A Fluffy Tale

by Ann Somerville

  His fingers brushed Zachary’s accidentally—he quickly moved his hand and smiled in apology. Zachary only glanced his way and then turned back to the screen. Julian tried to be more careful, not wanting to make this uncomfortable for the man.

  But then his fingers met Zachary’s again—and this time, Zachary didn’t move his hand in the least. Julian frowned a little and went to lift his own hand—only to find Zachary’s on top, trapping his. He stared at Zachary, but the man wasn’t looking his way at all. Very carefully not looking his way.

  Julian left his hand where it was. After a few moments, Zachary squeezed his fingers and then resumed his gentle stroking of the two kems’ fur.

  That destroyed any idea of him concentrating on the film after that, though he pretended to as best he could, for Leo’s sake. Every few seconds, Zachary’s fingers would brush feather light over his skin, as if by accident—but it was no accident. What Julian couldn’t figure out was what the guy was up to. Touches were significant things to Zachary—so why him, why now and why at all?

  The film was a mere hour and a half long—it felt more like five hours before the credits rolled. Leo and Zachary stood almost at once. Julian sat a little longer, feeling rather confused about what Zachary had meant by all that.

  “Well, goodnight, Zachary,” Leo said, as Nuji jumped up into his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow before you head out.”

  “Yes, you will. Thank you, Uncle Leo. Thank you both. It’s been the nicest birthday I can remember.”

  “Ah, wait until you see what I’ve got planned for next year. Julian, see you in the morning.”

  Julian waved as Leo left the room, then he stared up at Zachary. He opened his mouth to speak, but Zachary, his green eyes giving absolutely nothing away, put his finger to his lips and pointed to the floor, before picking up Linis and heading out. Julian gave him two seconds’ head start, then followed, Pyon tucked under his arm and being suspiciously quiet.

  The lower apartment’s door was open. He walked in and Zachary standing in the middle of the living room, hands curled into light fists, his eyes shadowed and unreadable.

  “What’s going on?” Julian demanded.

  “I…don’t know. I…touched you…by accident. Then I…I wanted to touch you again. I'm sorry.”

  Julian came closer, setting Pyon down. His kem ran over to Linis and then the two of them sat, heads tilted in an identical manner, watching the two humans. But Julian’s attention wasn’t on their kems.

  “Do you want to touch me again now?”

  “I…think I do. I don’t know why. I just…it’s like being hungry, but we just had that big meal.”

  He sounded aggrieved by this and Julian couldn’t help grinning. “I don’t think it’s your stomach that’s hungry.” He was now almost toe-to-toe with Zachary. He had only to lift his hand and he’d be touching the man. But he didn’t lift his hand, wanting this to be Zachary’s move.

  “I don’t know what to do, Julian. I don’t know what this feeling is. I don’t know why it is.”

  “I think you do. It has to be your choice.”

  Zachary stared, unblinking, right into Julian’s eyes. Julian could read nothing of his emotions, except that they were intense enough to make Zachary’s hand shake a little as he lifted it. He held his breath, waiting, wondering—what would he do?

  Zachary’s hand wavered, uncertain, until it came to rest on Julian’s chest, dropping quickly as if Zachary realised how personal such a gesture was.

  Julian caught his hand and held it. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “I don’t mind.”

  “But it’s not something you want.”

  “Would I be here if that was true? Zachary, you can read Linis, you can read me.”

  But Zachary was paralysed, unable to decide what to do, and Julian realised if he didn’t help, Zachary would never make that first step. So he made it for him, stepping further into Zachary’s personal space and putting his arms lightly around the man’s waist. Unmistakeably a hug but loose enough that Zachary could escape without a struggle or loss of dignity. If he wanted to. Did he?

  For a second or two, it felt like he didn’t, his body rigid and his expression tense. But then Zachary relaxed and lifted his hand again, this time to lightly caress Julian’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “This is okay?”

  “This is fine. Is it a good feeling? Me holding you?” Julian hoped so because holding Zachary like this was so sweet…so much something that he wanted to keep doing. But only if Zachary wanted it.

