by Autumn Sand
“Fuck, man. You always do this shit to me.”
“I’m out, one.” I use the street slang for bye.
“Yeah, whatever. One.” We both hang up.
I head toward the door as a disheveled Manny comes out of the back room. I’m hoping I can catch Cyma’s act.
As I park my car across the street from her club, I see Cyma boarding a bus. What the fuck? Her shift shouldn’t be over for another hour or two. I fire up my engine and follow the bus, which isn’t going in the direction of where she lives. Several stops later, the bus pulls up in front of a hospital. Just as I’m about to keep following the bus, I see that she’s gotten off and is running toward the hospital.
What the fuck is going on? A driver honks their car horn at me, and in typical New York fashion, I roll down my window to give the fucker the finger. As the asshole goes around, I refocus my attention on Cyma. What happened? Parking my car, illegally, of course, I jump out and run toward the entrance, hoping to catch her before she gets on an elevator. The security guard asks me which patient I’m here to see. Fuck! I forgot about hospital protocol. I try to explain to him that I just have to give my girlfriend something, but the guard is not having it at all. Turning to leave, I give him the one finger wave and head back to my car.
Five hours later, I’m still sitting in the same spot. I want to call her cell, but I decide not to. The slender thread my patience is riding on is about to snap. I’m about to get out of the car to storm back inside of the hospital and raise holy hell. Then I see Cyma coming out and the anxiety that was building up is released. Taking in her state, I see she’s crying and it makes me want to kill whoever put her in this condition. I hop out of my car and run up to her.
“Cyma?”
Her eyes show defeat. They are red and puffy, and her hair is in a messy ponytail. I open my arms and she rushes into them, collapsing into my chest, and lets out a heavy sob. Holding her, I want to transfer my strength into her. But why is she crying, why is she here? My muscles tense in preparation for what she will say. “Cyma, what happened?”
“M-my daughter,” she cries.
Daughter? I had no idea she had a daughter. Was that the thing she wanted to talk to me about? “Is she… okay?”
She shakes her head in my chest.
I feel the pain she is going through, having experienced it myself ten years ago. “What happened to her?”
“She has leukemia.” She sobs again and her body shakes. “She took a turn for the worse a few hours ago.” With that, she buries her head into my chest again and I stroke her back to soothe her.
Fuck me! She’s been dealing with this shit on her own? My son’s death was sudden and it tore me to shreds. I couldn’t imagine watching your child fight for their life day in and day out. This woman in my arms is incredible. “How is she now?”
“The doctors stabilized her. She’s resting.” She pulls away slightly and dabs at her eyes with a tissue. “I figured I’d go home and shower and come back before she wakes up.”
I take in her appearance completely now and see that she is still dressed for the club. I understand why she would want to change before her daughter wakes up. “All right. I’ll take you home.” I lead her across the street to my car and place her in the passenger seat gently. For the first time since I started driving, I drive like a person who has precious cargo in his possession. During the trip uptown to her apartment, I think back to my own son. It was hard sitting next to my son as he lay in his incubator, while machines helped him breathe. I can’t believe she’s been going through all this alone.
She opens her apartment door and I’m instantly hit by the fact that there isn’t any furniture. What the fuck? Following behind her, she opens a door, and I see a room that’s obviously decorated for a little girl.
“This is my daughter’s room.” She smiles gently, and I see the love for her daughter in her eyes. My mind drifts to the crib my father helped me to put together. The crib my son never got a chance to sleep in. I was so proud of myself when we finished. Somehow that crib made the fact that I was going to become a father even more real.
“What’s your daughter’s name?”
“Lelia.” Her back is to me as she stares at her daughter’s bed.
I walk up behind her and pull her into me. She rests the back of her head into my chest. “Beautiful name.” I kiss the top of her head.
She pulls away gently and turns to face me. “It was my mother’s name.” A hint of a smile peeks out from her somber face.
