He had to know she was serious, so he’d never tell her he loved her again.
So he could fall out of it.
It was only equitable.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Coward.
The single-word text from Molly registered across the display of Sabrina’s cell phone. This time, it wasn’t a sisterly insult. It was a summons. A command. Sabrina headed out of the gym reluctantly. She’d put this off long enough. May as well let Molly unload and get it over with.
The door to the Chateau du Parker-Cole swung open before Sabrina had the chance to knock. Molly’s mouth was set in an uncharacteristically mean line, but she looked only as threatening as a woman in bagel print flannel pajamas and fuzzy purple house slippers could possibly look.
“I take it bad news traveled,” Sabrina said.
Molly’s mouth opened and closed silently. She shook her head and waved Sabrina inside without speaking. Here it is, Sabrina thought with dread. The silence before the inevitable storm. She followed Molly into the kitchen, where an ironing board was set up.
“You’ve been really busy. Wow.” Sabrina plastered a cheerful smile on her lips. Dozens of fabric rosettes in pink and periwinkle blue were strewn across the table. Molly didn’t say anything. Instead, she tossed one of the rosettes on the board and smacked it with the bottom of her iron.
“What are these anyway? They’re sort of cute.” Sabrina picked up one of the small pieces of fabric. Bam! Molly leveled another blow. Steam rose from the iron.
“They’re yo-yos, and they’re a pain in the ass,” she finally said. “They’re impossible to gather, they get twisted out of shape if you so much as look at them wrong, and … well, they’re yo-yos. What did I expect? So your visit is rather befitting, Sabrina.”
“Look, Molls. I don’t know what Sebastian told you—”
Molly squeezed her eyes shut and showed Sabrina her palms. “—No way, missy. You are not laying this at Sebastian’s feet. I spoke with Gage.”
“What did you talk about?” Sabrina tried to keep her tone airy.
“Oh, the weather,” Molly said facetiously. “What do you think we talked about? Everything.”
“About me?” Sabrina swallowed.
“Wouldn’t you love to know?”
“Look, I don’t know what Gage told you. But I can assure you, Molls, his is just one side of the story.”
Molly gave her a pained look. “There’s no big conspiracy going on, Brini. No one’s gossiping about how terrible you are. When I couldn’t get you on your cell phone, I called the landline at the house in Walden, and Gage picked up. It was a good thing I called, too, because the poor guy just needed to hear another human voice.” She paused, and then a sad look darkened her face. “His sister had just — well, you know…”
Sabrina felt her heart plummet. “You mean he—? When did he decide to—?”
“The day you left,” came the somber reply. “In fact, I think you might have been sprinting toward the boarding gate when it happened.”
Sabrina sank into a chair. She felt a little nauseous. “How is he?”
“How do you think, Brini? The man just made the kind of big decision that you and I will hopefully never have to make for someone we love.”
“I should have been there. I should have stayed.” Damn you, Theo Ward, Sabrina thought savagely.
“Yeah, well … you should have been, but you weren’t.” Molly’s voice took on a practical tone. “Sebastian flew to Iowa this morning to help Gage get everything out of the house. He’s putting it up for sale.”
“What exactly did he say?” Sabrina’s throat was so dry she could barely swallow.
“He told me that the two of you had split up and that you’d gone back to Austin. That’s the all of it. I know that Gage doesn’t have it in him to resort to asinine behavior arbitrarily, so I figured he had to be on the receiving end of the deal.”
“I had no control over the situation.”
“Oh, please,” Molly groaned. “That kind of high drama only works in Les Liaisons Dangereuses. In real life, it sounds ridiculous. What the hell did you do anyway? Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You sent a goodbye text.”
“I left him a letter. A pretty long one.” Sabrina rushed to her own defense.
“A ‘Dear Gage’ letter? Seriously?” Molly shook her head.
“It seemed like the gentlest way. I love him too much to let him think that we have any kind of future together.”
Molly stared. “Let me get this straight,” she said as she brandished the iron around. “You broke up with Gage because you love him. For his own good, you say.”
