by Baker, LJ
The neighbors who survived the initial craziness fled. I watched them packing up their cars, some even fighting off flesh eaters as they tied suitcases to the roof. It was utter insanity those first few days. No one knew exactly how bad it was going to be, but everyone knew it would get worse.
Once we got into the basement, things settled down, and it was easy to forget what was going on outside. Even after all the time that passed since then, walking down my old street, it was easy to pretend that it was the morning after a bad storm like the one that knocked the power out for over two weeks.
I imagined that any minute my neighbors would start coming out of their houses and begin cleaning up. Mr. Jenkins would bring out his chainsaw and start cutting down fallen trees, while Mrs. Finberg baked muffins and passed them around to the men as they helped each other clean up the mess. My neighborhood was like that, always helping each other out and banding together.
It wouldn't happen that way anymore, though. Chances were, most, if not all, of my old neighbors were dead, or undead. No one was coming out to help, and the mess wasn't ever getting cleaned up. If anyone did come out, it would probably be to steal or kill whoever they came across.
I stopped in the road and looked up at my childhood home. Once a place of safety and happiness, it had become a sad reminder of all I lost. I started to have second thoughts about my plan to go home as I stood there looking at the abandoned white house. My stomach flipped a few times, and my heart thumped against my chest. It wasn't like I had a lot of choices at that point. It was getting dark, and I needed a place to spend the night at the very least.
I took a deep breath, pushed the anxiety down into that place I shoved all the feelings I didn't have the time or strength to deal with, and climbed the stairs to my old house.
Home, sweet home.
Chapter Seventeen
Walking into the basement without Will was one of the most difficult things I’d done in a long time. Part of me almost expected to find him sitting there on the couch, waiting for me, but that was just wishful thinking. I knew deep down there was no way that was going to happen. I was alone again. Janet was dead, and I had no idea where Will was or if he was even still alive.
I tried to swallow, but the lump forming in my throat refused to allow it. I was having a hard time getting oxygen to fill my lungs. The world was caving in around me. I couldn't lose Will for good. I had already lost everything else. I forced myself over to the chair and sat, hugging the throw pillow. It smelled of Will and the shampoo he used that was left over from Zach and Jacob, the boys who lived with my family in the early days of the outbreak. Everyone who ever used that shampoo was gone from my life.
Tears streamed down my cheeks. Everything was fine before I met Will. I was taking care of myself and managing. Maybe I wasn't doing the best job of it, but I was getting by. It didn't matter than I was alone. I was hardly ever lonely. But things were different. Being alone and lonely didn't even begin to cover how I felt. I couldn't even imagine my life without him anymore.
I took a deep breath. I had to hold it together. What choice did I have? I forced myself to put the pillow down and get up from the chair. Maybe a hot shower would give me a little perspective, or at least make me smell better.
The walk down the hallway in the quiet basement was eerie. I took a quick peek into the bedroom that I had shared with so many people that were no longer in my life. Could it have been such a short time ago that I was just a high school student, living with my parents and dreaming of boys and proms? Nothing would ever be the same again.
I thought back to the letter I found from my mother, written just after the outbreak began. She told me that one day, things would get better, and I would be able to find happiness. When I read that letter, I wanted to believe it could be true, that happiness was possible. But it wasn't. My thoughts slipped back to their old ways, and all hope left me. Nothing was ever going to change, except maybe to get worse. Everyone I ever cared about was gone, and nothing would ever be right again.
I stepped from the shower and towel dried off. My hair had gotten quite long over the past few months. It was definitely time for a cut. I wrapped the towel around my head, piled it on top of my head to soak up some of the water in my hair, and headed for the bedroom to find some clean clothes.
As soon as I opened the door, I knew something was wrong. I'd gotten pretty good at picking up subtle clues of danger since the outbreak began, so even a faint scent in the room was enough to alert me that someone else was there. I quickly pulled the towel from my head and threw on some clothes as fast as humanly possible, then tip toed across the hall, over to my pack on the bed for my gun.
There was no way any undead were getting into this basement, so that left someone of the human species, which was always a bigger threat. At least with a zombie, you knew the rules. They wanted to rip you apart and feast on whatever part they could get. People were different. What they wanted from you was not always so easy to discern.
I tried to listen for any sounds that would tell me where the intruder was, but heard nothing. Armed with my gun, I inched toward the hallway and quietly made the decision to go toward the back of the bedrooms first to check, leaving the rest of the basement behind me. I couldn't check both ways at once, so the choice had to be made. I only hoped it would be the right one.
After checking both bedrooms, peering into closets and under beds, it was apparent that this end of the basement was clear. It was possible that whoever was here left already. It was unlikely, but possible. I carefully closed the bedroom doors and made my way down the other end of the hall toward the living room and kitchen. The scent I picked up on was stronger as I neared the end of the hallway. I took one last deep breath and jumped around the corner, ready for whatever was waiting for me. Or so I thought.
