by Karen Bell
Mary Taylor was clearly distressed, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief as she struggled to find words. ‘We’re so terribly sorry that Mila’s reputation has been sullied. Please believe that this isn’t how we’ve brought up our son.’
‘He will make good of this,’ vowed the minister. ‘I give you my word on it.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
Four weeks later, the day after Mila’s sixteenth birthday, they were married in a private ceremony. The topic of whether she was in love with him, let alone if she wanted to marry him had never been raised and Mila was too naïve to question it. Every action had a consequence and this was hers. In the short time that she had to try and process the imminent birth and the idea of becoming someone’s wife, the best she could do was to sugar coat it all with her usual positivity.
Even at eight months pregnant Mila looked demure in a dress made of ivory silk chiffon. It was in fact a second hand dress they’d found in a thrift store hurriedly reworked and taken in to fit Mila’s tiny frame. It was an empire line, which easily flowed over Mila’s small round bump.
Robert, it had to be said, was as handsome as ever in a grey dinner suit and tie. He was also surprisingly congenial given his behaviour only four weeks earlier and Mila didn’t know what to make of it.
In the end, it had been neither threats, nor coercion that had convinced Robert to marry Mila, but a good mix of ego and pride.
While she was not his ‘type’ as such, Mila was certainly attractive in an exotic, interesting kind of way.
She was young enough, naive enough to be moulded and manipulated to do as she would be told. And the clincher was that she was carrying his child.
Robert was intrigued to see what his genes could create. He had no intention of being faithful to Mila, but the façade of marriage could further him in his career which was just getting underway at a large, international firm called PriceWaterhouse. It may have been the ‘90s but he still didn’t need the bad publicity of leaving a girl pregnant and unwed.
The couple moved temporarily into two rapidly cleared rooms that had formed part of the Sunday school behind the church. The space was tight, consisting of a small kitchenette, and a larger room that had been divided using bookshelves to separate their bed and the soon-to-be assembled bassinette, from the sitting area. The bathroom was down the corridor, servicing the schoolrooms also.
The reality of moving in together hit hard, with a loud silence yawning between them. For Mila, it was shyness, coupled with the realisation that she really didn’t know her husband at all.
And through what little was said, it became clear that Robert blamed Mila for his fall in standing and lodgings.
Ground rules were immediately laid down. Mila was to be - as the bible demanded - subservient to and respectful of Robert at all times. His word was the law, and not to be questioned. She was to refer to him as Master while in the home.
Now three weeks from her due date, intimacy was not an issue. Robert could barely hide his distain of Mila’s swollen belly. There was no affection either but after a week of pretending she was invisible, he must have decided that any conversation was better than none and between barking out orders, he made a semblance of small talk. It was exhausting trying to second guess what he wanted but she was determined to prove her maturity and she set about to become the model wife.
Thankfully, Robert’s mother often cooked enough for the four of them and they had an open invitation to eat dinner at his parents’ home several times each week. Mila was glad to get out of their claustrophobic space and to use the opportunity to learn how to cook Robert’s favourite meals. But despite following every recipe to the letter, Robert was always quick to tell her that the outcome never compared. ‘Maybe his mother always burns the meal,’ her father had joked with his usual dry humour. ‘Maybe the secret is in the charring.’
Her friends had heard about the pregnancy through the gym and school. Now that the decision had been made to keep the baby, there was no point in keeping it quiet. Certainly there were some who barely hid their delight at having her out of the competition while others, who’d thought they were Mila’s friends were offended not to have been included sooner in the sordid story. The school was happy to send her lessons home as long as she didn’t come into the grounds and set a bad example to the other students. Mila in return was relieved not to face them, but was hurt when a group of her old friends intentionally crossed the road to avoid her when she happened along the same street one day. From that day on she’d decided to wear what was left of her pregnancy like a badge of honour. They were just jealous, she’d told herself that she had married a man when they were still dating boys.
The birth was heralded by the onset of labour pains one week early and about thirty seconds after Robert had walked out the door for work one morning. Mila didn’t chase after him since he’d made it quite clear he didn’t want to attend the event, so as not to be turned-off, by the dirty business of birthing. Instead, she called her mother who rushed over on foot, from their home a few streets away. It was too soon for the hospital, so they busied themselves making up the antique crib - the same one Robert and his father had slept in as babies -preparing nappies, sterilizing bottles and double-checking the hospital bag.
By mid-afternoon, Mila’s contractions were five minutes apart and she could no longer walk her way through them. On receiving a call from his wife, Mila had overheard her father through the phone yelling to his colleagues, ‘I have to go, my baby’s having a baby!’
Finally en route to the hospital, Mila’s father took over the job of timing the contractions, by then three minutes apart, while her mother sat in the backseat, by her side, coaching her through them. They came on thick and fast and with more ferocity than Mila could have imagined. She writhed uncomfortably, trying to concentrate on breathing as they dipped and bounced excruciatingly through each pothole and bump.
