by Marie Force
Sarah smiled at the way he’d turned the whole thing around on her.
“You wouldn’t want that for me, would you?”
“No, I wouldn’t. But I also wouldn’t want you to see—or hear—what’s going to come out during that trial. I’d be…” She swallowed hard. “Ashamed…for you to know what I tolerated for so many years. He hurt my babies, Charlie. I let that happen because I felt I had no choice, but I had choices. I could’ve left.”
“Shhh. If I know you, and I know you pretty damned well, you must’ve thought you had no options at all. I knew guys like your husband in prison. They’re psychological terrorists. They prey on people who are less able to defend themselves because it makes them feel powerful.”
“Yes,” she whispered, astounded by his astute assessment. “That was Mark. He ran our home like a squadron. If anyone stepped one inch out of line, they felt his wrath—no one more so than me, although Owen was a close second. He was our oldest and went out of his way to protect his siblings at his own expense. The things he endured… His father once broke his arm in a fit of rage. Another time he turned things around so Owen was charged with assaulting him when he’d been protecting himself and his siblings.”
Charlie didn’t say anything. Rather, he let her talk as he stroked her hair and made her feel safe in a way she’d never felt before with a man.
“I look at Owen now, and I’m so proud of who he became all on his own with no thanks to his father or me. He’s a wonderful partner to Laura and an incredible father to Holden. He hasn’t seen his own father in more than ten years. And now he has to testify against him just before the wedding.” She shook her head with dismay. “I hate that he has to go through this.”
“I hate that all of you had to go through it and are still going through it, but I don’t agree with one thing you said.”
“What don’t you agree with?”
“The part about Owen being the man he is no thanks to you. I doubt he’d agree with that. I’m sure he credits you with more than you give yourself credit for.”
“I should’ve left. I blame myself for not packing up my kids and coming here to my parents.”
“I would never presume to blame you for anything you did when you felt you had no choices, but why didn’t you do that?”
“I was afraid of him,” she said with a sigh. “I was afraid of what he’d do to me, the children and my parents if I ever actually left him. So I stayed, and what happened was worse than anything I could’ve imagined. It was only after I left for good that I’ve been able to see what a huge mistake I made by staying.”
“I don’t believe in regrets. I did what I did for Stephanie and paid an awful price for it, but she’s alive and well and thriving in her business and so in love with Grant. Every time I see her happy and smiling, I realize everything that happened was worth it. Of all your kids, I only know Owen, and from what I see of him, the same could be said. He’s thrilled with the life he has with Laura, and your other kids are living productive lives despite their upbringing. You all survived, honey. That’s what really matters.”
His sweet words and the gentle tone in which they were delivered touched her deeply, stirring feelings she would’ve denied she had for him before now, before tonight. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you this. I’ve wanted to. For some time now.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” With his finger on her chin, he compelled her to look at him. “I swear to you, Sarah, you’ll never be afraid again—not as long as I’m around. You have nothing at all to fear from me. I’d never touch you with anything other than love on my mind.”
“Oh… You… You…”
“Love you. Yes, I do, and I have for a very long time. So please don’t ask me to let you go through something so difficult alone. Let me be there with you the way I think you’d want to be there for me.”
“You love me.” Sarah couldn’t get her head—or her heart—to accept words she hadn’t heard from a man in longer than she cared to admit. The word “love” wasn’t part of her marriage to Mark, at least not after the first month, when he’d pretended to love and respect her. It hadn’t taken long for her to see him for what he really was.
“I do. Is that okay?”
“Yes,” she said, laughing as tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s okay.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because you surprised me, and you made me happy.”
“And that made you cry?”
She nodded.
He wiped away her tears with the light brush of his fingertips on her face. “What would happen if I kissed you?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“May I try?”
“Yes. Please.”
His smile lit up his face, making his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Always such a lady.” He placed his hands on her face and kissed her cheeks and the end of her nose. “Always so polite.”
Sarah’s heart beat quickly and erratically. She’d spent many a sleepless night wondering if she’d ever be close to him this way, if she’d ever have the courage to try again. But hearing he loved her… Well, that changed everything.
“Is this okay?” he asked softly as he continued to place kisses strategically on her face.
She nodded because that was all she could do. The anticipation reminded her of a long-ago time when she’d looked upon a young air force officer with stars in her eyes, thinking the sun and the moon rose and set on him. For a while, they had. For a short while, everything had been perfect.
“Don’t think about the past, Sarah,” Charlie whispered. “Think about the future we’ll have together.” His lips skimmed over hers in a caress so fleeting she almost missed it. “Think about how great it’s going to be once we get you free of the past. Can you do that?”
She wanted to so badly. She’d never wanted anything more than to grab hold of the life he envisioned for them. “I want to try.”
“I want to help. In any way I can. You’re stuck with me now, sweet Sarah.”
