But her breathless expression was rapidly changing. Confusion, as he watched her brow knit, then horrified understanding passed across her beautiful face, and as Donovan watched her, he felt as if his heart could break. His own pain in that moment was nothing compared to hers, he knew—after all they had been through together, and all the help he had offered… he was the shadow that chased her in her nightmares, the phantom whose slip in self-control had doomed her to at least half an animal's existence. He gripped her bare shoulders, eyes desperately searching hers. He should never have let his feelings for her escalate; now that they had, he had to tell her .
"Kira, I'm the wolf that — "
Even his heightened hearing and reflexes couldn't alert him to the threat of her hand whistling through the night air toward him. The flat of her palm struck him, and fingernails flintier than the average human's raked across the side of his face like talons. Donovan jerked his head away in the aftermath of the attack and doubled over. She hadn't raised blood, but god damn, it hurt .
"No." Her voice quavered. "You… I… oh God, what am I doing ?"
He glanced up and watched the backs of her bare legs retreat as she moved away from him. His eyes climbed her figure upward, and… well, this was no time to enjoy the view. Kira was sprinting back behind the trees and out of sight to gather her clothes. He had minutes, maybe only seconds, to find the words to get her to stay .
But maybe he had already said enough .
"Kira." He lumbered after her. His predatory grace was gone, replaced by clumsy human strides. The girl glanced up as he joined her around the backside of the bushes and clutched her clothes tightly to her chest .
"Don't come near me!" she exclaimed. "Turn around !"
Donovan froze; then, like an animal more domestic than he actually was, he followed orders and turned away. He didn't want to attempt a conversation with her this way, but he could see he had no choice. He heard the rustle of clothing as she hastened to get dressed .
"Kira, I'm sorry." His voice caught on the words. "I let things get too far. I knew I was responsible, and I wanted to help you. I knew you wouldn't let me near you if I told you the truth ."
"Was that near enough for you?" Kira spat back at him furiously. Donovan cringed at the implication of her words. "You led me on! God, why would you even …"
He glanced helplessly over his shoulder, and saw that she was clothed. More than that, he saw that she was shaking—either with fury, or with some other powerful emotion he couldn't think to put a name to. He made to move to her side, but Kira turned away from him .
"Don't come near me," she repeated. "Just… don't ."
Donovan complied with her request. He stayed in place, even though his every instinct screamed at him not to give her up so easily. She was pulling away from him, and the distance that grew between them with each passing second already felt larger than what he had been forced to surmount at the start of their doomed relationship .
"I should have left you alone." The words were his, barely audible despite the perfect silence of the woods. Kira darted a glance at him, but Donovan stayed where he was .
"I have to go," she mumbled. She shouldered her duffle bag and turned to make her way swiftly across the field, back toward the light of civilization and the tamer trees of campus. Once he was certain she was out of earshot, Donovan turned and drove his fist into a nearby tree. There was an explosion of wood chips and a shower of bark, but he pulled back before he did irreversible damage to the landscape; still, his knuckles were bloody, and he left a dent where no human fist should have been able to .
He didn't expect to see her in class tomorrow .
* * *
A fter Professor Donovan's moonlit confession, she didn't go to class. She couldn't bring herself to go anywhere near the English building all week and risk seeing him. Maybe that made her a coward .
Or maybe it just made her royally pissed .
There was too much to think about, and it made Kira's head spin every time she attempted to mentally scratch the surface of their fucked up situation. Thankfully, with the introduction of her new carnivorous diet, the headaches that had always plagued her before had subsided—in their place, she now had Sawyer Donovan to contend .
He had bitten her. Him. She probably should have realized it sooner. What were the odds of there being another werewolf running rampant around campus? To think that after all his lessons, all his talk of controlling the change, that he was the one …
His interest in her made all too much sense now that she knew the truth. He was only trying to help her because he had caused her problem to begin with. There was no deeper connection between them outside of the one he had forced on her by transferring his affliction. She was completely deluded in her feelings for him: not only was Sawyer Donovan and asshole and a liar and a hypocrite, he was a complete life-ruiner .
So why couldn't she stop thinking about that moment in the woods .
"Ugh." Kira overturned herself and wrapped her quilted comforter more tightly around her until she risked cutting off circulation completely. She was alone in her dorm room for the evening, thankfully—she had unexpectedly grown claws earlier while she was working on statistics homework, and she had consigned herself to bed to weather through the unexpected change. It was the first time since her full moon out with Professor Donovan that she had lost control like this, and she had a feeling thoughts about said professor were to blame for her lapse in concentration .
That, or it was the early September rain pouring down outside her window. If Donovan had done one thing for her, he had changed her way of thinking, at least when it came to matters of biology. An unexpected cold turn in the weather likely meant that the wolf inside her was trying to force its way out now to ensure she stayed warm. It was strange, but she was starting to think of her lycanthropy as less of a curse, and as more of an… unexpected development. She had managed to survive puberty back in high school, and she was feeling more and more confident that she would find a way to survive this .