“Your mom must be happy that you named her after her.” I would have been proud to have my son carry my name.
Tears form in her eyes and she looks at the ground. “My mom died from breast cancer before Lelia was born.”
I pull her into my chest. Cyma in my arms feels right. I close my eyes and wait for that pang of guilt to hit me about Kayla, but it doesn’t. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. All part of the shit storm that is my life.” She pulls out of my embrace and sits on her daughter’s bed, patting a spot next to her. I sit and wait for her to speak. “I had to sell all the furniture in the apartment to make ends meet. But I refuse to sell Lelia’s furniture. She shouldn’t have to suffer any more.”
Silently, I make a promise to God that I’ll make sure Lelia never wants for another thing in her life, nor will her mother. Operation Get Them The Hell Out Of Here has begun. “Don’t worry, I got this. I’ll take care of both of you.”
Her eyes widen at my words. “You can’t take on that type of responsibility. You hardly know me.”
“We already went through that earlier. I do know you. Always have. And I don’t consider it a responsibility. It’s what I want to do.”
“But there’s so much more I haven’t told you.”
“All right.” I look at my watch. “Tell me quick because I have to get you back to the hospital before that little girl misses her mommy. But just keep in mind whatever you tell me won’t change anything. I’m sticking by you, no matter what. You don’t have to go through this shit alone anymore. Got me?”
In so many ways, she does remind me of Kayla. She was independent also and hated when I would step in to help. It made me love Kayla even more. This woman sitting next to me is my second chance at happiness and peace. I am grabbing ahold of it and never letting go.
She nods and gives me a quick kiss before she begins her story.
Chapter 14
I Alone ~ Live
Cyma
I never thought that seeing Dante at the hospital tonight would give me the comfort I needed. I’m so thankful he followed me. His declaration to stand by me makes my heart feel full. Now I have to unload all the ugly details of my life on him.
He sits on my daughter’s bed, patiently waiting. Taking in a deep breath for courage, I begin my story. “Lelia was diagnosed with leukemia when she was two years old.”
He nods his head. “How old is she now?”
“Four. Four going on forty. The bravest kid I’ve ever seen in my life. She gives me the strength to carry on.” My hands begin to tremble and I place them on my lap to steady them.
His hands cover mine. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
This feels right. Letting him into my world feels right. “I can’t wait either.” And I can’t; he’s what I need—what Lelia and I both need.
“Where’s her father?” His eyes narrow as he waits for me to speak.
I sigh. “My ex-husband left shortly after the diagnosis. He didn’t want anything to do with it. He said he didn’t want to watch her die.”
“Fucking coward.” Anger flashes in his eyes.
Exhaling a breath, I agree. “That he is.”
“Where is he now?”
My shoulders slump, and my voice weakens. “I don’t know.” Crossing my arms over my chest, my chin dips down slightly. “Hell, I don’t even know why I married him.” Memories surface of coming home after pulling a double shift to find my ex-husband lying around our apartm
ent, drunk, with his hands out for whatever tips I earned so he could go to the liquor store and pick up another bottle of cheap booze. My body shudders at the recollection and I become proud of what I have done without him. “I thought I was in love, I guess. He was such a loser. Never could hold a job. I always supported us.”
“I want to kill the fucker.”
Turning back to face him again, I see the sincerity in his eyes. “It’s okay. Really. I’m stronger for it.”
“Did you sell the furniture to pay hospital bills?”
“Yes. I sold the furniture to pay the hospital bills, rent, food, and things like that.” Brenda and my boss, Peter, are the only two people who know my burden. It was hard telling the two of them. But for some reason, telling him doesn’t feel as hard.
“You can talk to me. I can see it in your eyes that you’re holding something back.”
“No. No that isn’t it. I’m not holding back. I want to tell you and let you in.” It’s now or never, so here it goes. “I had to borrow money from a loan shark when my situation became desperate.” I look at him and watch him shift.
“Wheeler?” His tone is guarded.
