“Kitchen. She’s setting out snacks sent over in a huge gift basket from Uncle Rudy.” Jace grinned. “Looks like you taught the old bird a lesson.”
“Great. Then we should all start the New Year with forgiveness in our hearts.”
Jace chuckled. “Sure. Until the next time Rudy screws up. Then Carter and I are going to send you back to deal with him.”
Ava took her brother aside. “Jace, would you watch Charlie for me for a few minutes? Maybe set out a game all the kids can play together? I need a few minutes alone with Mama.”
“No problem. Maybe I’ll even play, if the game is easy enough.”
Before Ava could get to the kitchen, Cora came out with a tray of crackers, cheese and Christmas cookies. She set it down on the coffee table and looked at Charlie. “Who is this little angel?” she asked.
“He’s one of the residents at Sawtooth,” Ava explained.
“Welcome, darling,” Cora said. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“Can I have a cookie?” he asked.
“You may have one, maybe two. But no more or you will spoil your dinner.” Charlie responded with a nod and a longing look at the tray of goodies.
“Mama, I need to talk to you...alone,” Ava said. “Can we go in the kitchen?”
“Sure, Ava. Kayla and Miranda are upstairs doing some last-minute wrapping, and Carter and Kayla’s dad are taking turns riding the horse. We won’t be bothered.”
Cora sat at the kitchen table after bringing a cup of coffee to Ava. “Is something wrong, sweetheart?” her mother asked. “You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“I’m fine,” Ava lied. “And I hope that what I’m about to tell you is good news. It is for me. It concerns Charlie and Noah and me. And a history that seems pretty bizarre to me, and I lived through it.”
“Start at the beginning,” Cora said.
Ava told her about the night in the cocktail lounge. Cora’s brow furrowed and she frowned. “Oh my, Ava, that doesn’t sound like you.”
“I know. And the man I...was with that night is Noah. We parted company, and I never thought I’d see him again.”
“Okay. I understand so far,” Cora said.
“Good.” Ava took a deep breath and admitted the details about Noah’s marriage and her own regret when he left her that night. “But the thing is—” she swallowed “—I was pregnant.”
“What?” Cora leaned across the table and covered Ava’s hand. “Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell someone? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was ashamed, unsure of what to do, unable to get in touch with Noah, and truly I didn’t want to tell you. I was torn between feeling sorry for myself and a determination to take care of everything without help. In the end I decided to have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
Cora sniffed loudly. “That must have been a heartbreaking decision.”
“It was. But at the time it was also the right decision. The baby went to a wonderful home. I followed his progress through letters and pictures. And then the unthinkable happened. His parents were killed in a freak plane crash. I heard about it and arranged for the child to be brought to Saw...”
Ava stopped when she realized her mother was openly weeping. “Oh, Mama, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” She got up, took the chair next to her mother and put her arms around Cora.
“I just feel so bad for you, Ava. You went through this alone. I would have helped.”
“I know, Mama, but I couldn’t ask. Don’t cry for me, please. I’m okay. In fact...”
“I’m not just crying for you, Ava,” Cora said. “Some of these tears are happy ones.”
Ava waited until her mother had wiped her eyes and regained some control. “I’m crying because it’s come full circle, sweetheart. You have your son with you now, and Charlie is that boy.”
Ava couldn’t speak, so she just held on more tightly to her mother.
Cora blinked several times and blew her nose, and then asked Ava for a glass of water.
“Mama, you never disappoint me,” Ava said, bringing the glass to the table. “I didn’t know for sure if you would understand why I did what I did, but I felt sure you would try to.”
“I love you, Ava. I will always try to understand.” She stared into her daughter’s eyes with the comforting love Ava had always relied on. “What are you going to do now, sweetheart? I sensed that you had feelings for Noah. Will you two get married?”
Ava shook her head. “No, Mama. That’s not going to happen.”
“He doesn’t know? You don’t love him?”
Ava felt her eyes begin to well up. She steeled herself with several deep breaths. “I told him last night. Maybe I should just say that he didn’t react as I’d hoped he would. He didn’t even say he wanted to get to know Charlie.”
Cora’s spine straightened like a stick. “What’s the matter with that man?” she asked. “Doesn’t he realize how amazing you are and how terrific that boy must be...?”
“Mama, we have to understand how this news affected Noah. Remember he had no idea...”
She was interrupted by Jace who just then came in the kitchen. “I hope you ladies aren’t talking about Noah. He’s standing out on the front porch.”
Cora stood, started toward the kitchen door. “I’ll take care of this, Ava. You stay here.”
Ava gave Jace a pleading look. He intercepted his mother’s determined path. “Oh no, Mama. He wants to see Ava.”
“I’ll go,” Ava said.
Cora looked disappointed. She was definitely ready to do battle for her oldest child. And Ava had never loved her more.
