by S. E. Lund
"Shh," I said and kissed her, wanting her to feel safe, rather than assuring her with words. "We'll talk later. I love you, Kate."
"I love you," she said and slipped her arms around my neck, kissing me. I kissed her back passionately, my arms around her, pulling her into my embrace.
Then Ethan popped his head into the room.
"Hey, you two lovebirds. Your food's getting cold." Ethan smiled and then left us alone.
I looked up at Kate. "What do you say we go back and have lunch now that it's settled?"
"What's settled?" she asked, frowning.
"That we love each other," I said and smiled.
Kate nodded. "Sounds like a plan."
I took her hand and pulled her down the hall, following Ethan back to the dining room where Elaine sat alone, her face expectant. When she saw us return, she went to the kitchen and brought our plates back after heating the pasta up in the microwave.
"Feeling better?" she said to Kate when she sat back down.
Kate nodded and I took her hand under the table and squeezed. She turned to look at me, and I could see that there was something seriously wrong. Kate looked like she was afraid, and I felt a knot in my gut at the expression on her face.
What was wrong?
I couldn’t figure it out and she wasn’t going to say anything – not now. We’d have to wait until we were alone. I turned back to my meal, but made sure to keep her hand in mine under the table so that whatever was bothering her, at least she knew I cared.
The rest of the meal went well, and we talked about Liam, our trip, about Ethan’s campaign and the usual political developments in the nation.
I held Kate’s hand as we drove back to the Chelsea apartment, hoping she knew that whatever was bothering her, I was there. In the elevator, I pressed her against the wall. "How are you feeling, Ms. Bennet? I'm a bit sleepy after that heavy meal. What do you say to a bit of a nap? You said you were tired."
She nodded. "Sounds good to me, but we really should talk first." She unbuttoned my coat, pulling my scarf away from my neck.
"We'll talk after we fuck," I said, wanting to reassure her. Whatever she had to say would be better said once both of us were in that pleasant state after a good orgasm. "I have it all planned out."
"You do?” she said, smiling coyly in the way I loved. "I have nothing else to do and so I'm all yours."
"All mine?" I said, grinning, my mind already going to where I wanted to take her – naked, bound, blindfolded, crying out in pleasure.
"At your disposal," she said and she seemed more relaxed. "At your command. I seem to recall a promise about harem girls and massages…"
"Oh, that's right…" I smiled when I remembered my request. "I do remember something about you being my slave girl and giving me a really sensuous massage, but maybe we should wait until after the nap." I kissed her softly and she seemed to forget about whatever was bothering her.
CHAPTER TWO
We undressed and slipped under the covers, snuggling together the way we always did at night. Her body was soft and warm against mine and it was so nice and comfortable that I felt my eyelids close and I drifted in a semi-awake state.
Then my cell chimed, announcing that a text message had arrived.
"Crap," I said and grabbed it off the bedside table.
"Ignore it, Drake," Kate said, yawning.
"Can't," I said. "That's someone from the foundation calling."
I took my phone and read the text. It was from Dave.
Drake, are you alone? Call me. I have something to tell you… You better be sitting down when I do, buddy.
That didn’t sound very promising. What was the problem? Something bad to do with the Foundation? I wracked my brain trying to think of what it might be. Did someone abscond with funds? Did some Foundation money go to arms deals instead of to hospital construction or tools? I couldn’t imagine why Dave would want me to be sitting down.
"I'll be right back," I said and left the bedroom, going to the living room where I sat on the couch and dialed Dave’s number.
“Hey,” I said when he answered. “What’s up? What’s the crisis?”
“Is Kate with you?” he said, his voice hesitant.
I frowned. “Yes. She’s in the bedroom. Why?”
There was a pause. “Have you seen the New York Weekly? The Society Page?”
I got up and went to the pile of mail and papers on the table by the door. There was the New York Weekly, under an envelope. I hadn’t even had a chance to read it, let alone the Society Page. Did someone write something about me? Had Kate’s meddling friend finally got me in trouble by going public with information about my participation in the BDSM lifestyle?
I opened the page and searched through the articles.
And then I saw it.
Ice filled my veins. Kate leaned against a wall with a blond-haired young man leaning over her very possessively, a hand on the wall beside her head. He was standing close as if he was whispering to her or preparing to kiss her. She didn’t look happy, but she was there – wearing the dress she wore to the DWB event the other night.
The caption of the photo read “Kate McDermott and Escort attend Doctors Without Borders fundraiser.”
Escort?
“Do you see it?” Dave said, his voice hesitant.
“I see it,” I replied, my face hot with anger. Jealousy burned in my gut.
“She was with some old flame, from what I heard. I spoke with Nigel. He said Kate was hot and heavy with him a year ago. Some former pilot who volunteers for Doctors Without Borders.”
“Flyboy,” I said, my throat choked with emotion.
“Flyboy?” Dave said.
“That’s what they call him. Kate and her dad.”
“Is she still with him? I thought the two of you…” he said, his voice trailing off.
“They broke up a year ago. At least, that’s what I was told. Did you see them arrive together?” I asked.