  “Yes. Yes it is, but I don’t know why. It should make me panic. It did before.”

  Linis trilled suddenly, making them both jump. Julian grinned. “I think he knows why.”

  “He’s been pushing us together for weeks.” Zachary frowned. “So has Leo. Are we being managed?”

  “I think maybe we are.” Julian reached up to cup Zachary’s jaw. “Do you mind?”

  “No. But I have no idea what to do now.”

  Julian caressed him a little. “I can’t stay, unless you come upstairs…”

  “I'm…not… Perhaps…not now.”

  “Not yet, no.” He leaned up. Zachary was three inches taller than him, which made this slightly more difficult…but the man realised his intentions and bent down a little. Julian brushed his lips against Zachary’s, a dry, sexless kiss that they could write off as friendly affection—if they wanted to.

  “Is that…my first?” Zachary’s forehead wrinkled as if he was disappointed.

  “No.” Julian leaned up again, and this time, did it right, his hand firmly behind Zachary’s sleek head, his lips intent and gently demanding. “This is.”

  Of course Zachary had no clue what to do, but Julian did, nibbling gently and teasing with lips and tongue, persuading an untutored mouth that this was a good thing, and something to do again. He almost grinned as he felt the firmness against his stomach, evidence through immaculate trousers that, virgin or not, Zachary was starting to work things out.

  He let the embrace go on, because Zachary felt good against him, against his lips, and Zachary’s arms around his shoulders told him that his companion wanted this. He’d never been this careful before—never needed to be. But this was too important to screw up.

  When he realised Zachary had become passive, no longer reacting, he loosened his embrace, expecting Zachary to push him away. But he didn’t. He just stared down, eyes confused. “I…that…felt good. But…I don’t want our friendship to change. This could change it.”

  “It could be good.”

  “It could be a disaster. You forget I'm a lawyer. I see the results of broken relationships all the time.” But still he kept his arms where they were.

  “So you think we should stop?”

  “I…don’t know. You do—why don’t you decide?”

  “Because there are two people involved. And two kems and one interfering old bastard we both love to bits.”

  Zachary nodded, and stepped away. Julian couldn’t help the pang that went through him, but perhaps Zachary was right to be sensible…

  “Maybe…we should think about it some more.”

  Linis whined. Julian turned around and wagged his finger. “Oh no you don’t. And not you either, Pyon,” he added as his kem squeaked. “This is too important. Zachary, we can take as long as you want. If you say stop, I won’t be upset, honest. If you say…go slow, I'm fine with that. You’re worth waiting for.”

  “I…appeal to you?”

  “Hell yes. You ‘appealed’ even when I hated your guts.” Zachary looked rather offended at that. “That was a long time ago. Yes, you appeal. Very, very much. But I'm not the only guy around. Are you sure you’re even gay?”

  Zachary blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. How would I tell? I never felt anything for anyone like this.”

  “Then maybe it’s just…you know, me being here. Opportunity and all that.”

  Zachary’s expression fell. “Oh. So this isn’t real? These feelings are�
��simply convenient?”

  Julian shrugged, feeling a bit of a prick for tripping up Zachary’s baby steps but wanting the man to be clear-headed enough to realise what was happening. “People fall in and out of love and lust all the time. The feelings are real…they just might not be permanent. And that’s fine. I don’t mind…you trying stuff out with me.” He kept his tone and his expression light. He had to convince himself what he’d just said was true—eventually.

  “You’re a friend. I can’t treat a friend like that. No. I won’t. Better…not to ‘try stuff’ with anyone than to treat them like a toy.”

  Julian sighed, stepped up and took Zachary’s hand. “I'm not a toy,” he said quietly. “I'm not a kem either. I can walk away, and I can sure tell you where to shove it—you already know that. You’ll still be my friend—if we can survive all that’s happened, we can survive…this. Whatever ‘this’ ends up being.” He leaned up and placed a kiss on Zachary’s cheek. “I'm going upstairs. We can talk over the weekend. Goodnight.”

  Zachary touched his cheek where Julian had kissed him, a distant expression in his eyes. “Good night…and thank you. For…a wonderful evening. All of it.”