“Exactly!” Sabrina said emphatically.
Molly sighed and put down the iron. “I promised myself I wouldn’t tell you this,” she said. “But I’m going to anyway just to give you the full experience of the guilt trip you’re already on. There are a lot of things that Gage never told you about himself. He’s a smart man, Brini. He’s always had his eye on the future. He invested and saved so that he could take an early retirement and do his woodworking part-time to bring in a little extra cash. Everything was going according to plan until Michelle’s accident. When her health insurance benefits ran out, Gage went through all of his assets to keep her on life support. That’s why he needed to downsize. That’s the kind of man whose heart you just raked over the coals.”
“Oh god,” Sabrina mumbled. “You must think I’m the biggest bitch alive.”
“I don’t think Cybil’s ready to give up that title. But I do think you’re a fool,” Molly said candidly. “Gage is the kind of man who’ll give you the shirt off his back. That’s all you ever wanted deep down, Brini. Isn’t it? Not someone like Jackson. Not a highly educated man with a prestigious career. Not a man who buys you a house in Cadence Corners. You got those things for yourself. Just the guy with the shirt. Then when you finally found him, you kicked him to the curb!”
She picked up the iron and smacked it down on one of the hapless yo-yos.
“It’s been no fun for me either,” Sabrina said.
“Then tell me why you did it,” Molly sighed and put down the iron.
“Gage wants to get married.”
“And—?” Molly raised her palms to the ceiling and waited.
“I don’t mind marriage. In fact, I can’t think of anything nicer than being married to Gage,” Sabrina admitted. “But he wants children too.”
Molly’s mouth formed a silent O.
“All of those years I’ve invested in building my career?” Sabrina went on. “I used to think that I did it because I was too scared to give up even my independence. I didn’t want to end up like Nola, divorced with a couple of kids to support on my own. Now I realize that I stopped being scared long ago. That I do what I do out of love — not for Theo, god forbid, but for the people. A lot of them live right here in the Corners. They’re my calling, Molls.”
“I know, Brini,” Molly said with acceptance. “I’ve always known. You’re stellar godmother material, but I could never see you pushing a pram. Does Gage know this?”
“You mean did I tell him, ‘Gage, I don’t want to start a family?’ No,” Sabrina sighed. “I don’t want him to spin his wheels, thinking I’d change my mind.”
“It’s generous for you to be so noble. I mean that sincerely. But maybe you should treat him like a grown man and let him make his own decisions.”
Sabrina didn’t mind conceding at least part of Molly’s point. “Maybe I should have,” she agreed. “Let’s say that I did. Gage is going through hell right now. No one thinks clearly in hell. Suppose he decides to stay with me because I’m the one thing he has to hold onto. Then one day the fog finally lifts. He realizes he’s made concessions he didn’t want to make. He’s not the only possible casualty in this equation.”
Having given up on the yo-yos, Molly turned off the iron and began sorting the pressed rosettes by color.
“Sabrina, you’re one of the smartest women I�
�ve ever known,” she said. “But you are not always wise. To listen to you talk, there are only two kinds of men in the world. One is Les, the other is Jackson Sprinkle, and the rest is done with mirrors. It’s not true. There are men who’ll want you as is. Look and me and Sebastian. We’re the old, beat-up dolls no one else wanted to play with. The dolls with the missing legs and the purple knee joints.”
“You’re not beat-up dolls, Molly,” Sabrina assured her. “You and Sebastian are two very unique people. You were lucky to find each other.”
“I suppose luck had something to do with it. But I also had something else on my side.”
“What’s that?” Sabrina wanted to know.
“Benefit of the doubt.” Molly’s face turned serious. “Open your eyes a little wider, Brini. Sure, the world’s such a really big place. I used to think that real love was around every corner just waiting for me to find it. Need I point out my own flawed track record? There aren’t many men like Sebastian and Gage. When you find one, you don’t just throw him away. Because you might never find another.”