“No,” Dave said. “I thought Kate arrived by herself. I saw her speak with Nigel and then she gave the donation on behalf of her father. Then she left just after six o’clock and he followed her. When I saw the picture, I figured she was still seeing him or something. She never spoke to him at the function and I had no idea he was her escort.”
I didn’t know what to say. Had she planned on meeting him? It didn’t seem at all like the Kate I had come to know – and love. My jealousy was like a coiled snake inside of my chest. I was so upset, my heart was pounding very fast. I fought to keep from throwing the phone across the room.
I did everything in my power not to jump to any conclusions but it was incredibly hard and as each moment passed, it became less and less possible.
“I’ll speak with Kate. See what’s up,” I said, keeping my voice controlled. “Thanks for calling.”
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when I saw the photo in the Weekly, I thought I should call you and tell you what I knew.”
“Thanks,” I said and ended the call.
I sat with my head in my hands. Was this why Kate had been acting strangely? Was she going to break off our relationship? Maybe she didn’t really want to go to Africa but didn’t know how to say it.
Anger and hurt seethed inside of me as I tried to understand what I had seen and what Dave had said. I sat there, the phone in my hand, considering what I would say to Kate.
That was how Kate found me when she entered the living room. I heard her footsteps and saw her out of the corner of my eye but I didn’t look at her – I couldn’t look at her just yet.
"Drake?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She stepped closer to the couch. "Drake," she said, her voice wavering. "I—"
"Don't," I said, holding up my hand to stop her. "Don't say anything."
"But I need to explain—"
"Not now," I said, desperately trying to keep control over my emotions.
"Please Drake," she said, her voice panicked. "I was going t
o tell you…" She came over to the couch and was going to sit next to me but I turned to her, frowning.
"Stop," I said. "Leave me alone. I need some time to think."
"Why?" she said, her voice pleading. "There's nothing to think about. I ran into Kurt at the fundraiser, he followed me out of the building and some photographer took that picture when I was telling him to leave me alone. That's it," she said, chopping her hand down emphatically. "End of story."
"You never said anything about Kurt being your," I said, trying to control my voice. "Escort."
"He wasn't!" She sat closer to me. "The paper made that up. I wasn't with him. He followed me out and they took that picture. That's it."
"What time did you get home that night?” I said and frowned, trying to remember. “When I woke up, it was almost eight thirty. Dave said you left the fundraiser at six – with Kurt."
She exhaled in frustration. "I did leave at six. I didn't want to stay because Kurt was there. He followed me out. I didn't leave with him. He cornered me, I told him I was with you and was happy, and then I left. I took a cab because the limo driver was away and I wanted to escape Kurt. I got home around 6:15 and you were asleep so I didn't wake you up."
It sounded possible but the photo... "So you have no proof that you were home that early? Dave said you left with Kurt."
"I didn't," she said, her face white, her brow furrowed. "There's the concierge in the entry. You could ask him."
"God, Kate,” I said, emotion overwhelming me. “Do I really have to check with the doorman to know if you're telling me the truth?"
"Why would you doubt me?"
I turned away, my heart pounding. She was right. Why would I doubt her? Finally, I turned back to face her and the expression on her face was almost enough to make me trust her. Almost.
"Why would I doubt you?” I said, exasperated, conflicted. “Because you didn't fucking tell me the truth right away, that's why. Dave had to tell me."
"It meant nothing,” she said, her voice insistent. “I didn't want to upset you over nothing. You've been through so much with Liam and the transplant and being sick. You were so tired…"
I shook my head, not meeting her eyes. "Is every fucking woman going to cheat on me?" I muttered. Then I turned back to face her. "Didn't I pay enough attention to you? Couldn’t you wait until I recovered?"
"Couldn't I wait?" she said. "What do you mean?"
She crawled onto my lap, her arms around my neck, tears in her eyes. I couldn’t respond, my jealousy so strong, my fear of once more being cheated on keeping me from believing her.
"Drake, don't do this," she said, her voice breaking. "Kurt means nothing to me. Nothing."
"Did he touch you?"
"What do you mean, did he touch me? He grabbed my arm, he touched my cheek. I didn’t touch him. We spoke for five minutes and I left. Alone."
I stared at her, my eyes hungry for her. Even as I sat there feeling betrayed, I couldn’t help but love her, desire her – want to fuck her right then and there, hard and fast.
"Did you fuck him? Just for old time's sake?" I asked it, needing to know the truth so I could shut off my emotions. Shut her out of my heart.
"What?" she said, pulling back in horror.
"Tell me the truth, Katherine,” I said. Maybe she needed me to be more dominant. Maybe she needed someone more forceful. “At least tell me the goddamned truth."
"Do you really, seriously think I'd just fuck some man?"
"Kurt isn’t just some man,” I said, thinking back to everything Kate and Lara had told me about him. He was in the Marines, like Ethan and my father. He was alpha, if clumsy in his introduction of kink with Kate. “He was your lover. I know how these things go."
"No, stop for a moment and think," she said, her voice breaking. "Do you really think I could fuck Kurt? I need to know."