  “You’re welcome. Taxi at seven tomorrow night to take us to the train station. I’ll see you then.”

  Zachary looked as if he wanted more but Julian was firm with him and himself, walking away and calling Pyon after him. He got the distinct impression the kems were disappointed. Too bad. They’d manoeuvred Zachary into position, and now it was up to him to take it from there.

  “But don’t think I'm not grateful,” he whispered to Pyon in bed that night, rubbing his nose against his kem’s soft tummy. Pyon trilled and curled up on his chest, licking Julian’s chin. Julian couldn’t help wishing it was Zachary’s tongue, and the man’s long body against him. Still…the kiss had been nice. More than nice. And to be repeated, with any luck.

  Chapter 10

  Not saying anything to Leo was hard, if only because Julian knew how delighted the man would be. But he was afraid of Leo pushing the way Linis and Pyon were, out of eagerness, and Zachary was too fragile for that.

  Somehow he managed to maintain discretion, and the afternoon was taken up packing for the weekend and making sure the attendants they’d booked for Leo were properly briefed. Julian still felt uneasy about leaving Leo, and if anything happened to him while he was off having fun, he’d never forgive himself. Leo dismissed all his fears and told him that he felt entirely content that Julian and Zachary would be out enjoying the crisp early winter while he was tucked up warm and comfortable at home.

  Zachary showed up just before seven, all packed and ready. Nothing in his manner or expression betrayed what had passed between them the night before, and he let Leo tease him as he always did. But when the taxi driver called to say he’d arrived downstairs, Zachary went to his uncle and squeezed his shoulder—Leo looked as surprised as Julian felt by the unusual gesture.

  “Thank you, Uncle Leo. For everything and for this.”

  “My dear boy. So little, so late.”

  Zachary glanced at Julian, then smiled at his uncle. “Not too late. We’ll see you Sunday night.”

  “With photos!”

  “Yes, with photos. Come on, Julian.”

  Zachary said not another word to him until they were in their seats on the train and supper had been served. The waiter left them to it, but Zachary didn’t pick up his knife and fork.

  “Something wrong with the food?” Julian asked. It was nothing amazing, but what did he expect on a train, even in first class?

  “No. I…uh…haven’t had much of an appetite today.”

  “Are you sick? Zachary, you should have—”

  Zachary held up his hand. “Not sick. Just…distracted.”

  Then he smiled, and Julian was lost in how very handsome he looked when he did that. The man was simply gorgeous. “Anything I can do?”

  “You’re doing it. You’re here. I'm…glad of that.”

  “Uh…me too.”

  Pyon stuck his head up from where he’d been hiding on Julian’s lap, and gave a loud, enthusiastic chirp. Linis, on Zachary’s shoulders, gave a wide yawn and then licked a long stripe up Zachary’s cheek.

  “I think it’s unanimous,” Julian said, straight-faced, and Zachary grinned. His grins were even more handsome than his smiles—and more precious for being so rare.

  They ate in silence, but their eyes met more than once, asking questions, seeking reassurances. The words backed into Julian’s teeth but he didn’t want to let them pass. Zachary was hardly rejecting him, but Julian already knew how easy it was to make him retreat into his shell. He didn’t want that. He’d become used to Zachary in his life and now he knew that he definitely didn’t want to lose him. The only question was in what way could he keep him—as a friend, or something…more.

  Their plates were cleared and they could relax now for the remaining hour of the trip. As soon as the waiter left, Linis jumped down from Zachary’s shoulder and stalked regally across the tabletop. He stopped in front of Pyon, licked his face, and then the smaller kem climbed up onto the table as well. Linis stepped down onto Julian’s lap—and Pyon went over to Zachary and mewled pathetically as if he hadn’t just had hours and hours of cuddles and attention. “Ingrate,” Julian muttered.

  Zachary picked Pyon up and looked at him severely. “I do know what you’re up to, you know.” He glanced at Linis. “And you.”

  Linis chirped quietly, his liquid golden gaze quite serene, before he head butted Julian’s stomach as if to tell him to get on with the required petting and adoration.

