. Weak. And I am not weak, Rae.” His chin lifted. “I am strong. A warrior. You treat me poorly.”
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