Vice in its Proper Shape

by Anonymous

  CHAP. I.

  _Of the wonderful Transmigration of_ Jack Idle _into the body of anass_.

  One morning after breakfast I took a walk into the fields with my sevendear children; which I did, not only for the benefit of their health,but as a reward for their good behaviour. They always obey me and theiraffectionate mother with the utmost cheerfulness; and I, in return, amalways ready to indulge them as far as my duty and their interest willpermit. When we had travelled about three miles from the city, whereDivine Providence has fixed our abode, we came to a range of littletenements, or I should rather have called them sheds, over the midst ofwhich (and it was likewise the largest) was fixed a board, on which waswritten in lofty capitals WAL*KINBEHOL*DANDLE*ARN,[1] which signifies,_Walk in_, _behold_, _and learn_. While I was musing upon this strangeinscription, and wondering what curiosities there could be in suchcontemptible little huts, the door of the middlemost was suddenlyopened by a Bramin, who with the greatest politeness and affability,desired us to walk in, assuring me, that notwithstanding the meanappearance of his little tenements, there were several things to beseen in them, which might contribute to the entertainment andinstruction of my pretty fellow travellers. "I am, said he, as you mayperceive by my habit, a Bramin, and my name is _Wiseman_. All the timeI can spare from the worship of my Maker, and the contemplation of thatastonishing wisdom and beneficence which he has displayed in his worksof creation and providence, I cheerfully devote to the service of myfellow mortals, and particularly of the younger and unexperienced partof them. The most valuable service I can render them is to conduct theminto the paths of virtue and discretion. For this purpose, having beengifted with the faculty of distinguishing those animals which are nowanimated by the souls of such human beings as formerly degradedthemselves to a level with the unthinking brutes, I have taken thepains to provide a collection of beasts, birds, &c. most of which areinhabited by the souls of some naughty masters or misses, who died inthe neighbourhood, and it is possible were not unknown to your littlecompanions. It was a proverb among the ancient Bramins, that _Exampleis more powerful than precept_, and it is the common language ofmankind to this day, _I understand what I hear, but I believe what Isee_. It would not be amiss therefore, if you were to accompany theyoung gentlemen and ladies into my little appartments, that they may beeye witnesses to the mortifying consequences of an ill spent andvicious life, even to those who have not arrived at the age ofmanhood."

  [1] The captain informs that this inscription is in the language of the ancient _Bramins_.

  We accepted the offer with the utmost gratitude, and eagerly inquiredwhat we had to pay for admittance. But the good Bramin assured us, thathe never made a traffick of the little wisdom he had to communicate,and that the most acceptable recompense we could make him, was, tobestow what we could prudently spare upon such real objects of charityas might afterwards fall in our way:--"For mercy and benevolence, saidhe, are the darling attributes of heaven, and those who are mostdistinguished for the practice of them, bear the nearest resemblance totheir Maker, and will therefore receive the largest portion of hisfavour both in this world, and in that which is to come."