Standing in front of me was a very scruffy, yet still very hot, Dan. It took a moment for the realization of who it was to register in my brain. Before I put the face together with what my brain knew, he had me in his arms and was spinning me around.
"Sweetheart, you sure are a sight for sore eyes!" He kissed me right on the lips before putting me back down on my feet gently.
Oh, how I missed that Irish accent and deep blue eyes.
I shoved the gun into the waistband of my jeans and took a deep breath. My heart gradually slowed down to a more normal rhythm.
"What are you doing here, Dan? I thought you were off looking for your cousin?"
"I was." His smile faded and he looked away, avoiding eye contact. I knew exactly happened from his expression.
"I'm so sorry, Dan," I took his hand into mine and tried to comfort him.
"That's life, as I'm sure you know." He looked around, one eyebrow raised. "Where's Will?"
Now it was my turn to look sad. Dan's eyes widened and his mouth inched open as if he was about to say something, but I burst into tears, stopping him. Dan put his arms around me and stroked my hair softly. He didn't try to tell me it was going to be all right or tell me not to cry. He just let me get it out of my system and stayed there to offer what little comfort one could offer in such a situation. Dan was like that, though. He knew exactly how to make me feel better without even saying a word.
"What happened, angel? Did you make it to the military base?" he asked after I finally stopped crying into his chest. He put his hands up under his shirt and wiped my face with his shirt to dry my tears.
I explained the missions, massive horde, the craziness at the base, and just about everything else that happened since I last saw him. My lips moved nearly as fast as my brain could form the thoughts. I didn't know how he even kept up.
"So he could still be alive?" He tilted his head to the side and tried to smile.
"I don't know, Dan. I want to hope he is, but it just doesn't seem likely."
"But, it's possible. Where's Janet? I would have thought she'd be the first to rush out looking for him."
I'd come to love Janet like a sister over th
e last month, and losing her was just as difficult as losing Will. Dan cared about her as well, and I knew hearing she was dead was going to hurt him too. I had to tell him, but the words didn't want to leave my mouth. Saying them out loud made them more real and I didn't want them to be real.
Dan creased his eyebrows together and lifted my chin to look at him. "Andi?"
"She … did.”
"Did what?" He was confused, and fear crept across his face. He knew what I was about to say.
"She did come to look for him." The tears returned. They were for Janet and Will, and everyone else I lost since the outbreak began.
Dan led me over to the couch to sit and pulled my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held so hard that it was difficult to take a full breath. At that moment, it was exactly what I needed. I missed the feel of his hard, muscular chest against me and the smell that was so uniquely Dan. In a world where Will never existed, I know I would have fallen madly in love with Dan.
"Don't you worry, sweetheart. We are going to find Will. One way or another," he sighed, “we will find him."
He didn't ask about Janet, but I knew he would. We were both emotionally drained and needed the time to process the reality of it all.
I wanted to ask Dan about his cousin, find out whether he found him turned or dead, but I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. I understood that feeling. After losing so many people, talking about them just got more and more difficult. After awhile, it was just easier to push it out of your mind.
I woke up a couple hours later and my eyes fought to adjust to the dark and figure out where I was. It was cold and I was alone. I started to wonder if maybe I only dreamed seeing Dan or if I even made it back to the basement at all. In the early days of the outbreak, I used to wake up at night and think the whole thing was a dream. No zombies, or living in a basement, or fighting for our lives. Just a nightmare. I would be able to rub my eyes a few times, take a deep breath, and everything would be fine.
Unfortunately, I'm still waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
I felt around in the dark and found the lantern next to the bed. I was in my old bedroom, or at least my post-zombie-apocalypse bedroom. My mind wandered to the last time I was in my actual bedroom, and a twinge of guilt and pain flashed through me. I would have given anything to be able to hit a rewind button and go back to that day.
I heard the water running from across the hall and I hopped from the bed to check it out. It was probably Dan, but I wasn't about to take any chances so I brought my knife, just in case.
The door was open just a crack. A yellow glow spilled into the hall lighting it just enough to see my feet. One good thing about living in a basement, the floors were cement, so creaky floorboards were never an issue. I inched closer and held my breath until I saw Dan's reflection in the bathroom mirror to confirm it was actually him.
"Andi?" He turned to catch me peeking through the door at him and pushed it open. "If you wanna watch, just say so." He winked, and I felt my face grow hot.
"I wasn't watching."
"Of course not." He held back a laugh.
"I was just making sure it was you … and not a dream or something."
He glanced down at the knife in my hand and frowned. "You were totally wiped so I moved you to the bedroom. That couch sucks to sleep on."
"Have you been staying here the whole time?"
"Nah." He picked up a razor that used to belong to my dad and started shaving the scruffy tangle of hair off his face. "Last couple of weeks. I came back to see if you guys made it back here and well, let's face it, this is a damn good place to stay. Can't imagine why you ever left here in the first place."
