by Dawn Martens
“Thanks for the ride, Kenzie!” I shouted as I ran for the front door. I set my backpack down on the couch and went straight for AJ’s room, but he wasn’t there.
“Hey AJ, are you home?” I waltzed into the kitchen with a little extra spring in my step. If he wasn’t holed up in his room then he would definitely be in the kitchen eating everything in sight. I swore my brother could eat enough to feed an entire army with all of the calories he burned off during football practice. Hmm, he wasn’t there either.
I stood there with my hands resting on my hips, pondering where else he could be. Football practice should have been over half an hour ago, and he always came straight home. Maybe he decided to stop at Amber’s house. I knew he had a thing for her, and I teased him relentlessly because they had been spending a lot more time together lately.
I walked out to the garage to grab a can of soda from the spare fridge, but when I turned around, it slipped between my fingers and spun around in a circle as it sprayed everywhere. All of the air left my lungs, and I collapsed to the cement floor. I was unable to scream. Unable to move. Unable to process what the fuck I was even seeing.
His body hung there lifeless from the rafters; his face already drained of color from lack of oxygen. But that couldn’t be him...he would never...
A blood-curdling scream erupted from behind me as my mother stepped into the garage, and she ran towards my brother crying hysterically, shouting for my father to call 911. I could hear sirens in the distance and my father pulled my mother into his chest, whispering in her ear to look away. Emergency workers stepped around me, and I watched as they cut the rope that suspended him. His body fell limp into the arms of the crew standing just below him, and as they walked past me, I saw that his eyes were still open. His beautiful eyes that were now so dilated that I could barely see the cerulean blue that encompassed them and brought them to life.
I knew this was the last time I would ever see him, and the image would forever haunt me...
The funeral was even harder than I imagined. I debated whether or not I was even going to show up, but deep down I knew I had to. As much as it killed me to be there, my parents needed me now more than ever. I was all they had left.
Upon entering the church, I was overwhelmed by the smoky incense that surrounded me. I always loved that smell as a child. There was something soothing about the way it prickled my senses, almost numbing them. Being there in that beautiful sanctuary always brought me a sense of peace that I couldn’t find anywhere else. I longed for that peace now, but I knew it would never come.
The somber atmosphere was slowly suffocating me. As people gradually filed in, I could hear their muffled conversations and soft whimpers echo off of the walls, but my feeble attempt to tune them out was useless; it was deafening. I could hear AJ’s name repeated over and over like a mantra, each time breaking what remained of my fragile heart a little more.
I went to stand by my mother and father just outside of the church, where the rest of the funeral procession had congregated. The skirl of the bagpipes slowly filtered through the air, and everyone in the church stood to watch as the pallbearers proceeded to carry my brother inside. I choked back a laugh as I watched the man dressed in a kilt play the bagpipes. It was neither the time nor the place to be laughing, but I thought to myself that if my brother were here, he would find the humor in the situation. I pictured AJ standing next to me and asking, “Do you think he’s wearing anything under there? I bet you he’s free ballin’!” I chuckled again, and my mother’s crestfallen gaze bore into me with tears streaming down her face. Yeah, I was definitely going to hell for that.
As we sat down and the pastor’s words permeated through the church, a strange feeling was cast over me. I was seated at the end of the pew next to AJ’s closed casket when it hit me. I would never see his beautiful, radiant smile again. Never hear his boisterous and ridiculously contagious laugh. Never feel his strong arms wrap me up in a comforting embrace that would make all my worries effortlessly slip away.
“Would anyone like to come up and say a few words about AJ?” The pastor stood there waiting to see if anyone would step forward.
My father nudged my shoulder. Clearly I was the first victim nominated to bare my soul about my dead brother. Languidly, I approached the front of the church, genuflected in front of the altar and stepped up to the podium, adjusting the microphone for my lack of height. I surveyed all of the people seated in front of me who came to pay their last respects to my brother. I was able to pick out of few of our mutual friends, some estranged family members that we only saw maybe once a year and several attendees I could honestly say I had never seen before in my life. There had to have been at least 300 people crammed in that tiny space. It was heartwarming to see how many lives he touched in the short amount of time he was able to share with us.
My gaze lowered to the casket, and I knew he wasn’t really there. It had been three days. Three days since he left me here to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. Three days since I had let his name pass through my lips. Three days since he selfishly took his own life, leaving me with an image that will forever be burned into my brain. Inside that cold, hollow box was just a remnant of what once was my whole world...my brother, my best friend, my rock.
I tried to surrender all of the feelings I held locked in my heart for AJ, but the words just never came. The longer I stood there staring back at the blank faces before me, the harder I trembled. Finding my brother’s lifeless body had left me in a state of shock that I still had yet to come down from. I never allowed myself to fully mourn him...not one tear was shed. But now, I no longer had control over my body as my emotions came barreling through me, fighting to find their release.
What happened next was a blur.
I don’t remember running from the church, but I had finally broken free from the haze as I collapsed to my knees on the hard, cold ground, gasping for air as if it were my last breath...