Suddenly Sabrina felt exhausted. But not physically. She could easily go for another five-mile run. She was emotionally exhausted. She wished she could switch her thoughts off. Or at least fine-tune them so the only thing she could think about was her career goals.
“You really made all these by hand?” She picked up one of the rosettes and admired the Molly’s needlework.
“Yup, all of them. I’m doing like you said. I’m taking one day at a time. No more breadbox. Right now I’m focusing on objects no bigger than a coaster or a teacup.” Molly looked at Sabrina hesitantly. “Sebastian and I have decided that we’ll look into an overseas adoption if the right time comes around.”
Sabrina squealed with glee and jumped up to hug her friend. “Oh, Molly, that’s awesome!” she gushed. “Maybe you’ll have a little girl. I can’t wait to show her the Capitol and take her to museums and art galleries. Then when she’s older, I’ll take her shopping at the best boutiques!” She paused, then mused, “Of course you may end up with a boy. I suppose I’d have to learn how to play video games and brush up on my free throws.”
“Stay under the speed limit, Aunt Brini,” Molly laughed. “I did say if. Some of the things you told me at Ella’s were brutal, but I needed to hear them. Before I take on an important responsibility like motherhood, I need to know I have what it takes. I’ll have several heart-to-hearts with my medical specialists first. Sebastian has a big say, too. If we adopt, it will be a mutual decision. We won’t leap before we look again.”
There was a look of brand new maturity in Molly’s eyes, Sabrina noticed. But it was more than just maturity. It’s wisdom. Sabrina’s heart felt full with pride.
“You and Sebastian are doing exactly the right thing,” she said. “Just don’t give up on your dreams, Molls. I won’t let you.”
“I won’t let you give up on yours either, Sabrina March.” Molly gave her an encouraging smile.
“Since we were talking about teacups … do you still have any of that yummy L’Ancienne you brought home from Paris?” Sabrina asked hopefully.
“I suppose you can twist my arm,” Molly capitulated, moving toward the can. “You need a little cocoa after all that wanton self-deprecation.”
Molly put the milk on to warm while Sabrina scooped the powder into the mugs. Soon the kitchen was perfumed with the scent of chocolate and vanilla. As soon as the cocoa hit her palate, the taste triggered a memory. She was sitting in Gage’s car in front of the Zilker Park tree. The taste of chocolate on his lips. His hair dusting her cheek.
Picking up on her pensiveness, Molly said, “It’s not too late to patch things with Gage, you know.”
It was only eight p.m. when Sabrina got home, although it seemed much later. The weather forecast predicted snow flurries with a possible freeze overnight. She prayed the front would swerve and bypass Austin entirely. Snow would only remind her of Iowa, and that would make her think about Gage. Now that she was back in the saddle again, reminiscing was off-limits.
She tugged off her tank and sweatpants and pulled on an old T-shirt. She was too tired to shower. Her throat felt much better, but her head and joints still ached. Maybe the illness she’d come down with had been the flu after all. She padded into the living room and looked at the sprawling red sectional and magnificent granite-faced fireplace. Les had been right. She should have sold the house. What reason did she have to keep it?
It was just her.
Her gaze was drawn to the tequila bottles on top of the mantle. There wasn’t much she could do about the woodworking equipment hogging the garage space, but the liquor just had to go. She stowed the bottles underneath the wet bar and replaced them with a squatty bronze vase. She stood back to admire her handiwork. She saw a striking void filled with looked like an urn for cremains. She quickly got rid of the vase and put the tequila bottles back on the mantle.
The wind was picking up outside. It curled around the house and screamed through the scuppers. January had kicked in, and there would be more grim days like these — sunless, gray and long. Sabrina felt the chill seep into her bones. She turned up the thermostat in the hall. She paused in front of Gage’s bedroom. His big four-poster looked inviting.
She climbed into the bed and pulled the comforter up to her chin. The wind blew with such ferocity she could hear the groan of tree branches and faint pops and hisses from downed wires. Sabrina had never liked the sound of wind; its forlorn song sounded like loneliness, that small hole in the soul. It didn’t help that she could still detect the scent of Gage’s hair on the pillow and his familiar white soap smell beneath the sheets.
