by HDA Roberts
"Where'd the arrows come from?" Kraab asked as he put a set of Spelleater Manacles on Des.
"Nowhere in particular," I said, spotting Lunson in the woods and giving a subtle nod of thanks, which he returned with a smile. I saw Mercucio and Kaliya too, and they raised their war-bows in salute before disappearing back into the trees.
Palmyra saw the whole thing and shook her head.
"Nowhere in particular?" Kraab said with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, I didn't shoot them," I said.
Kraab rolled his eyes.
"Who would have done this?" I asked nobody in particular. My only answer was shrugs.
Kraab and his people secured Des and handed him off to a support team, who started patching the hole in my house. Killian, Kron and Palmyra stood and said goodbye before vanishing.
"Should that sort of mass-exodus after a question worry me at all?" I asked Hopkins.
She smiled sadly, "I'm your designated 'bringer of bad news'," she said, squeezing my shoulder, "Des got hit because of the way the spell was targeted. My guess would be blood. His is almost identical to yours, what with him being your twin. There was just enough difference that he only got a taste."
"So it's my fault?" I said.
"Don't start that again," she said, smacking my arm, "You didn't send the Black, how can it be your fault?"
I rubbed my forehead, "Sure feels like my fault."
She put her arm around my shoulders I leant against her, "It's not, Matty," she said firmly.
"Can Des come back from this?" I asked.
"Small Pine has a secure wing. He'll have to go there, but he didn't actually hurt anyone, he may still be fixable. I'll have a good Flesh Mage look at him and try to fix the damage, but that's going to be tricky. Changes made by Black Magic are difficult to repair. And the mental damage was already bad before he started talking about eating people. I don't know what can be done there, I'm not a telepath. Palmyra might be able to help, I'll ask."
"Thanks," I said, "I don't know how I can thank you and the others for everything you did."
"It's our duty. You don't owe us a thing."
"Still, I do owe you my life again," I said.
She waved it off and stood, offering her hand. She helped me up and I nearly fell over on account of my dodgy leg.
"By the way, why were there Centaurs shooting at your brother?" she asked.
I made tea for her and Kraab's people while I explained. She took it well, I think. Well, she didn't yell too much, and seemed to accept that having Fairies nearby had certainly saved my family from a very messy death. Finally the work was done, Kraab took my statement, and he left with his people. Some redecoration was going to be necessary, but at least there wasn't any structural damage (for the moment, my mother's favourite tapestry had been destroyed in that blast, and she might be pissed enough to knock another hole in the wall when she found out).
Hopkins stayed while I called my phone and told Tethys what had happened. She passed me over to my father, and I told him.
He didn't take it as well. Mostly he was terrified for me, and the implications. Des' actions had made him something to be feared, and I was rather relieved that there wasn't more yelling on that score. They were further comforted by the knowledge that an Archon was now taking a personal interest in Des' treatment, and maybe some progress might be made for a bloody change, because it was fairly sodding obvious that Small Pine wasn't doing bollocks, based on Des new desire to eat parts of me (I know that wasn't fair, but I'd had a day).
Getting everyone home was a logistical nightmare, because my wretched grandmother (of sushi-fame, if you remember) refused to travel back via warp-cat or portal, which meant that my other grandfather wouldn't come back that way, either. So, I had to drive my father's tiny Citroen to Stonebridge (I barely had a licence. It took three tries and on the third I had to hex the examiner so he'd pass me), while Grommit teleported everyone else back home (including Tethys, I might add).
Hopkins thought this was hilarious, by the way, and was laughing her arse off even as I drove away with three Pixies stowed away in the glove compartment, who exploded out of it at exactly the wrong moment, causing me to drive off the road and into a ditch.
They also thought that this was hilarious, and when I threatened them with smacked bottoms they lined up over my knee and told me not to be gentle. It was an exhausting day.