  What could he do but obey, when Zachary had already put Pyon on his lap and started to stroke him with the exquisite gentleness Julian had noticed from the very beginning. So strange that a man who could be so verbally harsh, was almost always so tender, so careful in his movements around the kems. And people, if truth be told. Even though he despised most of humanity, he didn’t show it in his actions. Julian wondered if it was a matter of genuine dislike, or if it was fear of what he didn’t understand. Maybe both.

  Linis was trilling, so was Pyon. Zachary had his eyes closed, an expression of contentment on his face. Julian could guess the reason, from the little bursts of pleasure he received from the man’s hands on Pyon’s body.

  He looked down at the beautiful kem in his lap. Linis looked disgustingly smug. Oh yes, you know exactly what you’re doing, you pair. But it was hard to resent something that made him feel so good—and wasn’t exactly harming Zachary either.

  It was a curiously intimate, sensual experience, sharing vicarious strokes this way. They didn’t speak, didn’t need to. They both knew what was happening, how it felt—and they both wanted it, which made the difference.

  A taxi to the hotel, check-in for two adjoining rooms, and up in the old, cramped lift. Zachary stared straight ahead, not saying a word. His expression had lost that lovely contentment, and Julian wondered what was going on inside that handsome, inscrutable skull. Second thoughts? Third, fourth and fifth thoughts? He tried to ready himself for the almost inevitable. Zachary getting cold feet wouldn’t break his heart, he told himself firmly. They’d still be friends and that was all that mattered.

  At Zachary’s door, Julian smiled brightly. “Bright and early then. See you at seven.”

  “Yes.”

  Zachary put the keycard in the door. Julian shouldered his backpack and wondered if the man would even be speaking to him tomorrow. Maybe they should talk now? “You know I could—”

  “You could stay if you—” Zachary stopped. “Sorry, you could…?”

  “Stay. Talk. Um…and, you know…talk.”

  “Like we did on the train? With the kems?”

  Julian flushed. “Um…we don’t need the kems, not exactly.” Pyon squeaked and Julian stroked his tail. “No offence, little fella.”

  “You, ah…?”

  Julian sighed, grabbed the keycard off his friend, and opene
d the door. “Just go inside, Zachary.” Otherwise they’d be dithering all night.

  He dropped his pack and took Zachary’s from his hand, setting it on the floor. “Come here,” he said firmly, holding his arms out and hoping like hell he hadn’t read this wrong.

  He hadn’t. Zachary had only been waiting for the invitation, and the arms that went around Julian’s shoulders were eager and affectionate, almost desperate. “I…I…had the strangest feeling all day. That I needed to do this. But I didn’t know how to ask you.”

  Julian pulled him down for a gentle, unassuming kiss. “Next time, just do it, okay? Because I wanted it too. You’ve been stroking my…kem…for over an hour. Man, I really wanted to hold you.”

  “My…kem…was rather stimulated too.”

  Julian pressed against him, felt the proof hard against his stomach. “It sure was. I'm sleeping here tonight. Is that all right with you?”

  “Uh…” The man’s eyes darted nervously towards the bed.

  “Sleeping, Zachary. Maybe some more of this…” He kissed him again, this time with a little more energy. “And a lot more of this holding stuff, but we’ve got nine hours to get eight hours sleep and I want more than an hour to…um…”

  “De-virginise me?”

  Julian blinked in shock. “You…you want that? Now? Here?”

  “Julian, I might not be experienced but you and Leo have been force-feeding me romantic films for months. I do know what usually comes next…uh…doesn’t it?”

  He was so damn cute when he was confused. “Usually,” Julian said, grinning up at his companion. “But not necessarily, and not necessarily this weekend. Right now, bed and sleep.”

  “And…this,” Zachary said, bending and giving Julian a clumsy, sweet kiss that did weird things to the pit of his stomach.

  “Yes—and that.”

  Considering Zachary’s many issues, if the man had come out of the bathroom wearing a neck to ankle nightshirt, Julian wouldn’t have been surprised, but he emerged wearing nothing but spotless underpants and a bashful expression. Pretty much what Julian was wearing, only a cheaper brand of underpants.