Stuck with him. She expected to feel trapped and imprisoned the way she had before, but she was well aware that in this case, all the choices were hers to make. “I like being stuck with you.”
“Good,” he said with a small grin. He leaned in closer, moving slowly so as not to startle her.
She appreciated the care he took to ensure her comfort, even if some parts of her were very uncomfortable. The heat of desire that zinged through her veins was a revelation. It’d been so long since she’d felt anything resembling true desire that it took a moment to recognize the sensation for what it was.
With only a half inch separating his lips from hers, he seemed to be waiting for something. He was waiting for her.
Summoning the courage that had eluded her for so much of her life, she shifted ever so slightly, closing the remaining distance until her lips pressed to his.
A noise that might’ve been a groan came from inside him, but he didn’t move or react or do anything else that might scare her away. Rather, he let her decide how this first, most significant kiss would happen by remaining perfectly still and giving her full control.
Sarah placed her hand on his face and slid her lips over his. “Charlie…”
“What, honey?”
“Kiss me back.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded as her heart beat erratically.
He placed his hands on her face and kept his eyes open, probably gauging her reaction, before he laid his lips lightly on hers.
Sarah wrapped her hand around his wrist and tried to remember how to do this. She wanted so badly to give him what he wanted, what he’d waited so long to have from her.
His lips moved slowly over hers.
Sarah whimpered, and the slight noise had him pulling back.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Don’t stop.”
He smiled at her and resumed the sweet, slick slide of his lips over hers.
; “Charlie…”
“What, honey?”
She loved when he called her that. “It’s okay if you want to, you know… Do more.”
“Hmmm, more. Like this maybe?” He ran the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip, back and forth until Sarah thought she would explode from the desire his kisses stirred in her. “You’re trembling.”
“Not because I’m nervous.”
“No?”
She shook her head.
He reclined on the sofa and patted the spot next to him.
Sarah eyed the cushion and then shifted her gaze to his face. He looked at her with love and affection and amusement. Then she zeroed in on his lips.
“Sarah…” He reached out to slide her hair through his fingers. “Let me hold you.”
Because she wanted that so badly and trusted him so totally, she stretched out next to him, appreciating that he’d thought to give her the outside so there was no fear of feeling trapped.
He put one arm around her and encouraged her to use the other as a pillow—a rather muscular pillow. “There. How’s that?”
“Good. Really good.” She couldn’t stop staring at his lips. Now that she’d had a taste of him, she wanted much more, but she had no idea how to tell him that. Her needs, her desires had never been considered in her marriage. “Could we, maybe…”
“Kiss some more?”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh, relieved that he’d said the words for her.
“I’d love to. Thought you’d never ask.”
She laughed and allowed him to bring her even closer to him. As he slid his leg between hers and drew her into yet another kiss, Sarah relaxed against his muscular body and gave in to the desire that had simmered between them during months of platonic friendship. Kissing him was every bit as wonderful as she’d suspected it would be. And knowing he loved her only made it that much better.
Chapter 4
“Would you guys mind if I took Holden up to give him his bath?” Shane asked as the sun headed for the horizon.
“Would we mind that, Owen?” Laura asked playfully. “Hmm, we would not mind at all.”
“What she said,” Owen replied.
Shane scooped his nephew out of the sand and wrapped a towel around him.
At the word “bath,” Holden squealed and chortled. It was his favorite time of day.
“Come on, my little sugar doughnut,” Shane said. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“Make sure you rinse all the cracks and crevices,” Laura said.
“We got this, don’t we?” Shane asked Holden, who clapped with glee.
Shane laughed and headed for the stairs with his bundle.
“They’re so cute together,” Owen said as he watched them go.
“I was thinking the same thing earlier. Shane is crazy about him.”
“And vice versa.”
“Shane seems better, don’t you think?” Laura asked.
“A thousand times better than he was. Gansett has worked its magic on him the way it does for everyone.”
Laura leaned her head against Owen’s shoulder and watched the sunset explode into deep magentas and oranges and purples that cast a warm glow upon the flat, calm water. “It certainly worked its magic on me.”
He took her hand and linked their fingers. “And me.”
He’d been unusually quiet all evening, allowing her and Shane to carry the conversation and Holden to entertain them.
“Are you okay?” She needed to know but was almost afraid of his answer.
“Yeah.”
“O?” she asked, shortening his name the way Evan often did.
“Hmm?”
“I know it’s your way to go quiet and keep to yourself when you’re troubled, and that’s okay if it’s what you need to do. But I hope you know I’m right here, and I want to help if I can.”
“I know you do, and I’m trying to let you in. It’s just… It’s hard.”
The pain she heard in his voice killed her and made her wish there was something—anything—she could do to spare him the awful ordeal that loomed so large for him. Though she wanted to encourage him to talk to her, instead she gave him the silence he seemed to need. As darkness encroached upon their slice of paradise, Laura reluctantly withdrew her hand from his grasp.