I woke up screaming and completely drenched in sweat. My heart was racing a mile a minute, and I looked around, taking in my surroundings as I slowly came back to the present. The couple in the room next to me pounded on the wall and shouted for me to keep it down. Well they could go fuck themselves because they had no idea what shit I was going through over here!
Fuck, why did the dream have to come back now? Just when I was trying to start over and heal on my own, it crept up and bit me in the ass. I lied there, unconsciously spinning AJ’s state championship ring that I wore on the white-gold chain he gave me for the last birthday we celebrated together. I hadn’t taken it off since the day after his funeral when I decided to add the ring to my necklace. For some reason it had a soothing effect on me, and I often caught myself rotating it between my fingers when I felt stressed and overwhelmed.
I grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge, draining it completely before I lied back down. I thought about forcing myself to stay awake the rest of the night, fearing I might be pulled back into the dream, but I knew I’d regret it tomorrow. I needed all of the energy I could get if was going to spend the next day hunting for a job and an apartment...but I sure as hell wasn’t looking forward to it.
WHISKEY LULLABY by Dawn Martens and Emily Minton
Adult
18+
Romance
Each book ends with a HEA. All books are about different couples.
Julie Walker thought she found true love with Jase. Until he betrayed her in the worst way, with one of her best friends. Devastated and heartbroken she runs away, leaving behind her family and friends. She starts a new life filled with secrets.
When Julie meets Dean, she thinks he is the answer to all her prayers, but Dean isn’t who she thinks he is.
Jase Gibson is a player. Even when he had the girl of his dreams, he still played. When he lost Julie, his life fell apart. He turned to whiskey and women, to fill the void. But, only Julie will ever make him whole.
Nine years later, Julie's back home, but
she's not alone. What will happen when all of Julie's secrets are uncovered?
Jase vowed that if he ever got her back, he would do right by her and never let her go. Will he let Julie's secret keep them apart?
When Julie's ex-husband refuses to be her ex, Jase must choose to help her or hang on to his anger.
Jase and Julie have to find a way to give their whiskey lullaby a happy ending.
WL - Prologue
Julie
I’m just finishing making Jase's birthday cake. It’s his favorite, chocolate with vanilla pudding in the middle. We’ve been living together for three years, and I still get butterflies whenever I think about him.
Jase and I have known each other since we were just kids, but we didn't become a couple until I was a freshman and he was a senior. I remember talking to my two best friends, Kristen and Bec, when he came up and told me we were going out. Yes, he told me I was going out with him that night. Since then, we’ve been inseparable.
He was, and is, the sexiest thing I have ever seen. He has thick, light-brown hair that hangs just below his chin, and beautiful dark-brown eyes that sparkle when he laughs; they turn nearly black when he is inside me. He’s tall, a little over six feet. He’s slim but muscular. He was the star player on the school’s football team. All the girls wanted him; I couldn’t believe he wanted me. Sometimes, I still can't.
I was just the normal girl that really didn’t do anything except study. I was shy and quiet, and I kept mostly to myself. I only had a few friends. It was really just Kristen, Bec, and me against the world.
Kristen is my cousin, but she is really more of a sister. My brother and I have lived with her family since I was seven. See, my mom ran off with some trucker and left me and Brandon alone in our little trailer. He was just nine, but he tried his best to take care of me. Three days after she left, we ran out of food; the next day, the Department of Children's Services was at our door.
We haven’t seen mom since. My dad was never in the picture. Honestly, I wonder if mom even knew who he was. Luckily, Mom’s brother Mack was more of a parent than she ever was. He and his wife took us in. They have two kids of their own, Kristen and Will. We had never even met them before, but it didn't take long for us all to become one big family.
A year after Jase and I started dating, he gave me his Grandpa's dog tags. He’s been wearing them since he was just a kid. When he gave them to me, he said they use to be his most prized possession, but now I am. He said when people saw them around my neck, that everyone would know that I was his. I’ve wore them every day since.
We moved in together my senior year. My uncle and aunt flipped out when I said I wanted to move in with Jase. They knew him, and his dad was Uncle Mack's best friend. But, they’d been really protective of me since my brother Brandon and I moved in with them.
After lots of long talks and lots of pleading from me and Jase, Uncle Mack and Aunt Angie relented and allowed me to move in with Jase. But not before they gave him the ‘talk’. I wasn't allowed in the room, so I'm not sure what was said, but Jase was as white as a sheet when they were done. A week later, they helped me pack up my things and moved me into Jase’s place. We've been living our own ‘happily ever after’ ever since.
Jase works at his pop’s garage. He comes home smelling like gas and covered in grease, but it’s good money. His brothers work there too, and I think he enjoys being with them every day. It seems like he works all the time, but he's doing what he loves. That is all that matters to me.
After I finish cleaning up the kitchen, I head to our bedroom and put on my knee length blue dress. I look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. The dress hugs all the right curves, but doesn't show any of my extra bits. Bec's been telling me I need to lose a little weight, so I've been trying to diet. I've lost a few pounds, but I don't think Jase has noticed.