“All right, Ava,” she eventually said. “But if you need any help, you have a small army behind you in this house, and every soldier is on your side.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
AVA WALKED ONTO the porch, mindful of the gray clouds gathering again over the mountains. Because of the Christmas lights hanging from the eaves, the porch was bathed in a soft white glow. She spotted Noah looking out at the yard, his back to her.
“What are you doing here, Noah?”
He turned toward her. “Is there a place we can talk? It’s cold out here. Maybe the barn...?”
She remembered what happened the last time they were in the barn, the smiles, the kisses. “This is fine,” she said. “Have a seat on one of the chairs.” She picked up a throw from her mother’s swing. “You can use this if you’re cold.”
He waved off her suggestion. “Never mind. I can stand. Please, you use the blanket. I’ll be fine.”
“Suit yourself.” Ava wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and stood beside Noah at the porch railing. “You want to talk?” she said. “I have about five minutes before Mama serves Christmas dinner.”
He rested his crutch on a post and leaned against the railing. “Five minutes is very generous of you, Ava.”
She searched his words for sarcasm, but he seemed to be serious.
“I might not need all that time,” he continued. He stared at her for a few moments and began. “I’m looking at you now, the set of your lips, the spark in your eyes. You’re obviously angry, hurt, determined to make a family without me in it. Maybe you even hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” she said. “The rest? Okay, there is an element of truth in what you say.”
“I have a few points to make about all that,” he said. “And it’s not easy for me to get the words out.”
“It wasn’t hard for you to express your opinion last night, Noah. When it came to Charlie, you were perfectly clear.”
“I was shocked, rattled. At first I didn’t know whether to believe you. But I do now. I did then after the news sank in.” He looked like he might take her hands but she kept them folded under the blanket. “I’m sorry for the way I reacte
d, Ava. Truly. Since then I’ve thought of several things I might have said that would have been kinder.”
She didn’t argue. She wished he had said those kinder words also.
“Ava, I love you. I have since I walked into the café that day and confronted you about our past. Heck, maybe I have loved you since that special night we first met.”
He paused. Ava sensed him looking at her deeply, and it was all she could do to keep staring out over the ice-crusted lawn. Maybe it was the cold that was getting to her, but her breaths were becoming more difficult to take.
Could she finally trust him?
“I told you I tried to find you,” he said. “I didn’t deserve to see you, but I wanted to. I needed to.” His gaze stayed locked on hers. “And now I want to shout my feelings from the rooftops. Since that isn’t logical, I decided to tell the other incredible lady in my life.”
Ava turned to him. “You told Sawyer about us? About Charlie?”
“I did. You’re part of my life, Ava. And because of a quirk of fate, Charlie is part of my life. It’s only fair to Sawyer to let her know what’s going on. She won’t talk about this at Sawtooth. You may not believe this, but that kid has her own sense of family loyalty, which is pretty amazing since I’m her only family.”
“I believe it,” Ava said.
“And, for what it’s worth, she’s nuts about Charlie.”
“You’re wrong about one thing, Noah. I am not part of your life. You have no obligation to me, nor do I have an obligation to you beyond telling you the truth.”
His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you truly believe?”
“It is now. I had thought that perhaps... Well, it doesn’t matter now. My life has to be about Charlie. I owe him a home, a family, a chance for happiness among people who love him.”
He looked sad. But he needed to know that he’d hurt her last night. And he had to understand her priorities.
“And so,” he said, “because of our conversation, which I admit was awful, you’re assuming that I can’t contribute anything to Charlie’s happiness, his well-being?”
Ava drew the blanket more closely around her. She was shivering, but not from the cold. “You are the kind of man you are, Noah—a risk taker, a man who sees challenges as a way of life. And Charlie is the kind of boy he is—wounded, alone, confused.” She laughed bitterly. “I had thought that once you knew about Charlie, once you’d accepted that you have two children who need you, you would give up your job, your reckless hobbies. I was a fool for thinking that. I had assumed something that I know now is never going to happen.”
“It all comes back to that one little accident...”
“The one that could have killed you?” she said. “The one that left you unconscious while your daughter and the woman that was falling in love with you sat by your bedside and begged you to wake up—that accident, Noah?”
He shrugged and tried for a smile. “Can I have part of that blanket now?”
She opened her arms and let him wrap himself in the comfort of her mama’s old quilt. “Why are you smiling?” she asked.
“Because you were falling in love with me even then and I didn’t realize it. Sure would have saved me a lot of frustration if I’d known, but better late than never.”
“This situation was never about loving you,” she said.
He put his arm around her shoulders. “Funny. For me it’s always been about loving you. Of course, until last night I figured I only had to share that love with an obstinate fourteen-year-old. Now I realize I’m supposed to split it three ways.”
“But you don’t have to do that,” Ava said. “I’m letting you out of your parenting responsibilities. I’m letting you go, Noah, back to Chapel Hill, back to tall metal towers that seem to draw you in like a magnet, back to motorcycles, speedboats, even mountain climbing if that suits you. You can pretend you never heard of Charlie or of me. And it will be much easier for you to forget us than it would be for a five-year-old insecure little boy to lose another father.”