I shrugged, already closing off my emotions. "I don't know. The paper said he was your escort. You left with him. You were home late. You have needs…"
"Drake, that’s insane. If you can even think that might happen, you don’t know me at all. I would never do that."
"How would I know? We've only been together for four months,” I said. “You're still so young. Who knows what hidden kinks you might have."
I thought of Kate perhaps liking the idea of multiple partners, polyamory. Who knew what she might desire. If she wasn’t being truthful with me about Kurt, there was no telling what kind of kink she might be into.
"It's the truth," she said, stroking her hands through my hair, her eyes brimming. "I was back here at 6:15. I was so happy to get away from Kurt and back to you."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You were sick!"
Our eyes finally met, and her tears spilled out over her cheeks.
"Oh, God, Drake," she said, almost sobbing. "Nothing happened."
"You have to always tell me the truth, Katherine," I said, my voice low. "You have to tell me right away. I have to know you're being completely honest with me, completely open. I can't have any doubt ever," I said. "I can't."
"You don't have to doubt me," she said, her voice breaking again. "I love you. More than anything. More than I ever thought possible." She kissed me, her hands on either side of my face. I didn’t respond, still not convinced that it was all a mistake. She pulled away, her expression almost desperate. "Drake, I love only you." She kissed me again. "Only you."
"Why, Kate?” I said, my own voice breaking. “I let you in. I let you in."
She glanced away but I stopped her, tilting her chin up so that she was forced to look in my eyes. I pulled her against me, burying my face in her neck and pressed her down on the couch. With her body under mine, listening to the desperation in her voice, the fear in her eyes, I made a decision. I had to trust her, even if the circumstances didn’t appear to merit it. But she had to know that she could never keep anything from me again. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stand to doubt her. I had to know for certain that she was mine.
"Why didn't you tell me right away?"
"I knew you were jealous,” she said. “You told me you were jealous. I was afraid you'd misunderstand."
I exhaled. "Kate, I can't stop men from hitting on you, but you have to trust me completely and tell me when they do. No secrets. It's absolutely necessary for this to work. I've been lied to. I've been cheated on. I can't have it. I won't take it."
"You have to trust me, too, " she said and I knew she was right, but trust had to be earned. It was earned by telling the truth right away.
"How can I when you didn't tell me right away? Were you hoping it would never come up?"
"Every time I tried to tell you, you'd do something to stop me,” she said, raising her shoulder up. “I wanted to find the right time, and well, you read the paper…"
"It upsets me that it was Dave who told me,” I said, and that was what really bothered me. I wanted Kate to feel so secure with me that she could tell me anything. A Dom needed to know everything in his sub’s heart and mind. It was imperative. He had to know. “It hurts that he had to phone me to ask if I'd seen the picture."
She sighed and shook her head slowly. "I was wrong not to tell you right away. I didn't think it was important. It meant nothing to me. If anything, it reinforced why Kurt and I broke up. You have no reason to be jealous."
"You have to understand," I said, touching her cheek. "Your father tried to fix you up with Kurt first, before me. He thought Kurt was just your type. He thought Kurt was perfect for you. I was around, listening to him talk about Kurt and how he wanted you to get together."
"What?"
I nodded. "You know, Kurt's a Marine like he was and like my father. A veteran. A pilot. Strong. Intelligent. A bit older than you, but still, closer to your age. He's really good looking, on top of everything. You have to understand back then, I was forced to listen to your father's campaign to get you together with Kurt. He told me all about how he thought Kurt was perfect for you and that yo
u'd love him…"
Kate shook her head. "He's not. I don't – he's nothing to me. You're everything."
"I was like second best to your father," I said, giving her a rueful smile. "If Kurt didn't work out, there was always me." And that was the truth—Ethan had chosen Kurt for Kate over me.
"You're better,” Kate said, her voice a little desperate sounding. “A million times better. And I can't believe my father talked to you about setting me up with Kurt. Why?"
"I asked about you. Frequently,” I replied. “He seemed to want to talk about you to someone. He was busy trying to get you together with Kurt when we started to become friends. I figured he didn't consider me because I'm so much older than you."
"I like that you're older than me. I've told you that."
"Still," I said, remembering what I had seen of Kurt – young, studly, blond surfer good looks. "You might not always like it." I’d always be twelve years older than her. When she was forty, I’d be fifty-two. I’d be an old man when she was still an attractive middle-aged woman.
She shook her head. "I can't imagine not being with you. Not loving you."
I sighed and played with a lock of her hair. "People stop loving you, Kate. I know."
"Not always. Drake, I'm so sorry," she said, her voice breaking. "This is all my fault. I should have told you right away, as soon as you woke up."
I nodded and touched her cheek with my fingers, unable to keep from touching her, making contact even when I was still upset. "You should have."
"Please forgive me."
I forced a smile. "I do. But I'm going to have to punish you."
"What?" She pulled back, a look of shock on her face.
I nodded, knowing that I had to punish her for breaking the terms of our agreement. She was supposed to be truthful about our relationship and her feelings. At all times. She’d broken the terms.
"You broke the rules about truth. You know you're supposed to always tell me the truth. You are not allowed to hide things from me. I have to punish you or what kind of Dom would I be?"