Her confidence plummeted the moment she heard a key turn in the lock. Kira shot out of bed, yanking the comforter with her as she dove for the cover of her closet just in time. The dormitory door swung open, and her roommate, Shannon—who was supposed to be home for the weekend—came trudging in with two fast food bags clutched in her fists and her keychain hanging between her teeth .
"Surprise! I decided not to go home this weekend after all. I knew you'd be in bed already," Shannon mock-chastised as she yanked the door closed behind her. "Here, I brought you a veggie burger. I'm going to unpack if you want to cue up Netflix — "
"Can't!" Kira shouted from behind her closet door. She was manically pulling clothes off their hangers and jamming them into her duffle bag; she barely even noticed what she was packing. She pulled her winter gloves on the second she located them; her elongated, claw-like fingers were uncomfortably cramped inside, but it was better than the alternative, which was Shannon actually seeing her hands. "Going out! Thanks for the burger!" Kira pulled one arm of her jacket on as she lugged herself and her bag toward the door. Shannon stepped aside quickly to avoid being barreled into .
"I guess I won't wait up then," Shannon said, though she was clearly more mystified than irritated by Kira's sudden departure. "Just, uh… be safe ?"
"Yeah, got it." Kira wasn't really listening. She was already out the door and hurrying down the stairs… straight into the pouring down rain. She knew where she was headed, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. Not yet .
An hour later, and she was standing outside Sawyer Donovan's apartment soaked to the bone. She raised her fist to knock, before retracting it quickly to pull the glove off. She turned her hand over, scrutinizing it in the light of his stoop, but there was nothing to in
dicate anything had ever been wrong with it .
She still hadn't knocked. She could still turn back now. This wasn't her only option, even if that's how it had felt to her all along .
The door opened, and Kira looked up .
Professor Donovan was standing barefoot in the doorway with a bottle of wine clutched in his hand. From the easy, almost unconscious way he held it, she assumed the bottle was mostly empty. The apartment smelled like no one but him. Had he been drinking alone ?
Kira blinked in surprise. Her eyelashes felt clumped together and heavy with rainwater. She hadn't knocked, but he must have heard her standing outside the door deliberating all the same. A gust of warm air hit her from inside the room, and it was only then she realized how cold she was .
"Did you walk all the way here?" Donovan's voice was hushed. He seemed as surprised to see her as she was surprised to be standing there. Rather than give him an answer straight away, Kira brushed past him to enter the apartment. She was shivering violently, but her discomfort was secondary to the emotion possessing her now. She rounded on him as he pulled the door closed behind her .
"Did you bite me on purpose?" Her whole body quaked, but her voice was steady. She watched steel gray eyes flicker over her as he took her in. Kira could only imagine what she must look like standing there in his living room dripping water on the rug—she must look half-drowned, or bedraggled, or worse, crazy. She kept her own gaze fixed on his, and asked him again. "Did you bite me on purpose? Did you choose to curse me? Or was it just something that happened ?"
"It was an accident," he said .
Kira watched as her professor's face twisted in miserable confirmation. After a moment, she expelled a shuddering breath. The tension broke, and Donovan drew himself away from the door, setting the half-drained bottle of wine on the kitchen counter as he exited the room for the hallway. Kira stared at the steadily-expanding puddle beneath her on the floor as she tried to figure out what it all meant .
Did she forgive? Did she really have anything to forgive, if it had been an accident? Her head spun, and her body shook. At least she wasn't dealing with any more unexpected changes. It was as if they vanished the moment she made up her mind and directed herself to his apartment …
A towel came down over her head and shoulders, and she clutched at it instantly, gratefully. Donovan spun her around in his arms and mopped the water from her hair as her shuddering slowly subsided. Kira stared at his chest. How did she get herself into these situations with him? It didn't seem to matter how angry she was, or how resistant he was to the idea of them together. She always seemed to find herself back in Sawyer Donovan's arms .
"I want to talk about that night. Please," she said. "I need to know what happened. I need to understand… this. I need to understand us ."
Donovan was silent for a long moment. Once he had satisfied himself that she was as dry as a bathroom towel was going to get her, he pulled back to look at her. Kira gazed up into his face, and a different sort of tremor took hold of her as their eyes met. No matter what tonight revealed, she knew one truth—and that was the reality of his warm body pressed against hers, and the deep, sensuous mastery of his lips as he articulated in a kiss everything he couldn't bring himself to say. Sawyer Donovan had feelings for her, and if their shared passion in that clearing under the full moon was any indication, they were as strong as hers were .
"Get changed out of those clothes first, and then we'll talk." Professor Donovan's eyes dropped from hers to consider the duffle bag that lay forgotten at her feet. He raised an eyebrow. "Overnight plans ?"
Kira blushed hotly at his implication, despite having been too cold to be capable of doing so only moments before. "No, I… I was having a little bit of trouble shifting when my roommate came home and surprised me ."