  The first room we were conducted into was the habitation of a littleass, who, as soon as we entered the place, began to bray, and kick uphis heels, at a most violent rate; but, upon the appearance of Mr.Wiseman (which I have before observed was the Bramin's name) he thoughtproper to compose himself, and stood as quiet as a lamb.--"Thisstubborn little beast said our kind conductor, is now animated by thesoul of the late master _Idle_. In his life-time he possessed all thebad properties of the animal you see before you; so that, to speak thetruth, he now appears in his proper shape. His rough coat of hair is avery suitable emblem of the ruggedness of his disposition; and his longand clumsy ears not only denotes his stupidity, but, as they afford avery secure and convenient hold to any one who has occasion to catchhim when he runs loose in the fields, they sufficiently intimate thathe was always open to the ill advice of his play-fellows. If themeanest and most dirty boy in the neighbourhood was in want of acompanion, or rather a tool, to assist him in his mischievous pranks,he had nothing to do but to make his application to _Jack Idle_; forfoolish Jack (as they truly called him) was at the beck of everymischievous rogue; and when the mischief was done, he was always left,like a stupid ass as he was, to bear the burden of it. His father hadmoney; and Jack's great pride was to be complimented by his raggamuffincompanions as the cook of the game. Once (I remember it perfectly well)three bargemen's boys having a violent inclination to plunder a pippintree, which was the property of farmer _Crusty_, they gave master Jackysuch a tempting account of the wish'd for prize, and held forth soliberally in praise of his courage and ingenuity, that they prevailedupon him to be not only a party, but the commander in chief in thishopeful enterprize. But, as such adventures generally terminate in themost mortifying disappointment, the young plunderers were discovered bythe farmer before they had gathered half their booty. The threetarpaulins being at the bottom of the tree made their escape withoutmuch difficulty; but Jack, who, to support the dignity of his newcommand, had ascended almost to the top, was unfortunately takenprisoner. The consequence was, that his father (who had to deal with awretch who was as crusty by nature as he was by name) after beingobliged to pay ten times the value of the fruit, conducted his son toMr. _Sharp_, the gentleman who had the trouble of his education, fromwhom he received a severe flogging in the presence of all his schoolfellows, as a very suitable reward of his stupid ambition. From thisaccount of him you will naturally conclude that he was no great friendto learning; and, indeed, so remarkable was his aversion to the usefularts of reading and writing, that his greatest improvement amountedonly to an indifferent knowledge of the alphabet, and the pooraccomplishment of being just able to scrawl his own name in characterswhich were scarcely legible. He was equally distinguished for his speedand fidelity when his parents sent him on an errand; for he couldhardly make shift to saunter a mile in an hour, and when he arrived atthe place of his destination, he usually forgot three fourths of hismessage, and endeavoured to supply the defect by some blundering taleof his own invention. He was once dispatched by his father, in greathaste, to a gentleman who lived not a quarter of a mile off, to requestthe favour of his company, in half an hour's time, to settle matterswith a grazer, of whom they had purchased several head of cattle; whenJack arrived at the gentleman's house, which he actually did in theshort space of an hour and a half, he rubbed his eyes, and scratchedhis head, and informed him that his father wanted him sadly, and thathe must come directly to speak with the _brazier_, who, he said, hadwaited for him above two hours. It was very happy for his parents(whether they thought so or not) that Jack's sudden exit out of theworld, in the thirteenth year of his age, effectually prevented himfrom bringing any material disgrace upon his family; which he certainlywould have done, if he had lived to be his own master. The occasion ofhis death was as follows:--One morning, instead of making the best ofhis way to school, (which he was constantly ordered to do) happeningvery luckily to be overtaken by _Tom Sharper_, and _Dick Lackwit_, theyprudently agreed to avoid the intolerable drudgery of the hornbook, byplaying truant and indulging themselves in the profitable diversions ofsitting all day on the bank of a lonesome brook to fish for minows;they had pretty good sport, as they called it, for the first hour; butthen Mr. _Sharper's_ line happening to be entangled among some largeweeds, from which he could not disengage it as he stood upon the brink;and as he was naturally too great an adept in the science of selfpreservation, to expose himself to danger, when he could persuadeanother to supply his place; he requested the favour of master _Idle_to ascend a sloping tree which stood upon the bank, and from thence todescend gradually upon a hanging branch, the small end of which almosttouched his line. Poor Jack was somewhat unwilling to venture upon theexperiment; but a little more persuasion, which was supported by a fewsurly menaces, soon vanquished every objection. He accordingly ascendedthe tree; but when he attem
pted to seat himself upon the hanging branchthe small twigs, upon which he stupidly fastened his hold for thatpurpose, suddenly gave way, and down he plunged into the middle of thebrook, where, after many eager and ineffectual struggles to recover thebank, he sunk to the bottom, and rose no more. The last words he spokewere, _Oh! my dear father! my dear mother! I wish I had_--He meant Isuppose, that he wished he had followed their good advice; but thewater, which ran very fast into his mouth, suddenly stopped his speech,and nothing more was heard but a faint bubbling in his throat, and twoor three desperate plunges at the bottom of the water, to preserve thatlife which fell a melancholy sacrifice to his own folly anddisobedience!--One would think that such a shocking catastrophe wouldbe sufficient to subdue ten times the stubbornness and stupidity forwhich master _Idle_ was so remarkable: But as we are too apt to forgetthe eager promises, and laugh at the self condemning reflections, whichwe have made in the hour of distress, I need not mention it as aprodigy, that the soul by which this little beast is animated, is stillinfected with the same vicious disposition, which disgraced andpunished it, when it occupied the body of _Jack Idle_."

  To convince us of the truth of what he said, the good Bramin addressedhimself to the ass before us, and assured him that if he was sincerelyinclined to behave as he ought to do, and forsake the follies he hadbeen guilty of in his former state of existence, he should again havethe honour to ascend to the rank of human beings. But the stubbornlittle animal (who perfectly understood what he said) first leered athim with the most stupid resentment in the world, and then fell abraying and kicking with greater violence than when we first enteredthe room. "Soho! said Mr. Wiseman, is that your manners, my boy;"--andthen giving him two or three hearty strokes, "well, well, said he, ifthis is all the return I am to have for my generous care of you, I willcertainly sell you to the first sandman I see, who will bestow upon youplenty of drubbing, plenty of fasting, and (what you will relish theworst of all) a never failing plenty of work."