The razor slid over his skin revealing a smooth chin and cheeks with just a hint of pink from the old blade. He lathered on more foamy cream that wasn't native to the basement. He must have brought that with him. When I was little, my father used to sit me up on the bathroom counter while he shaved and listen to me babble on about princesses and ponies. It was one of my favorite times of the day.
Dan turned and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "Still with me?"
I blinked a couple times and came back to the present. "Yeah, sorry I was just remembering my Dad."
"I so hope I don't remind you of him." Dan laughed and dabbed shaving cream on my nose.
I rolled my eyes and wiped the cream on his shirt. "Uh, no."
"So why did you leave here?"
"I left because it was too hard to stay." That was exactly the truth. "After I lost my parents and the others we were down here with, it was just too painful. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever be able to come back."
"So why did you?" Dan finished shaving and wiped his face onto a washcloth.
"The day I met Will, I don't know, we needed a place to stay and we were close. It didn't seem so bad coming back with someone else as it did being here alone."
"That makes sense. What are your plans now?" He flipped off the light and led me toward the kitchen.
"To find Will." No matter what.
Dan opened a couple cans and poured them into a pot to heat on a small camp stove on the counter. "The stove crapped out about a week ago."
I nodded, surprised it actually lasted that long.
Dan rifled through his backpack, pulled out some crackers, and set them on the table with some bowls. "Anyway, finding Will is a given. I meant, what are your plans to do that? We should probably have an idea about how we plan to go about looking."
"I hadn't really thought about it. I figured I'd get here first and then decide what to do. After Janet …” My stomach twisted, and the idea of food no longer seemed so great. "I just … I couldn't think anymore."
Dan spooned the food into the bowls and sat down at the table. "You were calling out her name in your sleep. I thought you two hated each other?"
Great, I still talk in my sleep.
"We spent a lot of time together at the base." Tears threatened, and I held them back. "We got really close … like sisters." The harder I fought to keep my emotions in check, the larger the lump in my throat grew until I could no longer swallow.
Dan hooked his foot under my chair and pulled it closer. He stroked my arm in an effort to comfort me, but it only made me want to break down more. Janet would tell me to stop being a crybaby and grow up. I could almost hear her in my head saying just that.
"You're acting like an immature child, Andi. Suck it up and deal with it. This is life now."
I couldn't help but laugh at the thought. There was a time I would have hated her for saying those things, but as I got to know her, I knew it was for my own good. She was right. I did need to grow up and get my shit together. Thanks to her, I actually had a chance to survive. I thought I was doing okay before, and maybe I was, but okay just wasn't good enough.
Dan lifted my face up and gave me a strange look. "Are you laughing?"
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I laughed again. I knew I must have looked a little crazy, or maybe a lot crazy, but I couldn't help it.
Dan sighed and pulled me against him. It didn't matter if I was nuts. I knew he would still be there.
Chapter Eighteen
Part of me wanted to take a day and just sleep, read, or do something other than pack up some supplies and head back out into the world. Maybe if the world wasn't full of flesh eating undead, who wanted nothing more than to devour everything with a pulse, and the survivors, who would just as easily stab you in the heart and take whatever you had, it would be a different story.
The rest of me knew I needed to get back out there as soon as possible. Every day that passed made it less likely that I would find Will at all, much less still breathing.
Dan's looks of pity quickly turned to determination. I thought he may have wanted to find Will for me even more than I wanted to find him myself, and I wanted to find him more than anything at that moment. I didn't want anyone else to risk their life looking for him, but I wasn't about to tur
n down the help.
I knew I'd have better luck at any sort of chance to find Will with help, but the truth was, I was grateful for the companionship. There was a time when I enjoyed the solitude, the quiet. Sure, it was difficult to find a safe moment to sleep and doing so meant the possibility of waking up with teeth wrapped around your arm or leg, but there was no one to worry about. No one to lose.
Of course, I was just fooling myself. That first day I met Will, I knew what I was missing. Dan was no Will, but having him with me was so much better than being alone. I just hoped that I wouldn't be losing him too. At least no time soon.
"You ready to get moving?" Dan bumped into me with his shoulder in an attempt to be playful.
I took a deep breath and glanced around the basement. Every time I walked out the door I knew it could be for the last time, so I tried to take everything in. "Sure." I wasn't excited about going, but it had to be done.
Dan put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "We are going to find him, sweetheart. I promise you."
There was something about Dan that made it easy to believe him. Even in the screwed up world we lived in, I could take him for his word. We would find Will.
I nodded, and out the door we went. I wanted to take a peek around my old house, but shoved back the urge. If we made it back there, I would look around then. I couldn't help but hold on to that little piece of who I used to be. I knew I needed to let it go and move on. Maybe one last look around would help with that.
Dan walked with a little more purpose than usual, keeping his bow up in defense to protect us. "So, tell me about the military base. Were the streets paved with gold and lined with trees covered in cotton candy?"