"Still having trouble?" The teasing note left his voice at once, and Kira shook her head, grateful for his switch over from levity. Whatever tonight revealed, he really did care about her. She felt tears starting to well in her eyes and bit her lip in an effort to battle them back. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck, but an impulsive move like that would only succeed in getting them both wet .
Then again, didn't she still owe him for the Fun Fair ?
Kira threw her arms around his neck, and Sawyer's hands came up to receive her .
11
O nce they had both changed into drier attire, they reconvened back in the living room. Donovan now regretted drinking all the wine by himself. He hadn't been expecting company .
Then again, maybe wine was better left out of matters concerning himself and Kira .
He did manage to rustle up the last two bottles of beer in his refrigerator, and he offered one to her now. The girl accepted, scooting over to the far side of the couch as he dropped himself down beside her with a sigh. He ran a hand through his scruffy brown hair in a failed effort to tame it. No amount of last minute primping in his bedroom could make him look anything other than old and fatigued sitting next to her on the couch. The way Kira was gazing at him, shy but expectant, he assumed she wasn't seeing him clearly. The look of guarded attraction in her eyes could bring a man to ruin .
"I have a feeling you're ready to forgive me because I've told you it was an accident," he began. "But you might like the real story a lot less ."
"Whatever it is, I'm ready," she said. She pulled her knees up and settled her back against the opposite arm of the couch. Donovan wetted his lips .
"It was… an experiment." Not a good start, but her expression hadn't changed, so maybe she really was willing to hear him out. He shifted to prop his arm against the back of the couch, his beer dangling forgotten in his fingers. "I didn't leave my apartment during the last full moon. Not at first, anyway. I wanted to test the limits of my control, and well… I had been out at the bars earlier in the evening with some of the other faculty. I wasn't at my sharpest, but I felt good. I felt like for the first time in my life, I could fight the wolf and win. I thought that I would find the strength inside me not to shift during the full moon ."
"What happened?" Kira Bentley's brown-gold eyes shone as brightly as the amber bottle she held .
Donovan sighed. "The wolf won. I held out for as long as I could. An excruciating headache and the room spinning were the last things I remembered before blacking out. When I came to, I was naked and lying in a pile of broken glass in my bedroom. I had gone through the window to get out, and returned the same way before dawn. I have no recollection of that night. I have no recollection of what I did, but I…" His mouth was dry, and Donovan swallowed. "I was an animal, Kira. That night was the only night I have ever blacked out on a full moon, and I have no doubt about who was driving in my stead. Like that, I would have been capable of anything. You're living proof of what I was capable of ."
"I was walking home from the library," she said quietly. "I passed by the English building on my way back to campus. It all happened so fast. One minute I was alone, and the next I was being pulled to the ground by my backpack. I was… I was being dragged toward the trees. I thought I was going to die. I didn't realize that whatever was attacking me wasn't human until it was too late ."
Donovan rocked forward and pressed his forehead into his hands .
"Should I stop?" Kira asked quietly .
God, he didn't want to hear this. It was worse than anything he could have imagined, and he had forced himself to imagine it countless times. Almost every time he looked at her. "No," Donovan breathed finally. "Yours is the only memory either of us has of that night ."
She didn't continue right away. Instead, Kira hooked a finger in her shirt collar and pulled it aside to expose the bare expanse of her shoulder. He could see the scar clearly in the dim, warm light of his apartment, and the sight of it hit him like
a punch to the stomach. He had savaged her .
"I guess we wrestled for a bit. You stopped dragging me, and for a moment, I thought I could get away. I opened my mouth to scream, and then …"
Her throat worked, but she couldn't bring herself to go on. He watched the memory of the attack overwhelm her, and she moved her fingers to release her collar .
He was there in the next moment. He shifted across the couch to press against her, his own fingers catching the fabric of her shirt before it could retreat back into place. He tugged her collar back, and bent to press a kiss against the angry raised flesh. Kira trembled beneath him, but she didn't push him off, and he didn't lift his eyes to take in her reaction. He could feel it, and that was enough. He pressed another gentle kiss to the wound, as if the human in him could undo all that the wolf had done .
"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't falling in love with you," she whispered .
"Don't say that." He breathed the words against her skin, helpless to pull away despite his own warning. "You can't fall for me, Kira. I'm your teacher ."
"Teachers don't kiss their students. And they definitely don't kiss them the way you kiss me," she said in earnest. Donovan groaned into the base of her neck and said nothing. Now would be a good time to pull away. Now would be a good time to put an end to something he should have never allowed them to begin .
"Not without losing their jobs they don't," he murmured. "And it's more than the job, Kira. It's wrong. For all the reasons you've already outlined aloud in class. There has to be a certain… innate attraction between us. I hold power over you in the classroom, and you are young and beautiful and expressly forbidden to me. Even without the werewolf curse that binds us together, it's a disaster waiting to happen. How can you know it's not just a phase? How can you know I'm anything more than just a fleeting infatuation, a crush ?"
Wolf Detective (She-Shifters of Hell's Corner Book 2) Page 27