by Anindya Basu
LEPER The Great
(This is a sequel to the discussion ‘Pretty Painful Ponderings On Pets’ between Sumantro Sen and his father.)
Suhas: Babai, remember the LEMP, whose story I was telling you some time ago?
Sumantro: Oh Baba, how can one forget that LEMP and his petty mother.
Suhas: Let me tell you some more funny things about the LEMP. Mind you, these were not at all funny for the dutiful, devoted, caring wife. Also, sometimes he acted like a LEMP; sometimes he acted like a plain LEPER. Now, the incidents are as follows. His younger brother K was angry and had not had his breakfast. Because the devoted wife’s observant eyes had prevented him from stealing money from his elder brother’s trouser pockets, money which he used for watching matinee shows and gobbling down chops and cutlets, he an unemployed youth, instead of looking for a job. Mr. LEPER had enquired of the servant cum cook S, ‘Hasn’t K had his breakfast? No? Then I too will not have my breakfast.’ Before stomping out of his house, he had filthily abused the devoted wife for misbehaving with his poor, dear brother. Once Mr. LEMP’s actress mother had deliberately not had her lunch on time. The devoted wife, after requesting the actress mother many times had got fed up and had had her lunch. Mr. LEMP, on reaching home, had learnt that his poor mother had not had her lunch so that she could sit her equally poor son on her lap and both of them could eat together. On knowing that his wife had already finished her lunch, leaving his poor, dear mother in the lurch, an angry Mr. LEMP had accused his wife of being the worst daughter-in-law in the whole joint family. Once, when Mr. LEPER had returned from a 3-day official trip, the devoted wife had reminded him that he had forgotten to buy sufficient amount of fish before leaving, as a result of which she and the young children had to be content without any fish for the last two days. The great Mr. LEPER had remarked casually, ‘When you become a widow, you won’t be able to eat fish or any non-vegetarian item. So, why not start practising from now?’ Mr. LEPER didn’t care a hoot whether his wife or children had any fish curry for lunch, but when it came to the servants, he was dripping with the milk of human kindness. A particular servant had come from an impoverished village, where the people normally had only salt to eat with their meal of rice. Whenever the devoted wife gave her, her midday meal, with rice stacked in the middle of the plate and surrounded by vegetables, pulse and fish curry, those seemed like heavenly manna to her. She used to gobble up all the vegetables, pulse and fish in a hurry and then eat the rice at leisure. Once, Mr. LEPER had chanced upon her during her second part of the meal. He had cried out in anguish, ‘Hasn’t given you any fish to eat with your rice?’ Whenever one of Mr. LEPER’s countless relatives died of old age or sickness, he used to turn on the devoted wife. ‘You are responsible for his death.’ The devoted wife would be too dumbstruck to say anything in reply. Mr. LEPER was a master in fibbing. Whenever he got the opportunity, he lamented to anyone he could get his hands on, ‘I had a very deprived childhood. My parents sent me to my aunt’s house, where I was treated like a menial and made to do all the household chores. While my nephews feasted on loochi and aloo’r dawm (spicy potato curry), I had to do with dry chapatis and gur (jaggery).’ Mr. LEPER adopted the ‘divide and rule’ policy in trying to maintain his dominance over his family. For this, he stooped to an unbelievably low level. He continuously poured poison in his two daughters’ ears – ‘Your mother loves your brother much more than you, he is the apple of her eyes.’ It was a monstrous lie, as the devoted wife did no such thing. In her eyes, all her children were the same and she granted no special favours to her son, unlike many an Indian mother, who gave preference to her son over her daughter. To compound his crime, Mr. LEPER, who for some strange reason could not tolerate his son, always belittled him before his relatives and friends. In what must be the only case in the Indian social milieu, he sent his son to study in a dilapidated school run by the local municipal corporation, while he arranged for his two daughters’ schooling at posh convent schools. But, this does did not mean he was all sugar and honey with his two daughters. After all, he had to prove that he was the male of the herd. So, time and again, he threatened to disfigure his daughters’ faces with his shoes.
Sumantro: I can’t even imagine. The name LEPER, AchintyaKaku coined for those people, seems to be so appropriate.
Suhas: You are right, Babai. And that was why Hindu refugees from East Pakistan used to boast of their cultural superiority over the people of West Bengal. As a famous Bengali proverb goes – to hide the signs of eating fish by covering with spinach leaves.
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