Despite her parents’ reassuring presence, Mila was terrified of the idea of a huge baby coming out of her small body and she was sobbing from the pain and fear by the time they turned up at the big glass sliding doors of the Royal Hospital for Women. With her father dumped unceremoniously outside, she was wheeled into a delivery room, a quick examination showing the baby to be facing the wrong way, not upside down, but back to front and distressed from trying to make it down the birth canal. All hell broke loose as she was rushed to theatre, and the doctor called from another delivery.
Mila felt her anxiety spinning out of control. She gripped her mother’s hand and sucked feverishly on the gas, praying for God to please get this thing out of her. The calming voice of the doctor when he finally arrived, forced her to focus.
‘Okay Mila, let’s help this baby out shall we? Stop pushing for now, I need to turn it around so its shoulders can come through.’ Mila was oblivious to whatever else was going on in the room. She concentrated on his instructions through a pain, so intense that she could only equate it to how it might feel to be turned inside out. The urge to push was enormous and she watched her belly through gritted teeth as the form of the baby surged and rolled once like a whale inside her.
‘Okay, now you can push,’ he said with some relief.
Mila bore down and a minute later felt the full sensation of the baby slithering out of her. She sobbed and laughed with equal measure as the newborn was placed on her chest, blinking and bewildered by all the fuss.
Tiny dimpled hands opened and closed, against her chest and Mila tentatively reached down to stroke the golden skin of her back, as soft as peach fuzz to touch. She had long dark lashes but the hair on her head was fair and finer than spun sugar. She had the same bowed mouth and slight indent in her chin as her mother and the resemblance to the Korovin side of the family was so pronounced that Mila felt she had known this baby forever. She felt certain that becoming a father would bring out a nurturing side in Robert’s temperament and help him to fall in love with them both. Looking down at the newborn, so tiny and helpless, she c
ouldn’t imagine anyone not being mollified by her presence.
Alexi Korovin, anxiously pacing in the waiting room was relieved to be called in, and the two new grandparents clucked and marvelled that despite Mila being gaunt and underweight, the baby, while small, showed no such signs of hardship.
Robert was called soon after the birth and he arrived from work with his parents. He seemed initially miffed, having convinced himself that he was going to have a son, but to Mila’s relief, he soon softened, taking the tiny wrapped bundle awkwardly in his arms with genuine tenderness.
The obstetrician dropped back in, having finished his rounds and Robert took him aside to ensure that Mila had been properly restitched and supplied with contraception. That satisfied, the six of them sat there discussing names. It was Robert’s mother Mary who suggested the name Holly to commemorate the season in which she the baby was conceived. The last thing Mila wanted to do was to commemorate that day but she understood that his mother would rather associate Christmas with a first grandchild, than an unwanted pregnancy, so Mila remained quiet, clearly outnumbered by the others, who chorused their approval.
The week in hospital with her new baby and naive dreams soon passed and Mila was to have short cause for celebration. Returning home to her lonely quarters she was about to find the honeymoon over.
CHAPTER EIGHT
MARITAL CONTRACT September 28, 1995
I will begin a daily exercise routine to get my body back in to shape so that I may be fit and healthy to be of service to my Master and the baby. Exercise is to be undertaken during baby’s first daytime sleep. I will work out for no less and no more than thirty minutes each day.
I will be weighed and measured weekly by Master and records will be kept.
I will be allowed four weeks off sexual relations and then I will begin weaning the baby overnight.
The hours of 6.30 p.m. until 6.30 a.m. from October 26 onward will be His time and I will not prioritize the needs of baby over His.
If the baby still needs feeding overnight, I will offer a bottle of expressed milk only. If the baby cries sooner than six hourly intervals, then controlled crying will be implemented. See Appendix 1. Dr Richard Ferber.
By four months, the baby will be fully weaned and sleeping through the night so that I may return to full duties by day and be exclusively at Master’s disposal overnight.
I am not to make or receive calls after 6 p.m. I am to request that my family does not call after this time.
Master will make an effort to come home by 6 p.m. on most days, work permitting. The baby is to be fed and bathed and ready for Master to have one-on-one time before putting baby down for sleep.
Dinner will be ready at 6.30 sharp. I am to serve Master and wait to be invited before sitting down. I am allowed to enquire about Master’s day but not to speak to him further unless first addressed by him.
The house is to be clean and tidy at all times. Dusting, vacuuming and mopping of high traffic areas is to be done daily. Other areas, twice weekly or more often if need be.
Washing and ironing will be done on alternate days but never on weekends. All toys are to be sterilized weekly, and they, together with all dishes and laundry are to be put away in cupboards by the time Master returns home each day.
Master will supply housekeeping money and an adequate allowance for clothes.
I am to keep all receipts and give them to him at the end of the week.
I am to keep myself clean and well groomed so as to be ready to receive the gifts of Master at any time. I am to shower after exercise, before He gets home and before bed at night.
I am to shave my legs, underarms and pubic area as specified by master.
I am not to buy my own lingerie. It is Master’s privilege.
In public:
I am to dress modestly at all times. No cleavage and no dresses above the knee. No trousers. No dangly earrings or gaudy jewellery. No makeup outside the home. See Timothy 2: 9-10.
I am to wear sensible footwear only. No platforms sandals or high heels and no thongs.