“I should go feed Holden and put him down.”
“I’ll clean up down here and be right along.”
She kissed his cheek. “Don’t take too long.”
“I won’t.”
Sensing he needed some time to himself, Laura left him staring out at the water and walked up the stairs that led to the deck. At the landing, she used the hose to wash the sand off her feet and then stepped on the towel she’d carried from the beach to dry them. The sound of happy voices, the clatter of dishes and the tinkle of crystal stemware coming from Stephanie’s Bistro in the lobby followed her up the stairs to the third floor.
In the apartment, Shane was stretched out on the floor next to Holden, who was playing with his stuffed animals. He was dressed in his zebra pajamas, and his hair was still damp from the bath. His face lit up with delight at the sight of his mother. “Mmmam.”
“Oh, that’s so close to mama,” Shane said. “Come on, buddy. You can do it. Mama.”
“Mmm.”
“He’ll probably say dada first,” Laura said. “They always do.”
“That’s really not fair.”
“Right?” She bent to retrieve Holden from the floor, gasping when her back protested.
“Careful!” Shane jumped up to relieve her of the baby, who got heavier by the day.
Laura rubbed her lower back. “That was weird.”
“He’s too heavy for you to lift him off the floor that way.”
“Yes, Dr. McCarthy.”
“I’m serious, Laura. He’s not a lightweight anymore, and you’ve got my other niece and nephew to think about.”
“What makes you think I’m having one of each?”
“Just a guess.”
“That would be nice, since we’re all done having babies after these guys. I’ve puked enough to last me two lifetimes.”
“Can’t say I blame you.” He kissed Holden’s chubby face and handed him over to her. “Thanks for a great time tonight.”
“It was fun.”
“Owen was kind of quiet.”
“I know.”
“Are you guys going to Seamus and Carolina’s clambake tomorrow?”
“I think we are. I guess it’ll depend on whether Owen’s in the mood for a party.”
Shane kissed her cheek. “Hang in there. It’ll be over soon, and you guys can focus on the future rather than the past.” At the doorway, he turned back to her. “I’m here if you need me for anything at all.”
“You’re already doing me a huge favor covering for me here while we’re gone. I appreciate it.”
“Least I can do,” he said with a smile and a wave as he closed the door behind him.
The two of them had been through a lot together, first with the loss of their mother as young children and then two painful divorces, all of which had made them the best of friends in addition to being siblings. She loved having Shane close by and back in her daily life—as well as her son’s daily life.
As she sat in the rocker in Holden’s room to nurse him, her thoughts turned once again to Owen and the difficult question that weighed heavily on her mind. Should she cede to his wishes and stay home from the trip, or should she insist on going with him? She was no closer to an answer half an hour later when she tucked her sleeping baby into bed and drew the light blanket up and over him.
As she looked down at Holden, so perfect in every way, her heart broke for another perfect little boy who’d had the misfortune to be born to a violent, unpredictable man who would never know what a strong, capable, loving man that boy had grown up to be. Tears filled her eyes when she thought of the deep pain Owen carried with him, despite his carefree exterior. She’d do anything to reli
eve him of even a fraction of that pain, if only she knew how.
Laura took a shower and changed into a nightgown before sliding into bed. She was beginning to worry about Owen when she finally heard him come into the apartment and head right to the shower. Though her eyes were heavy with the ever-present exhaustion, she forced herself to stay awake until he came to bed.
She let him know she was still awake by putting her hand on his chest.
He covered her hand with his own and then turned to her.
In complete and unusual silence, he snuggled up to her, clinging to her in a way he seldom did. For once, he was taking rather than giving, and she was more than happy to give him whatever he needed.
Laura ran her hand up and down his back and raised her face to try to see him in the faint glow of the streetlights. As he looked down at her, she kissed him.
He turned his face away. “I can’t.”
Confounded by his unprecedented rejection, she said, “What can’t you do?”
“I can’t make love to you tonight. I’m wound up, and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”
“Owen, you could never hurt me.”
“I can’t take that chance.”
“Then allow me.”
“Wait. Allow you to do what?”
Her exhaustion forgotten in the face of his obvious need, she rose to her knees and pushed on his shoulder until he was lying on his back.
“Laura…”
“Shhh. You take care of me every day in a thousand different ways. And yet you find it so very difficult to allow me to take care of you.” She leaned over him, kissing his chest while her hand caressed his stomach. “I love you as much as you love me. You know that, right?”
“Yes, I know, but—”
“No buts about it. Let me love you. Let me take care of you.”
“You’re tired, and you need your rest.”
“I’ll get plenty of rest, but right now I need you.”
He stopped protesting, but his muscles remained rigid and tense.
She slowly kissed her way down the front of him while caressing his chest and stomach. The only sign he gave that she was getting to him was the restless movement of his legs under the covers. “Relax,” she whispered. “Close your eyes and just enjoy it.”