“Heartache” was definitely a misnomer, she decided as she assessed the searing pain in her chest. It felt as though her ventricles were being pressed through a flat iron.
Molly had a point. It wasn’t too late to fix it.
And that the temptation to do so was precisely the problem.
CHAPTER FORTY
Sabrina picked the coldest, nastiest night of the year to leave her car parked outside of the garage. When she went to work the next morning, she found that the light peppering of sleet that had fallen the night before had melted and refrozen, molding itself against the Audi’s top body and windshield.
Sighing, she retrieved her cell phone from her messenger bag with gloved hands and left a message with the office answering service that she’d be in late. Then she used an expired credit card to chip away at the ice that coated the driver’s side of the windshield.
A little bit of inclement weather in February was to be expected. But precisely at the first of the month, the temperatures plummeted to arctic levels; it seemed as though the entire city had been flash frozen, and it had remained that way for the next two weeks. In Walden, the winter weather had a brisk, energetic quality. But here in Austin, the chill had a dark sullenness about it that was reflected in a gray overcast sky.
Sabrina adapted to the gloom and embraced her inner anomie. When she wasn’t accompanying Theo to after-work functions, she logged long hours at the gym, ignoring frantic phone calls and texts from Molly and Nola. By the time she finally got home, she had just enough energy to peel off her clothes and toss them in a growing pile with all of the others and tug on one of Gage’s old T-shirts. Then she cuddled up in his deliciously comfortable four-poster, channel-surfing until she finally fell asleep.
The smell of his hair on the pillow was growing fainter now.
There was an art to forgetting, Sabrina reminded herself. Forgetting was that soft, dark space in the timeline of her life chiseled by patience and time. One morning she’d wake up and the time they had spent together would be a pleasant memory that she could smile about. She would go on and maybe one day she’d even meet someone new. She would wish Gage well.
She winced at the cold leather of the car seat. She needed something hot and highly caffeinated, and she needed it now. Sabrina put her car in park and let the engine idle
while she dashed into Café Firenze for a triple latte. This morning, customers who usually sat outside on the porch chatting on their cell phones had gathered inside, and the little coffeehouse was packed to capacity. The smell of sweet and savory breakfast foods — croissants, scones, muffins and foil-packaged breakfast tacos — made her feel light-headed. Despite having a thunderous appetite, she’d been too tired to eat the night before. She asked the barista for a large latte and a spiced pumpkin empanada. She had just finished paying for her order when a familiar voice spoke close to her ear, making her jump.
“You’re in the clear, Sabrina.”
“What—?” Sabrina spun around, taken off guard. Eva Hayes stood in front of her holding a croissant wrapped in bakery paper, looking vaguely amused. Her long curly hair was unbound and a little mussed, and she looked rather comfy wearing black corduroy pants and a matching man’s sweater that was several sizes too large.
“I said, ‘you’re in the clear’,” Eva repeated. “I’ve got better things to do than write about Theo Ward’s little, um, tête-à-têtes at the Four Seasons.”
“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, Eva,” Sabrina told her nervously.
“Please, Sabrina.” The other woman arched a knowing eyebrow. “We both know exactly what I’m talking about. A woman rang me up, claiming to have dirt on your boss. She asked me to meet her at the hotel grill.” She bit into the croissant and chewed it leisurely, waiting for Sabrina to respond.
“What did she tell you?” Sabrina felt a cold sweat break under her armpits.
“Nothing that the others didn’t. What, you thought she was the only one?” Eva’s brows inched up farther in response to Sabrina’s stunned look. “This was the third call I’ve taken from one of Ward’s former mistresses this year. The others were angling for me to quote them as anonymous tipsters, but hell hath no fury like a redhead scorned. She really wanted to bury his career. Oh, well. At least I got lunch out of the deal.” She shrugged in amused insouciance.
Something About You (Just Me & You) Page 37