“Yes, Wheeler.” The relief of telling him that part makes me feel better, but how do I tell him about seeing Wheeler earlier?
“How much you in for?” His eyes hold mine.
“Ten grand. I didn’t borrow all of it at once. It was a thousand here and there until I got up to ten. After he tacked on all of his interest, I’m in the hole twenty-five grand.” My heart drops to the pit of my stomach when I say the amount out loud.
His jaw is set and he makes eye contact with me. I feel the strength in his gaze. “Consider your debt paid in full.”
“What? You can’t pay off my debt.” It’s one thing to tell him about what is going on. It’s another to allow him to pay my debt. I can’t afford to become dependent on him to fix my problems.
“I’m not. Let’s just say Wheeler will have to consider this a write off. He reports to me and I report to Tony, who is the man in charge. I’ll explain the situation to Tony. Trust me, he’ll be all right with it. Tony is a family man. He already knows you are my woman. You are now considered part of his extended family. You fall under mine and his protection.”
What the hell? His woman? My mind is racing. “But Tony doesn’t even know me?”
He shakes his head at me. “Doesn’t matter. He knows me.”
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry tears of joy that my debt will be wiped away. I decide to give him a kiss instead. But then I remember I have to tell him about Wheeler’s visit.
“What else?” He can read my mood so easily.
“Wheeler came by to see me at the club today.”
His eyes narrow and anger radiates off of him. “What did he want?”
I refuse to look at him because I have a feeling I know how he will take this news. I look at the pink and white wallpaper with unicorns that my daughter loves so much. “He followed us earlier. He saw the two of us in the car today. He said he’ll be calling on me for a favor.”
He stands abruptly and begins pacing the floor. “What kind of favor?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say.” I’m going to leave out that Wheeler hit me. Somehow I feel that if I told Dante this, Wheeler would no longer be walking the earth.
Reaching for his cell, he dials a number quickly. “Yeah, Tony. We may have a problem. Wheeler followed me and my girl today.” Pause. “Yeah.” Pause. “Yeah, gonna play it cool as long as he doesn’t touch her or fuck with her.” Pause. “I know. Still waiting on more intel on the El Diablo connection.” Pause. “Also, my girl is twenty-five large in the hole with the dick.” Pause. “Yeah. I’ll have a chat with him and make him take the hit.” Pause. “I gotta take my girl to the hospital to see her daughter in a few. I’ll be with her for as long as she needs. If anything urgent comes up, you know how to reach me.” Pause. “Yeah, thanks. Appreciate that.” He hangs up the phone and stands in front of me, pulling me up and taking me into his arms. “Done. Tony said anything you need, it’s yours.”
I can’t believe him. I stare in disbelief. Tears fall down my cheek and he wipes them away.
“What are the tears for?”
“I never felt cared for and protected.” My heart is heavy and full of emotions.
“Well shit, guess your gonna be crying a river soon because it’s gonna happen every minute of the rest of your life for as long as I breathe.”
I laugh at his comment and hug him. “I should shower. I have to get back to the hospital.” Finally, I am no longer fighting an uphill battle on my own. But I will have to be careful and not grow too dependent on him. I refuse to relinquish control, for my daughter’s sake.
“Okay. Want me to get you something to eat?”
“I don’t have anything in the fridge.”
“I’ll run out and pick something up. Be right back.” He kisses me on the bridge of my nose and leaves. The moment he’s gone, I feel the emptiness and miss him. Once in the shower, I do end up crying a river, but they’re tears of happiness.
Chapter 15
Can You Stand The Rain ~ New Edition
Tick
After I brought Cyma something to eat, I drove her back to the hospital. She introduced me to her friend, Brenda, who is one of the nurses on Lelia’s floor. I’m glad she’s had Brenda to lean on, but now she also has me.
When I stepped off the elevator onto the children’s ward, I’m hit with memories of my son fighting for his life in the incubator so many years ago. As I fight to control my emotions, Cyma notices and tilts her head to the side. I nod and follow her to her daughter’s room.