“So now you’re making decisions for me, Ava?”
“What? No. I’m freeing you...”
“On one hand I have Sawyer telling me to quit my job. On the other hand, I have you telling me to go back to it.” He smiled, looked up at the sky. “What’s a guy supposed to do? You both make a convincing argument.”
“You can’t make light of this, Noah.”
“Oh, I’m not making light of it. I’m trying to make sense of it. And I’m beginning to. I just learned of my new role last night, and I don’t want to screw it up for any of us.”
“Miss Ava?”
They both spun around to the front door where Charlie stood bathed in the light from the fireplace. Ava’s heart was filled with love for both of the males who stood near her. If only she didn’t have to let one of them go.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Miss Cora says it’s time to eat.” He stopped, stared at Noah. “Hey, you’re that man, the one who’s going to play soccer with me when his cast is off.”
Ava snapped her head back and stared into Noah’s eyes.
He chuckled. “You don’t know everything that goes on at that home, Miss Ava. Some things are just between us guys.” Then he bent slightly at the waist. “As soon as my leg is all better, buddy.”
Charlie stared at the cast. “How’d you hurt yourself?”
“Doing something I should have let someone else do. Someone younger, someone who’d been specially trained,” he answered.
He took the blanket from Ava’s shoulders and laid it on the chair. “Go on in, Miss Ava. Have a good time with your family. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He grabbed the crutch and hobbled down the steps to his truck. Before getting in, he looked back at the two of them and said, “Tomorrow, Ava.”
* * *
AVA THOUGHT TOMORROW would never come. All through Christmas dinner she laughed with her family, saw to Charlie’s needs, aware that her mother had taken each one of the adults into the kitchen and explained about Ava. What she had done and what she planned to do now. The family reacted as Ava knew they would—accepting, loving, making room for Charlie at the dinner table and in their hearts.
She was just waiting for word from Marjorie Marcos that Charlie was ready to hear the news that he would be part of a family again.
All through the opening of packages Ava thought about the day she could be Charlie’s mother. She would make the necessary changes in her life to accommodate him. Maybe she would even rent the house next door to Sawtooth where Charlie would have his own room. She’d loved the house from the first time Noah took her to see it. Once Noah was gone...
Yes, her heart ached for a lost love that had begun to grow into its potential. But she would fill the hole in her heart with Charlie. And what about Noah? She kept wondering. Could a man change overnight? She’d never known it to be true, but according to Cora, miracles happen every day.
Just before dusk, Ava and Charlie left the farm and drove back to Sawtooth Home. Charlie was sleepy, his head nodding to his chest several times on the way. Ava took the quiet time in the car to study the beauty that was her son—the dark, straight strands of his hair that were so like his father’s, the strong jawline so like his uncle Jace’s, the eyes that were unmistakably her own.
She couldn’t wait to start this chapter of her life. She would get over Noah if only because of her determination to make a home for Charlie. Still, as darkness fell over the mountains, she wished things could be different. She wished for a full, complete family of love and comfort and security. A girl could wish, couldn’t she?
* * *
TUESDAY THE TWENTY-SIXTH of December dawned with a sparkling clarity that made the world seem new and bright and hopeful. Classes had been canceled for the week at the school, and activities were planned for the children who had remained at Sa
wtooth over the holidays.
Ava watched the kids from her office window. She was always quick to pick Charlie out of the crowd. She’d grown so accustomed to his movements, the way his legs churned in the snow, the colorful rainbow of his hat. She supposed all parents instinctively knew their children and could pick them out from among many. Recognition was just a part of bonding.
At ten o’clock Noah came to her office. He said a quick hello, but seemed taken with something outside. “Look at that guy, will you?” Noah said from the window. “He’s not about to let a little snow slow him down.”
So, Noah knew, too. He’d picked his son out of the crowd. She couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ve come to a decision,” Noah said after a few minutes.
“I thought you might.” Her words were calm. Her heart was hammering.
He pulled a chair close to hers, sat down and took her hands in his. “Probably this should be more romantic, but if that counselor is right about our son, we don’t have all the time in the world.”
“What are you trying to say, Noah?”
“I want you to marry me, Ava. I love you. We’ve already established that fact and it’s something I’m certain will never change, along with the additional fact that we will raise two great kids.” He shook his head. “Yeah, definitely this should be more romantic. Sawyer would be kicking my butt about now.”
“You want to marry me?” The question held a world of disbelief.
“Yes. Today, tomorrow, whenever you decide. Just please marry me. I’ll propose again and do it better if it will make you trust and believe me. I’ll have a ring. I’ll get down on my knee. I’ll hire a skywriter.”
She managed a small chuckle. “Those things might help.”
“Just say yes, Ava. Say that what started in a bar in Charlotte led us to this day, this moment. I’ll never let you down again.”
Suddenly Ava was seeing Noah and everything through a lens of watery brilliance. She blinked hard. She wanted—she needed to see his face as if she would be looking at it for years to come.
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