I am to keep company only with those in the parish or approved by Master. He must be informed of any arrangements made.
I am to act respectfully to Master at all times when in public and not undermine or question His authority at any time but especially in the company of others.
The list was endless and Mila’s head swam but she studied and memorized it as though sitting for her exams. She was determined to stay on the right side of him and create harmony within their home.
There was one edict that cut deeper than the others but there was little she could do.
In person, on that first day home, Robert broke the news to Mila that she would not be returning to gymnastics or to school. In telling her face-to-face, rather than in a contract, it was almost as if he’d wanted to be there to personally witness the devastation with which the news was received.
She’d begged to be allowed to go back to her training and maybe do school by correspondence. Her mother and his had already volunteered to help out with Holly but Robert was adamant and Mila could see that her objections were only serving to rile him.
Robert had a way of speaking to her that made it clear that his terms were not negotiable. Mila sensed she was on the brink of crossing a line, and she thought better of persisting with the argument. Inside, she felt a small candle being snuffed out.
Over the first year of their marriage Mila drew up her own mental contract of self-preservation. What Robert didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him or more importantly hurt her. He had demanded a fitness regime that on weekdays she adapted to include gymnastics manoeuvres and stretches. She had convinced him to install a chin-up bar that she used to practice tricks. It wasn’t the same, but at least gave her some sense of independence. She would do her house chores in double quick time and then take Holly for a walk to her old home, reading everything from her parents’ extensive book collection that she could lay her hands on, while the baby slept.
If the baby had read Robert’s contract herself, she couldn’t have been more compliant. From one month old she smiled and gurgled adorably at anyone who caught her eye. Robert was her favourite.
From two months, she slept soundly through the night and ate voraciously by day. She went out like a light at 6.30 p.m. and woke up laughing to herself exactly twelve hours later.
Their frugal existence allowed Robert to save for a deposit and the young family moved into their own home when Holly was two. By the time the baby turned three, Robert had modified the basement and soon after, Mila’s unspeakable second life began within those windowless walls.
CHAPTER NINE
‘Do you want me to stay over?’ Adie was Mila’s best friend and it was just like her to volunteer support even though she had a loving husband waiting for her at home.
The three of them, Mila, Holly and Adie had collapsed in a heap on the sofa following the funeral and the wake.
‘Oh no. I’m just so relieved to have made it through today I think I’ll sleep like a baby. But what about you Holly?’
‘I’m doing okay Mum. I’ve still got some packing to do before heading back down to Melbourne, so I think I’ll do that and then we can spend the day together tomorrow.’
Mila tried to look unfazed but the reality was that she was facing a whole new reality alone. Adie was due to go away the day after next with Carlos too. She’d only be gone a week but Mila would miss their conversation and company and it would be a whole semester before Holly next came home.
These two people, Holly and Adie were her sanity and her lifeline. They didn’t need to know the truth about Robert, to be hugely important to Mila. They were unaware that their presence in her life had been enough to drag her from the brink of suicide more than once. They were the only people on the planet other than her parents with whom Mila had been able to let down her guard. They loved her unconditionally and it was well reciprocated.
Adrianna or Adie as she preferred to
be called, was Mila’s only friend from outside church. The church friends were more acquaintances, who in any case, had dropped away as Robert increasingly isolated their small family. Mila too over the years had come to question what she had in common with women who believed so unconditionally in God, in a world so full of wrong-doings. She envied their faith but had lost hers somewhere along the way.
Mila’s meeting of Adie had come in the early years of her marriage at a time when her old school cohort were travelling, studying or out in the work force, unlike Mila, who was largely housebound, isolated and conflicted.
Holly was by then three and a half and Robert had directed that she was to attend the local preschool one day each week. Not long after she had started there, Mila went to collect her one afternoon, when she was called into the director’s office. There, along with the director stood a vivacious woman with dark eyes, olive skin and thick blonde waves, not much older than Mila but far more sophisticated. She had a broad smile with the whitest teeth and a light in her eyes that made Mila feel instantly like they were sharing a secret.
According to the director there’d been ‘an incident’.
The two young mothers caught each other’s eye as if to say ‘Here we go.’
It transpired that Adie’s son Daniel who was an older man of four had been playing in the sandpit with Holly. Apparently, the two were already as thick as thieves and had decided that day to compare what lay beneath their shorts and T-shirts. By the time the teacher had spotted them, they were both half naked and examining each other’s private parts. Mila was horrified but Adie had thought it hysterical and laughed until she cried. ‘Chip off the old block,’ she’d hiccupped, ‘can’t keep his pants on.’
As they walked out of the preschool together, Daniel begged for Holly to come for a play date and Adie suggested that they take the two kids to the local playground for a while so the two Mums could get to know each other. Mila had looked at her watch nervously, knowing that Robert would not approve. It was a contractual obligation not to fraternise with anyone unless approved by Robert, and Mila was pretty sure that he wouldn’t approve of this scantily dressed, overtly bohemian creature. But he wasn’t going to be home for three hours and Mila had dinner slow cooking in the oven. What could it hurt?