“We have Lelia stabilized. She’s resting, but you can peek your head in for a few minutes,” Brenda tells Cyma.
Cyma’s seems to relax at Brenda’s words and squeezes my hand. “Thank you, Brenda. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Brenda gives Cyma a hug. “Don’t worry. Glad to be here for you and that darling girl of yours.”
“I’ll wait over here. Give you some time alone with Lelia.” I say this partly to really give her the time alone, but also because I’m fighting memories from the past.
She smiles before brushing her lips against mine. “Thank you.”
I wait by the nurses’ station with Brenda.
“So you’re the one who rescued Cyma a few weeks ago?” She looks me over as if I am the main suspect in a lineup.
“Guess you can say that.” I can tell Brenda is very protective of her and Lelia. From that alone, I know she and I will get along.
Her eyes narrow as she folds her arms over her chest. “Just treat her right. That asshole of an ex-husband did her in a bad way. Don’t want to see her get hurt again.”
I hold my hands up and shake my head. “That is one thing you don’t have to worry about with me.” I sense a fighter in Brenda. I can tell why she and Cyma are good friends. It’s good to know Cyma has her in her corner.
She remains staring at me for a few long moments before nodding her head and going back to her paperwork. This chick has some brass balls. I should introduce her to Magnum. I’ve got a feeling they would get on famously.
“How long have you known Cyma?” I want to know everything about Cyma and getting to know her best friend is one of the ways to do it.
Startled at first, Brenda smiles warmly. “About two years. She’s a great mom and there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for her daughter.”
Kayla would have been a great mom also if she and our son weren’t cheated. “I’m glad she’s had you here as a support system.”
“It was nothing. She is such a genuine person, I couldn’t help but be her friend.” I can see the love she has for them in her eyes.
Cyma steps out of her daughter’s room. “She’s awake,” she says, while rubbing her fatigued eyes.
“How is she feeling?” I ask as I walk over to her.
“Weak, but she’s smiling.�
�� She wipes a tear from her cheek. “Would you like to meet her?”
“Of course.” I place my hand in hers and she leads the way.
Her daughter’s room contains a few drawings, which I assume Lelia made, taped to the wall along with some photographs of Cyma and Lelia together. They depict what seems to be a happier time. In the pictures, her daughter had beautiful curls that hung to her shoulders, but the frail little girl in the bed right now has lost all her hair. She gives me a weak smile when I enter the room behind Cyma. With that smile, this little girl has me wrapped around her finger. I see her mother’s features in her. She has Cyma’s button nose and her eyes are wide and innocent like her mother’s.
Cyma holds her daughter’s hand and smiles at her. “This is Mommy’s friend, Dante.”
I stand at the foot of the bed. “Nice to meet you, Lelia.”
She stares at me for a moment before answering. “Nice to meet you too.” She looks away from me and back to her mother. Cyma kisses her daughter’s cheek and they both giggle. I want to wrap them in a protective bubble.
I couldn’t save my son, but perhaps I can save this little girl. I can’t let them down the way I let Kayla and my son down so many years ago.
Chapter 16
2nd Kelly ~ R. Kelly
Tick
It’s been a week since Cyma told me about her daughter and I’ve been with her every step of the way. We’ve been at the hospital the majority of the week. Lelia has made a turn for the better and we can all breathe again. It has been painful to watch this brave little four-year-old fight for her life. I can only imagine how Cyma is holding up.
I’m waiting for Manny in my car so we can pay Wheeler a visit and inform him that Cyma will no longer be making her monthly payments to him. I can handle Wheeler on my own, but Manny just wants to go for fun. Manny has never been one to want to miss out on any of the action. Finally, he comes out of his building with a girl on each arm. Kissing them both good-bye, he waves them off and gets in my ride.
“Wild night with the twins?” I ask as I gun my engine.