Bec's been telling me a lot of things lately, all bad. Like I'm getting fat, my hair is stringy, I'm too clingy with Jase; the list goes on. I am not sure why she is keeps acting this way, but I know that I am getting tired of it.
I fluff up my long dark-brown hair, take one more look in the mirror, and head back downstairs. I plan to surprise Jase at work. I’ve never done this before, but I think he’ll love it. He turned twenty-two today. It is his first birthday since his mom died, and I want to make sure it’s the best birthday he’s ever had.
Jase has been having a really hard time since Michelle died, but he won't talk about it. It's been almost a year, and he still won't even mention her. He's drinking a lot. He even stayed out all night a time or two. I'm kind of worried, but Aunt Angie says everyone has to grieve in their own way. So I'm trying to give him his space, but it’s hard to see him struggling so much and not try to help.
Settling in my car, I place his birthday cake in the passenger seat. I imagine the look on his face, when he sees me carrying a cake into the garage. He loves my cake, but he loves me more. I know he'll be happy to see me, but he'll be even happier when he sees what I’ve got on under my dress.
I pull into the parking lot, and make my way inside. I don’t see him when I first go in. That’s strange, I figure he would be out in his bay working. I wave at the guys, but no one waves back. Not one of them will look at me. Even Jase's baby brother Shane is looking the other way. I'm not sure what’s wrong, but I know it’s bad.
Nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach. My heart starts to beat fast and I feel hot all over. I hear noises coming from inside the office, so I head that way. As soon as I open the door, my heart rips in two. Jase's pants are down and a pair of long legs are wrapped around his back. They’re on Pop's desk, and they’re going at it so hard that it’s squeaking.
“Yes, Jase, harder, baby. Fuck me like you can’t fuck your innocent little Julie.”
Oh my God, Bec! Jase grunts and starts to speed up. My head starts to spin and my stomach starts to roll. How could they hurt me this way? I feel like I’m going to be sick. Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t real. Jase wouldn’t do this to me. I take another look in the room and see that I wasn’t wrong. My best friend and boyfriend are screwing each other behind my back! I back up slowly so they don’t hear me and bump into Shane's chest. He places his hand on my back and walks me out front.
Shane drops his arm and looks at me. Pity’s etched on his face. "I'm sorry, Jules. I should've stopped you. You never should have seen that, but I thought you deserved to know."
I look up at him and shake my head. I somehow find my voice. "This isn’t your fault. Can you do me a favor though?" My voice cracks a little.
"Anything for you, Jules."
"Don't tell him I was here. Make sure the rest of the guys don't tell him either."
Shane nods his head. "I'll make sure no one says a word."
I look down and notice that I'm still carrying his stupid birthday cake. I walk over and sit it by the garage door, and run to my car.
When I make it back home, I run up to our room. Grabbing my suitcase from the closet, I quickly pack as much of my stuff as I can. I look around the room, our room, with a heavy heart. Removing his Grandpa’s dog tags from around my neck, I head toward our bed. I know that taking them off means that we are truly over. I place them on Jase's pillow and run to my car. Before I can get in the driver’s seat, Matty, Jase's brother pulls up. When he gets out, his eyes go alert.
“Where are you going, Jules?”
“I don't know."
"What the hell happened?"
I surprise myself when the words tumble out of my mouth. "I went to surprise Jase, and he was having sex with one my best friends.” Tears threaten and finally win as I sob heavily. Immediately, Matty wraps me up in his arms and starts to rub small circles on my back. I look up at Matty and the tears fall even harder. He looks so much like Jase that it hurts to even look at him. “I have to get out of here, before Jace gets home. I can’t face him right now.”
“You don’t have to leave.” Matty whispers, guilt lacing his v
oice.
I have a feeling that he knew what was going on with Jase and Bec, but I am afraid to ask. Matty has been my friend for years. It would hurt too much if he had kept this from me.
“I have to go. There is no way that I can be around him.” I explain.
“I’m sorry, Jules. He doesn’t deserve you,” Matty says and continues to rub my back.
I jerk away at his words and nearly shout, “No, he doesn’t. That’s why I’m leaving.”
He’s quiet for a moment, just staring at me. He’s quiet for a moment, just staring at me. Then a sad smile spreads across his face. “You could give it a little time before you leave. You know that my brother isn’t the only man in town.”
I shake my head. “No! I can’t even think about that right now.”
He loses his smile. "Where are you going?”
“I don’t know yet, but far away from here.”
He nods. “Will you at least call me when you figure it out?"
My tears catch in my throat. I’m afraid to answer. Nodding my head is all I can manage.
“And you better call me every once in a while just to let me know you’re okay.” My chest expands with emotion. What the hell went so wrong? I nod again then give Matty a quick kiss on the cheek before I hop into my car.
Sadness hangs around me as I look toward our home one more time before hitting the road. Tears stream down my face as I whisper, "Goodbye, Jase.”
******
Jase
I finish up my shift and clean up before going home. I had a good lunch break with Bec today. Well, I got off, so I guess that makes it good. I didn't even want to do it, but Bec wasn't willing to take no for answer. I figured the best thing to do was just fuck her and get it over with.