With what little Magic I'd rebuilt, I lifted the car out of the ditch and back onto the road, and the Pixies settled themselves on the seat next to me while I drove the rest of the way to the Purple Pussycat, where my grandparents were waiting outside, having refused to enter a 'den of ill-repute'.
The drive back was like a body-cavity inspection done with a red hot poker, as my grandmother tore into me, and my grandfather let her. She sat in the front seat, my grandfather behind her. The Pixies were hiding in the boot.
She critiqued my life choices, my magical nature, my inability to look after my brother and my intelligence. By the time I got the old bat back home I was ready to throttle her and the old bastard sitting behind her. I let them out and they stomped into the house, nearly getting bowled over by Burglar who came out to greet me.
The Pixies landed on the car roof as he turned up, and I scratched his ears.
"We don't like them," Melody said.
"No, we don't," Jewel agreed, "can we do them a mischief?"
"Maybe later," I said as I stood up. My recently healed bones were aching abominably, and just not helped by nearly four hours of driving. It was late, nearly midnight, but my parents were still awake and came out to meet me, pulling me into a hug. We chatted briefly before I started yawning, too tired to stay awake much longer, and I was shooed off to bed.
The Pixies came with me and waited while I showered, changed and dropped into bed... where I found Tethys under the covers and nearly jumped out the window in shock, which made her laugh.
Seriously, they're all trying to kill me...
Chapter 18
I woke up with Tethys wrapped around me, and my Grandpa looming over me with a sly look on his face.
"I thought you said your girlfriend was blonde?" he said with a cheeky grin.
"Morning Wilbur," Tethys said before yawning and settling closer into my neck.
"She is, Tethys is a different sort of friend," I said groggily.
"But I have much the same intentions," she added.
"Good grief, Tethys, that's my grandpa!"
"Don't worry. I like your grandfather. He's almost as twisted as you; I see where you get it from."
"It's a family trait," Grandpa said sagely, "skipped a generation between me and Matty, but is all the more concentrated for it," he said with a chuckle.
"Hey! We're trying to sleep here!" said Meadow from my armchair, where the trio had made a nest in my discarded sweater.
Grandpa turned and blinked.
"Just how many women are in here with you?"
"Four?" I said, "I hope."
"Son, I hate to ask, but are they supposed to be that tiny? You didn't do something strange to them or anything?"
"He promised us a spanking and then didn't deliver, does that count?" Jewel asked, waking up and rubbing her eyes.
"You have my attention," Tethys said, suddenly very awake.
"Alright, before this gets any further," I said, pulling the bedclothes away and standing up, "I think that it's important to note-"
I vanished. God, I love Illusion Magic...
"Hey! Come back here!" Tethys said, grabbing at the spot where I'd been standing, "I want to hear this, and it's no fun if I can't watch you squirm!"
Grandpa roared with laughter as I pulled a random pile of clothes from a nearby shelf and darted out the door, unobserved. Naturally Burglar ruined the whole thing. He'd heard my voice and come running up to see me, but couldn't and so bowled me over via side-swipe, which broke my illusion and left me in a half-clothed heap that the Pixies started flying around.
"You know, this is far below the dignity of a Sorcerer," I complained as the Pixies landed on my head.
"But about par for you," Grandpa said, walking over to me with a wide grin on his face.
Des and I took after our father in terms of looks, and Father took after Grandpa, the features minimally diluted over two subsequent generations. He was in his late sixties, strong and vital, like Des with wrinkles.
He offered his hand and hauled me up as Tethys came out of my room dressed in one of my shirts and very little else. She kissed my cheek and went into the bathroom.
"If I were forty years younger and your grandmother was in a coma..." he said wistfully, staring at Tethys' rear.
"Oh damn, Grandpa, even I think that's yucky," I said, pulling on my slippers.
"What?" he said, following me.
A Succubus in my shower, Pixies in my hair and a colossal dog on my heels. This was my normal, now. It wasn't so bad, really.
I made it to the kitchen and the Pixies took off before the evil old bats at the breakfast table saw them, making for their perch above the fridge. They'd relocated an old fleece of mine up there; it was where they took their stolen chocolate for some quiet gorging.
My parents were nearby, trying to look calm. Mother was on the phone.
"What do you mean 'criminally insane'?" she said loudly.
"Des?" I asked Father, he nodded.
Mother said 'mm hm' a lot before finally putting the phone down.
"He bit a nurse's nose off," she said to Father, which put me off my breakfast and nearly made me throw up on the spot, "your friend Palmyra went by and fixed all the... physical stuff. He looks normal again, but the problems in his mind are a hundred times worse. They had to transfer him to a secure facility that could handle violent cases."
I sat down.
"What did you do to your brother, you little monster?!" my other grandmother (the Sushi one), not Grandpa's wife, let's call her Sushi-bat for simplicity, said, rounding on me.
I was immediately angry and Burglar started growling at her. I stroked his big head, which calmed us both down.
"Say that to my son again," Mother said, glaring daggers at her own mother, moving over to stand behind me.
"Everything was fine until this creature got his powers!" Sushi-bat carried on, punctuating her diatribe with a pointing finger, "And now my precious Desmond is a broken wreck! It has to be him! He should be put in shackles and kept away from normal people!"
Even I couldn't stop Burglar barking angrily, growling in a way that a sensible person would have taken as an invitation to shut the hell up.
The tension broke when a lump of chewing gum darted out from the direction of the fridge and stuck firmly in Sushi-bat's hair with a wet 'thunk'.
That's my girls!
Mother looked over at the fridge, but they'd already hidden below the lip. Sushi-bat shrieked and started pulling at the lump, which came away in strings and only spread the mess. I had to work to stifle a laugh, and Burglar calmed down as he noticed my mirth, flopping his hindquarters down next to me. I looked over and saw Grommit settling in his basket, not bothering with a disguise anymore, his yellow eyes watching the grandparents balefully, even as he appeared restful.
Sushi-bat ran from the room, no doubt seeking a mirror. Grandfather rounded on me.
"Did you do that?" he asked menacingly, "Did you just use Magic on your grandmother?"
"Of course not," I said.
"I don't believe you," he said.
And Burglar was growling again.
"Keep your animal on a leash; he comes for me, I'll have him put down," he hissed.
"Daddy!" Mother said, her tone mortified.
"Grandfather, I don't wish to be disrespectful, or rude, but threaten my dog again and I'll remove your ability to use your plumbing without messing yourself. Assuming you still can," I said, my tone icy, more than a little nasty. It's a tone that has frightened Death Mages in the past.
Grandpa turned and covered his mouth with his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly with laughter.
"Mathew Samuel Graves, you apologise right this minute!" Mother said, her tone of voice very firm.
"Apologies, Grandfather," I said, my eyes blazing, shadows flickering at the edge of the room.
"Come on, Matty, why don't you and I take Burglar for a walk, eh?" Grandpa said, "He's looking a little flabby."
I nodded and pushed my chair back. I patted my thigh for Burglar to follow. Grommit stood too, stopping in front of Burglar and patting the ground with a paw. Burglar knelt and the warp-cat walked up onto his back, his claws latched onto Burglar's fur for stability.
We walked out the back door, and there was soon a buzzing sound that meant Pixies, and they quickly perched on their usual spots.
"We really don't like them," Meadow said, nuzzling into my hair.
"Thanks for the little trick, that was funny," I said.
"Least we could do, Jewel wanted to turn her into a toad," Melody said.
"You can do that?" I asked.
"For a while," Jewel replied, "a couple of days, maybe. Grommit would take care of the rest."
The warp-cat purred loudly with made Burglar twitch and grunt as the vibration transferred to his back.
"Oh, I wanted to thank you for what you did," I said, kneeling in front of Grommit, "My family would be dead if it wasn't for you."
Another very loud purr and he batted my nose in a way that I assumed meant 'don't mention it'. I smiled and we continued on.
"Mind if we stop by the lake? I have some other thank-yous to give," I said.
"Sure," Grandpa replied.
He stood there open-mouthed for a solid ten minutes as the Fairy creatures came out of hiding. I thanked the Centaurs profusely, and they looked embarrassed by the whole thing. The Nymphs came out of the lake and hugged me before circling Grandpa, and he went bright red when they started giggling good-naturedly. I spoke briefly with the sprites and the gnomes before we headed back, Grandpa was looking a little overwhelmed.
He was silent the whole way, like he was struck dumb. I couldn't blame him; it was a lot to take in for a relative novice. I could practically feel his mind trying to reconcile the physical with the Magical while adding Fairies to the mix.
"There's also a Hell, if that helps," I said (a little evilly).
"It does not, and you know it," he said, prodding me in the ribs.
We made it home and found my parents sitting at the breakfast table with Tethys, who was eating the Fortnum & Mason chocolates my father had hidden to keep Sushi-bat and the Pixies away from them.
She was dressed in her usual business suit, her hair perfectly styled. Burglar came over and snuffled at her, only for her to try and shoo him away again (unsuccessfully).
"Where are the others?" I asked.
"Cutting chewing gum out of your Grandmother's hair. Shame on you, girls," Mother said.
The Pixies gave a colossal sad sniff and darted away to their perch. Mother suddenly looked mortified.
"Yes, look what you did," I said, shaking my head in faux-disappointment.
I was fairly certain they were faking, but they're so cute that even that is enough to give you horrific guilt. Mother darted to the fridge with Father and Grandpa. She started apologising while the two Graves men watched, trying not to laugh. I sat at the table across from Tethys. She smiled at me, offering her hand, which I took.
"Thanks for taking care of them," I said.
"You're very welcome. But, I like to think of it as meeting my future in-laws, as much as anything else," she said with an evil smile.
I glared, she stuck out her tongue. Mother started crying when she couldn't get the Pixies to forgive her, at which point they relented. I could imagine the evil grins on their adorable faces...
Kandi turned up later on that day in a limousine to collect Tethys. Grandpa looked on as the little redhead made a f
uss of me and then Burglar. She stayed for a while, but then she was off with Tethys in tow, after extracting a promise from me to come see them soon.
Sushi-bat and Grandfather left that same day, and good riddance. Grandpa and the marginally less offensive Grandmother stayed for another couple of days, and we had that second Christmas. It seemed sad that Tethys wasn't there.
There were two weeks of Christmas Holiday left after that, and I spent them in much the same way as I'd spent the first two. Mother and Father went to visit Des after a few days, and when they came back they grabbed onto me and wouldn't let go for a quarter of an hour. When I asked, they told me that he'd stated that he was going to hang them by their intestines, among other, even less savoury things.
Grommit's horns arced with energy when he heard that, almost as if to say 'let him try'. It reassured me no end. Without the Black, Des was a mediocre Magician at best, and the warp-cat could probably tear him to pieces on his own, without taking the other Fae into account.
Hopefully the Warp-cat wouldn't get the chance. My brother was sick, which meant that he could get better. I hoped, prayed that he would. I tried not to think about it too hard, but I missed him a lot. I wanted my brother back.
The holiday ended. The goodbyes with the Pixies were heart-rending. They wouldn't let me go for an hour, making me run late. They promised to look after Burglar for me, who wined as I packed, and made me even more upset.
But even with all that, I still fetched up back at Windward on the Sunday before term started. It was late evening when Mother dropped me off, hugging me tightly after I'd pulled my things out the car.
"If you ever need me, just send Grommit," I said, "and if in doubt, just send him anyway. Better safe than sorry."
"Will do," she said, brushing some lint off my collar, "Be careful, Mathew. If anything happened to you... we can't lose you both, understand?"
I nodded.
She pulled me into another hug and wiped a tear away before getting in the car. I waved her off and Willed all my stuff into Kimmel and my new room on the top floor, next door to Bill's, who was already in situ.